Keep Me Still (18 page)

S
omething’s
up. Landen ignores me all through freshmen seminar, and when I ask him about his class schedule, he mutters something vague about not having it with him.

Corin’s watching us both like a hawk so I pretend I’m not affected by his lack of interest. Because I’m pretty sure he’s pretending, too. I felt his gaze more than once during the lecture, and his neck muscles are straining visibly. He’s working awfully hard to ignore me and I have no idea why.

Though I have my suspicions. Several girls stop their conversations to check him out as we exit the building. I’m not an idiot—he’s kind of a catch. If you like tall, muscular, dark, and broody. Which, who I am kidding, I obviously do. But whatever. If he wants to play this little game, I’m in.

“Skylar, seriously, thanks for the caffeine,” I say, slowing so I’m closer to him than Landen. “Our AC went out last night and we were like, nearly naked and still sweating. I barely got a wink of sleep. Did you ever cool off, Corin?”

“Hell no, and we are definitely going to get a fan today.” If she’s onto my reason for mentioning the sauna that was our room last night, she doesn’t seem to care. Skylar’s eyes are bulging nearly out of his head, and I try not to be too concerned that he’s picturing me and Corin half naked. And possibly in bed together.

“Almost took you up on your offer to come sleep in your room,” I say sweetly to Landen, nudging him gently with my shoulder.

“Yeah, we had workouts and I passed out right after I texted you,” he says without looking at me, making a big show of nodding at a girl coming towards us in a yellow tank top and tiny jean skirt. She gives him a sly flirty smile and I almost expect her to run into his arms and kiss him like his
friend
did once before. But I shake it off and she walks right on past, giving Skylar the exact same smile.
Slut.

Ugh, I suck for thinking that. What is this boy doing to me?

“Hey, O’Brien, can we borrow your truck?” Corin asks, catching us all off guard.

“What?” He looks at her like she just asked him to donate a kidney. “I mean, what for? And how’d you know I have a truck?”

She nods towards Skylar because it’s obvious how she knows. “So we can go buy a fan,
hello
. The Campus Transport goes to the shopping center where Target is, but can you see me and Georgia here lugging a huge-ass fan onto the bus? Come on, we’ll be careful with your baby.”

Landen rubs the back of his neck and looks at Skylar, who shrugs. “I have English now and then we have practice and conditioning from noon till three. I can take you after.” So much for not knowing his schedule.

“You don’t trust us?” Corin pouts.

Landen rolls his eyes.

“We’ll all go, grab some dinner, and maybe watch a movie or something,” Skylar chimes in, glancing at Corin to check her response.

And in a quirky little twist, I realize she’s making an effort to avoid him. I have no idea what’s going on with everyone today, but I would like to go get a fan and spend some time with Landen away from campus so I can figure out what his deal is.

“Sounds great,” I say with a smile. At the very least, maybe Skylar and I can be pathetic together.

“W
hy
are you avoiding Skylar?” I ask Corin once the guys have branched off away from us. She and I have Psych 101 together, so at least I can get answers from her.

“What do you mean?” She twists a curl around her finger but doesn’t look at me.

“I’m just trying to figure out why Skylar and I, who barely know each other, were maintaining most of the conversation this morning, while you and Landen tried to pretend we didn’t exist.”

Huffing out a huge breath, she lets go of her hair and shifts her bag on her shoulder. Her face is scrunching, and I almost want to tell her she doesn’t have to explain anything to me. When she speaks, her voice is low as if she thinks someone nearby is eavesdropping. “Layla, you and I are pretty much opposites in every way. You’re a virgin and back in the day, I was…not. Like, pretty much any guy who looked at me twice got lucky. I was a sure thing, you know?”

No, I didn’t know. Shame practically radiated off her. “Oh,” was all I could manage.

“Sorry for the TMI, but I’m past that now. I’ve been through a lot of shit—shit no one should ever have to go through alone. And coming here, I told myself I wouldn’t just jump in bed with the first guy who paid attention to me. Because I can tell you, a one-night stand is not, in fact, the start of a healthy relationship. So I’m closed for business…indefinitely.”

She seems embarrassed and a little lost, not a look I’m used to seeing on her, so I link my arm through hers and lean in close. “You’re closed for business and I’m trying to get laid. Who’d have guessed?”

Corin cracks up, and several people turn to look as we file into Baker Hall.

“Seriously, Corin, I think that’s awesome. You do what you have to do for you, okay? And if Skylar pressures you, I’ll find that hitman app on my phone and have him taken out.” I wink and she smiles.

“I’m afraid once he knows he’ll blow me off, and he’s kind of fun to hang with. Guess I’m not ready to send him running for the hills yet.”

“Can I ask a question?” I ask, lowering myself into the seat next to her.

“Shoot.”

“If you’re celibate, why all the condoms?”

She smiles a sad smile that makes me feel helpless. “A gift from my mom, in case I fall off the wagon, or mattress I guess. She doesn’t have a whole lot of faith in me.”

“I have faith in you, Corin,” I tell her. As the lecture begins and we open up our blank notebooks to copy words from the PowerPoint presentation a balding man is giving, I can’t help but wonder if Landen and Corin aren’t all that different. But then I remember his nod at that girl on the sidewalk this morning. A heated wave of insecurity seeps into my skin. Maybe he isn’t turning over a leaf. Maybe he’s still sleeping with anyone he wants to. Maybe he just doesn’t want to with me.

“C
orin
totally ignored me this morning. I am definitely hitting the showers before we pick them up.”

Smirking at him, I let out a small noise of disagreement. “Maybe she’s not impressed with your mad skills. Maybe a shower won’t even help.”

“Uh huh, says the guy falling over himself to get to a girl who is never going to give it up.”

Skylar and I give each other shit all the way back to the dorm after practice. I need to go for a run, exhaust myself so I won’t have any energy left for lusting after the girl I’m supposed to be playing it cool with. But they’re waiting, and if I want to shower, there’s not really time.

Lazy piece of shit
, my father’s voice says in my head. And dammit, I’ve at least got to get a short run in. I tell Skylar so and he looks at me like I’m insane. Which I am.

A
n
hour later, we pick up the girls and they climb into the backseat of the truck cab. Neither of them says much, and Skylar fills the silence talking about practice and what a dickwad Blackburn is. Twice I catch Layla’s stare in my rearview, but she’s blocking me out, and I’m not sure what has her so guarded. No, that’s not true. I was a dick this morning, and now I’m getting a taste of my own medicine. Fair enough.

Target is kind of crowded for a Monday night, but I guess a lot of freshman are without AC and probably some other shit they should’ve brought. Corin and Layla debate on what type of fan to get for fifteen minutes before Skylar gets frustrated and grabs an oscillating floor fan from the shelf.

As we leave the store, rain starts misting from the sky while Skylar and Corin argue about whether we should get Mexican food or run by the diner closer to campus where she’s planning to put in a job application, leaving me and Layla straggling behind.

“You still want me to come tomorrow or what?” Layla demands, breaking the silence.

“If you want.”

She aims a pointed look dead at me. “I asked what you wanted.”

“I mean, I’m sure you have studying and better stuff to do than come watch a scrimmage. It’s not like it’s a real game or anything.”

“Okay,” is all she says. I don’t know if she means “Okay, I’ll come” or “Okay, I have better things to do.” What I
do
know is that watching her putting up the walls I worked so hard to tear down sucks. Bad. There has to be a way to balance keeping an eye on her for her aunt, getting close enough to have a chance at making her mine, and never letting her find out exactly how I wound up here. I sure as fuck wish I could figure it out.

The rain pelts us with the fury of ten hells as we reach the truck. Damn, I don’t have bed cover to keep the fan dry. Probably not a great idea to shove it in the back with the girls, but there’s really not any other option, and we’re all getting soaked while trying to figure out what to do with it.

“I’ll run back in the store and buy a tarp,” Skylar says just before making a mad dash through the parking lot. The girls climb in the back, and I’m grateful Corin didn’t go with him. I need the buffer before I just start spilling my guts to Layla and ruin everything.

The two of them are talking quietly; heads leaned together like girls do when sharing secrets. Or when talking about what a dick you are while you’re a foot away. I climb in the truck and arrange the huge box on the passenger seat.

“Everything okay?” I ask, twisting around to look at them.

Wearing matching masks of innocence, they turn to me, wide-eyed. “Everything’s great,” Corin says sharply. “We’re going to the diner so I can get an application and Layla can get a milkshake. Skylar can get over it.”

“Okay,” I say with a shrug. Layla and her milkshakes. I smile at the thought, and I cringe slightly because watching her pleasure over her chocolate shake with extra cherries is going to be hell on my dick. A three-hour practice and a three-mile run did nothing to quench my need for her. I glance in the rearview and there’s a mischievous heat in her eyes, like she can read my thoughts. Skylar’s right. I am so screwed.

My overly observant roommate pulls the door open, interrupting my thoughts, and grabs the fan. I get out to help him wrap it in the blue tarp he just bought. Once we’ve wrangled that bastard into the bed and gotten back into the truck, the rain eases up. I pull out of the parking lot and look both ways as I get back on the main road that takes us back to campus.

Up ahead I can see the gridlock, and I rack my brain as I press the brakes to try and think if there’s a back road to the diner. Skylar’s from here, so I ask him if there’s another way we can go.

Before the words are even all the way out of my mouth, the clouds let out and sheets of water pound down on us. The poor fan is probably destroyed, tarp or no tarp. Or at least the box will be.

“Damn,” Skylar says under his breath. “I’m thinking you could take Langston over to—”

But he doesn’t get to finish because the squeal of tires drowns him out. The sickening crunch of metal comes at the exact moment of impact. Layla’s scream matches Skylar’s “Fuck!” and I slam the truck in park and bail over the seat, nearly tackling Corin in my attempt to get my arms around Layla. She’s trembling hard and I know what’s coming. And that she’s going to be humiliated. Because this was her chance to start over and it’s ruined. Ruined because of me.

“You’re okay. It’s okay. I’ve got you. You’re safe,” I say into her ear, rocking her gently. Raking my eyes over every inch of her to make sure she is, in fact, okay, I realize that it’s me who’s not okay. I love her and I need her and I need to be there for her as much as I need to breathe air to live. Also, I’m bleeding.

A few minutes later, her trembling subsides as tears slick down her face and onto me. I hear sirens. Skylar has a small gash on his forehead and Corin is rubbing her neck but they’re okay. I glance out the back window and see a tan Suburban jammed into the back of my truck. But I don’t care. We’re okay. Layla is in my arms and she’s safe.

“You need to get back in the driver’s seat,” Corin says softly, “before the cops think something majorly shady is going on.”

She’s right, but I can’t let Layla go. I look down into her moist blue eyes, pulled in by her need for me, and I can’t move. I don’t want to. They can think what they want.

“Fuck it,” Skylar says, sliding over into the driver’s seat.

Without another word, Corin climbs over the center console and buckles herself into the passenger seat, leaving me and Layla alone in the back.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry,” I tell her, and her eyes grow even wider in her pale face. And I am sorry. For leaving her last year, for not trying harder to tell her how I felt, and for being here under false pretenses that she doesn’t know about.

“Not your fault,” she murmurs, tucking herself closer to me.

I can feel her breath on my neck, and this is so not the time, but I lower my lips to her forehead and then to her wet cheeks before placing them against hers. When she moves her mouth firmly against mine, I realize I’ve been fooling myself if I think the only reason I’m here is because her aunt asked me to keep an eye on her.

I’m here because I needed a second chance. She gave me one this past weekend, and I screwed it up by being a first-class asshole this morning. And now I need a third chance. I hope to hell there’s not a limit on the number of chances this girl is willing to give me. Because I am a fucking idiot. And I’m going to screw up. A lot.