Juilliard or Else (30 page)

"Hold on, baby girl."

He walked back over to the middle of the room, pulling me away from him to set me on my feet, then he went to the closet to pull out a bunch of blankets on the floor in front of the space heater, making a little bed out of it.

Tucker came back, staring into my eyes before grabbing my hand to lead me over to the little makeshift bed as we both dropped to our knees. His hand came up to cup my cheek as I felt his warm embrace; I loved having us skin to skin.

Before I could even back down at my next move, I grabbed the hem of my sweater and pulled it off, leaving me in my white cotton bra. His eyes roamed over my chest and down my breast as his took me in. "Gabs, we don't need to do anything you don't want to. I know that maybe you feel pressured, but I wanted to tell you, it's okay to wait." He gulped down hard. "I want you to know that; I have strong feelings for you and I don't want to rush you."

I placed my fingers over his soft lips. "I want this. Let me have this. Give me this one thing. Only you, Tuck."

I hugged him; just the feeling of our hot skin touching gave me chills. Yes, I wanted this. I reached behind me to unclasp my bra, letting the straps fall down my shoulders. Tucker pulled away and stared into my eyes as my bra fell to the floor between us. Not once did he look at my naked breasts. In a way, that didn't bother me. He wasn't checking them out like I'm sure other guys would, but he looked at me. It made me feel special, wanted, adored as if he was looking at
me.
I was the only one who mattered right now in his eyes.

However, Tucker's eyes finally did look down, giving me quivers. He leaned in to tenderly kiss me, his bare hands on my back with his nails gently digging in my skin. My hands went into his hair, slightly pulling. We started to fall back into the soft blankets. I reached between us to pop his zipper on his pants. He immediately started pulling away from me.

"Gabs, no," he tried pleading with me, his eyes caring and easy as he stared at my face. I didn't even want to answer him. I just wanted to touch, to feel. I continued my little journey between our bodies as I felt his hair on the tips of my fingers, and he was very much ready for me, as I was for him. He dropped his head against mine and he groaned out in pleasure as I unhurriedly teased him.

We slowly took our time; Tucker kissed me from my lips to my collarbone, between my breasts, in my belly button, across my hips. My hands tangled into his hair as he unsnapped the button holding my jeans together and slowly unzipped them. The sound of my jeans unzipping sent shivers up my stomach, awakening places that had never come to life, yet. My breathing picked up as I sighed, grinding the back of my head into the soft blankets behind me.

Tucker pulled my jeans down as they passed my hips, then they were gone. He kissed me down my thighs to the tops of my knees. I could feel his long hair on the inner side of my thighs as he moved down some more. The feeling was so exotic and new that my body craved more. I wanted more. I felt my left foot being lifted into the air, and I opened my eyes to see Tucker looking at my bruised foot and toes. I had to admit, I didn't have the prettiest looking feet because of my ballet. Embarrassed, I tried to pull my foot from his grasp, but he wouldn't let go; he just slowly starting rubbing the soles of my foot, then kissed each toe. He did the same with my right. I was in heaven.

We couldn't stop kissing. Our hands explored each other's bodies, caressing each other. Tucker pushed hair back from my face as his lips nibbled against my earlobe, his hot breath making me flush all over. My body was shaking with need from him; I wanted him more and more. The strong pull was back and my heart squeezed so much it hurt. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks; I was falling in love with Tucker. I smiled as I opened my eyes to the glass roof above us; it was perfect with the soft glow of the Christmas lights. It was the only light in the room and past the glowing glass was the moon, shinning bright above us. This night couldn't be more perfect.

I was in love with Tucker.

It seemed like we kissed and caressed each other's bodies forever. Then our underwear finally disappeared. Tucker pushed up on his hands, looking at me while his strong body settled between my legs.

"Abigail." I was a little taken aback with the use of my first name. Tucker never called me Abigail. My heart sped up as I took in a shaky breath. His blue eyes bored into mine with heat and passion as his next words struck my heart in every direction.

He let out a soft sigh, "I love you."

My eyes started to water with happiness, then slipped out the corners. He wiped them away and I laughed. I was so deliriously happy just from hearing those words I'd only heard before from my dad.

I cupped his cheek and pressed my lips to his. When our kiss was over, our foreheads were together with our noses brushing each other's. "I love you, too, Tucker," I said, and I meant every single word of it. He kissed me again, this time showing me just how much he wanted me. My body tingled as I thrusted my hips up to meet his, but he pulled back and broke our kiss.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded and Tucker slowly guided himself into me. The feeling was okay at first, and then it became foreign and unwelcoming. The unexpected burning sensations made me cringe up my face and hold my breath. I shut my eyes as I gasped for breath, but he kept going. The burning and pressure wasn't subsiding at all. I whimpered a little bit.

"Deep breaths, baby girl," Tucker whispered, as he pushed all the way in, until he almost rested inside me. My nails dug into his skin of his shoulders, which made him push harder into me and I cried out in pain.

Tucker brushed more hair away from my face, trying everything he could to soothe me, "Shhh…It's okay. I've got you." I started to shake uncontrollably, my breathing picked up way too much, and my heart was racing. The more I tried to control my breathing, more tears cascaded down the sides of my face and into my hair.

"Hey," Tucker whispered, "Look at me, Gabs."

Now more than ever, I felt so completely stupid for crying while losing my virginity. I thought it was supposed to be this mind blowing experience, and now I was crying like a big baby. I dug my palms into my eyes and applied as much force as I could to help take my mind off the pressure I was feeling between my legs.

"Gabs."

I pulled my hands away to look at Tucker. His shimmering blue eyes were glossed over, and I could feel his heart hammering into mine.

"I don't want to hurt you," he whispered against my wet cheek.

Suddenly, the unwanted feeling was no longer there as Tucker kissed my swollen lips. He started to move and I gasped again against his open mouth,

"I love you."

I focused on his words, driving into my brain that this wonderful guy loved me. He loved me. I wrapped my arms around his neck because I wanted him even closer to me, if that was even possible.

My hands glided down his back, slowly digging my nails into his skin. His hands tangled in my hair as he bit my bottom lip with each of his moves. And from that moment on, we were lost in each other's pace, as we made love for the first time.

I was so happy as Tucker and I laid there with our rapid breaths. My head was resting on his sticky chest, and his right arm was slung over my shoulder, barely touching my skin. Nothing at all could ruin this moment. Tucker kissed the top of my head for about the hundredth time when I finally got up on my elbow to look at him.

"Hey," he said with a smoldering smile, his deep dimple showing. I touched it with the tip of my finger,

"Hey."

"You okay?" I could hear the concern in his voice.

I sighed, "I'm perfectly happy and you didn't hurt me." I smiled while shutting my eyes and he pushed some of my hair behind my ear. I leaned into his hand. When I opened my eyes, I saw some bodies move past the glowing windows of the green house. Scared, I sat up quickly and covered my chest with one of the blankets, "Someone's here!" After I said that, the doorknob rattled—someone wanted in.

"Shit!" Tucker sat up fast, started pulling up his pants and tossed me my clothes.

"Better get dressed, baby girl; they'll come in whether you're dressed or not," Tucker said, zipping up his pants while I was still naked. More sounds from the door mixed with pounding made my heart race as I got dressed. Right when I pulled my shirt over my head, the door flew open and the cold November air came inside. Tucker pulled me up, holding my jacket when four guys came in, and Tucker went completely stiff in front of me as one of the guys held his arms out.

"Tucker, my main man," the guy said. He was one scary individual to me with tanned skin, light buzzed cut hair, deep brown eyes, and he was chewing on the end of a cigarette. "What you doing here, man? You don't look like you're out makin' me some dough."

I heard Tucker growl, "Drop it, Ethan. Not now, man." Then he gave me his hoodie and I slipped it over my head.

"Oh, you got ya a little girlfriend, huh?" I looked over at Ethan with a scowl.

"Oh, feisty thing, aren't you?" Then he took a step towards me. Tucker stepped up to Ethan, shielding me more.

"What's the matter, Tuck? You don't want to share this one?" Ethan asked. I pulled in a lungful of air. I knew that Tucker heard me because his shoulders went higher, blocking me from Ethan's glare.

"Oh, let me guess; he didn't tell you that we share women?"

I wanted to ask Tucker, but I couldn't; I couldn't even move out from around his body. I stared up at the back of his head.

"Shut up, Ethan. That was one time, man."

"Whatever, dude, you know you enjoyed it as much as I did. I wouldn't mind having a piece of what you got tonight, though."

Ugh, I had enough. I didn't want to be around them, especially this…Ethan. His strong, brown eyes burned into my brain as he kept staring at me. I backed away.

"Honey, don't you know that Tucker is too hot to handle for your cold hands? Now, you know who is hot?" Snapping his fingers, "What was her name, Tuck? Wasn't it Jasmine?"

Jasmine?

I had to get out of here, I needed to leave. But my feet were frozen to the floor boards. Out of nowhere, Ethan jumped towards me, trying to grab at me, but Tucker got in his way.

"Fuck off, Ethan." Ethan then grabbed Tucker by his collar and started yell whispering in his face. At the first opportunity, I turned to run out the door to make a run for it, but bumped into a tall, Hispanic guy instead.

"Whoa, look what I just caught, Ethan," he said, gripping the tops of my arms with force. "Is she fair game, Ethan?" I gasped and put all my anger into stomping on his foot; he let go with a grunt. I stepped back at the first chance I had, then he tried to reach for me again. I tried to turn away, but his hand caught my heart necklace, and the chain snapped like a piece of thread. I stopped to look at the guy's hand, which was perfectly still. I reached out to take it from him, but he pulled his hand away and held it up to his chest like it was his.

That. Is. Mine!

My anger boiled through my veins. This scumbag broke my necklace, which was my mother's, and now he thought he was going to keep it from me? Oh, hell no. The pit of my stomach felt as if it was on fire from my rage as I stepped up to him and smacked him across the face.

"That was my dead mother's, you asshole!" I yelled and snatched the necklace from his grip. Somewhere from behind me, I heard Tucker say my name, but I hurried out of the green house and into the cold night air before he could stop me. The tears streaked my face as I cried the entire way home. I didn't know if Tucker chased after me; a part of me wished he did, but my heart was so broken right now as I held my destroyed necklace. I was also hurt from the mention of Jasmine's name. I couldn't believe Tucker touched her like that.

I made it to my quiet apartment in record time. Jade was sitting on the couch, watching some TV show as I ran past her in sobs, trying my best to cover my face.

"Gabs?!" she called out and I ignored her. I slammed my door shut and started stripping off my clothes. I had to get his smell off me, but it enveloped me like an air freshener. I put my necklace on my nightstand next to my mother's picture. I went straight into the bathroom to shower, and when I took my underwear off, I spotted the blood from the loss of my virginity. I didn't regret it; it was going to happen sooner or later anyway. I stepped in the line of scalding hot water when the bathroom door opened. I didn't want to see who it was. I stuck my head under the showerhead and let the pounding water beat my thoughts away.