Just Destiny (26 page)

Steve nodded. “Okay, maybe not an equal say, but I should at least be consulted when the decisions affect us—me and you.”

Eyes widening, she looked away. It was hard enough working with Ryan and now Steve thought he should be able to tell her what to do with her kids? Or what? She didn’t care if the wedding was all planned, Steve was
not
going to call the shots when it came to Ryan and her kids. And she was standing by her decision.

Ryan would be with them Christmas morning. It was only fair. He’d changed. Their time together at Thanksgiving had shown her that. He earned the right to spend Christmas morning with his kids and Steve was just going to have to accept it.

She raised her chin. “I’m not telling Ryan he can’t spend the night. He’s the father of my children, and he’ll always be a part of my life. And if you can’t accept it, then…” She took a deep breath and twisted the ring from her finger. “I can’t marry you.”

Steve looked at her hard, thinking, then reached for the pantry door handle.

Annie grabbed his arm. “Wait!”

“You made your decision.” He left the pantry, whipped the apron over his head and threw it aside as he moved toward the door.

“Where’re you goin’?” Josh asked.

Steve snagged his coat and yanked the front door open.

Annie jammed the ring back on her finger and hurried after him. “That’s it? You’re going to give up so easily?”

He thrust one arm in his jacket, then the other. Without looking at her, he calmly walked out the front door. Annie followed him into the cold and slammed the door shut behind her. Joshie didn’t need to see or hear this. She couldn’t believe Steve hadn’t given in. She’d thought for sure he’d back down. Tears choked her throat. He was really going to allow Ryan to come between them?

She trailed after him, swallowing around the lump in her throat. They’d lose their deposit on the Yacht club—she already had her dress. He was really going to let her go?

“Do you want to see a therapist? Maybe talking to somebody could help us figure things out. A therapist can teach us how be a family.”

Steve stopped by his car, turned and studied the ground. Finally he raised his head and shook it, sadly. “A therapist can’t help us fall in love. It was stupid to ever think we would.”

“Love? Of course we’re in lo—Oh.” Annie felt sucker punched as what he was really saying sank in. He wasn’t
in love
with her. Well.
That
was…sobering. And a little hurtful. But so what? So Steve didn’t love her? She knew he cared about her. Love was overrated. She and Ryan had been in love and look where it’d gotten them. Divorced.

She shrugged and rubbed her hands together. “That’s okay. I don’t need that ‘in love’ stuff. It’s romantic nonsense—what we have is more…better.”

“I need it,” he blurted out, then looked away as if embarrassed.

“Oh.” Annie crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly freezing. Well, maybe it
was
a deal breaker. She frowned and bit her lip. They had a great sex life; that was usually enough for most guys. Steve needed to be in love? Really? She’d been in love and wasn’t about to go there again, not for anybody.

She traced backward through their whole fight. This had all started because of Ryan. Ryan. The kids. Nope; love wasn’t their problem, this was a power struggle. Steve was just pissed because he wasn’t getting his way. She breathed in deeply and allowed righteous anger to push away the confusion and tears. She was not about to let another man run her life.

Annie looked up as Ryan’s car pulled in the drive. Sophie jumped out of the car. “Hi Steve.” She flew past him and launched herself at Annie. “Mommy.”

Annie caught her daughter and whirled her around. Squeezing her tightly, she relished the weight of her sweet baby in her arms. This little girl, her kids, were the most important thing in her life. “Hi, sweet pea. Did you have fun with Daddy?”

Sophie nodded. “We got you a present and we had hotdogs for lunch.”

“You did? What a lucky girl.” She set Sophie on her feet. “Go inside with Daddy and I’ll be in in a minute and you can tell me all about it.”

“’Kay.” Sophie spun away, grabbed her father’s hand and led him into the house. “Let’s go, Daddy.”

Steve silently watched father and daughter. Annie hardened her heart against the pain on his face. He’d made his choice. Josh and Sophie would be confused by their breakup, but they were young and Ryan would help smooth things over.

“Do you want to tell Josh and Sophie now?” he asked.

“No.” She couldn’t resist one hurtful jab. “Ryan and I will tell them tonight.”

Steve scowled and looked like he wanted to argue.

Don’t even go there, buster. They’re my kids
.

“What’re you going to tell them? I don’t want them to think this is their fault.”

“I don’t know.” She shoved a hand through her hair. She was still taking it in; she had no idea what she’d tell the kids. “Don’t worry, I won’t make you out to be the bad guy. I’ll tell them…” How could she simplify something so complex?

Steve looked at her, waiting. She sighed, winging it. “We’ll say something like…it had nothing to do with them—there were a lot of adult reasons…You still love them…but you just can’t be around anymore.

“Maybe we’ll go to Florida for Christmas—it’ll be a great distraction and help them forget…” “You” seemed unnecessarily cruel. At least she still had her kids; Steve had nobody.

His face had become a handsome blank mask she couldn’t read. “Would it be okay if I took them to the park or sledding, and eased out of their lives?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” It’d be painful seeing Steve—she’d prefer a clean break, but what would be best for Josh and Sophie? She’d see what Ryan thought. “I’ll think about it.”

He nodded and turned to leave.

“Wait!” She looked down at the beautiful, sparkling diamond winking up at her and twisted it off. She held the amazing engagement ring out to him. “Here.”

He shook his head. “Keep it.”

She paused, tempted, then grabbed his hand, pressed the ring into his palm and folded his fingers around it. Keeping his ring would make her look mercenary. “I don’t want it anymore.”

Annie swiped at hot tears and turned to run back to the warm house.

* * *

Steve drove around awhile. Not ready to go home yet, he parked at the Yacht club. Looking toward the barren dock reminded him of Ryan, so he left the property and walked along the lake. Maybe if he burned off some energy and cleared his head, this would all make sense.

He probably should be relieved, but he wasn’t. Anger burned in his gut and sadness weighted down his shoulders. He’d sensed for a while that he and Annie weren’t right, but he’d ignored the signs. He’d wanted marriage to Annie to work, damn it. Even knowing he didn’t love her and she didn’t love him, he’d ignored the fleeting thought that he could be her rebound relationship and had forged forward with his plan.

Annie was right; he’d made sure she wouldn’t turn him down. His lips tightened in self-loathing. He’d carefully calculated his proposal, making it impossible for her to say no. The large diamond in his pocket poked his thigh with each step. From the impressive ring to the band and the public proposal on TV…she’d never had a chance.

Emotional bullying is what it was, you asshole. You’ve got no one to blame but yourself
.

And to make matters worse, he’d dragged Josh and Sophie into it. He’d really fallen for those munchkins. They were good kids; they didn’t deserve this. He should have been more careful. The last thing in the world he’d ever want to do was hurt them. Shit.

They’ll get over you. Don’t flatter yourself; you’re not all that great. Besides, they have Ryan
.

Probably. Kids were resilient. Josh and Sophie were young. And Ryan was stepping up. It wouldn’t be long before he was just a faint memory of a fun guy that passed through their lives. How depressing. He let out another deep breath and closed his eyes one long moment. He’d remember them always.

Steve stopped his march along the shoreline, turned into the wind and faced the lake. He’d set himself up for failure. Failing again left the bitter taste in his mouth. He blew out a deep breath. Bending, he picked up a stone and threw it as far into the choppy gray waters as he could. He threw another and another until his arm ached. He embraced the pain in his shoulder; serve him right if he tore his rotator again. His doctor would be pissed. He could join the crowd.

Fucking shit! First Jenny and now Annie. Gabe and then Ryan. He was so damn tired of coming in second—of being second best. Yet he kept making the same damn mistake. He rolled his head and thrust his hands deep into his pant pockets. Was he a masochist or what? Why’d he keep choosing emotionally unavailable women? Why keep setting himself up for failure?

Would he never learn? God
damn
it.

Enough. Enough pity. Enough women. He was going to forget about relationships and concentrate on something rational, something he could be successful at, something simple…like the law.

Steve spun on his heels, stalked back to his car, and headed into work.

Christmas Eve day found Jenny in the basement surrounded by bags of gifts, wrapping paper and bows. She turned on Christmas music and made hot cocoa, determined to embrace the spirit of Christmas—or consumerism, as it were. As if pretty packages and rich food could distract her from missing Gabe.

Not helpful, Jen. Be grateful for the blessings you have
.

She bit her lower lip and redoubled her efforts in tying the intricate bow on Alex’s present. Alex would appreciate the prettily wrapped gift. Jenny peeled away the label and stuck it on. Snatching up the pen, her hand hovered over the sticker a minute before dropping to the tabletop. After a lengthy mental debate, she scrawled “Jenny,” swiped away an errant tear and set the wrapped gifts aside without adding Gabe’s name.

Next she packaged up Gabe’s stethoscope and tennis racquet for Ted and signed the tag, “Love, Dad.” For Alex, Jenny had framed a favorite picture of Gabe and Alex taken last spring break in Cancun. For her other “Dad” present, Jenny had the perfect gift in mind. She drew Gabe’s watch from her pocket.

Jenny caressed the smooth, gold metal back, remembering how Gabe had worn it every day. Lovely and reliable and Gabe’s. She put it in a soft cloth bag, then into a square box. Alex had teased Gabe constantly about using the old relic, but Jenny knew she treasured it. She smiled and patted the package.
Alex will love you well
.

Jenny nodded in satisfaction, happy to have found a positive way to include Gabe.

Christmas Eve Jenny shared dinner with Judith’s family, Alex and Ted. She found a few minutes to pull Gabe’s kids aside to give them their gifts. Ted nodded gratefully as he fingered the strings on Gabe’s racquet, then immediately draped Gabe’s stethoscope around his neck as soon as he freed it from the box, but it was Alex’s reaction that had been everything Jenny could have hoped for.

When Alex opened her father’s watch, she’d pursed her lips and batted back tears before grabbing Jenny in a fierce hug, whispering, “Thank you.” The kids’ appreciative reactions shamed her, making her feel like she’d been hording Gabe’s things. Well, no more. She invited the kids over to dinner and to go through Gabe’s things to see if they wanted any more mementos of their dad.

A little after nine, Jenny gathered Ritz and scooted over to her parent’s house. For the first time in years, Jenny awoke Christmas morning in her old childhood room.

She was pretty sure Michael had set his alarm for six a.m.—no teenager naturally woke that early—even if Santa still came for him. Michael’s enthusiasm was a tad overplayed, but it was contagious and before long Jenny couldn’t help responding in kind. Surprisingly, she didn’t have to fake it. Jenny had always loved Christmas and making her family happy never failed to lift her spirits.

Though she appreciated the busy, familiar Christmas day routine of presents, church and brunch, followed by afternoon football and early dinner, Jenny was happy to be home. She wrapped herself in old flannel pajamas and Gabe’s terry robe before meandering downstairs out onto the enclosed porch. Strategically placed lighting illuminated the softly falling snow. Six inches of new snow blanketed the ground like fluffy white feathers.

It had never snowed on Christmas day while she and Gabe lived here. Their first snowfall together in this house, Gabe brought home two huge plastic disks. He’d covered her eyes, led her outside and sat her on one, then given her a big push. She’d gone sailing down the hill and nearly into the lake.

She took a deep breath. The pain in her stomach had eased with time and regular meals. Since Judith’s visit, Jenny had gone out of her way to take care of herself. She’d regained much of the weight she’d lost, so she had breasts again. She still had trouble sleeping, but she’d bought a treadmill. She walked every night, sometimes five miles, before following up with a hot lavender bubble bath that usually helped her sleep.

She’d made an appointment with the fertility specialist Judith recommended, for after the holidays. Although that might be a moot point if Jenny couldn’t get an attorney to represent her, or worse yet, if she lost her case. She wandered into the living room and turned on the Christmas tree lights. Alex had brought her a noble fir, insisting that Gabe would have wanted Jenny to celebrate her favorite holiday.

Sitting Indian style in front of the colorful twinkling lights, Jenny allowed emotions she’d held at bay all day to swamp her. Tears blurred the colorful reds, blues, greens, oranges, and whites, till they blended like a kaleidoscope and the crisp pine scent transported her back to the intimate talks she and Gabe had shared, sitting in the dark near the tree, softly discussing life…love…their future.

She pulled her knees up, hugging them close, missing Gabe’s strong arms. Christmas was romantic—a time for sharing and celebrating life with special people. But her special person was gone. Cold loneliness consumed her, carving her out like a hollow shell, empty and alone. Tears dribbled down her cheeks. Ritz whined and lay her head on Jenny’s foot.