Katie's Glimpse (The Glimpse Series) (18 page)

I gasped once more
before I felt my throat relax a little. I closed my eyes and took a deep
breath.
I’m not going to die
. The panic began to subside. Levi exhaled a
deep breath, and I felt him brush my sweaty hair away from my shoulder and kiss
the skin over my collar bone. He whispered in my ear, “I’m right here. You’re
safe now.” I knew he’d watch over me, so I closed my eyes and gave in to my
exhaustion.

     I tried to open
my eyes. It took a few tries to get them to stay open. I stared up at the
ceiling, trying to focus my eyes. I suddenly noticed my clothes were damp and
realized I was drenched in sweat.
Why am I so hot?
I tried to move my
arms to uncover, but I couldn’t. I was pinned to the bed. I turned my head and
saw Levi asleep on his stomach beside me. He had his arm wrapped around my
waist, over the covers, and one of his legs wrapped over both of mine.
Good
grief, he’s heavy.
I exhaled a deep breath and stared at his face for a
second.
Why is he in my bed and why is he clinging to me?
I closed my
eyes and tried to think, but my brain was too fuzzy. I squirmed to try and get
free.

He opened his eyes. “Hi,
baby. How do you feel this morning?” he asked in a soft voice.

   “Like I’m in a
fog, what happened?”

 He frowned
slightly. “You had a panic attack last night. I had to force two of your
anxiety pills down your throat.”

Oh, I thought I
was finally over those.
I
took a deep breath and let it out. He nodded his head and I was about to do it
again, when it occurred to me how close his face was to mine and I knew my
breath was rough. I quickly clamped my hand over my mouth.

His eyes widened.
“What is it? Are you going to be sick?” I shook my head. “Then why are you
covering your mouth?”

“I haven’t brushed
my teeth, and your face is like two inches away,” I mumbled out between my
fingers.

He huffed. “Quit
worrying about your breath. I don’t care. You scared me to death last night,
and I need to know that you’re okay.” He tried to pull my hand away, but I held
it tighter to my face. He gave up and let out a sigh of defeat. “Don’t move,”
he said sternly, so I didn’t.

He left my room and
came back a minute later holding my toothbrush. I looked at it and noticed he’d
put toothpaste on it. He dipped it in the glass of water on my nightstand and
handed it to me. “Here, now you can brush,” he said and was completely serious.

I stared at him in
disbelief but took my toothbrush anyway. I brushed my teeth in bed, while he
held the water glass out so I could spit into it. When I finished, he took my
toothbrush and the glass and left my room. He returned a few minutes later with
a clean glass of water. I took a few sips and placed it on the nightstand as he
got back in bed beside me, slipping under the covers this time.

He rolled on his
side to face me. “Do you remember your dream? I woke up to the sound of you
screaming my name.”

I shuddered. “JT was
drowning me in a lake. You were there with Angie and had a baby girl. I called
out for you to help me, but you just ignored me.”

He grimaced. “It was
just a bad dream. I would never be with Angie or let something bad happen to
you. You know that.” I nodded my head. I did know that. He kissed my lips and
said, “Come on and get up. I’ll go make us some coffee.

“Okay, but I’ve got
to take a shower first because I’m all sweaty. You had me trapped under the
covers,” I said with a laugh.

He chuckled. “Sorry,
baby. I just had to be close to you after what happened last night. You scared
me.”

 “Was it a bad one?”
I asked and bit down on my lip, hoping he’d say no but doubting it.

“Well, I’ve never
seen anyone have a panic attack before, but the way you were clawing at your
neck made me afraid you were going to hurt yourself. So, I’d say yes, it was a
bad one.” 

I frowned, feeling
terrible that he’d had to take care of me yet again. “I’m sorry you had to deal
with that, Levi. I’ve got to get a better grip on things. I don’t want to spend
the rest of my life like this.”

 “You’ve been
through a lot of trauma, and it does things to your mind. You will get better
as time passes, and I’ll be here to help you through it all,” he said, tucking
my hair behind my ear.

 I leaned in and
gave him a gentle kiss. “I know and I love you even more for it. Now come on. Let’s
get up. We both have to work today, and I’m not going to let all that bad stuff
get in the way of my day.”

He smiled and threw
back the covers. I noticed a red mark on his chest when the neck of his t-shirt
slipped down a little. “What is that?” I asked, reaching over to pull his shirt
down further.

He sat up out of my
reach and quickly replied, “Nothing.”

I sat up, ready to
pounce if he tried to get away. “Uh uh, tell me.”

“When I tried to get
you to take your medicine you were so scared and didn’t understand what was
happening-” he trailed off.

“Wait. What?” I
gasped out. “I did that to you? Show me,” I demanded.

He hesitated for a
moment but pulled off his t-shirt and turned to face me. He had three red
scratches across his chest. They started at his right collar bone, crossed over
his sternum and ended in the middle of his left chest muscle. I had literally
clawed him.

I started to cry. “Oh
Levi, I’m so sorry.” It broke my heart that I’d done that to him.

“I’m fine, really. It
looks worse than it feels.”

Before I thought
about it, I leaned over and kissed his collar bone, where one of the scratches
began. I slowly kissed my way along the angry red line. Levi sucked in a
breath, gently cupped my face and pulled me away from him. He looked into my
eyes and in a strained voice said, “Go get dressed. We need to talk.”

Uh oh, I don’t
like the sound of that.
He picked
up his shirt, slipped it over his head and walked out of my room, leaving me with
a sinking feeling that I’d done something wrong.

I got off the bed
and heard him in the kitchen making coffee. I grabbed some clean clothes and
went to the bathroom for a quick shower.
What is his deal?
I cringed as
I realized what I’d been doing when he stopped me and now, had a pretty good
idea of what he wanted to talk about- and it scared me.

I finished up in the
bathroom in record time. It’s not that I was eager for the conversation I
figured we were about to have. It was the anticipation of what he might say
that had me rushing.

I found him sitting
at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him and another in front
of the seat across from him.
This must be bad. I don’t even get to sit by
him.
I sat down in the chair and looked up at his face. He looked tense. I
swallowed, feeling my stomach churn.

He studied my face
for a moment and gave me a sad smile before he spoke, “Katie, I need to tell
you about my past.” I blinked, surprised at his words. I never expected this
amazing godly man to have much of a jaded past.

“Okay. I’ll listen
to whatever you feel like you need to tell me,” I said and held out my hand
across the table. He reached over and grasped my hand, squeezing it gently. I
sat unmoving as I looked into his somber face. He’d speak when he was ready.

He opened his mouth
and began, “I’ve been saved since I was ten years old but as I got older, I
didn’t always live like it. When you were describing your ex last night as a
popular football player, it reminded me a little bit of myself. I would be at a
party on Saturday night with my football buddies then in church the next
morning. I didn’t ever drink, only because of what I saw it do to my dad, but I
still went. Girls were really into me. I was a big guy, even back then. I had a
few girlfriends but nothing serious until my senior year. I dated this girl for
six months and ended up sleeping with her several times. I felt terrible after
every time because I knew it was wrong. We broke up, and I went off to college
where I met Denise and you know that story already. We were engaged so I told
myself it was okay to sleep with her, but I was just making excuses for my
actions. When she broke off our engagement, I felt like I was a failure in
God’s eyes. I made a decision that I would truly live my life for Him and not
for myself. I needed to make some changes, and I knew the first one had to be a
promise to God that I would be abstinent until I was married. I’ve kept that
promise for three years. So, to answer the question you asked me a while back,
this is why I work out so much. It helps me deal.”

Whoa! This is a
lot to process.
Levi wasn’t
as perfect as I thought and in a strange way, it made me feel a little better.
I knew in my mind I had put him up on a pedestal.
Relief also flooded me
at his words. He had never tried to do more than kiss me, but still that
question of when he would push for more often nagged at me. I wasn’t ready for
that kind of relationship and didn’t know if I ever would be after all that I’d
been through.

“Three years, huh? I
still don’t understand what working out has to do with that, but if you say it
helps, then I’m all for it.” He laughed and opened his mouth to say something.
I cut him off, afraid he might try to give me details that I didn’t want. “No,
you don’t have to try and explain it to me. I’m good, really. Listen, you might
not think so but to me, your promise is a blessing. I love you very much, but
honestly, the thought of sex terrifies me. I didn’t mean to give you the wrong
impression back in my room. It tore me up that I caused those scratches. I was
just trying to comfort you and maybe myself a little too,” I said softly.

 He smiled. “Baby, I
knew what you were doing was innocent, but I didn’t let it stay that way. My
mind started to wander, and I had to put the brakes on those thoughts fast. You
are the first woman I’ve dated in the past three years that I’ve even felt the
need to tell about my promise. I didn’t have the desire for them like I do you,
and that’s why I had to leave your room. You are the one for me and I love you
so much, but I will keep my promise. I can control myself, so you don’t have to
worry about any pressure from me to go beyond just holding you and kissing.”

My heart melted at
his words. Levi was the picture of integrity, and I couldn’t understand why God
would bless
me
with this man’s love. I was so undeserving of it. I had to
tell him the truth about Asher soon, no matter what. I couldn’t continue to be
selfish. He deserved better than that.

He looked at me
expectantly. “Yes?” I asked and knew I should have just ignored him.

“Will you tell me
about your ex now?” he asked and I could tell it was difficult for him.

“What do you want to
know?” I asked and bit my lip hard.

“Everything,” he
simply stated.

I sucked in a
breath. It was like he could read my mind. I opened my mouth to tell him but closed
it again.
No, not yet!
I couldn’t lose his love right now. I needed it
to heal my broken heart. I would tell him about Asher but not today. Today he
would learn only about Seth and that was hard enough.

“I don’t think you
realize how much you’re asking of me,” I whispered.

His hands squeezed
into fists and his nostrils flared. “That bad, huh?” he asked. I frowned and
lowered my head.

He pulled out his
phone and dialed a number. He told whoever answered that we wouldn’t be at
work, and they needed to get someone to cover the counter. He ended the call,
roughly shoving it back into his pocket. I sat there a little awed. I guess I’d
always seen him as the kind, gentle Levi I knew and not as the boss of his own
company. It was kind of exciting to see this side of him. He must have noticed
the surprised look on my face. “What?” he asked and smiled.

“You being all bossy
was kind of hot,” I said, blushing.

He lowered his chin.
“Really? Because I remember trying to get bossy with you once, and you didn’t
think it was hot at all. If I recall correctly you put your hands on your hips
and told me you were staying at work when I told you to go home,” he said with
a smirk.

I snorted out a
laugh which made Levi lose it. We both laughed so hard, we had tears running down
our faces. About the time we thought we had it under control, one of us would
start again.

I cleared my throat
and got myself together. “I completely forgot about that. Yeah, so maybe I like
it better when you’re bossy to other people.”

He chuckled and came
around the table, pulling me in for a hug and a sweet kiss. “I love you so
much, Katie.”

“I love you, too.” I
gave him a sad smile knowing the laughter was over for a while. It was time to
let him in just a little. “I’ll tell you about Seth now.”

 I saw his jaw
tense. “So that’s his name. I’ve never heard you say it before.” 

“That’s because I
didn’t want you to ever know it,” I replied.

He didn’t say
anything to that. He just led me to the couch. I sat in the corner so I could face
him and pulled my knees to my chest. I looked into his eyes and started from
the beginning. I told him how we began dating, how charming he was, and how he
left me bruised that first time. Levi’s whole body tensed when I mentioned Seth
hurting me. As I got to the part about our two month anniversary, I cringed
before stammering out, “We..uh..slept together only once, and it was
horrible.”