Jaded (The Butterfly Memoirs) (21 page)

Yasmine opened her mouth to speak, but shut it as tears sprang to her eyes. “I can’t let him in, Ms. Belinda, I just can’t. Zack is too good to me…too good to be true. I’ve never had a man respect me and treat me the way he does.” She stood and paced the living room. “I’ve given myself to men who claimed they loved me, but it was all lies. I only have a small piece of me left. I’m afraid if I give it to him…Zack will…I just can’t.” She threw her hands up in exasperation. “He comes with too much baggage.”

Now we were getting somewhere. “What baggage?”

Her expression was pure anger. “Melissa,” she spat.

I chuckled. “So you’ve met.”

She cringed for a moment as if she’d spoken out of turn. “Unfortunately. I put her in her place, but you have no idea how bad I wanted to rip that stupid wig off her head, throw it in the garbage disposal, and wipe the floor with that stupid sarcastic smirk.”

I howled. “Yes, you’ve definitely met her.”

“Ms. Belinda, what did he see in her? She’s fake in every sense of the word!” She continued to pace as she ranted about their encounter.

The woman was in love. I let her go on until the steam ran out, then patted the sofa beside me. She flopped down, her face reddened from the mixture of anger and tears.

“You, my dear, have the one thing she doesn’t have.”

“What?” she wiped at tears with the back of her hand.

I tapped her chest lightly. “A good heart. You’re selfless and care about others. You’re just the kind of woman my son needs. Sweetheart, if you let him, my son will take care of you in every way he can. He’ll be anything you need him to be and then some. You two were made for each other.”

“That’s what scares me the most.”

“I understand. I’m not trying to tell you what to do. But honestly, give love another try. You might be surprised by what happens.”

Yasmine stared at her fingers. “I don’t know if I can.”

There was nothing else to say. I’d done enough getting her to acknowledge her true feelings aloud. Pushing any further could cause her to run away from what Zachariah had to offer.

I patted her knee. “It’s time for this old lady to go to bed.” I rose slowly from the sofa and tried my best to ignore the sudden sharp pain deep in my bones. It was getting worse.

“Good night,” Yasmine said from behind me.

“Good night.”

In my bathroom, I ran water in my cup, took my allotment of pills for the night, and worked my way into bed. As soon as I got comfortable, nausea hit me and forced me to reach for the trashcan kept beside my bed in case of emergencies such as these.

Throwing up without making a lot of noise was not an easy feat. The last thing I wanted Yasmine to do was worry about me. If she did, she’d tell Zachariah and then the cycle would repeat itself.

As soon as the wave passed, I worked my way to the bathroom to dispose of the evidence. In bed once again, I tugged the covers to my chest and wished for sleep.

And for happiness for the ones I loved.

Chapter 25

It was too late to change my mind; I’d rang the doorbell.

A part of me wished I’d feigned illness and stayed away from Zack tonight. Putting distance between us once again would lead to more distance…eventually things would come to an end.

I promised him I would come by. I always kept my promises.

The door opened. “I’m glad you came.”

For the first time, his eyes didn’t reveal his thoughts. He didn’t embrace or kiss me as I entered his home. My heart raced as I waited for him to close the door and followed him into the living room.

My gaze went to the kitchen. There wasn’t evidence of food preparations on the kitchen counter as I walked by.

“Would you like something to drink?”

My attention went to him as we neared the sofa. My mouth was dry, but not from the lack of a beverage. “No, thank you.”

Zack nodded, indicating he wanted me to take a seat. I did and he settled beside me. “First, I want to apologize for what happened last week.”

“You don’t have to...” The expression on his face made me pause.

“Yasmine, let me say this, okay?”

I nodded and shut my mouth.

“I do owe you an explanation. Since we’ve been together, my outlook on my past has changed. Yes, Melissa and I have a history. She was my first kiss, the one I lost my virginity to. We dated off and on as we got older, and when I decided marriage was what I wanted, she is who I chose.” He paused and looked at the floor. “When she decided she didn’t want to be with me because she didn’t have my undivided attention, she left. You have no idea what that did to me.”

He was wrong. I knew exactly how that would affect him. It reminded me of the way I felt when my first love, Carlos, cheated on me in college. I thought he would love me forever, too.

Zack’s gaze met mine. “Then I met you. I remember the day I came to the hotel to fix your computer.” He paused, reached out to touch my hair. “It was longer then, down to your shoulder. You had on this skin tight burgundy skirt and a pair of black pumps that made those legs of yours…well; let’s just say I dreamed about you that night.”

My eyebrows creased. “You remember my hair and my clothes?” Absently, my hand went to my shorn locks.

A small smile spread on his face. “I remember everything about that day. The fact you called me a geek the minute you saw me in your doorway. And the fact you told some man on the phone you loved him.”

I forced myself to ignore the memory of that conversation. “I remember, too. I thought you had the sexiest eyes, but you didn’t pay me any attention when I flirted with you.”

“I know. I was attracted to you, too, but you appeared to be in a relationship. Besides, I figured you were the kind of woman who demanded more than I would be willing to give.”

“Melissa had left by then?”

He nodded, then reached for my hand. “Then, two months later, you walk into my life again. I recognized you the moment you burst through the door, even though your hair was shorter,” he chuckled. “How could I forget eyes as beautiful as silver and a smart mouth that is sexy as hell?”

I fought the urge to laugh and lost. Zack ran a thumb over my hand. The contact sent chills through me, reminding me what this was. I sobered.

“I guess my proposal was exactly what you wanted, huh?”

His eyebrows creased in thought. “Yes…and no.”

“I don’t understand.” I drew my hand away; he made no move to hold it again.

Instead he stood in front of the large window overlooking the city and slipped his hands into the pockets of his slacks. The lights in the room were low, the light coming from outside illuminated Zack; his silhouetted form visible, his eyes hidden.

Yet, his words were clear.

“The night I kissed you, I knew I wanted more, Yasmine. Sex, yes, but more. I wanted the chance to see where building a relationship with you would go.” His hand went to his chest. “I felt it right here, the moment our lips touched. I’d been thinking about us the moment you walked down the aisle. I didn’t give a damn about what I said before, about not looking for someone. What I realized that night is that I wanted you in a way that had nothing to do with sex.” He crossed to where I sat.

“You wanted me before I asked you to sleep with me?” I was dumbstruck.

“Yes. I would have told you then, but you made your feelings clear. I wanted to have you in some way, so yeah, I kept it to myself. I figured if you wanted my body, I had no problem giving it to you.”

And all this time I thought he only wanted mine.

“What are you saying, Zack?”

He reached for my hand and guided me off of the sofa. “Let me show you.”

He led me to the loft, past the bed, and to the bathroom. He flipped on the light switch. Bouquets of lilac calla lilies were on the counter. I gasped; they were my favorite. A black silk robe and a gift basket filled with bath oil, body wash, and perfume were next to it. A wine glass and an unopened bottle of white wine rested in a bowl of ice.

I stared at Zack in amazement. “What is this?”

“This is me showing you how I feel. All the words in the English language could be spoken, but actions speak louder than words.” He reached for the wine, popped the cork, and poured me a glass. He ran water in the tub, adding the bath salts and oils. “Take your time; think about what I’ve said. When you’re ready, put on the robe and meet me in the bedroom.”

Saying no more, he lit a fragrant candle, shut off the light, and walked out, closing the door behind him.

I stood frozen, staring at the wooden panel. Ms. Belinda’s words came to mind.

‘Give love another try.’

I studied the work Zach had put into this evening. No man had ever done anything like this for me before.

Maybe the words were coming from his heart.

***

I felt like a new woman. My skin was as soft as velvet, the perfume Zack bought held a hint of jasmine, like the bubble bath, which left me feeling seductive and desirable in a way I’d never felt before. The lapel of the black robe gaped open - leaving a view he would appreciate - and stopped just below my hips, my long legs bare. Wearing the silk material felt as if I were being held in his arms.

I took a moment to stare at myself in the mirror. A hint of the make-up I’d worn still clung to my lashes. I took a moment to run water in the sink and took my washcloth to wipe away everything. What was left was the natural me. With no make-up, my skin appeared to glow from deep within.

Zack wanted me fresh and clean for whatever he had in store next. Then that’s what he’d get; the natural, real me. I took a moment to run fingers through my short mane. Satisfied, I opened the door and stopped dead in my tracks.

The bedroom had taken on a whole new life. Gone were the regular bed sheets, replaced with black satin. The overhead lights were off and instead, candles of various shapes and sizes lined the nightstand, dresser, and floor, illuminating the room in a warm, sensual glow that stole my breath, and a fragrance that soothed my soul. The melodic sounds of his favorite jazz band played; the perfect backdrop to the aura he’d created.

Zack leaned against the bed’s headboard, his eyes closed. The minute he heard the bathroom door open, he rose from the bed, clothed in a pair of black silk sleeping pants that matched my robe.

He took his time walking over to me, his hazel eyes perusing my body, making my skin tingle.

“How do you feel?”

I brushed a hand over my hair again. “Would it be cliché to say like a million bucks?”

“No, not at all.” He extended a hand. “Come here, beautiful.”

I complied, loving the way my hand felt in his. Appreciated, cherished…

He drew me into his arms and kissed me for the first time since I’d walked into the door. Softly, taking his time as if he wanted everything about what happened next to be perfect. I gave into him, absorbing everything he wanted to give.

His kiss traveled from my mouth to my ear. “Tonight, there are no more games,” he whispered. “Don’t hide what you feel…I am going to show you what you mean to me.”

I nodded as my stomach quivered in anticipation and nervousness.

Zack untied the robe, and slid it gently from my shoulders. His lips replaced the fabric as he sampled my skin; his hands caressed my shoulders before sliding to my waist, pulling me against him. “You smell incredible.”

I closed my eyes and tilted my head to the side, allowing him full access to my throat. “You’ve got good taste. I love it.”

I felt his lips curve against my skin. He pulled away and guided me to the bed. “Lie on your stomach.”

Once in position, I rested my head in the cradle of my arms, glancing over my shoulder to watch him as he opened the nightstand drawer. He picked up a bottle of what appeared to be oil. He poured the liquid in his hand and rubbed his palms together. He started at my shoulders, massaging and releasing the unknown tension that remained after my luxurious bath.

I moaned in appreciation. His hands were masterful on my skin, kneading and testing, teasing and taunting me. I got lost in the music; the sound of piano and saxophone, and remembered the night we danced in the garden. The night we shared our first kiss. A kiss that never should have happened, yet led us here…to now.

“I’ve spent the entire day trying to devise a way to make you understand how much you mean to me,” his hands left my shoulders and traveled to my lower back. “It should have been easy, but you, Yasmine, are a complicated woman. I respect and appreciate that. I appreciate the selfless way you stepped in to help me with my mother. Your laugh, your smile, your quick wit, and intelligence drew me to you. The past week of not seeing you, hearing your voice, feeling my heart race whenever our eyes meet…it didn’t take long to realize my feelings are real. This is not lust or the result of a chemical need. It’s mental; it’s physical, and so much more. I need you, Yasmine, in every sense of the word.”

Until then, my eyes had been closed. I leaned up on my elbows and looked around to see him. Those hazel eyes were intent on me, darkened ever so slightly by the passion in his voice, in his words. My heart raced in hope while my body ignited with need.

“Roll over…,” his voice had deepened.

The moment I turned over, he worshiped me with his hands. My eyes lowered in appreciation for the soft strokes of strong, sure hands that traveled over my breasts, teasing the peaks, to my knees, and everywhere in between.

The fragrant smell of the oil he used mesmerized me as much as his words. My body was on fire. In our short time of sleeping together, Zack had learned every one of my hot spots and how to make me beg for the release he could give. Yet none of those things made me feel as good as I did now. The need to have him become a part of me took hold in a way I’d never experienced before.

“Yasmine…,” his voice was husky, drawing my heavily lidded eyes to meet his.

“Yes?” I gripped the sheets in an effort to keep from reaching out and dragging him on top of me.

“I
see
you, the real you. I’m in love with
you
.” His eyes said it as much as his mouth did.