Keep Me Still (24 page)

After she’s cleaned it, I drag the small red ball down her chin, between her breasts, and past her stomach, dipping it briefly into her belly button.

Just as I reach the small, closely trimmed landing strip at the juncture of her thighs, I stop. Layla rolls her hips in an attempt to get what she wants, but I don’t move. “Now neither of us will be able to so much as
think
about a milkshake without remembering this,” I tell her.

“Landen,” she breathes, clutching the bed sheet beneath her.

“I need you open wider.”

She complies, pulling her knees apart until her folds open and her already swollen clit is exposed to me. I suck the cherry into my own mouth, getting it nice and wet. Watching her face for any sign that she might not be into this, I lower my hand and run the cherry against her moist flesh.

“Oh my God,” she cries out, tilting her head back so far I can’t see her eyes. I glance down and watch her pink flesh throb against the little red orb. Damn, I planned a lot more slow torture involving her shake, but I’m about to lose the grip I have on controlling this situation.

Pulling the stem from the cherry, I toss it aside and put the tiny fruit in my mouth again. I bend down and use my tongue to roll it between her folds.

“Landen!” Everything else that comes out of her mouth is incomprehensible. Her cries have my entire body overheating, and I need to be inside her so fucking bad. Her thighs clench on either side of my head, and I want to make her come on my tongue. Her juices are even sweeter than the cherry in my mouth. I tell her so.

Her answering cry sounds pained, and I have to relieve that pain. For both of us. Biting into the cherry and swallowing it, I look up at her eyes staring down at me. A white-hot flash of possessiveness spreads through me, and I grab her hips hard. Too hard.

“Your cherry will always be mine. You will always be mine, Layla.”

“I know, Landen. Y-yes, yours, always.” She’s panting, and it’s so fucking hot it steals my own breath. Despite the way she shivered earlier, her skin is covered in a thin sheen of glistening sweat. Finally I give in to the urge to suck each of her full breasts into my mouth, giving each one their turn. Biting her nipples just enough to sting. My cock tenses in time with her moans.

Suddenly she sits up so fast, she almost headbutts me with a force that probably would’ve knocked us both out. For a second I have no clue what she’s doing, until her hands reach the waistband of my boxer briefs and she starts tugging downward. I should stop her, maintain control, but my dick demands I let her do what she wants. Might as well get used to it. Probably what I’ll be doing for the rest of my life, giving Layla what she wants, when she wants, however she wants.

“Baby, we need to use a condom this time,” I mumble against the top of her head as she lowers herself along with my briefs. Her tongue lashes out against my bare chest and I flinch. Too much of that and it will be over before I get inside of her.

Lifting her from under her arms, I stand her upright. “You’re all sticky from milkshake. I think you need a shower.” I retrieve the condom from my wallet and turn back to her.

Confusion softens to pleasure on her face when I pick her up bride-over-the-threshold style, turning sideways to make it through the two narrow doorways until we’re in the bathroom. Lowering her gently to her feet, I glance in the mirror at our naked bodies. Part of me wants to press her against the sink, fuck her from behind, and watch her face in the mirror when she comes. But I saw the gleam in her eye when I mentioned the shower, and I’m betting we have a similar fantasy playing out in our heads.

I wink before tearing my mirrored gaze from her.
Another time.
We have time. All the time in the world. I don’t care what her last EKG says. Cranking the knob to the red, I pull Layla close as we wait for the water to heat. Might as well make good use of the time. Wrapping my arms around her from behind, I press my erection against her smooth ass. One hand I leave splayed on her stomach, and the other I slip in between her legs.

My grip tightens as she widens her stance to let me in. “You’re so wet. So fucking wet, baby,” I say into her ear. I can’t resist stealing a bite of her sweetness as I press my mouth to her neck. My teeth sink in hard enough to mark her.

“For you. Only for you,” she murmurs, letting her head fall back onto my shoulder.

“Damn straight,” I growl, pressing my fingers alongside her swollen clit. Her hips start to rock and I press harder, faster, until she’s writhing in my arms. When she cries out, I sink my middle finger inside of her. Once, twice, leaving it in her the third time. Her walls clench my finger so tight my dick throbs with jealousy. “Fuck, Layla.”

“Yes, please.
Fuck
me.”

Holy mother.
The tiny bathroom is filling with steam so I open the glass door and lift her inside. “You ready, baby?”

“Past ready,” she breathes as I tear open the condom and roll it over my dick.

Lifting her against the wall, my arms strain and flex, adjusting to the weight. For a second I’m worried this might not work since she’s so damn slippery. But then her warmth slides down, surrounds my cock, and I don’t even have arms anymore. Rocking into her hard and fast, my mind screams at me to slow the hell down so we can enjoy this.

I pound into her until she’s thudding against the shower wall, but her cries aren’t painful. They’re pure pleasure, and I want to make her come with everything I have. Her breasts lift and fall with each thrust, and it’s too much. I won’t be able to hold myself back for another second if we keep at it like this. I try to hold still, give myself a moment to slow things down, but she slides up and down my length of her own accord.

Who am I to deny the girl I love what she wants?

Lowering her to standing, I pull out and turn her in my arms. Sliding my cock over her ass, I apply the slightest pressure to a spot I know she probably won’t let me enter.

Not yet, anyways.

“Landen?” she asks, sounding panicked.

“Shh.” Chuckling like the evil villain that I am, I slide myself forward to the entrance that’s already open for me and plunge in.

“Oh!” she cries out, because this is the deepest I’ve ever been.

Layla groans loudly, her voice echoing off the shower walls and adding to the urgency building inside of me.

“That’s all of it, baby,” I tell her, thrusting as gently as I can manage, reaching around to rub her clit as I sink myself into her as far as I can go. “Come hard for me, sweet girl.”

Obeying my command almost instantly, she comes violently onto my dick. Her internal muscles squeeze me so tight I lose my breath. “
Fuck!
”

When I come, a whole list of words I never intended to say in front of her pour out of me along with my orgasm. Followed immediately by, “I love you, Layla. God, I love you so damn much.”

L
anden
loves me. And I love him.

It’s that simple. The realization hits me so hard it should make a sound. But the only sound I hear as he holds me in his arms is our breathing. Steady, in rhythm with one another. Just like us.

I’m sore from everything we’ve done to each other tonight, but Landen’s warmth soothes my aching muscles. His heat is the balm I need for…everything. There were so many orgasms shared between the two of us tonight that I lost count. If his arms weren’t firmly around me now, I’d probably be floating up near the ceiling somewhere. As it is I’m boneless and spent.

Tracing the hand he has resting over my breast and listening to his steady breathing, my mind wanders. What if he hadn’t given up everything to come here? Would I be with someone else right now? Would he? What if things had ended the night he left Hope Springs? And if he knew what my last EKG had said, how short our time together might be, would he still be here with me now? It makes my stomach churn to think about, so I force myself to stop.

If I keep playing out all the ways things can go wrong, I’ll miss out on the here and now. Which, for me, might not last that much longer. So I close my eyes and concentrate on every part of Landen that’s pressing against my skin. The way his breath feels on me. The warm weight of his muscular arms. His masculine legs braided with mine.

Our bodies are so entwined that I can’t imagine how we’ll ever pull apart, which is fine by me because I don’t want to. Ever.

As much as I try not to think, I can’t stop. Rolling over in his arms so I can study him as he sleeps peacefully next to me, I reach out and trace the arch of his dark eyebrows, his smooth eyelids. What I wouldn’t give to have eyelashes as thick as his. My finger glides down the perfect bridge of his nose and his firm, full lips. His face twitches, and I smile into the darkness.

Why would this beautiful creature give up everything for me? I have no idea. But he did. And just before I snuggle myself into his chest and doze off, I realize I’d do the same for him.

A
crash of something slamming into the floor jerks me violently from the deep sleep I was in. “Sorry, shit. Sorry!” Corin’s loud whisper rings out after another loud crash in the darkness.

I sit upright, pulling the covers over my naked body. My thoughts are still thick with sleep, and I barely register that Landen’s next to me, sitting up and pulling me close.

“Dammit!” Corin hiss-whispers, and there’s another thud as something hits the floor.

“Shh, you’re okay, baby. It’s okay,” Landen murmurs into my hair.

And despite the fact that my heart is attempting to pound straight out of my chest, I am okay. I nod and let him squeeze me because I’m pretty sure he’s trembling harder than I am. “I’m okay, Landen,” I whisper.

He swallows hard and I feel him nodding against me as both of us go still. “What the hell, Ginger? Just turn the damn light on,” he barks at her.

“Landen!” I don’t want the lights on. We’re naked for goodness sakes.

He shoves fabric into my hands and I pull it over my head as fast as I can manage. The lamp on the night table flickers on beside us, and Corin scrambles to grab her blanket and pillow from under the dozens of CD and the shelf that now lay on her bed. She bends down to collect the pieces of a shattered picture frame.

“Told you two push pins wouldn’t be enough to hold all that,” I tell her, stifling a laugh.

“Yeah, yeah,” she mutters. “Sorry. I figured you had company so I was just going to grab my pillow and blanket and sleep on the futon.”

Once again, I feel like the slutty roommate.

“We were just sleeping, Corin. You don’t have to give up your bed. We can go sleep on the futon,” Landen tells her before I can.

“It’s fine, um, Skylar’s here so…”

Raising an eyebrow, I look at her closely. Her clothes are a little disheveled and her curly mass of hair is a mess. “Oh, Corin,
no
,” I say.

“Not what you think.
Shut up
,” she commands under her breath, throwing a pointed look at Landen. Okay, guess we’ll talk about it later then.

“Shutting.”

“Night night, kids,” Corin says, turning off the lamp on her way out.

After she slides the door closed, Landen huffs out a loud sigh and lies back down next to me. “Thank God for Topiramax,” he mumbles.

Adrenaline shoots through my veins as I click the lamp back on. “What did you just say?”

“I said, thank God for Topir—oh God, oh shit.
Layla
.”

I can feel the blood draining from my face. The room threatens to spin. No, it threatens to combust into flames. While spinning. Turning me, Landen, and the perfect bubble of happiness we’ve been in to nothing. Vapor.

He sits up and reaches out for me, but it’s too late. I’m out of bed and standing in his gray t-shirt, barely feeling the sting as the tiny shards of glass Corin missed slice into the bottoms of my feet.

Dread washes over me, hard and cold. “How do you know what kind of medicine I’m taking?”

There’s only one way he can know. And if he knows about Topiramax, he probably knows about the latest test results. Which would explain exactly why he’d give up everything to be here. Since it’s temporary and all.

“I saw it on your nightstand,” he says.

I know he’s lying, but we both turn to the nightstand anyway. Corin’s giant alarm clock, the lamp, and the now thoroughly melted shake are all that sit there. “No you didn’t. Tell me how you know, Landen.”

“Babe,” he pleads but I don’t want to hear any more bullshit.

How many lies has he told me now? I’m shaking, but not the kind I’m used to. “Tell me the truth. All of it. Starting now.” The anger and pain vibrating my body are so intense it’s distracting. My mind struggles to grab a coherent thought as Landen sits up and pulls on his underwear. Followed by his jeans. He still doesn’t open his stupid mouth.

“Stop stalling.” My voice breaks on the last word because deep down I know I probably don’t want to hear what’s coming. What I really want is to forget this ever happened and go back to the heavenly bliss that was lying in his arms.

Safe. Still. Loved.

He moves to the edge of the bed, resting his elbows on his knees. He rakes both hands through his hair.

“Look at me,” I command, because I have the awful feeling that he’s trying to come up with yet another lie to tell me. If I were smart, I’d let him so we could go back. But it turns out that I’m actually very stupid.

His eyes meet mine as he raises his head. “When you wouldn’t answer my calls or texts, I started calling Kate.”

“Kate, as in, my Aunt Kate?” He doesn’t answer because it’s a pointless question.

“She’s the one who told me about you coming here. And about the new meds.”

I wring my hands and try to think back. How did I not know this? “So what you said about Cam and DW was a lie? You really knew where I was going because you were talking to my aunt?”

Behind my back
, I silently add
.

He nods and clears his throat. Wrapping my arms around myself, I lower myself onto Corin’s bed. “I asked you. I asked you point-blank what you were doing here.” My voice is low and raw but I make sure it doesn’t break.

“You did.”

“And you lied. Why?”

Landen rubs the back of his neck and tries to pin my eyes with his. I won’t even give him that. “Because I was afraid if you knew the truth, you’d send me away. I knew you’d be pissed that your aunt and I interfered with your fresh start. And I meant what I said Layla. I wanted a second fucking chance.”

“So you thought a good way to get a second chance was to lie?” My voice breaks despite my best efforts not to let it. “What else have you lied about?”

Danni? Loving me?

“Seriously, Layla? You’ve got to be shitting me. So what if I didn’t tell you how I knew you were here? So what if I kept up with you after I moved? I
love
you. I loved you then, too. Do you understand what that means?”

I’m not sure how to answer him so I just pull my knees up to my chest. “No. Tell me,” I say sarcastically.

“It means that when I left Hope Springs, that wasn’t the end for me. There’s never been an end for us, as far as I’m concerned. Love changes. Yeah, sure. It twists and grows, and maybe for some people it evolves into something different. But for me, all I feel for you has only gotten stronger. More intense and overpowering. I love you, dammit. I never had a choice when it came to that. Did I do some stupid shit because I was afraid you might not love me back? Hell yeah. But I’m a fuck up like my dad says. So what did you expect?” He leans forward, closer. Waiting for my answer.

“I expected you to be honest with me,” I say softly. But a nagging voice in the back of my mind wonders if he’s right. I can only imagine how I would’ve acted toward him if I’d known my aunt sent him here to babysit me. Damn manipulative lawyers. The way his entire presence darkens tells me it was the wrong response. I was supposed to tell him that he isn’t a fuck up, that his dad was wrong.

But it’s too late.

Eyes blazing, he turns to face me. Hurt and fear are contorting his beautiful features. “You’re one to talk. You don’t even tell your goddamn roommate that you could seize out and drop dead any minute. That you have an inoperable hematoma the size of a golf ball pressing on your brain, and if it ruptures, she won’t be able to call 911 fast enough.”

I choke back a sob because of that word. I hate that word. Hate it coming out of his mouth even more.

Inoperable.

Broken. Beyond repair. Unfixable.

But he’s right. And he knows. Of course he does. That’s the only reason he would give up everything to be with me. Guilt and pity for the poor little dying girl.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” he asks quietly, looking away finally so I can breathe.

“It’s no one else’s business,” I whisper.

But it’s a lie and we both know it. They’re a part of my life now. I’ve let them in. Made it their business.

“Bullshit.” His gaze hardens and I just want to be alone.

“Get out,” I say evenly.

“No.”

“I want you to leave, I mean it. And I don’t just mean this room.”

Landen recoils like I’ve shoved him with all my might even though I haven’t laid a finger on him. “What?”

“I want you to go on with your life, like you would be doing if you’d never met me. If my aunt hadn’t convinced you to come here and babysit me. Go play soccer in Ecuador, or wherever. Just
go
.”

“Jesus Christ, Layla. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“Get out!” I scream, and Corin and Skylar be damn. I need him to get away before I lose it.

“Layla, what the fu—”

“Landen?” Skylar’s in the doorway looking tired and confused.

“Layla?” Corin appears behind him, and I feel instantly guilty.

This is why I don’t let people in. This is why I kept to myself—it was so much better that way. I hate the way everyone is looking at me. Their faces are the identical masks of shock and confusion and repulsion everyone wears when I come out of a seizure.

“We’re fine.” Landen glowers at them and our roommates disappear from the doorway. “Don’t do this. I know you’re mad and I get it, I do. I’m sorry. Just please—”

“Just please go.”

“Why?” His expression is so wounded that I almost crawl into his lap to comfort him.

But I don’t. “Because it hurts to be around you. It hurts knowing that you came here because of what’s wrong with me. What do you think you are? The one-man Make-A-Wish foundation? You’re not. I was fine before you. I don’t want you here.” My heart winces in pain at the lie. There’s no conviction left in my voice because the last part isn’t true.

I must be one hell of a liar because Landen stands up, and I can see his chest heaving from the deep breaths he’s taking. We’re ruining it. Or rather, I am. Just like I knew I would. But he shouldn’t have to waste his life waiting for me to die so he can finally move on.

“You don’t mean that,” he says quietly. But I can hear the doubt in his voice.

I want to ease his doubt. I want to tell him I need him and can’t stand the thought of being without him. But I don’t. Somehow, I don’t. “Yes I do.”

Even I’m surprised at the conviction of my words. But part of me doesn’t want him here. Part of me wants to go back to going through the motions so I don’t have to constantly ache at the thought of not getting a long, happy life with him. With anyone. A small outdoor wedding in Georgia after graduation, a kid of our own, or two or three. A future. I didn’t want one after my parents died. Until Landen. And knowing I won’t have one is
killing
me. As is the hematoma on my brain. Maybe even more so.

But I won’t take away his future, too. I won’t leave him mourning me for the rest of his life, like the man who murdered my parents did to me. He deserves better than that. He deserves a healthy girlfriend, one he can make plans of a future with, plans that might actually happen. I never should have let things go this far.

“I’m going,” he says quietly. “But just to my dorm. And just for tonight. You can push me away all you want, Layla, but I won’t go without a fight.”

“Then you’re as selfish as your dad says you are.”

Oh God. The look on his face stabs me so deep I can’t move. What the hell is wrong with me? I just wanted him to leave. I didn’t mean to break him. “Landen, I didn’t mean—”

“No, you’re right. I forced myself into your life before, and here I am doing it again.” He punches the door on his way out and I flinch at the sound. But then he turns back to check that I’m okay, and seeing his pain makes me want to run into his arms and apologize a hundred times.

“I’m fine,” I say, sounding overly defiant. Maybe because I know I’m not.

“For the record, I didn’t come here just because of what your EKG said. Or even because you think you’re going to die any minute. We’re all dying. We could all die any minute now. I could get hit by a bus on my way back to the dorm.”

“Don’t say that,” I whisper.

“Why not? It’s true. I came back because I need you. And I thought you needed me. But I can see now that you don’t, and that I was being stupid. And selfish, just like you said. Guess I should’ve been listening to the Colonel all along.”