JOURNEY INTO THE REALM: The Spell Master (Journey into the Realm Series) (42 page)

Elves
did
have funerals. I learned this when we returned to Birchwood and I attended Stellan’s.

The urn containing Stellan’s ashes sat atop a beautifully decorated alter in the center of town. Once the service ended, Aaliyah would take them home with her.

Without Nathan, Zora, Em, and all of my other loved ones around me, I surely would have broken down, unable to put myself back together. But their love surrounded me, held me, and I survived the pain.

But grief wasn’t like a Band-Aid. I couldn’t just rip it off and be done with it. It was more like a scar, something I would carry with me always, even if it grew dull and dim with time. It would still always be there, like a heavy weight on my heart.

Not only was I mourning Stellan’s death, but Janie and Daran’s as well. I even felt like Ellie had died – at least the Ellie I once thought of as my friend. She was definitely dead and gone.

The day was sunny and surprisingly warm for early January as we said goodbye to Stellan. I knew I had Nathan’s mother to thank for that, whose ability made it possible to change the weather. She and Nathan’s father were some of the few in Birchwood who accepted me now because of my secret, as did Blaire, Aaron, and his friend Rayanne. But not everyone was as kind and accepting.

When I returned from the Element Fairy Realm, I was too grief-stricken to hide my fairy side. I didn’t care anymore. The Element fairies already knew, so I thought it was time for the elves to know too.

I hadn’t really expected the negative reactions I received. Nathan had warned me that some wouldn’t understand, but I never thought they would actually hate me. And I definitely never expected such a strong reaction from Aaliyah, the elfen who had always treated me as her daughter.

Instead, she treated me like a pariah, like an Element fairy. She hated me, and blamed me for Stellan’s death as soon as she saw me and heard what had happened. I tried begging her to understand, but after a while I realized I could do nothing to change her mind. I was her enemy now.

Zora and Addison kept trying to convince me that she was only grieving, and that Aaliyah would come around, but I didn’t believe it. It wasn’t just about Stellan; it was about my secret, my being half-Golden fairy. The fact that Ellie, a fire fairy, had killed her only son, made matters even worse. I had brought Ellie into Aaliyah’s home.

As prayers were uttered and tears shed, I glanced at all the scowling faces staring back at me – elves I once called friends. Elves who once made me feel at home and now treated me like an outsider.

Most of the city attended the funeral. Stellan was a soldier; he was a hero to everyone in Birchwood City. My friends Aimee, Tavis, and Reid were there as well, but even they refused to look me in the eye. Although they would never admit it, I could see clearly the fear in their expressions. I knew they didn’t hate me, as many others did, but they too were afraid of my lineage to accept me. And like everyone else, they blamed me for Stellan’s death.

I didn’t think it was fair for them to judge me. They hadn’t been there. They hadn’t experienced battle or known how horrible it was to watch Stellan die. They didn’t know how near impossible it had been for me to finally defeat my fairy tormentor. They didn’t know I had rescued Em from a life in prison.

My fair-weather friends didn’t care about any of that. Neither my actions nor my pain mattered to them anymore, now that they knew I was part fairy.

Fairies didn’t deserve that kind of special treatment, I supposed.

I loved my elfen self, but I also loved my fairy self. I wanted them both, and even though I still didn’t know how I would balance the two in the future, that was for me to decide. Not the elves of Birchwood.

I tried to picture Stellan’s grinning face during the funeral. I remembered the way we used to make each other smile. The way he caught me just before hitting the ground in the school cafeteria when we first met. The way he held my hand and brought me back from the brink of death last June. But the grief and guilt were much stronger now than the good memories. Soon, I could no longer think of good thoughts, only sad ones.

It wasn’t long before I couldn’t take any more of their glares, or the whispers they shared with one another about me. This was a funeral. They were supposed to be mourning Stellan; instead, they were pointing fingers. It was disgusting. I released Nathan’s hand and cupped my hands over my face to keep from sobbing. I couldn’t bear this.

I took one last look at the altar and turned away, running from the funeral, away from Stellan, away from the hate.

***

It was Nathan who found me in the tree a while later.

“I thought you might be here,” he said to me, as he climbed up and sat down on his favorite branch.

“I thought you might come here looking for me,” I replied, not meeting his eyes because I was afraid of crying again. Instead, I watched the sun slowly set, focusing on the blend of colors and the way they made the world around me glow. I was trying my hardest not to show any emotion, because once I did, I wouldn’t be able to stop. “I couldn’t take the staring any longer.”

“Please don’t let them make you think you’re the monster.”

“What if I am?” I asked. “You told me that change wasn’t always bad. But what about now, Nathan? What about what I’ve become?”

Nathan reached over and placed his hand tenderly on my cheek. After kissing me affectionately, he uttered, “You’ve become everything to me.”

I pulled away, tears brimming once more. I loved him, but he couldn’t prevent the torturous images of flames and burning and hate from returning. I didn’t want him to think I was giving up – I wasn’t. I simply couldn’t put myself together just yet. I wanted him to understand that, but didn’t have the strength.

He leaned back against his favorite branch. “You know you don’t have to hide, Ramsey. Not from me. I know how much you are hurting, and I want to help,” he said.

I took a shaky breath. “I love that you do, but you can’t. You can’t bring him back, and you can’t stop those terrible elves from being cruel to me.”

I saw Nathan shake his head sadly out of the corner of my eye. He reached over and took one of my hands in his. “No, I can’t do those things. But I can be here, and I can listen, just like I always have.”

I nodded, but I was only half-listening, trying to drive the bad memories away, and failing. “Please don’t leave me,” I said suddenly.

“What do you mean? Why would I leave you?” he asked, his brow furrowing.

“Zora’s leaving for Tarlore tomorrow…Addison’s going with her. Our friends have deserted us, Aaliyah hates me, and Ellie betrayed me. I hardly even know Em yet. You are all I have left.” I took a deep, shaky breath. “If you leave me, I’m not sure if I will be able to get past this.”

He took me into his arms then, silently reassuring me that he was here to stay, and I breathed a sigh of relief. No matter who else deserted me, I knew Nathan would always stand by me.

“I wish he hadn’t died, Nathan. I wish this was all just a nightmare. Stellan and I may not have seen eye to eye on my secret, but we went through so much together. I loved him, even though it wasn’t the kind of love I have for you.”

“I know you did,” he replied quietly.

“Do you think I could have done something to stop him from dying?” I asked. “Could I have prevented it?”

Nathan shook his head. “No, Ramsey, you couldn’t have.”

“But Zora was right, Nathan. Stellan wasn’t supposed to die….It should have been me. If only I had made him go…forced him not to fight with me.”

“You and I both know he wouldn’t have listened. He was a fighter, Ramsey. Above all, he was a soldier.”

I sniffled and nodded. “I know, but I still feel like it’s all my fault.”

Nathan sighed and held me tighter, and I felt tears stain my cheeks. I didn’t wipe them away because I knew Nathan wouldn’t care if I cried.

He didn’t tell me that it wasn’t my fault. What good would that do? My mind was already set. I admired Nathan for realizing that, for refusing to push me or make things appear better than this terrible reality. “Stellan chose to fight with you, and that shouldn’t make you feel guilty. You should be proud of him. He gave his life to save us, to save you.”

Above all, Nathan knew the right things to say to me. He knew how to reach my heart. He knew my every feeling, and he knew how to keep me whole.

I bit my lip. “Nathan?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever have thoughts…about killing the earth fairy? Does it haunt you?” I closed my eyes. “I ask only because ever since I watched Finn burn…I mean, I know killing him was the only way to stop him, but…I just…I’m tortured by it, even when I’m not sleeping.”

He held me tighter. “It bothers me, knowing I took a life, but I’m not haunted. Sometimes I think about what would have happened to you if I hadn’t killed her,” he admitted softly. “And just the thought of losing you reassures me that what I did was right.”

Emotion stirred within me. Hearing how much he cared, after all this, was enough to take away some of the hurt.

He kissed the top of my head and sighed, his arms tightening around me, keeping me safe. “I won’t
ever
let you slip away from me,” he promised.

I relished his words, replaying them in my head, feeling so grateful for his presence in my life, especially now.

“I love you, Nathan,” I said, looking up at him, feeling my heart swell with too many emotions to count.

He smiled, held me even tighter, then we watched the sun set together from our favorite tree….

***

Life was always changing. Could I accept it? Could I embrace it? Could I learn from it? I wish I didn't have to, but I did. I couldn’t stop change. Finding out my secret and losing Stellan changed everything in my life. I wasn’t the confused elfen who returned home from the Human Realm anymore. I was Ramsey, the half-elfen and half-Golden fairy who was somehow the key to ending a war.

I was stronger and more confident. Unfortunately, I’d had to go through difficult times to gain those attributes. But in spite of the recent tragic events, I chose to believe that one day I would move past that grief and guilt…and recover.

Some changes were bad; others were good. And, after much thought, I decided to dwell on the good changes rather than the bad ones. I had a lot of work left to do and needed to move forward.

When I received a letter from Brielle a few days after Stellan’s funeral, I wasn’t expecting more change. Zora and Addison were back in Tarlore. I was with Nathan, trying my best to keep Stellan off my mind.

We had decided to spend the day flying with the dragons, far away from the hurtful elves of Birchwood. Up in the sky, where my pain couldn’t reach me, I let go of everything miserable in my life. I liked flying with my new wings, but it was nothing compared to the feeling of flying atop a dragon, a feeling I was grateful to have during this difficult time.

We returned at around noon that day so I could make lunch for us – and for Em, who was still adjusting to life outside of prison walls. Not even a minute had passed after Nathan and I entered the house when there was a hard knock at my door. I opened it to see Aditi standing before me, a letter in her open palm.

I wanted to ask about the last note she had delivered, but her expression was so grave that I couldn’t find my voice. Paying no attention to my new wings, her only concern was the letter she was holding. She held it out to me and said, “I advise you to read this now, and then start packing immediately afterward.”

Confused by her words, I took the letter and began to open it. My hands were shaking; I didn’t know what in the Realm could have happened to put Aditi in this frightening state. And what could she mean by packing? Lack of knowledge was making me nervous as I fumbled with the letter.

Nathan moved to stand beside me, and I finally got the letter opened. The words were so shocking that I needed him to hold me steady. I read the letter again and again, but the message barely stuck. It was too shocking, too terrible. I had naively thought I would have more time to recover and collect my strength for what came next in my role as the Chosen Daughter. But how would I recover from this? How would the entire Elf Realm?

It was all there, all written down on paper, in only a few shocking words. It was enough, however, to turn my world upside down yet again.

The letter said:

Dear Ramsey,

I need you to come to the palace. Queen Taryn has been murdered.

Brielle

No, change wasn’t always a good thing.

Author of
The Elf Girl
and
The Spell Master
, Markelle Grabo is currently putting the finishing touches on book three of the
Journey into the Realm
series. Surrounded by a supportive cast of friends and family, she puts her feelings and experiences into everything she writes…with a little bit of magical embellishment of course. And as she continues to write Ramsey’s journey, Markelle is about to embark on one of her own: college.