Kicking Eternity (32 page)

“When we were eighteen, I wasn’t mature enough to commit. That’s one way I
have
changed. I dated a guy who wanted to marry me—”

“More than one.”

She smiled. “Okay, more than one. But it would have been settling for second best. I kept comparing him to you.”

Hearing Sam admit this should have made him feel vindicated, but he felt nothing.

“The funny thing is, I wouldn’t have contacted you if you hadn’t Facebooked me.”

“I’m taking that job in Africa—actually it’s six months in Africa and six months traveling with the children’s choir in the States. Is Africa a deal-breaker?” He waited, hoping it was.

She shook her head. “Not a deal-breaker. After all that angst freshman year, I majored in elementary ed
after all.”

It felt so clinical. Detached. Maybe if he touched her. He reached for her hand where it lay on the armrest. She turned her palm up and they intertwined their fingers like they used to, still a perfect fit. But he was going through the motions. How many sermons had he heard on doing the right thing and the feelings would catch up later?

He squeezed her hand and let go. “We have a lot of years to catch up on.”

But after take-out pizza and hours of coloring in the years with words, he still
felt empty
.

Sam walked him to the door. “Thanks for coming, for giving me another chance.”

She was close enough to kiss. He bent and pressed his lips to hers. Sam responded, but he cut it short. Sam wouldn’t appreciate
that
he was thinking of Rainey.

Raine stopped midstride between the hedge and
Canteen and peered at Drew.

He stood beside a white pick-up truck as it pulled to a stop in the grassy parking lot. Sam.

Her heart
seized into
a rock. It was late Friday, five days since she’d
watched
a cleaned up Drew leave for Sam’s. Sam must be in town for the weekend. That meant she’d be coming to campfire, the only time Raine couldn’t avoid being alone with Drew, the time she longed for each day.

Sam slid out of th
e truck and leaned toward Drew.

H
e looked up and caught Raine staring. He gripped Sam’s elbows, still holding her gaze over Sam’s shoulder. She waved, trying to appear like everything was normal, and stepped out of sight behind the hedge.

Oh, God.
How was she going to do this? Watching Drew touch Sam was going to kill her. She folded her arms across her waist willing herself to pull it together.

“Raine!” Aly’s voice jarred her. “Hey, what’s the matter with you? You look awful.”

She pressed her lips together to keep them from quivering.

Aly looked around, her gaze stopping at the parking lot. “Does this have something to do with Drew and the hottie with the pick-up?”

She nodded, not wanting to totally lose it in front of Aly. Finally, she took a shaky breath. “He’s trying things again with his ex.”

“And this bothers you, why?”

She
shot
Aly a how-stupid-can-you-be look.

“Oh.”

Aly glanced back toward the parking lot. “They’re having, like, this mondo discussion, hands waving.” Aly looked at her. “So, this is why you didn’t completely fall for Cal. I told you Drew’s teasing meant he was into you.”

She put her hands on her hips. “Does it look to you like he’s into me?”

Aly glanced back at Drew and Sam. “They’ve calmed down. But they’re talking, not touching or giving each other gaga looks.”

“How am I going to survive the rest of the summer seeing Drew with the girl he’s been in love with for six years?”

Aly whistled
softly
.

“How am I going to get through campfire tonight with her there?”

Aly tugged her by the arm. “Let’s get out of here. I’ve got something to take your mind off Drew for a few minutes.”

“Good luck with that.”

Aly shot her a grin. “Trust me.”

She looked over her shoulder into the parking lot as Aly pu
lled her from behind the hedge.

Drew and Sam wrapped
their arms around each other
.

Aly followed her gaze. “Come on. You don’t want him to see you spying on him.”

“It’s too late.”

Aly hooked an arm through hers and pulled her close. “I need you to practice your missionary thing on me.”

“Are you saying this to blast me out of a mega pity party?”

Aly jerked her head firmly back and forth. “Nope. I’ve been doing a butt load of thinking this week, and I’ve got questions even the preacher’s kid can’t answer. I’d ask Kallie—”

“You’re speaking to your sister?”

“Yeah, I forgot to tell you. Kallie had Braxton Hicks contractions last night while Jesse was doing campfire and called me in a panic to take her to the hospital.” Aly shot her a ‘who knew?’ look. “We made up.”

“Wow.”

“Huge, I know.” Aly sat on the steps of their cabin, and she sank down beside her.

Aly turned toward her, her gaze intense. “Here’s the deal. I’m done having sex till I’m married—if I ever get married. Cal’s a v—never mind. I wish I’d never gone down that road.” She gazed off into the distance across the athletic field where the teens were playing flag football and back at her. “Can God wipe out my guilt?” Aly’s eyes begged for an answer.

Please, God, help me say the right thing.
“Yeah, He can.”

Hope tinged Aly’s expression. “I used to sit in the dark sometimes and listen to Jesse preach when they had church around the campfire. He talked about Jesus paying for our sins. I’ve always felt like my sins were too big, or too many.”

“Here’s what God says, ‘If we
confess our sins, H
e is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness
.’
Believe it, Aly. It’s true.”

Aly
stared
at the flash of red and orange flags, kids darting down the field. “It’s a fight to believe that.”

“That’s why I memorized the verse.”

Aly looked back at her. “You know, that’s my favorite thing about you. You screw up.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“No, really. If God loves you, then maybe He can love me.”

Tears sprang to Raine’s eyes.

“You’re thinking about Drew.”

“I’m thinking you did make me forget Drew for a while.”

Aly smirked. “Told you so.”

#

Drew met Sam as she pulled into the parking lot. She’d come home for the weekend. Wasn’t this what he’d wanted since they broke up? Ironic, now that his dream was coming true, his heart wasn’t in it anymore.

Sam smiled at him. “Hi.” Her feet touched down on the ground and she leaned toward him like she was going to kiss him. Over her shoulder he saw Rainey and locked eyes with her. He gripped Sam’s elbows to stop her from kissing him. He wanted to kiss Rainey, not Sam. No way was he kissing Sam in front of Rainey.

Sam looked over her shoulder, following Drew’s gaze.

Rainey waved and moved behind the hedge.

“What’s going on between you and Raine?”

He blew out a breath. “Absolutely nothing.”

Sam eyed him for a long moment. “Spill.”

“I don’t want to get into this.”

“Look, Drew, if there’s some kind of triangle going on here, don’t I have a right to know?”

“I wouldn’t be asking you out if there was somebody else. I’ve barely been on a date since we broke up.”

“Don’t snow me. I went to kiss you ‘hello’ like we always used to—”

“Maybe I want to take things slower this time. Get it right.”

“We’re never going to get it right if you’re keeping secrets.”

“Geez, Sam—”

“Samantha
.”

“
Don’t be so melodramatic.”

She got in his face. “You want to get back together so we can argue?”

He jammed his hands in the pockets of his shorts. “No. No I don’t.” He could feel the fight woosh out of him. “I care about Raine, but she’s in love with someone else.”

“Is that what this is all about? Why you Facebooked me in the first place? Trying to make her jealous?”

“You know me better than that. I don’t play those kind of games.”

“Then explain to me why you asked me out when you have feelings for someone else. Make me understand.”

This was the last thing on earth he wanted to tell Sam.

“Well?”

She was going to think he was a nutcase.

“I mean it, Drew. If you’re not going to level with me, I’m out of here. And don’t bother to come back for another try.”

He sucked in a deep breath and let it out. “Back when we were together, I thought God told me to marry you.”

Sam’s eyes widened in shock.

“All these years I’ve never been sure. Did God tell me that, or was I so in love with you I imagined it? I still don’t know.”

“I had no idea.”

“I didn’t want to tell you. I sound like some kind of spiritual freak.”

Sam smiled. “I don’t know, even if you were wrong. It’s kind of sweet.”

“Raine’s in love with someone—has been the whole time I’ve known her. Nothing’s going to happen there. If you were willing, I had to at least revisit our relationship. I need to move past that question mark one way or the other.”

Sam was quiet for a long time. Finally, she said. “I won’t date you while you’re in love with someone else. That’s too much to ask. I wish you’d come clean with me from the start.”

“You’re right.” A bud of hope pushed through the ground. She was going to dump him. The freedom to love Raine
y
, to at least pursue her, thumped in his chest.

“If  you get Raine out of your system, give me a call. If I’m free, we’ll talk. Does that sound fair?”

He drew her to him. “More than fair.” He held on, his soul brimming with gratitude. He loosened his hold. “Thanks, Sam—Samantha.”

She stepped away, and a moment later she tossed him a half-smile and drove away.

He watched the dust kicked up by her tires. Sam had released him, but had God?

#

Raine surveyed the beach. She’d waited till the last possible moment to come down to campfire. The sky
had
already
tinted
rose, purple, and burnt orange.

Drew stood beside the fire staring into the flames—alone.
Where was
Sam
? Had she gone to visit her
mother?

She folded her arms over the quiver in her stomach. With everything in her she wanted Drew to believe it was fine with her he was getting back with Sam. She should be happy for him. When you love someone, you want what’s best for him. It sure looked like Sam was best for him.

She coughed to let Drew know she was nearby.

He looked up. “Hey, Rainey.”
He smiled
warm and wide, and wrapped
warmth
around her like an Indian blanket.

“Sorry, I’m running a little late. We need to pray for tonight.” She bowed her head. “Lord, please use the music to soften the kids’ hearts
,
and use Drew’s words to draw them close to You. Thanks so much for the awesome spiritual conversation Aly brought up today.”

“Amen.” Drew looked at her, brows lifted, waiting for an explanation.

“Aly says she’s beginning to believe God might love her.”

“Awesome.” Drew put his hand up for a
high five
.

She laughed and slapped his hand. He grabbed hold of her
fingers
. “I’m proud of you.”

Drew’s touch li
t
a fuse in her
, and she snatched her hand away
. She heard the kids jumping off the seawall onto the beach
behind her
.

“How’s Cal?”

She rifled through the information Aly had told her about Cal. “He’s got a place to stay, thinks he can get his job back at Stoney’s Tattoo, he’s working on a new painting this week, staying sober.”

The counselors herded their children into place around them.

“That’s great.” Drew picked up his guitar and played softly. He gave her another smile, a melancholy shadow of the one he’d given her earlier. She looked up toward the road for Sam, but didn’t see her.

She sunk down on the sand in the middle of a group of girls who were building a sand castle while they waited for the rest of the cabins to arrive. She stole a peek at Drew. He caught her, and she looked back at the girl who was chattering at her. She felt like she was in junior high again, mooning after Drew. Only now it hurt. Unbearably. She wrenched around and looked for Sam again.