Invisible Love Letter (23 page)

“Does she call Jeremy Dad?” He squinted to hold back his tears. “Does he know?”

“No, she calls him Jeremy. He found out after your song.” My voice was shaky.

He looked up at me, his eyelashes damp. “When did you find out you were pregnant?”

“The day you got the record deal in London.”

“Fuck!” He shoved a stack of papers off my desk. He looked up at me. The hurt in his eyes had changed to anger. “Wait? So when I went to your house and asked you to come with me?”

“I knew.”

“Why didn’t… Fuck, Em, I could have been there for you!”

“I presumed I would lose it. I had been told I couldn’t get pregnant, and if ,and lost it there you would blame yourself. I knew if I told you, you would have given up everything to be with us.”

Weston’s broken heart showed through his face. His eyes were dull and frown lines ran along his forehead. “That was not your call to make. You kept her from me for four years.
Four
! I missed everything because I was never given the choice. You knew my dad left me. You knew I wanted a child with you!”

“I did it to protect her.”

“That's bullshit!”

“I did what I thought was best.”

“I want to be in her life and you can't stop me,” he threatened.

“You can't just barge into her life.”

“No, but I can make sure that you never keep her from me again.” Weston’s lip curled in disgust.

I shook my head, my heart squeezing tight. “I wouldn't do that. I tried to tell you.” I pleaded with my eyes, but he refused to meet my gaze.

“When?”

“T-The day you found out Chelsea was pregnant. I went there to tell you about her.”

His jaw ticked, and heavy breaths blew through his flared nostrils. “Well, that's fucking great. Chelsea lost the baby, and I lost four years out of Lyra’s life.”

Weston marched passed me and headed towards the door. “Don't go,” I pleaded, my voice shrill.

“I need to leave.” He looked me dead in the eyes. “Because if I stay in this room with you, Emilia, I'm going to say things I might regret later on. But know this isn't over. I want joint custody.”

Weston stormed out of my office and vanished into the hallway filled with my coworkers who had stopped to listen to our argument.

“Don’t you all have work to do?” Brian shouted as he headed towards me. “Everything okay?”

“I don’t know … I think I just lost Pointless Statement as a client.”

Brian nodded slowly. “Why don’t you take the rest of the day off? I’ll reach out to the guys and see where it all stands.”

I nodded. If I spoke, the waterworks would follow. I rushed to the bathroom and dried my tears before I went to locate Lyra and Leslie. By the time my red cheeks faded, I found them in the cafeteria. Leslie cast a wide eye concerned look my way, but I simply mouthed
later
and swooped down to take Lyra in my arms
.

“How about we go and get cupcakes for Mommy’s birthday?” I kissed Lyra’s little cheek. The last thing I wanted to do was discuss the horrific events that had occurred in my office. I didn’t know what Weston had up his sleeve, but I planned to spend the rest of my birthday with my daughter and best friend, sharing a box of cupcakes.

“Yay!” Lyra cheered as though she didn’t have a care in the world. Little did she know, her life was about to change forever.

W
eston was
true to his word. By the next day, I was subpoenaed by his attorney. I didn't want to fight to keep him away from Lyra; that had never been my intention. I hired an attorney and we went to court. The judge ruled that after a positive DNA test, Lyra would spend the weekdays with me and every other weekend with her father. We would also alternate holidays, but when the judge suggested a mediator I declined. My only request was that Lyra be introduced to Weston slowly. She had no idea who he was, so I feared that her spending the night at his place would traumatize her. Weston and I both agreed we would meet every day after school in a public place so she could get to know him. 

It took a few weeks while my attorney went back and forth with Weston's attorney. The process ran quicker than most since I wasn’t trying to keep Lyra from him nor was I asking for any money. During this time, I reached out to Jeremy. I knew I wasn't settling; I was doing what was best for Lyra's future. I called him a week after my birthday. Lyra was at a play date with Susie, a little girl she met at school, when I decided to talk to Jeremy. I needed to be home alone; I didn’t want him to come by when Lyra was there and only confuse her further. There was enough change in her life already. My hands trembled as I called him.

“Hello?” he answered. His voice was stern and serious like he was a completely different Jeremy from the one I knew and loved. 

Hi, did I call you at a bad time?”

“No, what's up?”

My heart rate picked up and I closed my eyes. “I want you to come home.”

“Emilia…” His stern voice broke as he said my name.

“Jeremy, I've had plenty of time to think about us. It’s been almost two months, it's time you came home.”

“I'm staying at the Hilton. Let me pack up and I'll be home within an hour.”

“You're at the Hilton? I thought you were staying with your brother in San Fran?”

“I've been bouncing back and forth. I didn't want to go home in the event you were there with…” His voice trailed off.

“This is your home, Jeremy. I would never disrespect you that way. Please come home.”

I sat in my bedroom, staring at my sliding room door; it was how we always entered each other's house. When my doorbell rang, I gasped. I leaped off my bed and sprinted straight for the front door. Before I turned the knob, I took one deep breath and pinched my cheeks for color. Jeremy stood in black slacks and a baby blue button-down. His brown hair was brushed back and his face was clean-shaven.

“You used the front door?” I was out of breath.

I didn’t want to barge into your home.” His sad eyes showed me how much pain he was in. I had done that to him; I had broken his beautiful soul.

“Come in.” I held the door open for him. Jeremy sat on the couch awkwardly. It was as if he had never been here before. “Can I get you something to drink?” I offered.

“No, I'm okay.”I chewed on my lip. I didn’t know where to start.

“How’ve you been?” he asked.

The tears pooled in my eyes. “Why is it so awkward between us?” I asked sadly. “It's never been this way…”

“I guess it's because I thought I knew you and now I feel like you’re a complete stranger.”

I grasped his hands in mine. “Jeremy, I'm so sorry I lied to you, but I didn't expect that my past would come and knock on my door. Weston and I were together for almost a year when I found out I was pregnant with Lyra. The day I found out, he was shipping off to London and I didn't even know if I wanted to be a mother, so I lied to him. When you met me at that pharmacy, I was planning to give Lyra up for adoption.”

“What changed your mind?”

“The second they placed her in my arms, I knew. I knew I had to step up. And then you came into my life and made everything better, everything easier. You’re everything I ever wanted, Jeremy.”

Jeremy took a few seconds to process what I said. “Did you tell him?” he asked.

“Yes,” I admitted on an exhale. “He has a lawyer on retainer and wants joint custody. I’m not going to fight him.” 

“And where does that leave us?”

“I want us to be together.” I looked down at my engagement ring that I’d put back on my finger. “I want to pretend these past few weeks never happened.”

“But they did happen, Em.” 

“I know, and I'm sorry. I'll tell you everything. Anything you want to know, I promise, just please come back to me.” I bowed my head as a soft cry escaped my body.

Jeremy's cool hands touched the bottom of my chin and lifted my face up to him. “I just want you,” he said softly, placing a chaste kiss on my lips.

I wrapped my arms around his neck. Jeremy kissed my cheeks and temple as I wept, then held me in his arms until my crying passed. I looked up into his chocolate brown eyes and brought my lips to his. He had given me so much.

His kisses were tender at first, so gentle they felt like feathers, but he soon deepened them, his mouth opened wider to claim mine. A shared whimper escaped our lips and Jeremy pulled back. I slowly nodded, the okay to make love to me. His hands wrapped around my thighs and lifted me off the couch. Jeremy kissed my neck as he walked down my hallway and towards my bedroom.

He lay me softly on the mattress and stood. Discarding his shirt, he looked down at me with hunger in his eyes. I gazed at his long and lean torso as he undid his pants and slid his boxers off his body.

He was perfect.

I leaned back, and each article of clothing I lost was followed by a long passionate kiss. Jeremy moved slowly as he began to kiss a trail up my body. My mind focused on his lips.

Jeremy.

This was me letting go.

This was me letting go of Weston and giving my heart and soul to Jeremy.

I spread my legs
for him
, and his fingers traced small circles around my core until I was ready and panting
for him
. Jeremy continued rubbing his fingers as he sank into me. My back arched off the bed as he brought his lips down to my breast. I cried out needing more
from him
.

Jeremy continued a slow deep pace. His hands gripped my body to hold me tighter with each thrust. I moaned forms of his name in ecstasy as my impending release began to build deep inside of me. Gripping his back, I dug my nails into his flesh as I lost all control. Jeremy continued his pace until my tremors passed. I buried my head in the crook of his neck and cried as he found his release. I didn't know if my tears were of love for Jeremy or hurt for saying goodbye to Weston. 

I convinced myself it was love.

Jeremy rested on his elbow and gently moved my hair off my face. “You okay?”

“I’ve missed you,” I whispered and brought my lips to his.

He kissed me and spoke through our conjoined lips. “I’ve missed you more.”

“Jeremy, I want to be honest with you. Weston and—”

He lifted his hand to stop me. “I don't want to know.”

“Jeremy…”

“It's in the past. Let’s leave it there and focus on tomorrow.”

I nodded. He was right. What Weston and I did would only break him and tear whatever shred of hope Jeremy and I had left. I'd leave it in the past, locked in my heart, and that's where it would stay. I deepened my gaze on Jeremy. He brushed a strand of my hair away from my face, his eyes filled with love. A love that was all for me.

“Marry me.”

“I said yes already.” I smiled shyly and brought my hand up to show him my ring. 

“No, this weekend.”

“I thought you wanted a big wedding?”

“I just want you.” He lowered his face and kissed my neck, tickling my skin with his tongue 

In the pit of my stomach, I felt he was rushing because he was afraid to lose me again. Guilt gnawed deep in my bones. “Okay.” I brought my lips to his. “But I need a dress, so can we make it at the end of the month? Plus, I want to invite my best friend. She lives in Chicago.”

Jeremy pulled away and cocked his head to the side. “Best friend?”

“Yeah, you'll love her.”

“I love you.” He said with a big smile. I brought my lips to his and gave him my answer.

I loved Jeremy. Not as much as Weston, but enough to be happy. 

W
eston had
a week off from touring, so we agreed it was a good time for him to officially meet Lyra. I told her she was going to meet mommy's special friend, someone who would become her best friend, someone who would love her. That seemed to make her excited for the big day.

I suggested Lyra’s favorite park as a rendezvous spot since it was a familiar place for her. My sweaty palms slipped on the wheel I tried so hard to grip the closer we got to the park. But the moment I saw him, my heart slammed into my chest. Weston stood with his back leaning against his Pontiac GTO car when I pulled up behind him. I refused to let my mind recall the time I spent in that car. 

Lyra was singing along to the song playing in the car. I inhaled deeply and prepared myself for this meeting. I had repeatedly rehearsed what I wanted to say to Lyra about Weston, but now it all seemed like mushed words scrambled in my brain.

With shaky fingers, I turned off the car and helped Lyra out of the back seat. A small smile swept across my lips as I admired her outfit once more—yellow shorts and a white shirt. It was Weston’s favorite color, so it seemed fitting.

Her little hand gripped my finger as we walked towards him. She'd never know it, but her hold was keeping me from a panic attack. As we approached Weston, he slid his aviators off his face and shoved them in his pocket. His gaze never met mine; his focus was on Lyra. I stopped when I felt Lyra’s grip tighten around my hands.

This was it.

Outside, I was a calm, collected Emilia. Inside, I was a nervous mother and anxious ex-girlfriend. Chest pounding, I crouched down so I was eye level with my sweet daughter. “Lyra, do you remember when you asked me about your daddy?” Lyra nodded eagerly. “And do you remember when we were in the car on the way here and I told you that you were going to meet Mommy’s special friend who would love you very much? Well…” I looked up at Weston, who hadn't stopped staring at our daughter, his eyes full of awe. My heart suddenly warmed. “Lyra, this is your daddy.”

Weston kneeled so he was now only as tall as Lyra. “Hello there.” He sounded cheerful. “Did anyone ever tell you that you look like a princess?” Lyra giggled and wrapped her arms around my neck, but those big eyes continued to focus on Weston. “And do you know what princesses wear?” Weston asked.

Lyra shook her head and then looked at me to respond. “What does a princess wear?” I asked her.

“A crown!” she replied.

“Exactly!” Weston pulled out a tiara from his pocket. “Look what I found. I think this crown needs a princess.” Lyra’s eyes twinkled when she noticed the sparkling tiara. Unlike the plastic ones she had at home, this one was metal with stones that sparkled in the sunlight. Lyra released my neck and shyly walked towards Weston.

“Can I put this on you?” he asked, his voice hopeful. Lyra nodded and a huge grin took over his face. As Weston slid the comb top of the tiara on Lyra’s head, he asked her, “Now, Princess Lyra, is that your castle back there?” He pointed to the empty jungle gym.

Lyra’s smile grew from ear to ear. “I get my very own castle!” She jumped with glee.

“Why don’t we go play in your castle?” Weston asked. Lyra looked back at me. I nodded and gave her a big smile. Lyra offered her tiny hand to Weston. He scooped her in her arms and bellowed. “
My
princess will not walk to her castle. She will be carried!” He twirled her around.

The laughter that escaped her little lungs had me clenching my hand into a fist over my heart. This was every mother’s dream. It was as if they'd known each other their whole lives, as if she felt in her heart that he was her daddy. 

I found a park bench that faced Lyra and Weston and watched in amazement as they played. Weston chased Lyra as the mean dragon, and then she asked him to wait at the end of the twisted slide to catch her. It all seemed surreal, watching my daughter and her father play. I was watching through a twilight zone what my life would have been like if I’d never kept Lyra a secret. My heart ached for a life I could have had, should have had, but I’d taken that away from the three of us. 

“Mommy, look!” Lyra shouted as she slid down the slide. A single tear dripped out of the corner of my eye. I brushed it away in time to see Weston catch Lyra and toss her in the air. “Higher, Daddy!” she shouted.

I closed my eyes to remember this moment. The first time she referred to him as her father.
God, please tell me I did the right thing by lying.

In the twenty minutes they played together, Weston took the role of dad head on. I didn’t need to intervene. But I knew he’d be great at it. He’d always said he wanted kids. I shook my head and tried not to cry as my mind played the what ifs and maybe ifs game.

What if I’d told Weston? Would he have been by my side when I pushed Lyra out? When the doctor placed her in his arms, would we have been a family? If I’d said something, would he have been there when I was teaching her how to walk? Would he have helped me through the late night feedings?

“She’s an amazing kid.” Weston was now sitting to my left. He spoke to me for the first time. I blinked my tears away and sniffled. Lyra was running up the slide again, shouting for us to look at her do it on her own. Weston had dark circles under his eyes and his features were slack. He looked exhausted.

“Are you ever going to forgive me?” I asked hesitantly, focusing on the way he smiled at Lyra from where we sat.
Did I even forgive myself? 

“I do forgive you.” Weston waved at Lyra and then faced me. “It took me a while, but I see it now, why you kept her from me. Though it was selfish, you were right. We were kids at that time and I was living in a flat with five other men. There were drugs and women all over the place. I wouldn't have wanted that for her.”

Weston's eyes dropped to my finger and I gulped, suddenly aware of the diamond shining in the sun. His head slowly shook as he mumbled words under his breath. My heart sped as I remembered each time I thought of him and me together, in this way, with a ring he'd given me rather than Jeremy.