Katie's Dream (25 page)

I had to choke down the bitter gall in my throat. “I—I expect he feels the same way I do.”

“He got hurt.”

“Yes. But not badly, honey. He's all right.”

“It was because of me.”

“No. I don't think so. I think it was because of Edward and maybe things that happened when they were boys, before either of us ever met them. You certainly can't blame yourself.”

“Lots of bad stuff keeps happening . . .”

“But it's not your fault.”

She reached her little hand down and started fumbling with a stick. “Maybe if I went away, it would stop.”

“Franky's leg would still have to heal. Edward would be just the same. You going away wouldn't change much, Katie, except we'd wonder where you were and if you were all right.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“But I'm not yours.”

“Rorey isn't either. Or the baby, or the children in my Sunday school class at church. But I still care about all of you.”

Her eyes filled with tears all over again, and I thought sure I'd said something wrong. She clung to me, sobbing. My back and my neck were getting stiff from being bent over, but I didn't try to move.

“Why doesn't . . . why doesn't Mommy care?”

I could have argued it with her, but the truth was that I didn't know. Maybe her mother did care. Maybe she didn't. I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing at all, only held her until Rorey came charging out of the house looking for me.

“Emmie Grace is stinky!” she declared. “You gotta leave that girl an' change my baby sister.”

“No,” I said quietly. “You can ask politely, Rorey Jeanine. And I don't think I have to leave Katie at all.” I looked down to find Katie looking at me. “You'd like to help, wouldn't you?” I asked her. “Want to help me change the baby?”

She nodded, wiped her face with the back of her fist, and slowly got up. But she took my hand in an unexpected gesture, trying to help me up off the ground.

“Thank you,” I told her as I got to my feet. “That was very kind.”

“You're welcome.”

Rorey just stood and looked at us. By now, she was used to being Sarah's only close friend and the only other little girl around, excepting the baby. She'd been fine to Katie before, but now she was giving her a scowl.

“If that man takes you away, maybe he wouldn't come back no more then! He's too mean. He hurt my brother. If you just go away, maybe he won't come back.”

“Rorey!”

“If they both go away, things'll be back like they was.”

“Rorey! That's an awful thing to say, blaming Katie for a grown man's actions. Edward has his own problems that have nothing to do with her.”

“He's a horse's hind end,” she said, echoing Robert's words.

“He's a lot of things, but that doesn't make it Katie's fault. I want you to tell her you're sorry. This minute.”

“Sorry.” Rorey stared out over the garden to where Whiskers was napping in the shade of the toolshed, then turned her eyes back to me. “Is that mean man her pa?”

What an easy solution that would be. It would solve so much just to care for Katie as our niece. But Edward had been in the penitentiary far too long. There was no way it could be so.

“No,” Katie answered before I got a chance. “I don't need a pa. Just friends. Like you and Sarah and Mrs. Wortham.”

I was surprised at the bravery of her answer. And the kindness, considering Rorey's words.

“We all need friends,” I agreed quickly. “Now let's hurry up before Emmie gets to protesting that messy diaper.”

Katie took my hand. Rorey ran on ahead. And I knew I really would think of Katie if she had to go away. She felt like family, whether it was really so or not. And seeing her bouncy curls, her sweet face, her gentle eyes, it wouldn't take much to convince me.
Samuel must have another brother,
I thought.
That must be what it is. Someone not raised by Samuel's mother or his father. Someone more like Samuel than Edward could ever be.

SIXTEEN

Samuel

Barrett Post brought me home that night promising he'd go into Mcleansboro after church the next day. He didn't ask about the way I looked. He stared some. But he didn't ask.

I walked up the front steps, feeling stiff. Edward had really walloped me, and I guessed I'd be feeling it for a few days. Maybe the whole thing was my fault somehow, though I wasn't even sure why I was thinking that.

“It started with food,”
Edward had said.
“Your food.”
I could see that now. The petty theft kept getting worse and worse until it was no longer petty, no longer child's play. Certainly no longer just food. But he was putting the blame on me. And the community's distrust of him. If I'd stolen my own food or didn't need any, if somebody had hired him or at least hadn't shooed him out of their stores, maybe his life would be different.

I'd wondered plenty of times what the world would have been like for us if Mom had always been sober and my father had been patient enough to hold a job and not be so hard on us. I'd been angry once. I'd thrown bottles like Edward. Busted a streetlight. Even tried the drink that plagued my parents so deeply. But I never went so far down that path. I was too afraid of what the drink was doing to my mother. And what the stealing was doing to Edward. So I quit drinking. I didn't steal.

And I met Juli. And Jesus. The same year.

Anyone who knew how I felt about both of them would understand how I could never consort with Trudy Vale or anyone else. I hoped Juli knew. Obviously, Edward didn't. I'd tried to tell him about the lightness I'd felt since I found God, but he would never listen. Called me crazy. Swore up and down that I'd better leave him alone. So I did.

And maybe that was wrong. Maybe I shouldn't have given up. Even though Edward had wearied me then the way he wearied me now. Always hard. Always bitter. Never wanting to listen. I was only the stupid little brother who ran off into the woods. Like that neighbor boy who'd called me “Worthless” instead of “Wortham,” Edward seemed to like knocking me down.

I stood for a moment on the porch, not really wanting to go in. I hadn't explained much to Juli. I was sure to get more questions. And the questions would be hardest coming from the kids. I didn't want to tell them anything. But I couldn't just stay away.

They hadn't heard me. Rorey and Sarah were singing in the house.

The singing stopped when I opened the door. Sarah spun around and squealed, “Daddy!”

Her hair was combed long and wet down her back,
and she was already in her nightgown. Saturday was bath night. I could see Juli's feet below the sheet draped in the corner. She peeked over its edge at me. “I'm glad you're home. There's noodles in the covered pan on the stove if you're hungry. I'm rinsing Rorey's hair, but we'll be right out.”

“I'm sorry,” I told her right away. “I should've been here to help you lug the water.”

“Robert helped me. I'd rather you rest, anyway. Are you all right?”

“Yes.” I could hear the baby in the next room. With Robert, I assumed. Katie was sitting at the table, solemnly looking at me the way she had the first night. For a moment I wondered how everyone would react if I just declared myself her father. Katie would be delighted. Juli, I supposed, would find it in her heart to forgive me. And Edward would treat me like something more than a schlop. Maybe.

“Katie's next,” Sarah told me. “'Less you want to.” She came close to my side, reaching her hand up to my face but not touching me. “Does that hurt?”

“Only when I laugh.”

“Then you must be okay,” she said with uncertainty in her voice. “'Cause you're not laughing.”

I hugged her. “I'm fine, pumpkin.”

“I'm glad Mr. Eddie didn't hit
me
that hard,” Katie suddenly said.

“I'm glad too.” She was so sad eyed; almost I wished I could hold her and Sarah at the same time. Maybe I could, but I didn't try.

“Can I get you a wet cloth?” Juli asked. “You've got a bit of swelling.”

I knew that. I could feel the pressure, the soreness around my eye. It was probably purple too. Maybe a good reason to stay home from church. I could imagine all the attention I would get.

I guess I didn't even answer Juli's question, but she brought me a wet cloth anyway when she ushered Rorey out of her bath.

“Katie's turn,” Rorey said, looking at me. “She didn't wanna be first.”

Juli was touching the cloth to my eye so gently. Of course, any swelling it was going to do was already done by now. I hoped she didn't know he'd busted me in the stomach too.

“Can I get you some noodles?” Juli asked. “Or did Louise feed you?”

“She offered. I turned her down.”

“Was Franky feeling all right, and George?”

I saw the worry in her eyes, and I knew she would fix everything for us if she could. I took her hand. “George hates being there. But he can stand it tonight. Franky was still hurting quite a bit, so they gave him some medicine and it pretty much put him to sleep. If you want to go, Barrett and Louise will be heading that way tomorrow.”

She looked around at the girls. “I don't know, honey. We'll see.” She swished the cloth across my forehead and then touched it to my eye again before leaning and kissing my cheek.

Robert came in from the sitting room, holding Emma Grace's hand. He looked so tall suddenly. Somber. He didn't say a word.

“Do we have to go to church tomorrow?” Rorey asked.

“No,” Julia answered quickly. “But we're going anyway. It's a privilege.”

“I never been to church,” Katie told us.

“Never?” Sarah asked, quite amazed.

“You'll like it,” Julia assured her.

I hoped that was true. I remembered my first experience at Dearing's little church. Everybody knew everybody, so there'd been gawking eyes at the newcomers, even a bit
of hard feeling from those who thought, thanks to Hazel Sharpe, that we were trying to swindle Emma Graham. But Katie was just a child. She'd have none of that kind of problem. And besides, everybody knew us now. There'd be only my shiny black eye to create a stir.

“Is Kirk an' Willy and them goin' to church?” Rorey persisted.

“I don't know,” I told her. “They may start out early in the wagon the way your father does when he goes. Charlie Hunter'll be by for us.”

“I bet they don't go,” she said with a pout. “'Cause Pa an' Lizbeth ain't there to make 'em.”

“Sam'll get there,” Juli said. “If he can find a way.”

Her words made me remember Thelma Pratt catching young Sam Hammond off guard at the Fourth of July celebration, asking if she would see him at church. It seemed so long ago now.

“Well, we better get the baths done so we can get to bed at a decent hour,” Juli was saying. “Are you ready, Katie?”

“Do I have to?”

“I should think it would feel nice on a hot day like this,” Juli told her. “Don't worry. I'll be real gentle with your hair.”

“Can I do it myself?”

“Well.” Juli was surprised. “The other girls your age like help. But if you can do it, that's just fine.”

Katie said she could do it. She went to her bag and got out her nightdress and ducked behind the sheet quick as a wink. She didn't take very long at it, but she came out with her hair wet. Juli didn't question her, didn't even check behind her ears.

“Your turn, Robert.”

Sarah and Rorey ran in the sitting room with their dolls, and I held Emma Grace while Julia carefully combed the tangles out of Katie's hair.

“You always take care of bathing by yourself?” she asked.

“Yes, ma'am,” Katie answered.

“Well, you're very grown up. And very polite too. I appreciate that.”

“Thank you.”

Katie sat so quietly. And I began to wonder about Trudy Vale. Why would she send her little girl to a man who had beaten her? Why not one of her own relatives instead, particularly her mother?

Maybe she knew. Maybe it was no misunderstanding at all, and she knew that Edward's brother was not really the man she'd known. But that would be taking even more of a chance with her child. Wouldn't it? And it seemed only God could arrange the kind of coincidences she'd been able to take advantage of. Same town. Same name.

Once again I entertained the notion that Trudy Vale could be lying. That maybe she had duped Edward and coached Katie with all the right words to say. Maybe there was no Wortham involved at all. But that didn't explain the details they knew. Or Katie looking like me.

“Katie, was there anything else your mother said about your father?” I asked suddenly.

I could see Julia tense. “Samuel . . .”