Into the Fire (Bridge Book 2) (7 page)

I couldn’t stop. Electricity flew down my spine. My balls tightened painfully, and I came, finding heaven inside of her. I released my death grip on her hips when I realized I was likely leaving marks.

With a heavy sigh, she wilted against the sheets. I covered her body with mine, inhaled her scent like oxygen I’d been deprived of. I sighed heavily. Relief washed over me—the relief of being close without having to see that look in her eyes.

Fighting the urge to stay buried deep in her heat, I slipped away. Had to catch my breath…

Moving off the bed and toward the brightly lit bathroom to deal with the condom, I left her to rest. I caught my reflection in the mirror. Warmth in my cheeks and a satisfied set of my shoulders. Something familiar and completely strange came over me.

You’ve done this a hundred times.

Fucked a girl. Got rid of the condom. Got rid of the scent of her, the taste of her.

I shook my head and turned on the faucet. I splashed cold water on my face and inhaled the smell of Vanessa on my hands. Blood rushed to my cock, but this wasn’t right. That little voice was like metal in my mouth and made me uneasy all over.

I shut the bathroom door and turned on the shower.

The water poured down, and I washed quickly, mechanically while my mind went to war.

She’s not like the others…

Vanessa was different. Everything about her revved me up. The way she moved, the way she brushed me off because even if she might have wanted me, she didn’t need me.

But tonight, the way she touched me and reached for me screamed intimacy. I knew then without a doubt that she wanted more from me than a quick fuck. Whether or not she’d admit it out loud or even knew it, I could tell. As if I’d been programmed to take caution at the first sign of intimacy, my brain was suddenly on high alert, overthinking everything seconds after I’d had an incredible orgasm.

I was getting hard at the thought of being with her again. I wanted her tonight and tomorrow, all damn week, every different way until she couldn’t walk back to her room.

I toweled off, ready to make good on that thought. Tucking the towel at my waist, I walked out of the fog of the bathroom and into the hotel room, expecting to see her still warming my bed. Except she was gone.

I
’d had
the best and the worst sex of my life last night. Eli’s suspicions had been spot on. No doubt about it. Darren fucked like a god. His prowess between the sheets was aligned perfectly with his physical perfection. He was so far from anyone else in the sex department. Comparisons were an absolute waste of time.

Maybe intuitively I had known it would be like that all along. Incredible. Mind-blowing. Multiple-orgasm inducing.

Except, at the end of the day—or night—it was all about sex.

I knew the feeling. I’d felt like this before. Sure, it had been a while for me, but I wasn’t a stranger to the occasional hookup. I knew what it was like to get caught up in the physical moment and then have reality set in after the fact. Along with that twinge of feeling a little bit used and a little bit cheap.

For some reason I had fooled myself into believing things with Darren would be different. But why would they? He was the ambassador of cheap, casual sex. And who was I but the next patron?

I’d come more than once. I could hardly complain, but the way it all ended had made me feel so empty. Like he wanted to keep as much distance as possible between us after we’d been so close seconds before.

Deep down I’d wanted something that didn’t feel quite so…blunt. I was alone with that thought as he walked away from me. Then the sound of the shower he was going to take, alone. No amount of sex-scented hotel sheets could keep the unwanted feeling from creeping over my skin. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

Even if I’d been up half the night regretting it.

“Are you listening?”

“What?” I blinked several times, and Eli’s face came back into focus before me.

“I asked if you wanted to bring a purse to the ceremony or if you want me to keep your things for you since I’m wearing pants.”

I shook my head. “I’ll bring my purse. Thank you, though.”

I held my teal chiffon dress up against me as Eli carefully worked the zipper up the side. The bridesmaid gown was a pretty strapless number that came up to my knee. Light and airy, perfect for an island wedding. Olivia was nearby, putting makeup on Maya, who was still in her negligee under a loose satin robe. Simple white lace that was going to be well appreciated by the groom tonight no doubt.

Eli looked stellar in a white collared shirt and a teal vest, his hair styled so his black locks were slicked back and out of his eyes. He’d be standing next to me on Maya’s side. He had a hand on his hip. “You look exhausted. You need more concealer. Did you sleep last night?”

“Not really,” I murmured.

He handed me a tube of makeup. I dabbed some more under my eyes, trying to make it blend over the many freckles that had cropped up on my cheeks the past couple of days.

He shot a quick glance to Maya and Olivia and then back to me. “Darren?”

His voice was low, and for that I was grateful. Last thing I wanted was Olivia knowing I had slept with her brother. I’m sure the news would make it to Mommy Dearest in record time.

I nodded.

“Is he a stallion or what?”

I shrugged. I didn’t know how to answer that. It had been amazing. Textbook amazing. It could have been something even more if he’d showed an inkling of intimacy afterward. Instead I’d left his room feeling like the hookup that I’d worried I’d be if I gave in to him.

A knock sounded at the door, and I went to it, eager to escape Eli’s line of questioning. Except Darren was on the other side. A flush of warmth crept over my skin in seconds. He was donning the same wedding attire as Eli, and the bright white shirt and vest contrasted beautifully against his olive skin and dark hair.

Idiot. I was an idiot for letting myself feel the way I did about him. The pope could have warned me, and I would have blindly followed my stupid heart right into the arms of this master player.

“I have a gift for the bride.” He handed me a long thin box.

“Oh, thanks. I’ll give it to her.” I took the box and tried to look anywhere but into Darren’s eyes.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Well, we’re kind of in the middle of getting ready.” I studied the ornate carpet floor of the hallway to avoid his stare. Why did I have to sleep with him hours before the wedding?

“You’re stunning.”

“Thanks,” I said, so quietly I barely heard it.

“Vanessa, please. Just give me a couple minutes.”

He slid his hand into mine, and I let him guide me through the doorway into the hall where we were alone. I closed the door behind me and chanced a look at the man who’d blown my mind and wrecked my night. He was cleanly shaven, tanned from the island sun, but he didn’t look at ease. His jaw was firm and his lips were tight. He looked a little bit like how I felt. All made up, but restless and unsettled under it all.

I chewed the inside of my lip a second before speaking. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Why you left me last night…”

My heart twisted at his words, at the hint that maybe he cared. But I played it off like I didn’t. “I was tired. I didn’t figure you needed me hanging around.” That was at least half-true.

He shook his head, seeming no lighter. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“I was an ass last night, and you know it. Stop pretending that you don’t care, Vanessa.”

I searched his eyes, wanting to believe him. The truth was I didn’t want to care. I really didn’t. But maybe this was the time to own up to it.

“Darren… This is my fault. I knew what I was getting into with you, and I let myself get too emotional about it.”

He hesitated long enough for me to regret the admission. I should have stuck with my not-caring facade. I’d already let him into my body. Why bring him into my heart and show him without a doubt why I wasn’t the kind of girl he could want for more than a night?

He threaded his fingers more tightly with mine, and hope fluttered in my chest.

“I freaked out. Okay? I care about you, and I’m not used to caring about the women I’m with. That reality hit me at an odd moment, and I didn’t handle it well. I wanted you to stay, truly. I was…”

He winced.

“What?” I whispered. My heart was thrumming back to life, hope and unexpected feelings for Darren riding over the disappointment I’d left with last night.

This time he looked away. “I was hurt…seeing the bed empty, when all I wanted was to come back to you. But more than that I was pissed at myself because I knew I deserved it.” He lifted my hand and pressed a soft kiss to the back. “Believe it or not, I don’t want to be a cold-hearted bastard.”

“It’s fine,” I lied.

“No, it’s not. Last night was exceptional. I’ve never wanted someone so goddamn bad and then…” He hesitated. “Maybe it wasn’t the same for you.”

I shook my head. “It’s never been like that for me. I was telling you the truth.”

“Give me another chance, Vanessa. I’m asking, but you have to know me well enough by now to know that I’m tenacious as a motherfucker. I am not letting you slip away this easy, and I’m not giving up on whatever this is between us.”

“What can there possibly be between us?”

“Whatever we want.”

“You can’t possibly want—” I couldn’t finish my own sentence. The words died in my throat.

“Believe me, I want.”

Then he melded his lips over mine, silencing my doubts and filling the space between us with all the fiery tension that had plagued me for days. He pulled away abruptly, leaving me panting and overwhelmed.

“I want it all,” he said.

I caught my breath, and the seriousness in his eyes leveled me.

“I’ll see you tonight.”

And with that, he disappeared down the hall.

The ceremony went off without a hitch. Watching Maya and Cameron say their vows against the sunset was nothing less than postcard quality. I’d never been a hearts and flowers guy, but even I couldn’t deny the beauty of the moment.

The guests all meandered into the reception hall. I caught up with some of our extended family, cousins, and friends I hadn’t seen in ages. A jittery kind of energy pulsed through me. Maybe it was watching my brother profess a lifelong commitment to the love of his life. Maybe it was the hope I saw in Vanessa’s eyes hours before, hope that I’d dashed by being a heartless piece of shit last night. I still didn’t know what it all meant. The foreign feelings this woman inspired inside of me.

She wasn’t desperate. Not remotely. I’d had to gracefully work my way away from some stage five clingers more than once, but she wasn’t like that. It was almost like she didn’t want to want me the way she did. I’d gotten her to let go of that for a few precious moments last night, when I was inside her, taking her, making her feel things she could no longer deny. The physical connection had blown me away, making it easy for me to believe her when she’d admitted it had been the same for her. We had chemistry. That was undeniable now.

My thoughts spun around Vanessa, around the past few days. Then my life, somehow easier to see from the outside in a place like this. An oasis from reality.

The setting sun basked the sand and sky in a pink glow. Cam and Maya were moving with ease on the dance floor, seemingly lost in each other. Maya was beaming, and hell if Cameron hadn’t been smiles all damn day. As usual, he couldn’t keep his hands off her, and why would he today, of all days?

I’d never known a guy to fall so hard and stay wrapped up in the same girl for so long. Through war, through two botched proposals, through a score of demons that Maya tried to put between them. His love for her had always been so foreign to me, but I’d admired it. Something equally foreign was the envy I now felt. Envy and a growing sense of having fallen short.

Not that it mattered what anyone else thought, but I could read it on people’s faces around us. Wasn’t I supposed to be the one taking the plunge first? I was the oldest, but Cameron had beaten me to it.

Putting someone else first and trusting implicitly that she’d do the same for you… That wasn’t how we’d been raised. Was I even capable of it?

I couldn’t even keep a woman in my bed after making love to her, if I could even call it that.

Maybe at first. I’d felt a connection with Vanessa when we joined that took my fucking breath away. Like our two bodies were made to accept each other, to bring each other to heights that no one else could come close to. Then, somewhere along the way, my mind went into autopilot and whatever spark of magic there’d been between us had been reduced to fucking. I’d fucked Vanessa, ultimately, the same way I’d fucked so many others. Like it meant nothing.

But she meant something.

I’d spent most of the morning by myself, lost in these thoughts, trying to sort things out in my head enough to figure out what the hell I was going to say at the reception. Me, of all people, ruminating on love.

Time was up.

I brought my knife up to my glass and dinged. I cleared my throat and glanced at the battered piece of paper on the table in front of me for a moment. When I rose to speak, the room grew silent.

“I’m not sure what Cameron was thinking when he picked me to be his best man. I think the love gods are looking down on us right now having a good laugh, wondering what this bachelor could possibly say to honor the sanctity of marriage.”

Laughter rose up from the tables.

“I’ll try my best though, because these two deserve it.”

I’d never shied away from speaking in front of a crowd. I’d gotten my laugh, but now that I had to get talking about the nuts and bolts of love, I was stuck. The words…I’d written it all out.

Just fucking do it, Darren.

I forced the next words out.

“I’ve been thinking lately that love doesn’t always come easy. Sometimes true love doesn’t find a person for years and years, despite searching and any number of obstacles put in their way by others or by themselves. Seems like people can find love and forget its magic too.”

I found my mother’s face in the crowd. Schooled in detached politeness. Cold and hard, like her heart. Between her and Frank, it seemed like all three of us kids were damned. The fact that Cameron had found love among us was a miracle.

I looked away, not wanting to dwell on the loveless union of our parents and what it had been like to grow up surrounded by that empty shell.

“What Cameron and Maya have found… I’ve never seen anything like it. They’re two halves of a whole. Two hearts meant to find each other. Their kind of love runs deep and lasts a lifetime. It’s a love to look up to, to fight for, to hold onto if you’re lucky enough to find something so precious.”

My voice wavered a bit, and a strange emotion gripped me, tightened my gut. Was I fucking this up? One glance at the tears in Maya’s eyes told me I wasn’t. Then Vanessa beside her, a rapt expression on her face. I swallowed hard. “Either way, seems like love can be a fragile gift. Something to be treasured once found. I know that Cameron and Maya will always treasure it in each other.”

I smiled and raised my glass.

“Cheers, to the happy couple. Wishing you every happiness together.”

Maybe it was the pink champagne, but now that all the formalities had passed, I felt lighter…relieved. Even if I was still reeling a bit from Darren’s speech. I had a hard time believing that those seemingly heartfelt words had originated from some sort of canned speech he’d found online. That moment of hesitation…recognition…when our gazes had locked was still haunting me.

Something inside of me wanted to believe our time together had inspired some of those thoughts, but the fact was, we’d been in each other’s lives for a matter of days.

Love took years. And sometimes years weren’t enough. Seemed like he understood that too.

Maya turned in her seat beside me. The nonstop traffic at the wedding party table had finally died down a little. I had wanted to ask her if she’d spoken to Cameron, but the day had flown by.

“Has Cameron’s family worn you out yet?”

She laughed. “No, I’m actually enjoying meeting everyone. Thank God not everyone is like Diane.” She sipped from her water glass.