Just Breathe (10 page)

He tells me in a scratchy voice, “You should stay away from Jack, he’s bad news.”

I put my glass down a little too hard, water bounces back out covering the counter.

I glare and hiss, “And why is that? Why were you so rude to him tonight?”

He just shakes his head. “He has a police record and he’s not a good person for you, Ever.”

Realization…”Did you send me the news article about him?”

Recognition in his eyes, of course my little brother was looking out.

I soften a little, “Don’t worry, James, he’s a good guy.”

He shakes his head again and walks out saying under his breath, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

I finish my water and walk back to my room. James’ door is closed so I guess the conversation is too. I wonder where this is coming from. James has never been so interested in my love life. I drift off to a dreamless sleep, finally.

***

My five o”clock alarm rings and I trudge to the bathroom. The shower refreshes me and I feel energized for the day. A whole day with just me and Jack, he won’t have anywhere to run. I’ll get all of my questions answered today. My heart speeds up at the thought of him and that kiss last night.

I pack a picnic lunch of cheese, crackers, lunchmeats and fruit in a cooler and grab some towels. I decide on a yellow two piece bikini instead of my drab one piece, training suits. Six rolls around and so does the knock on the door. I greet him and he brushes my hair out of my eye, tingly shock. I smile and do the same. I can tell he got the same shock as me. Oh, I can really get used to this.

We climb into the Porsche and I glance back to the house. My eyes meet James’ looking out his bedroom window, I see him shake his head and he’s gone. I feel a shiver down my back, that’s not good. I wonder but then remind myself, my little brother hasn’t had a real relationship with a girl yet. He doesn’t know or understand. I refuse to let him ruin my day, so I put it out of my mind.

Jack grabs my hand and we enjoy the silence as we drive. I know it’s a long drive and I really have a captive audience but I want to hold off on the questions until he can concentrate on the answers and not driving. After about an hour we stop so he can put the top down on the car. The day is going to be beautiful.

***

The air changes as we get closer to the beach. It feels so invigorating. I see Jack glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. I turn to face him and he has this look on his face, like he’s about to ask a question but he doesn’t say anything. I glance around as the scenery changes. California is beautiful as the land transforms before my eyes. The barren brown sand slowly turns into lush landscapes of green with tall, immense trees. I can see the shape of the mountains in the distance. Finally I can tell we are really close to the beach. I can just smell it. There is a little flutter in my stomach, which I am attributing to the anticipation of another kiss.
Smile.

Jack looks over at me expectantly as the ocean comes into view. I hold my breath when I see it. The horizon is breathtaking. I look at him and I can see the smile in his whole face. His eyes are the bluest I have ever seen them. Now that I’ve seen it, I can’t wait to get my feet in the sand and touch the cool water. The car slowly climbs down the steep road into the lot where we find a parking space. I look at Jack pleadingly and he just nods like he knows what I want. I take off towards the water, like my brain isn’t controlling me. I can’t help it, I need to be in that water. I can’t get my clothes off fast enough. As soon as the water touches my toes, I feel a familiar warmth rise up through my body. I step further in until only my head is exposed. I have never felt anything so exhilarating in my life.

Jack brings our load of supplies down from the car and strips down to his swim trunks. He walks in and comes face to face with me. His smile is as intoxicating as the water I'm in. Then I feel his hands around my waist and he lowers his mouth so that our lips touch gently. At first just a gentle graze then he kisses me harder. Definitely not like last night… this one lasts a long time and I feel electricity everywhere coming up through my toes and down through my lips. I could lose myself right here and now. I can’t imagine anything ever better than this. His lips are so soft and searching as if we just can’t have any space between us. We finally part for air. His eyes are so blue I think I can see through them….no they look just like the water we are standing in, so pure.

He asks, “Are you alright?”

Somehow I know that he knows already that I am more than fine, but I nod with a smile and say, “Let’s swim.”

We swim and play in the waves for a couple of hours. Then we lie out on the towels and dig into our picnic. I packed so many things not knowing what Jack prefers. He eats a little of everything, so I guess he’s pretty easy to please.

I claim, “If I would have known about this big, blue glorious place, I would have come a lot sooner.”

He smiles and tells me, “Now is the perfect time, I’m glad I could share your first visit with you.”

I grin and lean back, savoring the warmth of the sun feeling like now is a good time to tackle the task at hand.

I start, “Jack, I still have a lot of questions.”

He nods and glances out at the water, “I know Ever, and I am going to answer every one of them to the best of my ability.”

He averts his eyes to meet mine, “Just know first, that you aren’t going to like all of my answers, and second I am answering them against my better judgment because I shouldn’t be answering them.”

So cryptic again
.

Okay here goes, “My first question is really about this connection we have, why do we have this and why does it cause all kinds of electricity and warmth when we touch?”

He looks sad at this point, that’s the last thing I wanted on this amazing day. Before he can answer I ask, “Why are you so sad?”

He looks at me and takes a deep breath and grabs my hand, “Ever, the

connection we have, unfortunately, I can’t explain, but I think it is wonderful. The way I feel about you is just... I have never felt like this before, about anyone.”

He shakes his head and says, “Things are really a lot bigger than us.”

He looks away staring out at the water.

I ask confused, “What do you mean things?”

He turns to stare at me and says nothing.

I can feel my temper rising so I tell him, “Look, Jack, if you don’t want to answer my questions fine, but I don’t think it’s fair that I have told you a lot about myself and I know almost nothing about you.”

His eyes meet mine and I can see the torment and green. I start to stand up, this is

really frustrating, and I am losing my patience for his moodiness.

He grabs my hand and pleads, “Wait.”

I feel the warmth that gets me every time and look down, “Am I going to get some answers or should we head back home?”

He decides, “Yes, I’ll tell you as much as I can.”

He pats the towel beside him. I sit back down and cross my arms.
He better not touch me, I’m not falling for it anymore.

He starts again, “Well for you and your brother, eighteen is a big birthday.”

I’ve heard that one before, Gam-aw keeps saying the same thing.

“When you turn eighteen you have a decision to make that can lead your life in two very different directions.”

I look up and ask, “Okay, obviously you know I will be eighteen in less than a month, what does this have to do with you and me?”

I can tell he is getting uneasy because he doesn’t answer right away and he glances out to the ocean as if the answer is out there.

He gets up suddenly and suggests we take a walk down the beach. He lifts me up and gives me a quick kiss.
Don’t know if I will ever be used to that, I like that prospect, smile.

I say slowly, “Okay, so what decision do I have to make when I turn eighteen, besides where to go to college?”

He keeps walking but he grabs my hand, captive audience huh.

“Ever, there is another world …besides here… in the sea.”

I respond, “Yeah, like fish and stuff, but what does that have to do with you telling me about yourself?”

He stumbles over his words, “There are...there are actually people that live there too, they are called mer-people. When you turn eighteen, you will have to decide to stay on land or live in the sea.”

I stop walking and because we are holding hands, so does he. He doesn’t turn around though, I think, to try and let me process. I can’t get a clear thought at this point. Mermaids, that is fiction stuff, no such thing. Jack slowly turns around with a pained expression.

I stammer and pull my hand away, “There is no such thing.”

He slowly starts to smile his perfect little half-smile, “Yes there is, they are very real and they live right over there.” He points out to the ocean.

I sit down right there in the sand; I think I will faint if I don’t. Jack sits down too, and grabs my hand again. We just sit there in silence for what seems like forever. I can tell he keeps looking at me, but I can’t look at him.

I focus on the sand in front of me and ask, “What does that mean for you, are you a …are you from…there?”

He slowly nods answering softly, “Yes.”

Then he looks down at the sand in front of him, as if he is ashamed.

I can’t get a grip, this is ridiculous. Why would Jack bring me to the beach and tell me unbelievable stories about mermaids. Unless he wants me to think he’s crazy and break off whatever this thing between us is. Maybe James knows something I don’t. Maybe he is stalking me like that girl in Los Angeles.

He interrupts my inner conflict and asks, “Would you like to see what we can do?”

I nod uneasily, not having a clue. I thought mermaids had big fishlike tales and gills. I saw a movie once where they ate humans. Oh if that is true… I so hope it isn’t.

He leads me around an island of rocks, onto a deserted area of the beach, more like a secluded cove. He takes me up on shore where there are large rolling rocks and sea grasses right before the forest starts. He tells me to watch a big rock about the size of a beach ball, about five feet in front of us. Suddenly it lifts into the air and soars through the air for about three feet, where it sets down softly. Jack glances at me with scared green eyes. I can’t speak.

When I finally find my voice I ask softly, “How did you do that?”

He half smiles and explains, “When you are a mer-person, you have different ‘wills’ that allow you to do things, such as move things without touching them.”

I just say, “Oh.”

He says, “Do you want to see more?”

I nod so he grabs my hand again and leads me into the water. Oh great here it is the mother of all proof. He’s going to grow a fin and I’m gonna faint. Instead he tells me to go under water with him and I watch him lift shells out of the sand and make them move in a circle around me without touching them. We surface and he smiles more sure of himself now. He looks at me expectantly and grabs my hand, but I pull away and start for the beach.

I think I’m beginning to shut down. I find a spot in the sand and almost collapse. I suddenly don’t have any more energy. He follows me and sits next to me.

He mumbles uneasily, “I know it’s a lot to absorb and there is a lot more, but only when you are ready.”

I thought this day was going to be so perfect and it was, until I started with the third degree. Why do I feel like a big weight has suddenly descended upon my shoulders, pushing me closer to the earth?

Jack keeps glancing at me.

Finally he breaks the silence again and asks, “Do you want to head back home now?”

I nod and we walk silently back to the towels and pack everything up. The ride back home is so quiet.  It feels like a big woolen blanket has ascended over the car. I can barely breathe. Maybe I’m having a panic attack. Jack holds my hand the whole way home, but I suddenly feel so disconnected from everything.