Intoxicated (34 page)

As casually as I could, I popped the trunk
and walked to the back of my car. His eyes were focused on the task
at hand. With him not looking at me, conversation was simpler.
“What did Blake get you, anyway?”

He set my bags in the car before answering.
“She put together a scrapbook of pictures of the two of us growing
up. Just us, no other family members. Some of those pictures I
haven’t seen in years. When everything happened, I never thought
about taking them with me and just assumed that they were gone
forever. Apparently Blake grabbed a whole bunch of stuff that I
didn’t know about and saved it.”

“That’s a pretty awesome gift.”

“I have a pretty awesome sister,” he
admitted. “I’ll show you the pictures sometime.”

“I’d like that. And what was in the locket
you gave her?”

“A tiny copy of the picture of us on her
mantle. As grownups, not as kids.”

“Some people might say that you’re a pretty
awesome brother.”

Even though the bags had been put down
several seconds prior, he continued staring into the trunk. He
shrugged. “Maybe sometimes. I have a lot of making up to do for
things, though.”

“I think she’d beg to differ. I know I do.
Sometimes I’m jealous of the relationship the two of you have.”

That caught his attention like I intended it
to. His eyes swung up to meet mine. Deep ocean blue orbs stared
down at me, squinting slightly as he posed his silent question.

“Being an only child,” I continued, “I never
got to experience that kind of bond. I always wondered what it
would be like to have a brother or a sister. Someone who had grown
up with you and knew everything there was to know about you and
loved you anyway.”

“Sometimes it’s like that,” he mused, “but
other times I think I’d be just as happy choking her.”

I snorted.

“You would have made someone a wonderful
sister, but it just wasn’t in the cards.”

“I guess it wasn’t. I’m just beginning to
understand why it never happened. Because I was so young when my
mom died, I never saw for myself how much my dad loved her. Part of
me wanted him to date again or get remarried and create an instant
family. Now I realize that he could never do that. My mom was his
soulmate, pure and simple. I only hope I’m lucky enough to have
that, too.”

“You don’t have that with the boyfriend?”

“I have the feeling that if I have to ask
myself that, I probably don’t.”

“Then why stay?”

That was the million dollar question. I
sighed deeply and averted my eyes to the ground, tracing circles
upon the concrete floor with the toe of my boot. He allowed me my
silence for a few moments before he moved to tuck a stray lock of
hair behind my ear, effectively prompting me for a response.

“My parents are like the gold standard of
relationships. If I keep trying to compare my relationship with
Eric to that, it’s always going to come up short. Maybe I’m not
meant to find that soulmate experience. Or maybe I have, but I
can’t see it because I’m too focused on all of his faults.”

“Well, there’s enough of them there to keep
you occupied for a while,” he grinned, then thought better of it.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

I placed my hand on the trunk to close it at
exactly the same time Matthew did. Together, we lowered the trunk
until it latched closed. Our fingers remained on the lid long after
the contents of the trunk had been secured inside, dangerously
close to one another. I contemplated shifting my weight so that I
accidentally bumped into him, but my hand remained frozen in place.
It didn’t matter anyway; he beat me to the punch.

As his hand grasped mine, I caught him
looking nervously towards the door that led inside. We had been out
here for a few minutes now, and I could tell he was debating
whether he had enough time to say something else before Blake sent
out a search party. His touch burned like always and my resolve to
get in the car and drive off began to melt away.

“Lauren, I –“

“I really need to leave,”

The words came all at once. If I had waited a
second longer to bow out gracefully, I might not have said anything
at all. I wanted to hear his confession, but as it was, my badly
timed sentiment stopped that train of thought completely. His eyes
closed and he nodded slowly. He released my hand and it swung back
to my side.

“Matthew,” I said softly, “we’ll talk later,
okay?”

“Sure,” he said, summoning all of his
strength to sound optimistic. His face contorted as he pulled me to
him for a quick hug. Before he let me go, his lips brushed the top
of my head, sending shivers down my spine. “Now go make the
boyfriend happy.”

Eric’s BMW greeted me in the parking garage,
a silent reminder to gather up my composure and remember who I was
here to see and what I intended to accomplish. I pulled the Sonata
in next to it, for the first time feeling no shame in my choice of
transportation. Sure, his vehicle still cost nearly double mine,
but I refused to feel embarrassed about that. As I climbed out and
went around back to the trunk, I stared at the shiny red beauty and
almost forgave him for being so anal about his car. I could finally
see where he was coming from.

The two hour drive to Indy was the first
lengthy road trip I had taken in my new car so far. It would have
been enjoyable if I hadn’t have been so preoccupied. Instead of
calling Gracie as I had intended, I had sped down here in silence,
not even turning on the radio. My mind was reeling with the words
Matthew had written in his card to me and the things that had been
left unsaid. I knew I was getting ahead of myself. The two things
may not even have been related, but I was numb nonetheless.

I fired off a quick text to Blake to let her
know that I had arrived in one piece. She didn’t respond back, but
I knew that if I wouldn’t have informed her, she would have called
in a couple hours looking for me. Knowing that she was with Matthew
tonight, I wondered what they would talk about. I seriously doubted
he would confide whatever it was he had been about to say, but I
couldn’t be sure. The way he had looked about prior to beginning
indicated that it was for my ears only. However, Blake had an
uncanny ability to weed out the truth. I wouldn’t blame him if he
caved and told her first.

I grabbed both bags and headed to the
elevator. The parking garage was quiet tonight, most spaces
occupied by cars. I imagined families sitting at home with one
another, opening presents or maybe packing bags to head out on the
roads first thing in the morning. Guiltily, my mind flashed to Eric
sitting alone in his condo unsure whether or not I would show up.
In a perfect world, in a perfect relationship, there would have
been no doubt that I would appear on his doorstep tonight even if I
would have had to drive cross country.

When I got to his door, I set down the bags
and rummaged around in my purse for the key to Eric’s condo. I
always had it with me but just didn’t have it on the same keychain
as the keys I used every day. As usual, it had migrated down to the
bottom of the bag. I wrapped my fingers around it and victoriously
brought it to the surface. Again, had we been more solid of a
couple, the key would have been right next to Blake’s and would
have been scratched and worn with use, not bright and shiny like it
had just been cut at the hardware store.

I needed to stop this line of thinking if my
plan was to be successful. I was admitting defeat even before the
opening bell had rung. Preparing for a fight was a bad omen.
However, given our track record lately, it was a trained
response.

I turned the key in the doorknob first, then
in the deadbolt. The door swung open smoothly, allowing my
entrance. I stuck my foot inside the threshold to prop it open,
then drug the bags inside. Once my belongings had made it into the
condo, I stepped in all the way, too.

Eric was nowhere to be seen. I had expected
him to be at his usual perch in the living room, a beer sitting
open before him on the coffee table. The sofa was empty, though the
lights were on. I trained my ears to the sounds surrounding me,
finally focusing in on what sounded like water running from the
master bedroom. He was taking a shower.

Impulsively, I followed the noise into his
room, debating my next move. Before I could chicken out, I stripped
off my clothes and entered the bathroom. For a split second, I
considered what I would do if he wasn’t alone, then chastised
myself for the thought. Of course he would be by himself if he
wasn’t yet with me.

His shower was one of the deluxe, walk in
variety. There was no door to shield him, nor to announce my
arrival. His back was turned to me as he bathed, obviously not
aware that anyone was watching. I walked in behind him, the hot
water enveloping me, too. My arms reached for him, my fingers
caressing his wet skin.

“Merry Christmas, Eric,” I said softly.

He jumped slightly and turned to face me. For
a brief moment he just stood there, frozen, as though he couldn’t
believe I had actually shown up.

“It is now,” he responded eventually, pulling
me into him.

His kisses were full of intensity, his green
eyes blazing with desire. The steaming water only heightened the
feelings. It was all too easy to melt into him, to forget all the
doubts that played on an infinite loop in my mind. Of every aspect
of our relationship, this was the one we had mastered. It was so
easy to sink into this comfortable, familiar territory and ignore
all our lingering issues.

And I let him, again and again, refusing to
admit the truth. If this was the only thing we had going for us,
then who was I to judge Blake and her string of one night
stands?

Eventually the hot water flowing from the
shower head dissipated, and he reluctantly turned off the faucet. I
remained dripping and shivering in the shower while he got out to
retrieve a towel. He held out the plush cotton rectangle and I
grabbed it almost as hungrily as I had grabbed him. The fabric was
delightfully warm courtesy of his heated towel bars. I wrapped the
towel around me and stepped out onto the warm travertine floor. At
times like these, I understood his logic in installing high end
upgrades. If I ever stayed here long enough to get used to the
luxuries, I would have a hard time returning to my existence in the
real world.

Eric stood behind me as I dried off, clearly
admiring what he saw in the mirror. My cheeks flushed with
unnecessary modesty. Catching my expression, he smirked.

“So you can ambush me in the shower, but I
can’t watch you get dressed?” His tone was light and playful, but
he still left me to my own devices.

The walk-in closet could be accessed through
both the bathroom and the master bedroom. Obviously, I opted for
the bathroom entrance, praying that my pajamas were still where I
had left them. I breathed a sigh of relief as I opened the
appropriate dresser drawer. I pulled out the red silk tank and
shorts and slipped them on. Definitely not what I was accustomed to
wearing to bed, but they would do. Somehow I didn’t think he would
enjoy my visit as much if I were clad in my typical oversized
t-shirt and plaid flannel pants.

He was perched across his king sized bed when
I had finished dressing and brushing out my hair. He smiled broadly
as I entered the bedroom, beckoning me to his side.

“Just what I like to see,” he remarked.
“Ready for bed at eight at night.”

“Look who’s talking,” I gestured to his own
attire, consisting of nothing more than boxer shorts.

“It’s not like we can go out or anything.
It’s Christmas Eve. I doubt we could even grab a burger at this
hour.” His face clouded momentarily. “You’re not hungry, are
you?”

I shook my head. “I think I ate enough for
two people today.”

“Good, because I’m all tapped out. Though I
could fill you up in other ways, I’m sure.”

“I hope my dad’s not counting on us to bring
anything tomorrow,” I joked, knowing full well he didn’t.

“I’ve got beer, but something about that
doesn’t seem right.”

A small giggle escaped my lips as I mounted
the bed. I knew he was being silly, not insensitive. One thing he
had never handled inappropriately was my mother’s death or the
circumstances surrounding it. Given his brashness in most other
matters, it was the one subject I could always count on him to
tread lightly with. Had my father been in the room, he never would
have voiced that comment. With me, he was a little less guarded but
still impressively sensitive.

Eric wrapped his arm around me as I settled
against my pillow. Noticing the goosebumps on my bare arms, he
rubbed the length of the one furthest away then pulled the
comforter over us. I snuggled against him, craving the warmth he
provided.

“I’m glad you were able to come.”

“I needed to be here with you,” I admitted,
choosing my words carefully. I didn’t want to lie and tell him that
I couldn’t imagine myself anywhere else. Better to phrase it
honestly no matter how awkward that sounded. I did need to be here,
to invest time in our relationship. That much was true.

He played with a tendril of my hair, twirling
the damp lock around his index finger. I closed my eyes and drank
in the sensation. The feeling of him running his fingers through my
hair, massaging my scalp, was heavenly. One by one, the muscles in
my body relaxed.

“Long day?”

“No, not really. I went in early so I could
leave right at noon, but it wasn’t like I accomplished much. Nobody
there was really on task today. So, we talked a lot and ate quite a
bit. Blake redid my office as my Christmas present. It was the talk
of the building and most everyone stopped by to take a peek.”