Irreversible Damage (Irreparable) (14 page)

Once the song finishes, I hear everyone behind me sniffling, the song having an effect on them, too. We’ve all lost her. I hadn’t thought about it like that until this very moment. My parents were looking forward to being doting grandparents. Liv was going to be the world’s greatest auntie. Tug couldn’t wait to show Mona off, mostly to get girls, but he was excited for her arrival. Today we grieve together, as a family, because at the end of the day, that’s what we need to get through this.

Tug passes out roses for each of us to drop on top of the casket. Brady and I stand back until the very end. When it’s our turn, I squeeze his hand so tight, I’m sure it goes numb. He doesn’t say anything, though. We approach the tiny casket and drop the roses.

“Until we meet again, baby girl,” Brady mumbles, his voice cracking. He pulls me close to his side. “Mommy and Daddy love you.”

I can’t say anything through my retching body. Tears stream down both my cheeks. The pain in my soul so sharp, I nearly vomit. It’s a pain I would never wish on anyone. As the casket lowers, I turn in Brady’s arms and watch as my little girl sinks beneath the earth, to rest forever.

My parents leave with Harrison and Liv. I think they want Brady and me to have a private moment of grief. I feel Brady’s hand on my cheek. I glance up to meet his eyes. His pain reflects back at me. I want to die.

“Take a walk with me.”

I nod. I don’t have to ask. I know where he wants to go. After he found out the truth about his real parents, he had Walter and Mona moved to side-by-side plots so they could be together. He hasn’t been to see them.

We walk hand in hand to their graves. By all appearances, it’s a beautiful day. The sun shines down on us. Birds sing. I look up at the pristine blue sky. There’s not a cloud in it, but all I see is the storm. It’s ugly, and violent, and it’s creeping down on us slowly. Brady and I are together today to mourn our daughter, but what happens next? What happens when we’re done grieving? That’s when the storm will touch down like a tornado and try to destroy us. It’s inevitable. I only hope we’re strong enough to survive, because we’re definitely not prepared for it.

When we reach Brady’s parents’ graves, he lets go of my hand. He walks to their headstones and kneels. I don’t feel right being here. He’s quiet. His head stays down. I don’t know what to say or do. Minutes go by that feel like hours. His pain is too close to my own, only tenfold.  I wish I knew what he was thinking. Is he telling them about our little girl? He finally stands. He looks at the sky before he turns and walks back to me. He doesn’t stop until our lips meet. His hands sink into my hair as he kisses me tenderly. It’s slow and filled with words unsaid. Our tongues push and pull. He turns his head from the kiss. His palm finds my hand. He laces our fingers together. Without a word we walk back to his car.

I have no idea what that was about, but I loved it.

Brady opens the passenger door. I’m starting to get in when his hand grips my arm. My belly flips. His expression scares me. Maybe he feels the storm brewing, too. “No looking backward, okay, Sunshine?”

A single tear rolls down my cheek as I nod.

As we coast down I-5, I try not to think about what I’m going to miss the most. I won’t hold her when a boy breaks her heart, or wipe a snotty nose. She’s at peace, and I hope with enough time I’ll find my own.

Brady’s hand strokes my knee during the drive. I reflect on what a beautiful service it was. I owe Tug so much for handling the details. I remind myself to thank him before my body begs me to sleep. I lean against the window and close my eyes.

Chapter 17

Tori

It’s been more than six weeks since we buried our little girl. Life has fallen back into a routine for everyone except me. I have nothing to do — no doctor’s appointments, no last-minute preparations. I’ve entertained myself with busy work, but have done nothing constructive. My staples came out a week after the surgery. My scar is still numb, but my body is back to normal. I’m surprised at how quickly I’ve recovered physically. Emotionally, I’m still fighting the battle to function on a daily basis. Second Chances is back to performing regularly. I haven’t gone to any of the shows. I’m not ready to face everyone yet. Brady spends the majority of his time in the studio. When the band’s not rehearsing, he’s writing. There’s also the string of calls to his cell phone that started after Mona died. He tells me it’s no one important, but I can’t help wondering. I haven’t gone as far as searching his phone, but I’m seriously considering it. I feel like we’re slowly slipping further and further away from each other, and if I don’t do something soon, we’ll never find our way back. 

Tonight we have plans to go to dinner, just the two of us. It’s a small step in the right direction. I hope. I confirmed with my doctor that I’m cleared to have sex again. Brady hasn’t even so much as hinted that he’s interested. I’ve shed many tears considering that maybe he’s not. Maybe he doesn’t want me. I’ve never felt like that with him. It’s the one thing I’ve always been sure of. Tonight I hope we can rekindle the spark between us before it flickers and dies completely.

 After I shower, I let Liv do my hair and makeup. I’m wearing one of Brady’s favorite dresses. It’s shorter than I usually prefer to wear, but I know how much he likes it. I’m a ball of restless anxiety as I analyze myself in the mirror. I feel like I’ve aged ten years.

When I hear his footsteps approaching, I turn and face the door. I smooth the skirt of my dress with my palms. Brady stops in the doorway when he sees me. My lip quivers and my fingers tremble as his green eyes travel up and down my body. A wide smile spreads across his face as he reaches for me with both hands extended. I take his hands, stepping toward him.

He lifts his arms to spin me. I twirl once and stop.

“You look so beautiful.” His compliment fills me with renewed hope. “I love you, Victoria Maria Hunter.”

“I love you, too.”

He grabs my purse from the bed and holds his arm out. “Shall we?”

I smile and loop my arm through his.

I made reservations at a posh restaurant on Coronado, so when Brady passes the turn for the border and heads in the opposite direction, I twist my head to look at him. 

He turns his head to me and smiles. “I have a better idea.”

I smile back at him, knowing exactly where we’re headed. I couldn’t be happier. The rest of the drive is quiet as we make our way through the twists and turns of the Baja coast on the road leading to my favorite place. The place where Brady took me to ecstasy island the very first time.

As we pull into the parking lot of LaFonda’s, my mind drifts back to our first visit here. We’d stayed late at the Center, and Brady had decided to spend the night at this quaint hotel after dinner. I talked him into one room that night. I knew I was in love with him beyond a doubt, and I was prepared to show him. More importantly, he wanted me to. It was the most amazing night of my life.

We never made it through dinner. We sprinted to our room and spent the night giving in to our feelings for each other. Up until a month ago, we had spent most of our time in that room. It wasn’t until the studio was finished and Second Chances started practicing daily that we moved into our house on the water. I love this place, and I love that he brought me here.

I feel his hand slide along the back of my neck. When I turn, his green eyes are sparkling like emeralds, the warmest I’ve seen them in weeks. “Reminiscing?”

I smile shyly and nod. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

He smiles back before hopping out of the car and opening my door for me.

We go into the restaurant, and Brady takes me to the table where we sat the first time we were here. It’s been reserved. I smile on the inside, knowing he’s had this planned all along.

I slide into the booth, and Brady slips in next to me, draping his arm over my shoulders. “I remember the first time I brought you here. That was the best day of my life.”

“Mine, too.” I admit. It feels like the first time all over again. I’m as scared and timid as I was that night. Nerves dance around in my stomach and I can’t catch my breath. I’m not sure what to say or how to act. It’s surreal.

“I’ve missed you.” His hand pushes my hair away from my neck before he lands a few kisses on the skin behind my ear. My entire body shivers. It’s been so long since he’s touched me.

“I wasn’t sure.” I look down at my knotted hands. Why am I so nervous?

He leans back, his eyebrows drawing together as he studies my face. “How could you ever doubt that?”

I turn in my seat to face him, his impossibly green eyes running all over my face. He looks sad. I have to be honest with him. I’m not sure how to say it. “I don’t know. I feel like you’ve been keeping your distance.”

He reaches up with both hands and tucks my hair behind my ears before pulling my face to him and kissing my lips once. His hands fall away, but his eyes hold my gaze. “I have.”

My eyes widen as I look at him, completely confused. “Why?”

“I didn’t want to put any pressure on you.” He takes both my hands, holding them as he smoothes his thumbs over my knuckles. “I wanted you to come around on your own, not because I was telling you to.”

“I thought you didn’t want me anymore.” I blink back tears, fighting against the stinging in my eyes.

“Oh, God, Tori.” He pulls me to his chest. I wrap my arms around his waist and snuggle in close. “I’ll never want anyone else. You’re my fucking life.”

I sit up when the waitress interrupts us. Brady tells her we need another minute. I’m suddenly not hungry, at least not for food. My body craves his touch. I want to be alone with him. “Are we staying here?”

He shakes his head, looking as disappointed as I feel. “The guys will be over early.”

I nod understandingly. There’s a heated silence between us as we sit there, lost in each other’s gaze. It’s as though he’s making love to my thoughts right here in this booth. The ache in my core is going to erupt if he doesn’t touch me soon. He licks his lips before his hand slides up my inner thigh under my dress. An involuntary moan slips from my mouth when his hand reaches my sex. His gaze hasn’t left mine. I feel his fingers slide under my panties. He strokes softly, and I’m biting my lip to keep from screaming. His lips turn up in a devilish grin before he leans over and nibbles on my ear.

“God, I’ve missed you,” he pants, slipping one finger inside me.

My hips jerk. “Oh, God!” I scream. My eyes go wide as Brady laughs. The entire restaurant has to have heard me. I don’t look up to find out. Instead, I bury my head in Brady’s neck.

He removes his hand from under my skirt. “Should we go home?” The question leaves his lips in a raspy whisper.

I can’t get up from the table fast enough. I literally push him from the booth, keeping my head low and avoiding eye contact with anyone until we’re outside. Brady whirls around to face me. I launch at him. He catches me and carries me to the car while I kiss up and down his neck. “My greedy girl is back.”

I remind Brady to slow down several times on the way back home. The local
policia
aren’t fond of Americans using the highway like they’re on the Autobahn. You can usually pay them off, but it’s not cheap. As we approach the bend down the street from our home, the tires squeal.

“Someone’s anxious,” I tease, running my palm up the inside of his thigh.

He groans. “I haven’t been inside you for forty-seven days, fourteen hours…” his eyes drift to the clock on the dash, “…twenty-six minutes, and fuck the seconds. It’s been too damn long, Sunshine!”

“Almost there, baby, and Liv and Harrison won’t be home tonight.” I lift suggestive eyebrows.

“Perfect.” He winks. The sun glistens off his beautiful eyes as he turns into the driveway. “I’ve always wanted to have you in the foyer.”

As we step out of the car and walk toward the house, my eyes land on a dark-haired woman and a child sitting on the stairs. I glance over, noticing the strange car parked on the street in front of the house. Brady tenses next to me, his grip on my hand firm. “Tori, go in through the studio. I’ll be there in a minute.”

The woman and child stand, looking over at us.

“Oh, no, you don’t, Brady Hunter! No more secrets between us, remember? Who is she?”

“Someone I used to…to…know.”

His hesitation tells me she is someone he used to sleep with. The air is sucked from my lungs as it dawns on me. She’s here with a kid. Oh, no. Please, no!

Brady keeps a solid grip on my hand as we approach. I look up at Brady. His jaw is twitching erratically. His palm sweats in my hand.

“What are you doing here, Annabelle?” His voice is cold, dismissive.

“You wouldn’t answer my calls or my texts. I need to speak with you.”

This is who has been calling him constantly. She is the “no one important.” I don’t have time to analyze it further, because I catch sight of the little boy at her side. The green pools that beam up at Brady are unmistakable.

He’s Brady’s son.

Why? What misdeeds did Brady and I commit in a past life to be so brutally punished in this one? We had to have run with the Huns, pillaging small villages or broke legs for the mob.

“Can we talk in private?” Annabelle looks at Brady pleadingly.

“No! Whatever you need to tell me can be said in front of my wife.”

“Fine!” she shouts, nudging the little boy forward. “Brady, this is Andrew…your son.”

I try desperately to loosen Brady’s grip on my hand, but he won’t budge. They do need to have this conversation in private. I don’t know what to do, but I know I can’t listen to this. “Hello, Andrew.” I smile down at the miniature version of Brady. “Why don’t we go in for a snack so your mom and Brady can talk? Do you like grapes?” He smiles big and nods. I shake my hand free from Brady’s grasp and hold it out for Andrew. He takes it, and we walk inside. I ignore the assault of nerves firing away in my gut and the grief threatening to force me to tears. I’ve lost our child, and Brady has another.

Brady

“What the fuck are you trying to pull, Annabelle?” I grip her arm and force her to look at me.  “We had sex one time, and I used a condom.”