Junk Miles (42 page)

“
Hey baby,” Jake said. “You’re home early.”

“
Jake, I’m at prom. But I need you. Can you come? Please?”

“
Are you okay?” I heard him pick up his keys.

“
I’m okay. I’m at the Lakeside. In Short Hills. Can you meet me behind the gazebo in the garden?”

“
Yeah. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Call right back if you need anything at all.”

Chapter Twenty-two

The sky got darker and quiet. The only sound was the distant din of the music and cheering from the prom and the gentle snores from Saxon’s nose. I adjusted him slightly because my arm was cramping and my shoulder ached. His head jarred loosely against me. Was he okay? I felt my throat tighten. Maybe I should slap him awake or get him some coffee.

I tried to nudge him up, but he didn’t respond to my shakes and shoves. Then I heard the sound of footsteps running across the path.

Jake was there, looking confused. “Bren?”

“
He’s really drunk.” My voice was thick with tears. I felt some of my worry subside at Jake’s entrance. “I didn’t know what to do.”

Jake eased me up by the hand, letting Saxon slump over. He held me close for a minute. “You did the right thing.” He kissed me. “I’m here. I’ll help him.”

“
I don’t think he can sleep alone.” I glanced at him, all loose-limbed and drooling. “I don’t know if he’s alright.”

Jake crouched next to him. He slapped at his face a few times and Saxon’s eyes slitted open. “Piss off, brother,” Saxon croaked.

“
Not a chance, asshole,” Jake said and smiled, then looked at me. “I’m going to take him home, but I want to take you first. Can you get me someone to help move him to the truck?”

“
Let me help,” I pleaded. “I can carry half his weight. And I don’t really want anyone else to know. I think he kind of wanted to get caught.”

Jake snorted. “Sounds like Saxon.”

I heard Kelsie then. “Brenna! There you are! What’s going on?”

“
Saxon got a little too drunk.” I waved my hand towards him. “We’re trying to get him out of here before any of the monitors notice, and he gets in serious trouble.”

Kelsie glanced down with her eyebrows drawn. “Do you guys need help?”

“
Thanks. I think Bren and I have it. I’m going to drop Bren at home if that’s cool,” Jake answered.

“
No problem,” Kelsie said. She made her way to my side and kissed me. “Be good. Call me when you get a chance, okay?” She eyed the two guys with me uncertainly, and I promised to call, letting her know with a look that I’d fill her in on the whole story later.

Jake and I half carried, half dragged Saxon to Jake’s truck and buckled him in, then cracked the window so the cold night air would blow on his face.

I sat in the middle, right next to Jake. He pulled onto the highway and put his arm around me. “This was a nice surprise.” He kissed my hair.

“
Are you being serious?” I asked, not sure if he was.

“
Well, a drunk brother sucks, but it’s nice to see you, especially the way you look tonight. I’m going to come out and say it; I was worried about you and that dress and all those drooling guys checking you out.” He leaned over and kissed my temple.

“
Is he going to be okay, Jake?” I looked over and Saxon’s head flopped forward heavily, like he was a huge, punk ragdoll.

“
No worries, Bren. I’m going to crash at Saxon’s with him tonight. I’ll drop him at his house, then drop you home, then I’ll go back to him,” Jake promised.

“
Should we chance leaving Saxon alone?” I asked nervously.

“
It’s only like ten minutes tops. So, other than Saxon pickling his liver, how was prom?”

“
It was alright.” I shrugged and sighed. “Nate ditched me to try and skank Saxon’s date. Saxon whined to me the whole night. Though, we did dance a little.”

“
Not a top-class prom experience like you had with Jake Kelly, huh?” He squeezed my shoulder gently.

“
No.” I leaned against him. The middle seat only had a lap belt, so I didn’t usually sit so close to him. But it was nice. “I think Saxon is drunk because I kind of told him that you knew about the brother thing.”

Jake sighed, a long, tortured sound. “Jesus, Bren. Can’t you leave anything alone? I told you that he couldn’t handle it,” he muttered, but he didn’t sound very annoyed. Not really. I hoped.

“
Are you pissed at me?” I smoothed my hand over his leg.

“
No. I knew you weren’t going to be able to leave it all alone. It’s fine, Bren. There just isn’t any turning back at this point.” He kissed my hair. “But I know you probably had our best interests at heart. Or whatever. You’re a damn crazy woman.”

“
Thanks,” I griped. We pulled into Saxon’s dark driveway and got out of the truck. Jake and I each took one shoulder and dragged him into the house, through the fancy foyer and pretentious living room, down the long hall to his room. Which was immaculate. I didn’t know if it was his doing or Carmela’s, but it was a vast improvement over the last time I had seen it.

We got the sheets back and hauled Saxon onto the bed. We turned him on his side. I took off his shoes and wrestled him out of his jacket and tie, then put the covers up around him and flopped next to Jake on the couch.

“
Prom won’t be over for a couple of hours.” He ran a finger along my cheek. “Do you want to hang out here til you’re due back?”

It was strange to be with Jake in Saxon’s bedroom, but the night had been so weird in general, this just felt like one more insanity to add to a long list. I nestled into Jake’s arms in the dim quiet of Saxon’s room.

“
I’m happy to stay here.”

Jake’s mouth found mine quickly and definitively. “I love you, Brenna. Whatever happens, know that.” He kissed my neck, flicking the woven butterfly clasps open with sure fingers.

His words made my spine stiffen. “What’s going to happen?” I asked, backing away.

He pressed his lips to the jutting bones around my collar, exposed by the gaping red fabric. “Nothing is,” he said, then moved his mouth lower. “I just said it to say it.”

“
You don’t say anything to say it.” I pulled his head back up. “What did you mean by that?”

“
Nothing, Bren.” But I knew he was trying too hard to move his hands and lips in a way that would make me forget or not pay any more attention.

“
Tell me.” I pulled at his face, forcing him to look up at me.

“
Nothing,” he repeated. “Like I said, it was just something to say.”

“
Jake!” He stopped, but he didn’t lift his eyes to mine. “Tell me.”

“
Next year is senior year for me,” he said finally, his voice low.

“
I know that.” I hadn’t really thought about it much, mostly because it would mean that Jake moved on while I stayed behind, still looking at one more year of school while he was free to do whatever he wanted.

Part of me really hoped he did something incredible, something that would prove to every person who had ever doubted that Jake Kelly would ever amount to anything that he could go beyond everyone’s expectations. But a bigger part of me wanted, selfishly, Jake’s presence and calming love all the time, all through my own senior year. I wanted him to put his life on hold and wait for me to catch up, and I also wanted him to wait for me to tell him what his next step should be.

Because I didn’t trust that he could possibly know what to do next without me there to tell him. Not that I thought he was stupid. I just looked out for him in a way he couldn’t even do for himself. He’d been taught how to survive from circumstances, but that didn’t mean he could truly make good decisions for himself. He needed someone with perspective. And experience. Who cared about him. He needed me. Or at least, I wanted him to.

“
It’s not like I have this incredibly bright future, Bren. I know no one expects much out of me. I see the way your mother looks at me,” Jake said, his voice hushed in the darkness.

“
My mother is a fanatic about me. She looks down on everyone.” I felt panicked, and I wanted to convince him that whatever he was thinking wasn‘t really what he needed to be thinking. I wanted to talk him out of whatever it was he was planning, because I was so scared to let him go.

“
I’m not an idiot, Brenna.” Jake wrapped his hand around mine. “I haven’t had many adults take an interest in me. I appreciate your mom’s honesty. I really do. I don’t have much going for me now, and she’s upfront enough to realize it and call me out.”

“
That’s not true, Jake!” I cried, because I wanted badly for it to be not true. Despite how I really felt.

“
I’m not on your level, Bren.” He smiled, and it was so sad, it made my throat catch. “I’m not ready to travel the world and go to college and make something of myself. I know I can stay right where I am and be fairly successful, in Sussex County, by Sussex County standards. But it’s not really about money or financial success. I know that. If I want to keep you, I have to think about moving on.”

My eyes filled with tears. “No you don’t,” I said, my voice jumbled in panic. “That’s stupid, Jake. This is all based on what? A few looks from my mother? This is insane!”

“
Bren,” Jake said gently. “You know what I’m talking about. It’s like you inviting me to Italy. I want it. I think. But it’s so out of the realm of my reality. At least I thought it was.” He held his hands up then lowered them. Like he wanted to make his point, but he wasn’t positive how to do it. I waited patiently for him to stitch his ideas together.

“
You know, I went to the library and got the tapes and I learned some Italian. Like, I have a grasp on a foreign language. Then I got this image of myself as
that guy
, that guy who gets the tapes from the local library and learns it all, then goes back home to his dad’s shitty lake house every night and does nothing about it. I’m not going to rot here, a guy with a whole lot of potential but no opportunities! I‘ve seen that play out, and it’s just depressing.”

“
Then don’t be. But that doesn’t mean you have to leave! You can stay here and prove everyone wrong!” I put my hands on his cheeks and kissed him softly, then pulled away.

“
I’m not planning anything just yet. But, after next year, I’m gone, Bren. I have to be. For you. If I want to keep you.” He moved a hand over my cheek. “And I love you more than anything in this world, so I’ll do it, even if it rips my heart out.”

“
What if I’m not waiting for you when you come back?” I laid the ultimatum out, desperate. It was my last ditch effort to convince him that he was a total psycho and his plan was pure bullshit. If I could, I would have dumped him just as a scare tactic. But I was way too chickenshit to try that again.

His hands shook a little, and when he looked up, his eyes were wild with pain. “Then you were ready for better than me. I’m trying to prepare myself for that, because I think it’s a possibility. What’s the chance that I’ll get the opportunity to date you past high school?”

I hated that he was asking me that question, and I hated my own gut reaction to the idea of us dating past high school. No matter what I wanted, yearned for, the reality was just a logical fact, and I knew that the chances of staying happy with your high school boyfriend were slim to none. But, despite the logic, I loved him so much, I wanted to defy the odds. With him.

“
Why are you saying this?” I asked, my eyes singed hot and dry and my throat scratchy. “Why are you bringing this up now?”

He let out a long breath, then put his head in his hands. When he looked up at me, his eyes were serious, too serious. He was going to tell me something I didn’t want to hear at all.

“
My father…my real father contacted me a few weeks ago,” Jake said slowly.

It took a full minute for the words to sink in. “When?” I asked. I searched my mental data base, scanning for a day when Jake had seemed particularly hurt or down or up or…anything. But I couldn’t remember a single thing that seemed out of the ordinary.

“
It was the beginning of the month,” Jake said. “I got a letter, and there was a phone number. He wants me to call, to talk to him.”

“
Have you called him?” I tried to shake the shock that grabbed me hard by the throat. He didn’t tell me? Why did he keep it from me? Why would he have gone through something like that on his own?

“
Not yet. His letter…it was a lot to take in.” He couldn’t meet my eyes, and it was easy for me to see why. He was ashamed. “He pretty much told me that he felt bad for never contacting me, that his family has a lot of money, and that he wants to give me a push in the world. Like, he wants to help me make something of myself.”

Make something of himself? Like Jake wasn’t good enough exactly as he was? And where the hell had his father been for the last seventeen years of Jake’s life? Hadn’t Jake considered all of these things?

“
Do you want his help?” I asked, careful to conceal the hurt in my voice.

“
I’ve never had an offer like this.” Jake shrugged a little. “I sort of want to tell him to fuck himself, you know?” I did know. That was the first thing I had expected Jake to tell his father. “But I also feel like I want to take what he’s holding out. How often do you get that kind of opportunity? And it might bring me to your level.”