Jaded (The Butterfly Memoirs) (24 page)

“Not great, but I’ll be okay,” she replied, though her eyes were on me, a silent plea for me to keep my promise visible.

I peered over at Zack; he stood with an intense expression of concern and frustration on his face as the nurse checked Ms. Belinda’s vitals again. A wave of sadness hit me. How would I manage to keep such a secret from my soon-to-be-husband? He needed to know. He needed to make peace with his mom and be able to say good-bye. If losing his father had been such an ordeal, I could only imagine what his mother’s death would do to him.

But she was right.

What Zack and I were building was strong, but could still be broken. I loved him deeply and could not lose him. Even though I was nothing like his ex, the news of Ms. Belinda’s health would mirror what he’d been though before, only worse.

Would Zack keep me by his side or push me away? If he’d done it once, what would stop him from doing it again?

My heart was heavy with a decision too grandiose to bear. I waited until Zack’s attention went to the nurse as she exited and meet Ms. Belinda’s gaze.

I nodded once.

She mouthed thank you, reached for my hand and squeezed.

More tears fell from both of us.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Zack stood beside me, his expression puzzled as he tried to read our mood.

“Oh nothing,” his mom said, waving it off. “It’s just us girls being happy about the wedding.”

I wished with every part of me that was true.

Chapter 30

“And what name will this reservation be in?”

“Mr. and Mrs. Zachariah Givens.”

After my mother’s visit to the hospital, Yasmine decided she didn’t want to wait six months to be married. Instead, she wanted to wed in six weeks. Fine by me. It changed the timetable for some of the things I wanted to do before the wedding, such as find a larger apartment, but she insisted on staying at the condo.

Now our honeymoon was set. Las Vegas: the place where dreams come true.

I sprung for the fanciest hotel I could afford and booked the honeymoon suite. I always wanted to go to Vegas, but honestly, I didn’t plan to spend much time outside of the room, at least not during this trip.

I checked my calendar. Four weeks until we would be Mr. and Mrs.

An alarm went off on my phone; it was time to check in on my mother.

It had been two weeks since we’d discovered her on the bathroom floor. She’d suffered a fractured hip as a result of her fall. Her doctor informed me that due to her suppressed immune system from chemo and age; it would take longer for her to heal. Inserting a pin would hold the joint together and keep it from getting worse during the process. He also informed me not to worry about her new medications. Questioning my mother didn’t lead to any more information other than her reassurance she was doing well.

After two days she was discharged. Both of us stayed at the house to care for her. I wanted to take time off of work to stay with her during the day, but both Yasmine and my mother insisted I not take time off of work. Yasmine’s new job at a boutique was minutes away from my mother’s house. It was decided that she would come home during lunch breaks to check on her. Which, as my mom stated, made more sense because with the new medications, she’d be sleeping the day away.

“Hi, Zachariah, I’m taking my pills right now,” Mom said as soon as she answered.

I chuckled. “Just checking. How are you feeling?”

There was a gagging sound before she replied. “The same. It doesn’t hurt quite as much. I tried to stand this morning. Before you start fussing, Yasmine was here to help. I stood for a few a seconds. As much as I hate it, I need to get a cane.”

“I’ll find you one.”

“Thank you. Make sure it’s nothing outlandish on the handle like butterflies or roses,” she added. “I don’t plan on using it for long.”

“I’ll make sure it’s pimped out,” I teased.

“Zachariah…”

“Okay, okay. Plain and boring; got it.” I paused. “We can reschedule the wedding. It was supposed to be in November, but Yasmine decided she didn’t want to wait.” The line went silent. “Hello? Are you still there?”

“I’m here…she changed the date?”

“Yeah. I guess she can’t wait to be my wife.” I grinned, although she couldn’t see it.

“That’s what it sounds like. No, don’t change it for me. I’ll be walking by then. Now I have something to work for.”

“There’s nothing like having the right motivation. Speaking of which, I have to go, my break is over. I made reservations for our honeymoon, now I need to put in some hours so I can afford it. I’ll be working late; you guys can eat without me.”

“Okay, take care of yourself. I’ll see you later.”

I glanced at my notes. My savings account wasn’t too bad. I’d been saving money for years. The first time I touched it was for wedding expenses, all of the things Melissa claimed we needed to make everything perfect. When she cancelled, I managed to recoup most of it.

I gave Yasmine access to the account for whatever we needed. She’d given me a hug, thanked me, and hadn’t asked about it since. She wanted to keep things simple, which surprised the hell out of me. Yasmine had a flamboyant style since the day we met. Her original description of what she wanted was nothing like what she was working on now.

Either way, I didn’t care. I’d be there on time to exchange our vows no matter how she wanted it to be.

I scrolled through the website of the hotel I’d chosen for our honeymoon once more for good measure. Our flight was set, along with a week filled with his and her massages, breakfast, lunch, and dinners in bed, and if we pulled away from each other long enough, high quality Las Vegas entertainment would be ours for the taking. Yasmine was going to love it.

Despite knowing how much money was saved, there was nothing wrong with having more, in case we decided to splurge on some unknown activity. My Regional Manager congratulated me and gave me the opportunity to work extra hours. Yasmine didn’t like the fact I stayed away from the house for longer periods of time. I explained to her it would all be over once we got married, then she could have me all to herself until she got tired of me.

No matter how I explained it, she wasn’t pleased. Regardless, it was too late; I was committed to working those hours.

But I wasn’t worried. In time she’d see the benefit of our time apart.

Chapter 31

“Yasmine, what about this one?”

I studied the dress Ebony held out. She knew my style well. The silken gown was an off-one-shoulder number that wrapped seductively around your figure and was reminiscent of the Hollywood style of Greta Garbo. I could visualize the wedding theme needed to pull it off. If there was enough time, it would have been perfect.

“No, it’s too much.”

She sighed and slid it back onto the rack.

As a child, I’d always imagined shopping for the perfect gown would be a day of fun-filled champagne lunches with my friends, a doting mother and future-mother-in-law, and plenty of time to work with; months to research, shop, and compare prices.

Until Ms. Belinda dropped a ticking bomb in my lap.

Now time was everything. Four weeks would be over before I knew it.

But not as fast as it would be for her.

Changing the date of our wedding was my gift to her and Zack. She would have the chance to see her son get married; he would remember her being there for support.

They both needed that.

It didn’t matter to me when we got married. Six weeks, six months, or six years. My focus was making the day perfect for them. My happiness would come from remembering the looks on their faces once our marriage was official.

Besides, when it ended, I would have a man who loved me by my side for the rest of my life.

Who gave a damn about my dress?

“What about this one?” Kaitlyn asked.

I inspected the gown. It was indeed beautiful. The satin fabric wrapped around the neck with bead trim, and the front of it had a jaw-dropping neckline which left cleavage easy to see. The back of the gown opened to expose naked skin, and the rest fitted down to the knees where the bottom flared out into a short train. Although it was breathtaking, it wasn’t what I wanted.

“I love it, Kaity, but…it’s not what I’m looking for.”

A sigh of exasperation came from Ebony. “What are you looking for? We’ve been here for hours. This is the fourth store, and I am starving. Not to mention mama over there’s unborn child is making her belly talk, too.”

“Hey.” Kaitlyn’s round face beamed as she rubbed her ever-expanding belly. “I have an excuse, what’s yours?”

Ebony rolled her eyes. “I vote we stop here, go grab something to eat, and try again next week. After all, it’s the first of June. You’ve got five more months to go.”

“No, I don’t,” I muttered, continuing to search the rack. When I looked up, both of my friends were staring at me.

“Uh, yeah, November is five months away,” Kaitlyn said.

“Things have changed. The wedding’s in four weeks.”

Both of them gawked.

“When were you going to share this little detail?” Ebony asked, her hands on her hips as she glared.

“What’s the rush?” Kaitlyn chimed in. “Are you pregnant?”

I sighed. Telling them about the emotional weight I bore would make it easier for me. But Ms. Belinda’s secret was not mine to share. I had no doubt they’d understand the request if I told them, but regardless, Ebony would tell Brian who in turn would let it slip and tell Zack. The two of them had discovered they had a few things in common, namely sports, and had developed camaraderie.

Besides, how could I tell them and not Zack? The extra guilt would kill me.

“Guys, I’m sorry. Things have been so crazy it slipped my mind. We’ve decided not to wait. And no, I’m not pregnant,” I addressed Kaitlyn and forced a smile while looking at the small bump in her belly. “Simple is what I’m going for. We’re getting married at the hotel, the one I managed, and it’s going to be in the rose garden. We’re not doing anything fancy so my dress doesn’t need to be extravagant. Simple, sexy, and…,” My attention went to a mannequin in the rear of the store. “Perfect.”

I left my friends standing with surprised expressions on their faces and walked over to examine it.

The dress was strapless. Heart shaped cups graced the fitted bodice with tiny embroidered flowers with crystal stones in the petals. I walked around to view the back; it had a low cut that dropped below the shoulder blades and tied like a corset. The gown was fitted below the hips, and flared once it reached the knees in soft-layered ruffles. ‘The Mermaid’ was the description pinned to the price tag.

I walked around the dress again. Simple. Elegant. Sexy. The price; affordable. It was exactly what I wanted.

“Ma’am, would you like to try that one?” A sales lady joined me at the display.

“Yes, I’d like to see this in a size seven.”

***

Zack’s car wasn’t in the driveway when I arrived at Ms. Belinda…Mom’s, house and parked. I pulled out my iPhone and checked for a missed text. Nothing. I sighed and dialed his number. After a few rings, he answered.

“Zack, where are you?”

“Hey, baby. I’m still at work.”

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, willing myself to stay calm. “When do you get off?”

“Miss me?” He chuckled. “It’s going to be late. I’ve talked to my mom already so she knows. I’ll be there soon.”

I internalized my frustration. We’d talked about this. There was no need for him to change his ordinary routine of checking in on her every evening, regardless of the fact he now spent a few nights a week here with me. I had everything with the wedding under control. There was no need for him to make more money. Didn’t he know how precious time was?

Not for me, but for his mom. For him.

Of course he didn’t because he didn’t know the truth of what was going on.

I swallowed my sigh. “Baby, I wish you’d come home sooner.”

Zack’s chuckle softened as I heard a door shut. “You’ve been thinking about me?”

‘Yes, but not for the reason you think,
’ I wanted to scream. “You could say that.”

“Hmm…how about we meet at the condo when I get off? I can make it up to you.”

As enticing as the idea sounded, I had no desire for sex. “No, I promised your mom I’d stay close tonight.”

“Okay, maybe we can play around a little. Either way, I can’t wait to have you in my arms tonight.”

Warmth and sadness filled me. Zack didn’t know what he was missing. I couldn’t care less if we didn’t have sex again until our honeymoon. Every part of me wanted to tell him, ‘you need to be with your mother. You don’t have forever.’ But even suggesting that would be breaking my promise. Ms. Belinda counted on me to do my part to make things easier for the both of them.

When Ms. Belinda came home after having surgery, neither of us left her side. But the moment I talked Zack into moving the wedding up, he began working overtime.

Our wedding was going to be small. We avoided the largest expense by using my family’s hotel instead of renting a venue. My parents were paying for the decorations, chair and table rentals, and the catering. They loved Zack, and I suspected their enthusiasm came from guilt for lost time during our disagreement. At this point, I didn’t care. The petty argument was insignificant and we’d moved past it. What mattered most was Ms. Belinda and Zack having a day to cherish before she became too weak to attend.

“Zack, we don’t need the money.”

His sigh was audible through the phone. “Yasmine, your family is handling the wedding; our honeymoon is my responsibility. I want it to be perfect. After all, we’ll only have one,” he chuckled. “Well, one first honeymoon that is. I promise to make it a week you won’t forget. I’ve already made the reservations and booked our flight.”

My eyes bulged. A week? A flight? Oh my God, that was too long and where in the world were we going? Ms. Belinda had ten weeks left. By the time we got married, took a week for a honeymoon, there would be five weeks left.