Juilliard or Else (31 page)

In so many ways, I knew Tucker. And in many other ways, I didn't know him at all. He kept secrets hidden so well. I repositioned the nozzle down so I could rest my head on the cold, tiled wall. Once my head hit the tile, I started to sob uncontrollably. My knees started to shake as I cried. I loved Tucker, but not once had I ever heard him talk about Ethan before.

"Gabs," Jade's voice called to me.

Exhaling a breath, I said, "What?"

She knocked on the glass door. "Are you okay?" Her voice sounded so sincere and worried for me.

"I'm fine, just need a minute."

"Come out to our spot when you're done." Then she was gone. I wiped my face and let out a big breath; I knew that Jade wasn't a patient one—I had to pull it together and talk to her about it. I lathered my soap really well in my hands and started washing my body, then my hair.

I started to think about what Ethan said about sharing girls with Tucker; I cringed at the thought and grabbed my soap again to wash it all away. I hated the thought of Tucker being with other girls. But Jasmine? Really? I knew he had been with them before, but the thought of him and Ethan sharing one turned my stomach and I couldn't control it. The same feeling started to come up and hit the back of my throat. I cupped my mouth and raced out of the shower to the toilet and threw up all my anguish. The cold air in the room caused me to shake uncontrollably as I sobbed into the echoing toilet bowl.

I have to stop throwing up
! I yelled at myself.

The breathing technique wasn't helping me. I breathed out; I cried. I sucked in air and the chills burned my flesh. I quickly wiped my mouth, then I went back into the shower to clean off the suds in my hair that I missed.

Jasmine. No wonder she kept throwing things about Tucker in my face. She already had him. I wrapped myself in a towel, brushed my teeth, and then ran a quick comb through my hair. Spotting my underwear, I scooped them up and tossed them in my hamper. I dressed in my one pair of thick dance sweats and padded to the balcony to meet Jade.

She had a black beanie on with her comforter on her lap. I was walking over to the other lounge chair when she tossed back the big blanket. "Come here, Gabs," she invited and she squeezed over to the side. We were both pretty little, so we fit together nicely in the small chair.

Taking off her beanie and setting it on my wet head of hair, she scolded, "You're gonna freeze with wet hair," then tossed me the pack of cigarettes. While I smoked, Jade gave me my space like always until I was ready to talk. Nothing was going through my mind as the slow three minutes passed by. Tucker did something dangerous when he wasn't with me; I got that much. I'd never heard of Ethan before—not even when I "wasn't" listening to Tucker and Brad talk on the sidelines.

"I had sex with Tucker tonight," I confessed out, while the smoke left my lips.

"Hooker." I snapped my head towards Jade as she giggled under her breath "Just kidding, Gabs. How was it?"

"It was okay; it hurt," I said, flicking the tip and watching the ashes fly away in the cold wind. I wished I could fly away just as easily sometimes.

"Usually does the first time, not so much after that." She nodded. "Is that why you were crying?"

"No," said as I stubbed out the butt and flicked it over the rail. "This guy, Ethan, came after we were done, asking Tucker if he was going to share me with him."

I felt Jade's body shudder. "Oh, that's nasty."

"I know! That's what I was thinking,"

The wind picked up around us and we pulled the blanket up to our chins and snuggled closer together.

"Then what?"

"Ethan asked if he was gonna share me like they shared Jasmine." I said her name with much annoyance.

"WHAT?!" Jade yelled and I jumped. I couldn't start the story right away; instead I sat there and cried for a little bit. When I was done, I started back at the beginning, from when Tucker picked me up to the throwing up in the bathroom, and even told her about our "I love you's". Being the good friend she was, she sat and listened to me spill my guts out. She nodded occasionally and agreed, but she always held in her opinion until I was done. That's why I loved talking to her so much.

"I can't believe it – Jasmine, of all people. But you know what I think?"

I was nervous to hear what she had to tell me. Was she going to say break up with him and never see him again? Because I didn't think I could do that. Taking a deep breath, I asked "What?" and shut my eyes, waiting for her answer.

"You love him and he loves you. That's all that should matter." My eyes snapped open.

"What?" My voice screeching at the end.

"What else do you what me to say? Gross, what a dick, that rat bastard?"

I held my hand up to silence her mouth and she smacked it away. Damn Jade, she always knew just how to push my buttons.

"Truth?" I looked over at Jade who was staring out in front of her.

I nodded and answered, "Yeah."

Right when Jade was going to tell me what she thought, we heard the door slam shut and Rachel's red hair went flying past the windows.

"Oh shit," Jade murmured

I tried to get up off the chair, but Jade held me back. "Let her cool off. Anyways, did you guys at least use a condom?"

Oh no!

We didn't. We didn't use anything. I smacked myself in the face right before Jade smacked me upside the back of my beanie covered head. The moment was right there, the sensations, the feelings, his lips on my body, my legs wrapped around his narrow waist as I drove my hips into his like a cat in heat.

"You didn't use anything?"

I shook my head at her. I felt the tears form at my careless decision, and Jade took me into her side.

"Okay, don't get all drama girl on me, just be careful next time. You don't want a little one running around and…"

My head snapped up. My conscience was screaming at me:
A baby
?
I didn't want a baby!
Then I yelled, "I don't want a baby!"

"Then think before you act, dumbass, and tell him to wrap it up."

I nodded and huddled into the chair some more with Jade. We smoked once more before our fingers felt like they were going to fall off. Jade joked with me, putting me in a much better mood. We were laughing as we walked back into the dark apartment and started down the hallway to Rachel's bedroom, when a dead knock sounded on the front door. I knew who would be on the other side of that door; I turned to Jade who left my side and the door to Rachel's room was closing.

I padded over and stood on my tippy toes to peek out the little hole to find Tucker on the other side. I rested my head on the door, and then I heard him.

"Gabs. Baby girl, please open the door. Just let me explain." My heart broke at the sound of his voice calling out to me.

Oh, I wanted to so bad. He touched Jasmine in an intimate way, but I knew that with just one look in his ocean blue eyes, all sad and looking at me, I would have no chance if I opened that door. I only saw myself flying into his strong muscled arms, just so he could hold me and tell me sweet things in my ear. I felt a thud on the door, wondering if it was his head. Squeezing my eyes shut as tight as they could go, I took a deep breath and straightened my body, ready to turn and leave him.

"Gabs, please. I don't want to lose you. Let me explain."

My heart sank and I opened the door. Tucker stood with his hands on each side of the doorframe with his head down. When he finally looked up, his brown hair looked like he raked through it a million times; his eyes were sad and filled with glistening, unshed tears. He reached out for me and just like I predicted, I flew into his arms. Inhaling the leather jacket scent mixed with the spiciness of him, I was lost.

"Jasmine was Ethan's girl a long ass time ago. It was something I only did once—it was nothing. She meant absolutely nothing to me." I cried into his shoulder as he told me this. Tucker's arms tightened around my waist. "Please, baby girl. I love you; I don't want to lose you. I love you."

And I was once again lost. I no longer cared about everything that went down with Ethan. I shouldn't have judged him for something he did before he even met me. That was his past, which shouldn't be brought up. You could end up only hurting you and the ones that meant the most to you. As we were still connected and walking backward into my apartment, Tucker kicked the front door shut and reached down to cup my butt as he lifted me up so I could wrap my legs around his waist. He carried me down to my room, shutting the door with his foot again, and we landed on my bed. He sat up, resting on his elbows as he stared intently into my eyes.

"I love you, Gabs. What Ethan said…"

I covered his lips with my fingers to stop him. "Shhh…" I whispered, then arched my neck up and pressed my lips to his in a tender kiss. We slowly pulled our clothes off and lay together in the soft sheets of my bed as we touched and caressed each other's bodies for the second time that night. We were slow and took our time with each other. Trailing lines of hot kisses up and down our bodies, he even tickled me a little bit. And this time, when it was time to have each other, we stopped before it got too far and I remembered Jade's advice. I didn't want a baby, and I'm sure Tucker didn't want one, either.

I woke up to the warm sun on my naked back. Fingertips traveled down my spine and back up They made a little circle over my shoulder blade, and then went back down again. My hands were under my pillow and my face was turned away from Tucker. I smiled when I felt his lips gently touch my shoulder.

"I love you," he murmured into my warm, sun-kissed skin.

Shutting my eyes as Tucker left the room, I didn't move as I listened to him in there, going to the bathroom, washing his hands, then coming back in. I still kept my eyes shut when he climbed back in bed with me; his fingers continued what they were doing. Then he stopped; my eyes slowly opened at the bright morning sun, my hair was moved over my shoulder and I felt a soft wet, sharp point on my shoulder blade.

I jumped at the surprise sensation pressing into my skin. "Hold still a minute, baby girl," Tucker whispered and I slowly relaxed and laid back down on my bed.

"What are you doing?" I asked into the pillow, smiling.

"Having fun, hold still."

I smiled, I knew what he was doing, and he was drawing on me. I felt the point press into my skin as little lines moved over my shoulder blade. Tucker stretched my skin and moved it around some more. I felt him blow his hot breath on my skin to dry it, then felt his fingertips go down my spine again, causing me to shudder. I turned my face over to look at him.

His long brown hair hung into his eyes, messy, just the way I prefer it. He stared at my back. "What did you draw?" He smiled instead of answering me. He met my eyes. I got up on my elbows and kissed his lips and he gladly kissed me back.

We spent most of the morning in bed. Holding each other and talking, I really didn't want to get up, or do anything. I had Tucker, and that's all that mattered. My head was resting on his chest when his phone chimed. He grunted and looked at it.

"Jett needs me to come in," he told me, kissing the top of my head while his other hand went through my hair for the millionth time today. Having him here felt so right—his touch, the feel of him pressed up against me, everything. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

I sighed and shut my eyes, "For how long?"

"I have two clients requesting me. Wanna come watch?"

I pushed up on my elbows, looking at his face. "Really?"

"Why not? You're my girlfriend," he said as he kissed my shoulder.

I didn't even think about answering him. I threw up the covers and booked it into my bathroom to take a shower. Of course I wanted to go. He's seen me practice; I wanted to watch him work. I caught a quick glimpse at my back. He drew the same black swirls on my shoulder blade like the pattern on his arm and up his shoulder. I smiled at the thought of having the same thing as him.

We took a cab to Jett Black's Tattoo and Piercing in record time. My hair was still wet from my shower. I refused to let Tucker in the bathroom with me while I got ready and when I was done, I let him shower. I couldn't find a shirt in time, so I just pulled on Tucker's gray hoodie.