Invisible Love Letter (20 page)

Weston exhaled his full breath. I didn’t know if it was frustration or remorse, but I felt his soft, warm lips on the tip of my nose. “Goodnight,” he whispered.

Gathering my thoughts, I finally had the courage to open my eyes. Weston was gone. I’d done the right thing, I knew that.
So why is there a tear escaping my eye?

I opened my hotel room door, chugged some water from a complimentary bottle, and climbed into bed. Though I was exhausted, sleep didn’t come. I tossed and turned for a few minutes and pulled out my cell phone. I found his name on my contact list, then sent Weston a text message.

Me: Goodnight. And thank you for not pushing it.

Weston: I’m going to fight to win you back. Know that. But in the event you change your mind tonight, I’m directly two floors up from you.

I threw my phone across the room, hoping it would shatter into a million pieces—like my heart.

I had to put a stop to this once and for all.

E
arly December
.

I no longer recognized myself when I looked in the mirror. I was carrying so much guilt I didn’t know which way was up.

Pointless Statement was ready for the Jingle Fest Concert. Their album was number one on the billboard charts and their success was growing by the second. I complained in passing about working late, and Weston spoke to Brian about hiring me another assistant to help me since it was partially his fault my schedule had become so chaotic.

I picked up Lyra from Pre-K and stopped at the market to pick up a few ingredients for dinner. I’d been feeling guilty about what happened with Weston in Seattle, so I’d been paying a little extra attention to Jeremy. I kept reminding myself that I loved Jeremy; with him Lyra and I had a solid future.

I dropped the grocery bags on the kitchen counter and walked through our conjoined balcony into Jeremy’s bedroom. His suitcase lay open on his bed, his toiletries inside. My heart sank in my chest. Did he know about Seattle?

You didn’t cheat. You stopped him.
No, I hadn’t physically cheated on Jeremy but I’d emotionally deceived him and that was worse. Being in love with another man was worse than cheating.

Jeremy strolled out of his closet. “Hey.” His smile lit up the room. “I didn’t hear you pull up.”

I gave him a weary smile. Guilt sank deep, festered in my bones. I cleared my throat before I spoke. “Are you leaving?”

Jeremy dropped his clothes in his suitcase and erased the distance between us. His hands looped around my waist and he gave me a chaste kiss. “I have to go east for work, so I’ll be gone for a couple of days. I’m sorry for the short notice,” he whispered and kissed my neck.

“Don’t be sorry.” I rested my head on his shoulder. Instantly, my worries vanished.

“I’ve asked Ellen to give you a hand with Lyra.” Jeremy pulled my shirt off my shoulder and gently bit my collarbone. His lips tickled my neck and ear.

“We’ll be fine.” I leaned into him.

Jeremy’s erection slowly grew against my stomach. “I’m going to miss you.”

“Lyra’s home. I picked her up already,” I muttered as Jeremy continued to kiss and tease my skin.

“Later then.” I felt his smile on my shoulder. I nodded in agreement, though when later came and Jeremy reached out for me, I denied him. It had been months since we were intimate.

Weston had successfully inserted a wedge in my relationship with Jeremy.

L
yra was
with a sitter for the night because I was at the LA stop of Jingle Fest in the Squib Theater downtown and Jeremy was still out of town. The crowd roared when the guys took the stage. I felt their cheers and screams deep in my bones. My eyes glassed with tears of excitement; it was like watching your child take her first step. This was their dream and I had front row seats.

I hated to admit that every time I watched Weston on stage I fell in love with him all over again. His persona, his voice, all of it was captivating. Nothing mattered but my love for that man while he sang. And every woman in there agreed with me.

They had rocked the house down and there were only a few songs left. Weston was singing through a chorus when a pair of strong hands laced around my waist I jumped with fright, my palms pressing to my heart as it tried to hold it from jumping out of my chest. Jeremy laughed and leaned over to kiss me.

“Didn't mean to scare you,” he shouted over the music.

“What are you doing here?” I asked and then peeked up at the stage. Weston’s face changed when he noticed Jeremy standing behind me. “I thought you didn’t come home until tomorrow.”

“You worked your ass off to get these guys here. You invested all your time. I wouldn't miss your big night.” He smiled down at me with a proud grin.

Remorse weighed in my chest. Jeremy had no clue how much I had invested in Weston’s career.
Enough to lie about a child.
I rubbed my hand up his cheek and turned back to the stage. Jeremy’s hands snaked around my bodice, and I let the heavy weight on my chest pull me down.

I was a liar.

Forget lying to protect those you loved most. I was now lying to keep afloat.

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other as the guys continued to play. What had drawn me to them before Jeremy arrived did nothing to heighten my mood now. Jeremy swayed our bodies to the beat of the music, and songs began to blend as one. Oblivious to it all, my mind replayed all the times I had been with Weston. Though I would spend the rest of my life in the arms of another man, I imagined a life with Weston. Our family. Him with Lyra.

I was spiraling into a dark hole with no light in sight.

The crowd grew quiet and I looked up at the stage. Weston had slung his guitar over his shoulder and dragged a stool to center stage. It was their last performance of the night. “How’s everyone feeling tonight?” Weston’s voice bellowed through the arena. Cries and screams from the audience pierced my ears. He laughed into the microphone. “I want to thank you all for coming out tonight. This has been a dream come true for us.” The lights in the arena dimmed. “I know that the set list says our last song is
Without You
, but I wanted to share a new song we’ve been working on.”

Weston strummed his guitar … Axel gently tapped on the drums … The arena went dark … The only light was on Weston as he stroked his guitar with a low melody. “This is to you, my love, my everything.”

The arena grew silent as Weston brought his lips to the microphone and closed his eyes. His fingers moved eloquently up and down the neck of his guitar. In the background, I could make out Travis playing the keys.

Y
ou see
… when you lose someone you love … it tears you down.

It strips you of your hopes and dreams, your body shuts down.

But the love I have for you is unbreakable.

M
y lungs desperately needed air
. The melody was the one he’d hummed in the hotel hallway.

W
hen I see
the sun on the horizon, I feel the pain

I know I’m not going to make it unless I see your face.

My love is unbreakable.

Unbreakable

Our love is unbreakable.

Unbreakable

T
he love
we shared I thought was unbreakable . . .

The love we had was supposed to be forever,

But in time it turned to never.

The memories we have don’t live like we do.

Even when you try to run away from them, they still find you.

Never did I imagine that I would lose you.

Now you’re gone, and I tried to get you back,

I would die to get you back.

I never knew what love was until we said goodbye,

But now I’ll see your pretty eyes.

Lyra Skye.

A
shiver ran
through me and my vision blurred with tears. This was the song he’d been working on. This was about our little girl.

I
hate
that you hold my soul,

I love that you make me whole,

I never wanted to see you go.

My love is unbreakable.

Our love is unbreakable.

W
eston’s eyes
locked with mine. Tears dripped down my cheeks, but I couldn’t pull my gaze away.

The love we shared I thought was unbreakable.

You sat and cried, said you decided with your heart.

Leaving mine shattered to find its way in the dark.

The love we shared was one in a million, never lied, nor cheated.

Though you cried and repeated that our love was defeated.

I never saw it coming. You walking out of my life was a blindside.

I wanted nothing more than to give you my lifetime.

Why would you walk away and leave my side?

Now you’ll never see her pretty eyes.

Lyra Skye.

I hate that you hold my soul,

I love that you make me whole,

I never wanted to see you go.

My love is unbreakable.

Our love is unbreakable.

I
remembered
that Jeremy was behind me, but a quick glance told me he was gone. I wanted to run after him, but my feet felt as if I’d stepped in quicksand, and led me toward Weston.

T
he love
we shared I thought was unbreakable.

You had me tripping, choking, needing to find a way to breathe.

Without any hesitation, you decided that you needed to leave.

Where did I go wrong, I treated you like my queen.

I would do anything to return and be your king.

You only wanted to argue about the bad times,

Crying, reliving the sad times.

We spent our nights kissing, hugging and snuggling,

How can you turn around and act like it’s nothing.

What happened to our plans?

What about writing invisible love letters on our hands?

What about our future, already named daughter,

The one we’ll never see, Lyra Skye Carter.

W
eston’s face
looked as though it was in pain as he said her name.

I
never knew
what love was until we said goodbye,

Now we’ll never see her pretty eyes.

Goodbye.

When I see the sun on the horizon, I feel the pain

I know I’m not going to make it unless I see your face.

My love is unbreakable.

Unbreakable

Our love is unbreakable.

Unbreakable

The love we shared I thought was unbreakable.

Unbreakable.

T
he lights dimmed
and I sobbed. The crowd cheered, begging for an encore. I needed air. I needed to gain my bearings. I needed Jeremy.

Oh my God, Jeremy.

I sprinted after him; the world around me seemed to pass in a blur as my heart sped in my chest. My flats pushed off the hard floor as I ran after him. “Jeremy, wait!” I cried out to his back. “Please! Jeremy, let me explain.”

He pivoted toward my cries. His fists were balled at his sides and rage boiled on his face as he stalked back to me. “She's his?” he barked.

“Jeremy …” My eyes swelled with unshed tears. Jeremy scanned my eyes as if looking for answers he already guessed. I reached to touch him, but he pulled away.

“No! It all makes sense now.” He ran a rough hand through his long, chocolate hair. “It’s the reason you won't let me adopt her. You knew who her father was this whole time! You lied to me. You lied repeatedly!”

“Let me explain.” I grasped his hand when he turned to leave, but he tugged it away.

“No! You’ve been working with his band for months. Months! And never once did it cross your mind to tell me?” His eyes were black with rage. “I'm going to be your husband. Your fucking
husband
! You’re planning to spend the rest of your life with me and you didn't think this was something I needed to know?”

“I'm sorry,” I cried.

“No, Emilia. This is…” He paused and pointed between us. “I don't even know what this is anymore.”

“It's a lot more complicated than you think.”

Jeremy’s eyes burned through me and his head began to shake. “He doesn't know she's his, does he?”

I bowed my head; I couldn’t lie to him again.

“God, Emilia! It’s lie after lie with you. How long did you think you could keep this up?” He turned and stepped away from me.

“Jeremy, please don’t go!” I bellowed.

“No, I need time to think this through.” He held his hands out so I couldn’t touch him.

“What do you mean?” My voice croaked.

“I need space, Emilia.” His words were like a sword piercing through the scarred tissue in my heart.

The crowd exited and I lost Jeremy in a sea of bodies. I bit my lips to contain my cries. What had I done? I dodged bodies and kept my head low as I made my way to the back office where I’d stashed my belongings. The walls were thin and I could hear the band in the next room. They were ecstatic and I wanted to be there with them, enveloped in their joy, but I couldn’t.

I took my stuff and made my way out without being spotted. The drive home felt like it took hours. I needed to talk to Jeremy. I needed to explain everything. I couldn't give him the space he wanted; not until I had confessed everything. I pressed the Bluetooth button on my steering wheel and called his cell again. Like the last five times I tried, it rang once before going straight to voicemail.

I pulled up to my condo and parked in front of my garage. Jeremy's spot was empty and his house was dark. He hadn't come home. I exhaled the crushing pain in my chest and opened the car door. Once inside, I paid the sitter and changed into my pajamas. I peeked in Lyra's room; she was fast asleep. Her little legs had managed to kick the sheets off and she now lay diagonally across her mattress. I fixed her sheets over her body and kissed her head goodnight.

God, what had I done?

I sat out on the balcony and waited for Jeremy.

T
he night passed
and dawn came. I’d fallen asleep on the lounge chair during the night and awoke to the warmth of the sun on my skin. Jeremy's parking spot was still empty—he hadn’t come home. Fresh tears sprang to my eyes just as Lyra called out for me.

“Mommy?”

“Coming, sweetie.” I flicked my dry tears away from my cheeks.

Today was a new day.

I looked down at my engagement ring; the diamond sparkled back at me. I hoped he’d come back and forgive me.