Into the Blue (A Wild Aces Romance) (22 page)

Dani left the kitchen to call her family in Georgia and wish them a happy Thanksgiving. Jordan and I stayed behind, finishing up the last touches on the meal. I’d never cooked
for so many people before, never had a big family, but it was nice celebrating the holiday with such a large group. In addition to me, Eric, Jordan, Easy, and Dani, Jordan had invited five single pilots who weren’t able to be with their families.

“It’s weird not having Noah here,” Jordan commented, stirring the gravy. “I feel guilty knowing he won’t get much of a Thanksgiving in Korea while I’m here doing all of this.”

“I bet. Will they do something like this over there?”

“Yeah, his squadron was planning on doing a dinner, but it won’t be quite the same.”

“It’s gotta be rough, spending your first Thanksgiving apart.”

“It is, but I’m sort of getting used to it. Everyone warned me it would be like this.” She gave a little laugh. “I guess I’m really an Air Force wife now.”

I shook my head, a smile playing at my lips. “The things we do for the men we love.”

“Amen, sister.”

“Eric mentioned you got married earlier this year.”

Her smile widened. “Yeah, we sort of eloped to Vegas in May. We met there, so it seemed appropriate to return to the scene of the crime, so to speak.”

“I love that.”

“We really needed it. It was rough after Joker died. His death put in perspective what’s important. I met Noah when I was in Vegas for my sister’s bachelorette weekend, and everything afterward was a whirlwind. I knew embarrassingly little about the military and was overwhelmed by how different everything was, by the challenges of the lifestyle. It wasn’t just starting a new relationship; I felt like I was entering a whole new world. And for a long time, I didn’t see how I would fit in it. But that night . . . the crash . . . it
just changed. And I realized the most important thing was that we loved each other. Everything else didn’t matter.”

“That makes sense.” I sighed. “I’m trying to ease my way into this. I feel like I suck at it, though.”

“Then you’re definitely in good company. Trust me, we all feel like that at one time or another. Often, more times than not. You have to push through and do your best, as corny as that sounds. And I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself. You and Thor seem really happy together.”

For some reason, that made me smile even more. I wasn’t sure I would ever get used to hearing Eric referred to by his call sign.

“We are. It’s a long time coming, obviously, but I’m glad we found our way back to each other. I knew I missed him, but I didn’t realize how much until he returned.”

“He needed to go home.” Jordan’s expression sobered. “It’s been really rough for the guys since the accident. Noah has dreams sometimes. Thor looked so devastated after it happened. And Easy . . .” She sighed. “Easy’s a mess.”

I hesitated, not wanting to seem nosy and, at the same time, not wanting to put my foot in my mouth later on.

“Is Easy . . .” I struggled to find the right words. “He just seemed to be a little, uh, uncomfortable around Dani.”

“That’s one way to put it.” She gave me a wry smile. “Yeah. Let’s just say there’s some stuff there.”

I figured “stuff” was the diplomatic way of saying that Easy was definitely into Dani.

“She doesn’t know?”

Jordan shook her head. “She’s really close with all the guys. Joker was the squadron commander and Dani took her role as his wife seriously. They were an amazing couple. One of those couples that seemed so in love. And they were good to everyone around them.

“She basically adopted the squadron—cooking meals, celebrating birthdays, being their family when they needed it. It’s who she is. She’s the kind of person who would do anything for you.

“Easy was one of Joker’s closest friends and he spent a lot of time with Dani. So yeah, they’re really close. But she definitely has no idea that it’s anything else for him. Joker was her whole world. I don’t think she really sees anyone else. Not like that. I don’t think she ever will, either.”

That sounded so sad for both of them.

“Did Thor tell you about the lantern release we’re doing later?”

I nodded. Eric told me it had been Dani’s idea to release sky lanterns as a way of remembering Joker, and Jordan had jumped on the idea, coordinating everything.

“I think it’ll be good for her. There were a ton of official events after he died, but she was still so numb from the shock, still processing everything, trying to hold it together for her family, his family, the squadron, for Joker’s memory. She didn’t really get a chance to grieve, and now, seven months later, I think she’s coming to terms with the fact that he’s gone, that her life has to go on without him. I’m hoping this will help her feel like she’s saying her own good-bye, on her terms, at a time when she’s ready to do it.”

My eyes welled up with tears, a matching expression on Jordan’s face.

She reached out and wrapped her arm around me, giving me a side hug.

“This is a sisterhood of sorts. We’re a weird, slightly fucked up family, but we’re ride-or-die and we have your back when you need it.” She pulled back and gave me a wry smile. “Unfortunately the way this lifestyle goes, you will need it. But at least know you aren’t alone, and I promise
you, whatever you’re feeling, we’ve all been there and get it. You can always talk to me. I hope we’ll become friends.”

I grinned, wiping at my eyes. “I’d love that.”

“Me, too.”

She grabbed our wineglasses off the counter, handing me mine just as Dani walked in.

Jordan wrapped her other arm around her friend’s waist, handing her the spare glass.

“I’m making a toast.”

Dani smiled. “Okay. What are we toasting?”

“Us.”

“That sounds like an excellent toast to me,” Dani answered.

We lifted our glasses with a silent toast, and suddenly it hit me that I’d always seen the Air Force as a threat to the family I wanted, imagined it taking Eric away from me and the family I’d been trying to build. But standing here in the kitchen with two women I’d just met yet felt a kinship with, I realized that maybe it would give me a different kind of family instead. One I could lean on when this life rocked
me.

It was one of the best Thanksgivings I’d ever had. The food was amazing. I wasn’t the greatest cook and Jordan had admitted she wasn’t much for domesticity, either, but Dani had just grinned and whipped us into shape in the kitchen.

I revised my initial impression of her. I’d thought she was shy, quiet even, but that wasn’t it exactly. She was just understated in a way that reminded me of Southern grace—and at the same time, steel resided beneath the manners and quiet tones. I liked her. A lot.

Dinner went well, the conversation mainly revolving around flying. I quickly realized Easy and Eric were more experienced than the rest of the group, and it was cool to hear the way the other guys looked up to them, asking them questions and seeking their input.

I was so glad I’d come out here to visit Eric. I saw a new side of him now, one I admired and respected in an entirely different way. He’d accomplished so much in the time we’d spent apart, and as much time as we’d lost, more and more
I realized how badly we’d needed it to get us here, to a place where we felt stronger than ever.

We walked outside with the rest of the group, our hands linked.

I took a step forward, but Eric tugged me back, bringing me to his side, his arms wrapping around me as he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine.

He kissed me in the cold, his mouth warming me up, my heart so full of love, I thought it would burst.

“Thank you for coming out here. And for giving me an amazing Thanksgiving.”

I grinned. “Thank you for inviting me. I’m having a great time.”

I was surprised by how easy it had been to relax around the group, to join the camaraderie and laughter.

“Really?”

“Everyone is so nice. I love Dani and Jordan. And you were right, I get it a bit more now, see the family you’ve built for yourself here. It’s not what I thought it would be, and I understand why you like it so much. How it appeals to you. They make you feel like you’re part of something bigger than yourself.”

“Yeah. They do.” He took my hand again, squeezing my fingers. “Thanks for being here for this, too.”

“Of course.”

Joker had come up a few times over the course of the dinner and I could see that both Easy and Eric still carried that loss with them. I supposed it was something you never really entirely let go of. That was how it had been with my parents, at least. There wasn’t a day I didn’t think of them, didn’t miss them. But somehow you just kept on going, putting one foot in front of the other and trudging through your
life, carrying their memory with you. It didn’t get easier as much as it became more bearable, and that was what I hoped for Eric now.

We walked toward the crowd gathering in Jordan and Noah’s backyard, where Jordan had set out all the lanterns. I’d been to a wedding once where someone released these lanterns and it had been absolutely gorgeous. Considering how Joker had died and lived his life in the sky, it seemed like the perfect gesture.

We all took our cues from Dani. She opened her mouth to speak, and then she shut it again with a little shake of her head, as though there were no words she could put to a moment like this.

Jordan squeezed her hand, handing her one of the lanterns and a lighter.

My gaze drifted over the group, settling on Easy.

He stood off to the side, watching Dani, his arms crossed in front of his chest, his expression inscrutable. He didn’t look away. Not once.

I looked back at Dani, watched as she lit the candle inside of the lantern, holding it up to the sky. She took a deep breath, her eyes closed, auburn hair flowing behind her, looking so beautiful it staggered me. And then she released the lantern, the flame flickering in the inky black sky as it rose higher and higher, drifting away.

I looked back at Easy, and if I’d needed any final confirmation about his feelings for Dani, the expression on his face said it all.

He loved her.

One by one, we all repeated Dani’s gesture, releasing our lanterns to the sky. I felt a little bit strange, as though I was intruding on a private moment for the people who knew him
best, but Dani and Jordan had acted like it was the most natural thing in the world for me to be there alongside them, and Eric had seemed to need it, so I went with it.

When the last person had released their lantern, we all stared up at them—ten flames burning bright overhead. Eric stood next to me, his arm draped around my shoulder.

“You okay?” I whispered.

“Yeah, I am. I feel a little bit better.”

Sometimes a little bit was the best you could hope for.

Dani stood at the front, flanked by Jordan and Easy. There was family here, everywhere you looked. Maybe these people weren’t bound by blood, but they were bound by a powerful kind of sacrifice.

Dani tilted her head up and said something to Easy, and I watched as his lips curved, a breathtaking smile transforming his face.

Eric stiffened beside me.

“Do you think they’ll be okay?” I murmured.

“I don’t know. He’s not getting over her and I don’t think Dani will ever see him as anything other than a friend.”

Poor Easy. I knew better than anyone how much it hurt to love someone you couldn’t have, who didn’t love you back, and I couldn’t imagine how tough it must be with the added guilt of her being his friend’s widow and the fact that Easy had been there when he died.

I thought of Rachel and the way they’d seemed to hit it off in Columbia and I wondered if anyone really stood a chance with him, if he would call her like she’d hoped, or if he was so hooked by Dani that there wasn’t room for anyone else in his life. I’d been there, so on the one hand, I got it; on the other hand, it was a lonely way to live.

When it grew too cold to stand outside anymore and the lanterns had drifted off so far that they were just dim lights
in the sky, we walked back into the living room, talking over pumpkin pie and coffee. Eventually the group dwindled down to just me and Eric, Dani, Jordan, and Easy.

“So when do you head back?” Jordan asked between bites of pie.

“Sunday.”

We had big plans to spend the rest of my visit holed up in Eric’s bed.

“Are you planning on coming out again?”

I grinned at Eric. “Yeah, I am.”

Dani smiled. “We should definitely hang out.”

“I would like that. A lot.”

Easy looked up from his coffee. “How long will you be in town for?” he asked Dani, his voice casual . . . way too casual.

“I’m not sure. I need to get the house ready to put on the market. I’ll probably stay here until it sells and then figure something out.”

“Have you thought about where you want to go yet?” Jordan asked.

Easy’s gaze darted between the two of them.

Dani shook her head. “Not really. I thought I’d go home to Georgia, but after spending several months there . . .” She gave a little laugh. “I love my family, but I think living in the same town—maybe in the same state—is a little too close. After moving every few years and having distance between us, it’s an adjustment to imagine staying put in one place.”

Jordan nodded. “I know what you mean. I always thought being away from my family would be the hardest part of all of this, but you do start to get used to it after a while.”

“How much longer do you have in Oklahoma?” I asked Easy.

“I’m in the same VML as Eric. I have a little over a year left.” He shrugged. “I’m staying in. I pin on major next month and I figure with nine years until retirement, it makes the most sense to just keep going.”

“Yeah, Noah’s the same way,” Jordan answered. “You can’t beat the benefits.”

Eric didn’t say anything and I felt a pang of guilt at how easily Dani and Jordan seemed to have accepted the military lifestyle. I wished it could have come more naturally for me, that I wasn’t standing between him and his career. What if he couldn’t get a spot in the Guard or reserves? What then? I couldn’t forget the way he’d spoken about getting out completely, and deep down I knew he wouldn’t be happy in the private sector. I just wasn’t sure I’d be happy moving all the time and giving up my career.

Eric shifted me on his lap, wrapping his arms more tightly around me, and I said another prayer that we could find a way to make this work.