Into the Fire (Bridge Book 2) (14 page)

“I don’t have time to talk to you, Darren,” I snapped. “Now, get
out
.”

I twisted out of his grasp, went to the bathroom, and locked the door behind me. Leaning against the door, I listened for him. As if I could hear his regret, his love, anything at all that might take some of this pain away. All I could hear was my heart beating angrily in my chest. All I could feel were painful wet tears stinging my eyes.

Inhaling a deep breath, I pushed off the door and turned the shower on. I stepped in and my tears disappeared, disguised under the spray of the water.

I texted Cameron, letting him know we needed to talk. He was still at home so I walked in the direction of the brownstone he now shared with his bride. Maybe having Maya as a witness would help.

Because nothing could possibly be worse right now. I was a fucking idiot, and Maya was right. Vanessa didn’t deserve to deal with this shit. And I certainly didn’t deserve her heart. Even as I sensed her becoming mine a little more each time we were together, this morning was a classic reason why she’d been right to be guarded. But I wasn’t letting her go without a fight.

I cursed to myself as I walked, sometimes out loud, earning a few odd stares from strangers on the street. I didn’t give a shit. This morning had been amazing and a total goddamn disaster.

For all my wanting to give her the perfect night, this was where I’d landed.

I didn’t bother knocking but walked right into the apartment.

Cameron was sitting at the kitchen table, coffee in hand. Maya was on the couch with a book. I looked between the two of them before taking a chair across from Cam.

“I fucked Raina.”

His jaw was tense, and his gaze seemed fixed on the coffee cup in front of him. “I know.”

“She told you?”

Maya looked up from her book for a second.

“She figured it’d be better for me to hear it from her first.” Cam’s words were slow and deliberate.

I got the strong sense that he was harnessing a good amount of anger toward me. “And?”

He took a deep breath. “And she was right. Kept me from putting my fist through a wall. Not sure if she could have kept me from putting it to your face if you’d been there.”

I nodded. “I deserve that.”

“Now I need to address it with Raina.”

I drummed my fingers on the table, trying to guess how horrible that was going to be. “Maybe you should let me—”

“No way.”

“I wish we could just drop this. Pretend like nothing happened.”

“That’s obviously not working out.” Maya rose and sat down beside us at the table. “Raina had her hands all over you, so she obviously thinks whatever happened can happen again.”

“I’ll explain that I met someone. It’ll be good practice.” I stared down at my hands. They turned into balled fists when I remembered Vanessa’s devastated look when she’d read those text messages. “I’ve made a real mess of things. With Raina. And now with Vanessa…”

I shook my head and shoved my hands through my hair with a heavy sigh. I had to fix this somehow. But I had a lot of damage to repair to even come close.

“Did you tell her?” Maya’s voice was calm, infused with concern that gave me a little hope.

“I was going to. We had…” I sighed again. “We got sidetracked. I was going to try to explain things to her, but I didn’t. She saw some texts from Raina and others this morning.”

“And…”

“And I’m pretty sure she never wants to see me again. Can’t say I blame her.”

The silence that fell over the table was loud with all the things I knew they wanted to say. Didn’t matter. I was the master of my own self-loathing right now.

“I think I’m in love with her,” I muttered quietly.

When I looked up, Cameron’s eyes were wide. Maya’s were softer.

Cam blew out an audible breath. “Wow. I guess I never expected to hear that come out of your mouth.”

I stared blankly at the table. “No one’s more surprised than I am. But when am I ever going to find a girl like her again?”

“You should know, since you’ve sampled about half the available women in New York.”

“What are you going to do?” Maya asked.

“I have no idea. I don’t think she’ll see me again.”

Another minute passed before Maya spoke. “Okay. I have a plan.”

I raised my eyebrows and waited for any hope she could give me.

“Cam and I have an announcement to make, and we wanted to bring everyone together for it anyway. Let me coordinate a dinner for tonight. I’ll invite Vanessa and you, of course. I can’t guarantee anything, but at least it gets you in the same room with her.”

“She usually works late. How do we know she’ll even show?”

“We’ll do it close to her office so she won’t have an excuse.”

“I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get her back. I need a chance to make this right.”

She stood again. “Don’t make me regret it.”

I nodded. Maya was giving me a chance I didn’t deserve.

I
arrived
at the office of Reilly Donovan Capital with three minutes to spare. I was usually early to work. Despite the hellish morning I’d had, I was grateful to at least be on time this morning. I wasn’t sure I could deal with Reilly’s wrath if I hadn’t been. I smoothed my hands down my black pants and straightened my blouse so the wide scoop centered on my chest.

The door was dark and imposing, its facade made of an ornately carved wood that seemed to belong in an older structure, like an early bank. I pushed it open and entered the reception area. Maroon walls were decorated sparsely with gold-leaf-framed artwork. Even the paintings seemed dark.

I approached one of two desks that faced one another. A woman my age, maybe a little older, lifted her head. She had big brown eyes, and her dark hair was short and curled against her scalp.

“Hi, you must be Vanessa.” She rose and shook my hand.

“That’s me.” I lifted my shoulders, unable to shake the first-day jitters, even knowing I’d be providing much of the same support to David as I had before. Her friendly countenance was a reassuring start.

“I’m Adriana, Bill Donovan’s assistant. They’re on a call right now, but I can show you around and give you the lay of the land.”

“That would be great.”

She spent the next ten minutes guiding me through the various rooms. The conference room was occupied for their call, but both David and Bill’s offices were as lavish as one would expect—dark polished surfaces, expensive liquors nearby, and views to the street below. If I had a million dollars or more to invest, perhaps all of those details and the scary bank door would give me a measure of comfort.

Near the entryway, Adriana guided us back to our desks. Mine was already nearly obscured with stacks of paperwork. My head started spinning as I began mentally organizing it all.

“Looks like I’d better get to work.”

She nodded. “I’ll let you get situated, and we can go over whatever questions you have. I have a system, but since we’re starting new with this venture, I’d like to get your input too so we can stay efficient.”

“Sounds great.”

I powered on my computer and started sorting through the paperwork on my desk. I threw myself into every task, for once welcoming the distraction of the thousand things I needed to do today. My appetite had vanished, so I worked through lunch, not pausing until Reilly called me into his office hours later.

“In my office now, please.”

I scrambled for my notebook. Something was definitely wrong. I closed the door to his office and settled into a chair across from his desk. “Is everything okay?”

He slumped into his swivel chair. “My grandmother passed away a few days ago.”

Only then did I notice the tired look in his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“I have to go up to the Hamptons for her funeral.”

“Of course. I’ll hold things down here. Whatever you need.”

He shook his head and fumbled through the papers on his desk, seeming distracted. “No. I need you there with me.”

For a minute, I sensed something a little desperate in his voice, but quickly the hard-faced Reilly I knew too well met my concerned stare.

“There are some things that need to be taken care of at the summer house up there anyway.”

The last thing I really wanted was to head out of town with Reilly, but my job was hardly on solid ground with this transition.

“Of course. I’ll make travel arrangements.”

“Good. No need for a hotel. We’ll stay at the summer house.”

I nodded and stood to leave.

“And a coffee, please.”

“Sure.”

In the office’s little kitchenette, I prepped a fresh brew and brought him a cup. When I set his mug down, his hand grazed mine. I froze.

“Thank you…for everything.” He looked up at me with those gray eyes that I’d grown to dread.

“You’re welcome,” I answered quietly.

He moved his hand away, and I left without another word.

* * *

R
eilly had left
the office earlier than usual, allowing me to do the same. Maya had insisted I make dinner with her and Cameron tonight. I was curious what her big announcement could be. I took the empty seat next to Eli. I hadn’t seen him since his sleepover with Taylor last night and was surprised that he was solo again so soon.

“Where’s the boy?”

“He’s on a flight to Dubai. Photographing cityscapes.” He sighed, and a faraway look touched his eyes. “Probably getting screwed by some beautiful sheik.”

“You’re letting your imagination run away a bit, I think.”

He twirled his straw around in his drink. “Maybe I am. Would help if he stayed in town long enough to make me believe he cared.”

“Have you told him how you feel?”

I was one to talk. I’d fully admitted to myself that I loved Darren but couldn’t get the words out. Not that any of that mattered now. I shoved the feeling back down, but every time I imagined Darren’s gorgeous face, it reared back up again, dominating the forefront of my mind. The amazing things he’d said to me the last time we were together. The way he seemed completely overwhelmed by our connection in the same way I did.

I loved Darren. And I hated that I did.

Eli shook his head, and a lock of his black bangs swept into his eyes. “I’m sticking with passive-aggressive and hoping he sees the error of his ways.”

“You’re not happy, Eli. You need to either tell him you need a commitment or move on. I don’t like seeing you this way.”

He shot me a sidelong glance. “You giving relationship advice now?”

“I’m not an expert, but I’m your friend. I want to see you happy. You deserve that.”

“Thanks. Unfortunately, he’s the only one I want right now. I just don’t know how happy that’s going to make me in the long run.”

I took the glass of wine the waiter delivered graciously.

“I know the feeling,” I muttered and took a healthy gulp that I nearly choked on.

Darren took that moment to drop into the only empty seat at the table. Of course Cam and Maya would invite him. He was family and Cam’s best friend.

And as long as I was friends with Maya, I’d have to tolerate being in his presence from time to time. The thought was unbearable. One look at him, and I was a tornado of memories and regret, of remembered passion and fresh shame for giving him so much of myself. A known player. A man who’d never let a woman tie him down. I swallowed hard and let the waiter take my dinner order. I wouldn’t be able to get anything down. I’d been sustaining myself on coffee all day and still had no interest in food. Not when I was sitting this close to Darren.

Leaving wasn’t an option. I couldn’t do that to Maya. I didn’t want to be rude, but avoiding Darren’s stare was becoming a losing occupation. I retrieved my phone from my purse and quietly loaded up new messages in my e-mail. I scanned through everything. Then a text came in from an unknown number. New York.

Y
ou’re beautiful
.

I
frowned and texted back
.

W
ho is this
?

I
waited
, wondering if I should be engaging in text messages from an unknown number. Maybe this person was a total creep. Or a wrong number.

T
he guy
at the table who can’t take his eyes off of you.

I
reread
the text when the meaning dawned on me. I glanced up quickly, just as Darren lifted his gaze from his phone. I averted my eyes quickly, not at all ready for extended eye contact with the man who’d had me in tears all morning. I hesitated over what to say next. If anything. He hadn’t reached out to me all day, but maybe this was why.

N
ew number
?

H
is reply came quickly
.

G
ot it this morning
. Time for a fresh start.

I
went back
to my e-mail and tried to focus on the mental checklist I was making for tomorrow’s trip. Another text came in.

G
ive me another chance
. Please.

J
ust then
, Maya spoke up. “Okay, everyone. Thank you all so much for coming. We lured you here with the promise of a big announcement. So without further ado, Cameron and I wanted to share with you that we’re having a”—she grinned broadly and looked to Cameron—“boy.”

The smile that spread across Cameron’s face was pure joy.

Darren whooped, Eli and Olivia clapped, and I gave Maya a hug so tight she could probably scarcely breathe.

“Congratulations, Maya. I’m so incredibly happy for you both.”

As I said the words, fresh tears hit my eyes. Out of nowhere. Damn. I was letting my personal problems leak all over Maya’s beautiful news.

“Are you okay?” She held my hand, her expression tight with concern.

“Yes. I’m sorry. It’s nothing.” I wiped stupidly at my eyes, hating myself. “I’m going to get some air. I’ll be right back.”

I left the table quickly and walked a few paces past the entrance of the restaurant where no one was lingering or smoking. The night air felt cool on my skin and stung my tired eyes. Tomorrow would be better. I hadn’t had twenty-four hours to get Darren even a little bit out of my system. No wonder I was a wreck.

“Vanessa.”

I heard his voice, and my heart twisted painfully in my chest. I felt it in my gut where I’d lodged all my anger toward him. Then in my eyes where I’d tried to cry it all out. I closed my eyes, praying that he’d leave me be.

“Vanessa, look at me.”

His voice was barely a whisper and his tender touch on my cheek sent a fresh wave of almost tears to my eyes.

“Why are you doing this to me?” I didn’t recognize my own voice. It wasn’t strong and angry the way I wanted it to be.

One look into his brown eyes, seeing my own hurt reflected there, gutted me.

“Because I can’t help you’re the one I want. You’re trying to come up with any reason to derail us. But I won’t let you. I want this to work, damn it.”

“I’m afraid it won’t. I’m in so deep with you already. I’m falling for you, and I can’t seem to stop it unless I believe the worst.”

He came closer. I was trapped between his body and the building.

“You’re falling, Vanessa. I’ve fallen too. I’m in deep. You had every right to be pissed at me over those texts. I never promised to be perfect because I’m far from it. But I promise to be loyal. You need to believe that.”

“You’ve been with so many other women. Why would you change anything for me?”

“Every day you give me another reason. You’re real. You don’t play stupid games. You call me out on my shit. You may want me, but you don’t need me.”

“That’s not true.” I did need Darren. So much it frightened me.

“I know I don’t deserve someone like you. But that doesn’t change the way I want you.”

I weakened against the building. “What do you expect me to do?”

“I expect you to kick me to the fucking curb the way you did this morning. But I can’t give up that easily. Despite what you may think, I’ve been loyal to you. I can’t even look at other women, let alone consider being with them. The way I feel when I’m with you…” He closed his eyes a moment before opening them again. “I want to be a better man. You make me want to be a better man. Someone who deserves someone like you. Give me a chance to prove to you that I can.”

My walls broke down more with every word. I couldn’t deny wanting to give him another chance. “I don’t want to be your dirty little secret.”

“You aren’t. I can’t promise that my past won’t come back to haunt me at times, and it may hurt you. For that, I’m sorry, because I can’t change my past and the choices I’ve already made. But I’ll deal with those situations as they arise. I made my bed. I knew one day that mixing leisure with work was going to catch up with me. I think Cameron knew it all along too. Now that he knows the worst of it, I feel like I can deal with everyone else.”

“You told him?”

“Kind of.”

“What about Raina?”

“I talked to her this morning after I left your apartment. She knows I’m seeing someone. And everyone else is going to be texting the wrong number for a while. Doesn’t solve everything, but hopefully it means that nothing like this morning ever happens again. I don’t think I could live with myself if I saw that look on your face again.”

I swallowed, reliving that terrible moment for about the hundredth time today. “I was devastated.”

“I know you were. I hate myself for putting you through that.”

“You have to know that I always want to give you the benefit of the doubt.”

“I know.” His eyes glittered under the streetlights. “Hey, want to go inside and I can announce to the whole restaurant that you’re my girlfriend? That you decided to forgive my douchebag behavior because you can’t deny how crazy I am for you?”