Keep From Falling (Markson Grove Series Book 1) (68 page)

Bree

So it all boils down to this. For my entire life, even before I became aware of it, I was fighting a war with myself and now the fight is finally over. I’m ready to accept my label, but I hate what that means for Evan. I never wanted things to turn out this way between us. I thought he was my exception to the rule. I thought he could be my ever after.

“He’s so hurt,” I say sadly.

Adrienne pulls her shirt on over her head and walks over to the bathroom to comb her fingers through her messy hair. “He’s going to be hurt for a while, Bree. There’s nothing you can do about that,” she says as she re-enters the bedroom, shutting off the bathroom light behind her. She reaches for her jeans on the floor and tugs them on hastily.

“I know. I just wish things could end differently. He really does mean a lot to me, you know. I wasn’t lying last night. I do love him.”

“I know you do,” Adrienne says with a supportive smile. “Come on. We have to get back.”

We tidy up the room as best we can, then quickly make our way downstairs to the bar.

I’m surprised to see that Isabelle is still downstairs, sitting at one of the tables, her head lowered and studying a pile of paperwork before her. She smiles when she sees us.

“Long night?” she asks.

“I am going to need some seriously extra strong coffee this morning,” Adrienne says.

“Where’s Evan?” I ask, looking around the empty bar. He’s nowhere to be seen.

“He waited a few minutes,” Isabelle replies, looking at me with what could be interpreted as either sadness or pity, I can’t be sure which. “He said he’ll meet you at the hotel.”

I feel my heart sink. I knew it was coming, and I should have been prepared for the avoidance, but even though I knew it would happen, it’s still painful.

“Thank you,” I say to her. “For everything.”

“
Pas de probleme
,” she says, and then tilts her head to the side. “Did Skylar find Parker?”

I shake my head and shrug. “I don’t know. I didn’t get a chance to talk to Skylar yet.”

“I for one, hope Parker at least put Tris in the hospital,” Adrienne says with a sneer.

“I just hope he’s ok,” Isabelle counters with a hint of worry in her voice.

I look over my shoulder to Adrienne, her left brow rises and she smirks at Isabelle’s apparent concern for Parker.

“Well, we better get going,” I say. “Take care.”

We walk back to the hotel in silence. I don’t think we are being quiet on purpose in an attempt to avoid what happened between us last night, but the silence does feel uncomfortable. Does she regret kissing me? Or is she just trying to give me space to adjust to all of these drastic changes I’ve been forced to experience over the last twenty-four hours?

I’ve been confused for months, not knowing where my heart should be, thinking all of this time that I actually had a choice, and now it’s becoming more and more obvious that I never did.

Being with Skylar was a beautiful awakening for me, and although I know now that her love for me is not the same as the love she has for Parker, it was still strong and important. Her fear of being shunned by my mother kept our relationship locked up, and in turn made me more scared after each passing day to let my mother know who I really was. I began to believe Skylar’s fear, adopting it as my own, and I convinced myself that I could never live happily in a gay relationship. I was trapped, confined behind secret walls, and they were quickly closing in on me.

But then a breath of fresh air happened. I met a beautiful guy and amazingly, I was attracted to him! I was suddenly faced with the very real possibility that I wasn’t actually gay. That I could live a life the way my mother intended, and be happy. I wanted him, and I wanted the freedom being with him would give me.

But life just isn’t that simple, is it? I got my Evan, got to be with him, and be loved by him. I even fell in love with him back. But it just wasn’t right.

Adrienne was a complete surprise for me, and although I know I’m not ready for anything to happen with her right yet, her interest in me has made me realize that I can be true to myself and live the life I know I was meant to.

I don’t need to hide behind walls with Skylar or behind hidden sexual desires with Evan. I can live free. Knowing and accepting that has left me liberated. I’m not scared of my mother now that I know my father approves. I will be who I’m meant to be, and everyone else will just have to deal.

As for Skylar, she’ll never leave my side. She’s my best friend and as much as I love her, I know now that’s where our hearts should remain. Parker is exactly what she needs. It hurts to admit that, but I know it’s right.

As the hotel comes into view, I can see Evan walking toward it. At the speed we are moving compared to him, I know it’s only a matter of minutes before we catch up.

“You should talk to him,” Adrienne suggests as we get closer. Another sixty seconds and he will know we are behind him.

“Maybe,” I say.

He turns around and sees us catching up to him, so he stops walking and waits. When we reach him, Adrienne pats him on the shoulder before continuing on into the back door of the hotel. He forces a small smile of gratitude toward her, attempting to let her know that he does appreciate the care she’s showing.

Once I watch her walk through the door, I turn to face him. “We should go in too. We can talk later.”

“I just want to say one thing,” he says, looking to the ground uneasily. I thought he was pissed at me earlier, but looking at him now I see that the indifference he was showing earlier was mostly stemmed by hurt. He doesn’t want to hate me.

“Evan,” I say reaching for his hand and taking it in mine. “I need you to know that I didn’t see this coming. I would have never put you through any of this if I had seen it coming. I wanted it to end so differently for us, I swear it.”

“I know that,” he whispers, rubbing his thumb over mine and the feeling of it makes my heart flutter. He still affects me like no other guy ever has. It’s a mystery I’ll forever be unable to fully understand. “As much as I hate this, I just want you to be happy,” he says, looking right into my eyes as he says it.

“I wanted to be the one to make you happy,” I return sadly. “It wasn’t supposed to end this way.”

“It’s ok. It just wasn’t meant to be,” he says with a slight shrug. He’s sad, but he’s staying so strong in spite of it. “You can’t fight fate.”

“Yeah, I know that now,” I reply, peering at the ground as I say it. “Are we good, though? Are we going to be ok?” I ask needing to know if this friendship I’ve developed with him is over forever, or if we have a chance at something different some day.

He wraps his arms around me and pulls me to his chest in a tight embrace. Then, before we part, he kisses me on the top of my head, ever so softly. “We’re going to be,” he says assuredly.

I look up at him, forcing a smile through my guilt-ridden sadness.

“Come on,” he says, his arm still wrapped around my shoulder tenderly. He leads me to the door, “let’s go inside.”

First and foremost, I need to thank my sister, Lisa Landry, and my dear friend, Alyssa Harris for being the absolute BEST alpha readers in existence! Both women have been reading and re-reading my chapters (including every single scene I’ve ever had to throw out) since the very beginning of this adventure, over three years ago! You two have kept me going, I cannot stress that enough.

I'd also like to thank Gail Turgeon, Samantha Roy, Laura Firth, & Megan Caplin. The four of you joined the alpha reading process later in the game, but you've all stuck it out until the end. You gave me advice, validation, and helped me when I was stuck behind a brick wall of doubt. There were times when I wanted to give up on this dream, but your constant excitement for the story and of the characters in it, pushed me to keep going every single day.

There are so many other alpha and beta readers I'd like to thank as well. Each and every one of you played an important part in keeping me going with this, and I hold every single one of you in extremely high regard. This wouldn't have been possible without any of you. Your opinions have served to really shape my story, and some of you (Matt Murray) have even helped me reshape it into what it has eventually become today! To my dear friend Vanessa Mitchell, you put hours and hours of your spare time trying to clean up my messy writing, your efforts and help were greatly appreciated, and you’ve taught me so much in the process. Eric Mitchell, Tricia Dedam, Tracy LaPointe, Brandi Vautour, Kimberly Robinson, Katie Thibeault, Crystal Wade, Brenda Francoeur, Paula Anderson, Mona Doucet, Melissa Doucette, Christa Durette, Susan Doucette, Kelly Pollock, Tyler Richard, Crystal Holiko, Ricky Pelletier, and Tammy Cooling. I’m blessed to have so many people in my life willing to help make this dream become a reality. I love you all.

I’d like to send out a very special thank you to Valerie Geraghty for not only being an awesome alpha reader and friend, but for also volunteering her time to pose for the cover of my book and doing it so graciously. And to another dear friend and alpha reader, Melanie Frenette for taking the time to shoot those amazing photos of Val!

A big thank you goes out to my friend Shirphie Li for the cover design if this book. You did a wonderful job! I love it so much!

To Rene Albert, this entire journey began in December of 2011, with a little Christmas present from you. A book called
The War of Art by Steven Pressfield
. I don’t think I can ever put into words just how profoundly this gift affected me. You gave me the support and push I needed to make this dream come true! You taught me to fight 'creative resistance' and embrace my 'personal destiny'. You are a true and dear friend. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

To Author Dawn L. Chiletz, I would have cracked without your help during the publishing process of this book. Your knowledge of the process, your patience, all of your notes, and your kind words meant the world to me. I will never forget it, and I hope to pay it forward to another aspiring author someday.

Finally, to my husband, Ryan, and my son, Landon, I was a MIA mother and wife during the process of both writing and publishing this book. Your devotion, love, and patience helped me make it through. I love you both with all my heart.

Amy Vanessa Miller resides in a small and cozy town in the most northern region of New Brunswick, Canada, where cold and snow takes over for nearly eight months of the year. She is married to a loving and supportive man whom she’d be lost without; they have one handsome son together.

When she isn’t being mom and wife, or working at her day job, Amy can be found either curled up on the couch with a good book, writing imaginary characters for others to fall in love with, or binge watching television shows on Netflix.



Keep From Falling
is her first published novel.

For more information about Amy and her books, visit:

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