Irreversible Damage (Irreparable) (15 page)

Her eyes roll as she rips her arm from my grasp. “It only takes once. Condoms aren’t a hundred percent.”

“You’re lying. There’s no way that kid’s mine.”

She actually has the audacity to look offended. “I’ll get a paternity test if you want. He’s yours.”

“You’re damn right, we’ll get a paternity test, and if he’s mine, I’ll take care of him, but you’ll stay the hell out of my life.”

“Look, Brady, I know I should have told you sooner, but I was scared.”

I narrow my eyes, tamping down my burning anger. “What do you want?”

“I just want you to know your son.” Her voice quavers. She’s trying too hard.

“Bullshit! What do you really want?”

“Nothing, Brady, I swear.”

She pulls on my arm. I tear it from her grasp, glaring at her. How dare she show up after all this time and drop this shit on me?

“When I read your story in the paper and started thinking about how you must’ve felt not knowing your father, it made me reconsider my choice to keep him from you.”

How convenient for her that the press got a hold of my story. “Yet that was over a year ago.”

Her gaze drops. “It took some time for me to find the courage to tell you.”

“I’m not buying it.”

She makes her way up to the door. “Fine, I’ll leave. I just need to get Andrew.”

Tori opens the front door. Her face isn’t lit up like it was earlier tonight. My heart sinks. Just when we were making progress, Annabelle shows up and ruins it with her lies.

“Please don’t leave,” she tells Annabelle with a kind smile. “Andrew is in the kitchen having a snack. I’ll take you to him, and then I’d like to speak to Brady alone, please.”

Annabelle gives Tori a weak nod and follows her to the kitchen. A few minutes later, Tori returns. She motions for us to sit on the steps. I reluctantly agree.

She pulls my hand onto her lap. I have no idea what to say to her. She speaks first. “Brady, I know you don’t want to believe her, but Andrew is yours.”

My aggravation comes out in a growl. “No, he’s not,” I insist, turning to look in her pale blue eyes, which are now clouded with tears. “I had sex with her once, and we used protection. She’s up to something.”

Tori smiles as a stray tear slides down her cheek.

“Please don’t cry.” I wipe the tear away, angry at myself for putting it there.

“It makes me sad to think that after everything you went through, you could deny him.”

I growl again. How could she think that? “It’s not the same thing.”

“Isn’t it?” Her frown deepens.  “You once thought your real father didn’t want you. Don’t you remember how that feels?”

I do remember, and it sucks. Even if I don’t trust Andrew’s mother as far as I can throw her, it’s not his fault. She told him I was his father right in front of him. He must be confused, and hurt. “What am I supposed to do?”

“You should do what feels right.” She pats my knee and stands. “I’m going upstairs.”

She leaves me on the steps. When I hear the door shut, I scream, considering the fact that Tori is probably right. Annabelle had a tough upbringing and was horribly insecure, but she didn’t sleep around, although most of my friends had tried to get with her. She wasn’t a virgin, by any means, but she wasn’t a slut. She usually dated a guy a few times before she slept with him. I remember being surprised when she gave it up to me. I also remember feeling like shit the next day. She wanted more, but for me it had been a quick, drunken roll-around and nothing more.

As much as it kills me, I have to face this. I get up and go into the kitchen, where Andrew and Annabelle are seated at our table. Andrew beams up at me, his green eyes the same ones I see when I look in the mirror. He’s definitely my son. My earlier anger surfaces, only this time it’s not because I think Annabelle isn’t being truthful. She kept me from my son for more than four years. I glare at her across the table, ready to unleash a string of expletives. With Andrew present it would be wrong. I refuse to let him be witness to the two of us fighting. God only knows what this kid has seen.

I nod my head at her to come into the living room. She stands and places her hands on Andrew’s shoulders. He’s pushing grape after grape into his mouth. “Andrew, honey, Mommy is going to go into the other room to speak to Daddy. Can you be a good boy for a few minutes?”

He nods and shoves another grape in his mouth. I get a little more pissed listening to her calling me “Daddy” like he’s been around me his entire life.

She follows me into the living room. I whirl around to face her. “How the fuck could you keep him from me?”

She recoils a little at my harsh words. “I told you, I was scared.”

“I don’t give a shit if you were scared. I had a right to know.”

“Fuck you,” she spits, backing away from me.

I march toward her, feeling my pulse pounding in my throat. “You should have told me. I would have been there.”

“Right?” She spins to face me with anger flashing across her face. “You fucked me and then tossed me aside, and you expect me to believe things would have been any different if I had told you?”

I’m not going to let her twist this around. She should have told me. “That wasn’t your decision to make.”

“It was my decision. You weren’t ready to be a father.” There’s venom in her voice. “The night after you were with me, you fucked my best friend.”

“Who?”

“Leila!” she shouts, throwing her hands in the air.

I still have no clue who she’s talking about. “I don’t remember.”

“That’s my point. I was scared to be a mom, but I was a lot more afraid for Andrew to have you as a father.”

It’s a low blow, but it’s delivered perfectly. She’s right. I would have been a lousy father. “I’m sorry I treated you poorly, and I’m sorry that you felt it was better for Andrew to keep him from me. I’d like a chance.”

She offers me an understanding smile. “That’s why I’m here.”

“With Andrew.” I clarify. “I’d like a chance with Andrew. I’m married, and I love my wife.”

She looks down. “Okay…no…of course…I understand.”

“When can I see him again?”

She looks back up with a smile. “I’m staying with a friend in PB. I can bring Andrew over in the morning and pick him up tomorrow night.”

“I’d like that, if you’re sure.”

She nods. “I’m sure, Brady. I told you, I want him to know you.”

We go back into the kitchen, where Andrew is still sitting at the table. Annabelle collects him, and I walk them out. It’s awkward. He doesn’t look at me or speak to me. I don’t know if I should say anything to him, if I should hug him. She tucks him into his booster seat and closes the door. “Relax, Brady. Give it time.”

Chapter 18

Tori

Brady comes up the stairs and climbs up the bed to lie next me. He rests his head on my chest, his arm draping over my stomach. “I’m so sorry, Sunshine.”

I stroke his soft hair with my hand. “For what, Brady? You didn’t know.”

“For acting like such a douche when I was young. It seems all of my past mistakes are creating one obstacle after another for us.”

I nudge him, rolling onto my side to face him. “Your son is not an obstacle, Brady. I love you, and we’ll get through this.” I speak the words, but I can’t say with certainty that I believe them. I want to, because I can’t imagine my life without him. I’m determined to try to see this through with him, even though his having a son with another woman is tearing my heart to pieces.

He palms the side of my head, his thumb stroking my cheekbone. “I don’t deserve you.”

“You’re wrong about that, Brady.”

He leans in and places his lips on mine, waiting for me to respond. After everything that’s happened in the last couple of hours, I’m not burning with the same need I was when we left the restaurant. I do want him, though, desperately, so I part my lips, welcoming his kiss. His hand slides over my waist to my back, pulling me closer. I throw my leg over his, joining the front of our bodies. His tongue moves slowly over mine, savoring each stroke. It’s a soft, gentle kiss. He rolls us so I’m underneath him, his body covering me completely. His mouth stays in constant contact with mine as his hand skims my thigh, moving around to settle on my butt. He groans against my mouth before lifting his head and gazing down at me. “We don’t have to.”

I reach behind his neck and bring him back down to my chest. “I want to.” I wrap my legs around him, thrusting my hips upward. My hands find the bottom of his shirt and begin pushing it up. He removes it before crushing his lips back to mine. I run my hands all over his warm back, relishing how good he feels. How right this feels.

I push against his chest and sit up long enough to remove my dress. His eyes watch me, blazing with desire. I reach behind me to unclasp my bra. It falls down my arms, and Brady tosses it to the floor. His fingertips brush over each nipple, causing me to whimper. My fingers fumble with his jeans. He takes care of removing them for me as I slide my underwear down my legs. I sit back, resting on my palms as Brady starts slowly trailing his hand all over my body. He touches every part of me. I’m trembling under his skilled hands.

His lips are on mine again as he lowers me to the bed, splitting my thighs with his body. His lips leave my mouth, lightly kissing along my neck and jaw. I feel his erection at my entrance and lift my hips to signal I’m ready. He enters me slowly, groaning into my neck. He’s deep, filling me with every inch of him. It’s been so long that it takes a minute for me to catch my breath. He starts to move in that slow rhythm I love so much. As I feel him move, a wave of pure emotion crashes into me. The feelings coursing through my veins are so intense that they render me frozen. My body deflates against the mattress. My legs dangle lazily to the side of his hips. I’m suddenly displaced. I know he’s here. I can hear him and see him moving against me, but it’s like I’m trapped on the other side of a window watching it happen. I can’t experience the pleasure he’s giving me, because on my side of the glass there’s nothing but the hopeless reality that I’ve lost my child, and now that Brady has Andrew there’s a good chance I’ll lose him, too.

I love him fiercely, but I can’t let go of the nagging doubt and uncertainty that lingers between us. Every time I try to free my thoughts and surrender to him, the fear of losing him creeps back into my mind as if to keep me from my release. My fears torture me with some sick and twisted form of self-punishment.  I shake my head, urgently trying to join him in his movements. My brain refuses to be vulnerable again. It won’t allow my body to respond. I just lay there limply while Brady pushes in and out of me.

I hate myself for it.

I can’t feel.

There is no buildup, no tingles, no flight to ecstasy island. My eyes burn, and I feel the tears spilling over. They fall down the side of my face and wet my hair. I clamp my mouth closed, terrified that Brady might hear my cries. Each time he rocks into me, my frustration grows until I feel I might burst with painful emotions. With every push forward from Brady, my body begs me to give in to the pleasure, but my brain isn’t allowing it. The back of my throat burns from tears and snot. I’m not even sure anymore if I’m crying because I’m sad about where things stand between us, terrified he’ll leave me, or if I’m just so blissfully happy he still loves me. Whatever the cause, my emotions have climbed a very steep cliff, and the fall might very well kill me.

I feel my legs start to shake, and I realize that even though I haven’t participated at all, my body is winning. I’m about to climax. I press my lips together, clenching my teeth as my eyes roll back in my head. Brady rocks his hips into me, hitting deep. I wail and sob as I’m sent sailing off the ledge, spiraling out of control. I come long and hard, my body shaking wildly. Brady’s still inside me, but he’s stopped moving. His horrified eyes watch me as I fight to focus on him. I wipe my tears and suck in a breath.

“Oh, shit!” He pulls out of me and engulfs me in his arms. “Oh, Jesus, Tori. God, baby. I’m sorry.”

I sob again. I have no idea what has just happened.

He pushes damp hair from the front of my face. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

I shake my head, wiping away more tears.

“Please say something.”

“I love you.” It’s all I can think to say. It’s all I feel. Pure, crazy, insane, love for him.

“Did I hurt you?”

I shake my head again. How can I possibly explain what happened, when I don’t understand it myself?

He smiles and kisses my lips. “I think this was too soon.”

Maybe it was. Maybe my emotions are still too raw for an act requiring unwavering trust, or perhaps it’s exactly what I needed to remember I do trust him explicitly.

“It was perfect.”

He laughs loudly. “If that was perfect, then I guess I sucked every other time.”

I can’t help but laugh, too. His teasing wipes out the tension.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” I reach up and press my finger to his lips. He kisses my fingertip and then brings my hand to his chest.

“My heart beats for you, don’t ever doubt that.” He says the words like he knows exactly where my thoughts had taken me.

I swallow hard. “I won’t.”

He cradles me to his side. His hand traces circles on the point of my shoulder. Before long, I’m fast asleep.

***

My eyes flutter open to see Brady is gone from our bed. I have a moment of panic. My brain is flooded with memories from last night. I’m fairly sure I suffered a nervous breakdown. I’m a little embarrassed to face him. Insecurity is not something I’m used to feeling when we’re intimate.

I get out of bed and open the doors leading out to the deck for a breath of morning salt air. I step out to the deck and spot Brady in the water. Andrew’s with him. So are Liv and Harrison. I wonder if they know about Andrew. Of course they do. Brady would’ve had to explain. Brady carries Andrew into the water, the waves crashing over them. Andrew’s playful giggle enters the room with the wind. It’s a sweet, adorable laugh that warms my heart. Maybe we can get through this. Andrew is a piece of Brady. I could love him as he if were my own. He can’t replace Mona. I know that, but he could be ours. I’m not sure how his mother will feel about that. I’ll have to reassure her that I’ll love her son, but will never replace her.