Into His Keeping (29 page)

Holdin gave himself a mental shake as he moved back from the bed. Drifter was pulling up the chair and getting Jill that drink of water. The two of them were doing some mock bickering about nonsensical little things. Holdin knew the sharp comments back and forth were about both of them connecting and making sure the other was okay. Drifter wasn’t the type of child who’d cling to her for a long time. So Jill got his long-term attention other ways. This was one of them.

Drifter needed his mother’s focus. He saw himself as too old to express that in any other way than to tease her.

Jill glanced at Holdin a few times throughout the morning, but she didn’t reach for him as Drifter filled her time. After Jill’s breakfast, Carol and Charles came in.

Drifter quickly asked if they’d called anyone about Jill’s coming back. The older Powells assured him they hadn’t and there was a lot of nodding and short sentences as everyone agreed they would discuss the issue later at a more appropriate location. His grandparents offered to take Drifter out to have a bite to eat. Holdin stepped in at that point.

“Thanks, but I’m starved. Drifter and I will grab breakfast.” He felt it was time to establish who he was to Drifter as well as Jill. Watching the boy with Coates had shown him how much he was missing if he couldn’t earn his son’s affection. Perhaps someday they’d find a way to be father and son. Letting everyone else take care of the boy was not helping Holdin move in that direction.

Besides, being near Jill and remaining politely distant was difficult. It felt as if some mysterious wall had suddenly gone up between them. He wasn’t sure where it came from, but it most certainly was there. It hadn’t been like this before her surgery. Then he’d been perfectly comfortable to express his need to touch her every time they were in a room together. Now he felt a subtle resistance from her. Intangible and eerily silent, the distance was troubling.

Her need to focus on Drifter today was natural. What Holdin didn’t understand was the feeling he got that she was defensive about that focus. Course, he was guessing at her emotions. They hadn’t spoken much this morning.

Holdin took Drifter to a little Tex-Mex diner full of locals. It was a couple blocks away from the hospital but in a firmly middle-to-lower-class section of town. A few people asked for Holdin’s autograph but mostly they left him and the boy alone. Several glanced between the two of them but no one was so impolite as to ask if Drifter were Holdin’s son. Not even the few who had asked for a signature.

Holdin knew the owner Benito Montez. A large Hispanic man, who made the best huevos rancheros in the city. Benito ran a small but prosperous business from breakfast through lunch. The service was fast regardless who the person was and the food was outstanding. Holdin and Drifter each received their heaping plate of the spicy breakfast and a tall glass of sweet tea in record time since Benito didn’t bother to wait for his waitress to ask what they wanted.

When Holdin and Drifter came through the door, Benito had glanced up from the grill and smiled. Holdin nodded and slid into the booth he usually sat in on Monday mornings. That’s when Holdin had come here most of the years he’d been with the team. Monday he could physically afford this type of breakfast. Any other day it’d interfere with practice and he’d had himself on a very strict diet to enhance his abilities.

Breakfast was full of male-speak short sentences and wolfing down food. Deep conversation was a lot to expect of a guy when he was hungry. Especially a fourteen-year-old who could eat enough to feed a small village. Holdin simply wanted to spend time with Drifter. Start making a history with him. He fully understood that it was the little things that built a relationship. The big gestures were the result of all the little ones. It occurred to Holdin that he was jealous of Robert Coates on that score. Coates had a history with Drifter.

During the short drive back to the hospital, Holdin called his housekeeper. Petra and her husband Eduardo lived on his estate in a separate house at the far entrance from the main house. Petra handled Holdin’s house and Eduardo took care of the grounds and handyman needs for the large property. There was little need to instruct the busy guardian of his home. Part of the reason she and Eduardo had been with Holdin almost from the day he’d built the place was her take-charge attitude and her husband’s relaxed reliability.

Holdin wanted to be sure Jill would be as comfortable as she could be and that there was no question where she’d be sleeping. He briefly told Petra how many would be coming back to the house this afternoon or evening and staying over. He casually made sure she knew they wouldn’t need another guestroom prepared. Petra didn’t like speaking on the phone, a quirk Holdin appreciated right now. She quickly got the facts and hung up to arrange things to her satisfaction.

Drifter made no comment besides a glance at Holdin. They were already pulling into the hospital parking lot and it didn’t seem the two of them had much to say as they repeated the entrance through reporters, just like earlier this morning. Holdin was glad he hadn’t made the mistake of repeating the instructions to keep his head down to Drifter. The boy would have probably seen that as treating him like a baby too. It had been a temptation as they got out of the SUV but Holdin had resisted it to see what Drifter would do.

The rest of the morning was as uneventful as it could be in a hospital environment. After the bland lunch she was served, Coates signed off on Jill being released. She was doing fine with no apparent complications. Charles and Carol went back to Holdin’s house to wait for them there.

The checkout process seemed long to Holdin. Mostly it was the growing distance that was forming between Jill and him. Hospital staff bustled around them and Drifter was constantly at her side. She was polite and even pleasant to Holdin but there wasn’t even a hint of the intimate connection.

It was his natural instinct to stop everything, clear the room and demand to know what was going on. Suppressing that seriously inappropriate reaction, he’d pulled the cloak around him that he’d worn every day she was gone. He appeared comfortable and even pleasant to everyone close by while the man behind the mask looked on with growing impatience.

Their connection had been a pulse beating between them, as much a part of their world as the air they breathed. It had been undeniably present from the day they met so long ago and hadn’t seemed to falter before the surgery. It’d not mattered where they were or who was there, Holdin and Jill were intimately aware of each other.

The complex connection was a living thing that bound them into a unit. Intangible and seemingly indestructible, it was the relentless knowledge he’d always had that Jill was in the world. Now there was nothing but dead space and it seemed to be expanding with every moment it existed.

Holdin went through the motions of checking her out, gathering what few possession she’d brought and bringing the Navigator around while Drifter wheeled Jill out. Everything was polite and cheerful. Jill gently protesting that she could move around just fine as Drifter hovered over her throughout the preparations and trip to Holdin’s place.

The only hiccup was when they entered the house and took Jill to her room. She immediately realized it was the master bedroom.

Jill was tired and eager to lie down a few minutes but she’d regarded Holdin levelly. “I’m not going to argue with you. I get my own room. I don’t care which one it is.” Her tone was quite but firm.

“Relax, Jill,” Holdin instructed with patient calm as he held the comforter back for her. Drifter was right there and both Charles and Carol were in the hall. “In my house, this is your room.” Holdin paused as she simply regarded him and remained standing beside the bed. “Even if it isn’t my room,” he finished for her. Jill nodded and sat down to take off her shoes.

Drifter’s face was very carefully blank as he bent to help Jill with the shoes. Shortly Jill was under the covers and Holdin realized Drifter was not leaving until he did. Man-child was on guard and Holdin repressed a grimace. A boy should
never
have to guard his mother from his father. If there was one thing he needed to get across to both Jill and Drifter, it was that he would die for them before he could be forced to willingly hurt either one. Obviously he’d failed at expressing that.

Holdin and Drifter silently walked across the house after shutting the bedroom door behind them. Holdin felt the caution in Drifter and would bet the hairs on the back of the boy’s neck were raised. Jill’s son could read the adults in a room with amazing ease. He was a natural at feeling emotional currents and apparently knew they were often separate and sometimes opposite from the words being spoken. Not that the air between Jill and him just now had been that damn difficult to read.

No amount of verbal assurance would affect Drifter’s suspicious nature. Taking that route would probably make him more suspicious and cautious. It was a life issue they would just have to live through. Mostly Holdin had to live through it. Earning the boy’s trust would take time. Gaining his loyalty was a prize Holdin would like to think he’d have someday, but never at the expense of Drifter’s natural instinct to protect Jill.

Right now, protection was uppermost on Holdin’s mind. The statement his publicist had released was circulating, but as he’d suspected, it hadn’t done a thing to quiet the media who lived off sensationalism. Currently there were at least six wild stories about him and the mystery woman. Drifter was even being referred to as a secret love child. Holdin had used the ridiculous phrase to emphasis how bad the publicity firestorm could be. He hadn’t seriously thought someone would use it. He’d been wrong.

Keeping the press at bay was something he was relatively used to, but now it was critical. Even though he had the estate covered with a video system that would warn of intruders, there was nothing defensive about it.

He knew Gray Winston was not in the business of home security. Calling Winston was more about working the bigger safety issues for his family. Holdin wanted to establish contact so if he had to call in a hurry, Winston would know exactly what the problem was and be ready to move on it.

Comparing Winston to Obi-Wan for Drifter had been a rather warm-fuzzy interpretation of the skilled predator Holdin had met. Nothing he’d learned since that original meeting had softened his original assessment. Gray Winston was exactly the type of professional Holdin wanted if push came to shove.

Excusing himself from Drifter and stepping into his office, Holdin made the call to Miami. The call back came within five minutes this time.

“Powell, I’ve been expecting a call from you,” Gray Winston greeted him.

Holdin had to smile. There was something reassuring and downright spooky about that fact. He totally believed Winston had been expecting his call. “I’m in need of some advice and I’m willing to pay any price for it,” Holdin stated honestly.

“Right now we’re two buddies chatting. Let’s keep it that way as long as we can. Tell me what the real problem is and I’ll see if I can help,” Winston prompted.

At the end of listening to Holdin’s basic problem Winston made a recommendation and an offer. “I think you’ve taken the proper steps so far. Letting the press make things up and ignoring those stories is correct. You’re enough of a celebrity for that to fly and now any story about her is suspect.

“I’d recommend you have a friend of mine go over your security and install a few options with some teeth. That way you’ll have a bit more protection. However, pulling the trigger on my attention was probably your best bet. I’ll hear before you do if your problem puts action on the little lady. If that happens, I’ll not have time to contact you before taking care of the annoyance. Do I have your directive to correct the problem and discuss business expenses later?”

“Absolutely.”

“I’ll give my associate a call then. His name is Samuel Callaway though he’s normally referred to as Blaster. He should be in contact by this evening. He’s an independent security consultant though I stand behind anything he recommends.”

“I’ll be expecting a call from Callaway. Thank you, Winston.”

Winston chuckled. “Thank me after you meet Blaster. I’ll be in touch, Powell. I’m glad you choose to take up my offer. I’d have been concerned if you hadn’t.” With that obscure farewell, Winston hung up.

Holdin regarded the phone in his hand a moment then gently set it back on its base. Truthfully, he felt better. There was something about Winston that imbued extreme confidence at the same time the man tripped the “chilling bastard” switch.

Chapter Eleven

Jill’s arms circled her knees in a tight hug as she watched Holdin jog past outside. The bedroom window seat was partially shielded by bushes halfway up the wide expanse of glass. She was sure he couldn’t see her curled onto the corner of it. The track through his North Dallas estate was a mile and a half long. She knew that because she’d heard Holdin and Drifter discussing it one morning at breakfast. Holdin was explaining that it was that long because of all the twists and turns in it, he didn’t really have a mile and a half of property this close to the city.

They had been in Holdin’s house for three weeks and things were coming to a head. It wasn’t the magnificent, sweaty man outside putting pressure on her. No. The need to settle things was hers. Holdin had been unfailingly thoughtful and attentive while remaining at the polite distance she’d set that first night here. She didn’t blame him for the distance. Again, the reason for the distance was almost all hers. However, the strange middle ground she currently existed in wasn’t a place a girl could live.

It was shadows and ghosts, a murky emotional landscape that couldn’t be escaped unless she opened a door to the future. Being brave enough to do that was the trick. If she actually chose the only door she could see right now, she’d be closing the one to the relationship she needed to live. Holdin. He wasn’t behind the door she stood in front of. The only place she could see him was in the past.

She had already enrolled Drifter in school and it was time for her to go back to work. Inevitably, it was time to deal with the past and face the future. Holdin had been wonderful. He’d rescued her in every way. That was what he was good at—taking charge. Now she had to deal with her life.

The danger to Drifter and her hadn’t gone away entirely, but then, when was anything nicely neat and simple? Stigzanno had been convicted. His case was in appeal but the Feds had not let him out on bond to wait for that process. Nor was he free between the trial and sentencing phase. He was a huge flight risk and the judge had made sure he stayed put. So it wasn’t as if he were dead, but nor was he actively looking for her. Coming forward with the information she had about his criminal history wouldn’t protect the general public any more than they already were. All that talking would do was focus attention on her. Something it’d be wise to avoid.

Holdin had made a point of his feelings on this. He was completely opposed to her contacting the authorities with her story. It was not needed. He’d been calm, obviously controlling strong emotions when it’d come up around the supper table the evening they’d heard about the conviction. It was Drifter who had asked if Jill should still tell what she’d seen. His thinking had been to get rid of the need for any story besides the truth. Holdin had been very firm in his reasons for not doing that.

Number one, accusing people of an old murder was dangerous. Since Jill had witnessed the man killing someone, that was good reason to believe the guy was willing to do it again. If she didn’t have hard evidence in hand, just a visual account that was years old, all she would start was an investigation. Second, this guy was off the street already. He was scheduled for a life stay at a federal facility. No reason to give him something to think about in all that time he’d have to sit around.

Holdin had been adamant about sticking to the altered truth. The only person who minded was Drifter. Since both Jill and Drifter had insisted Drifter was going back to his old school, Holdin had agreed that changing his school records was not required. But he’d only agreed with them on that point in concession for several others. Like they would consent to the protection of having someone with them when they left the property. Whether it was Holdin or Eduardo, they were not to leave alone.

Throughout the last three weeks, the three of them had discussed, laughed and argued as a family. Everything was on the table except the foundation of that family. Holdin, Jill and Drifter were a unit. Jill knew that united family couldn’t go on unless Holdin and she came to some decisions about their relationship.

She’d been camping in the master bedroom and so had Holdin. Her suitcase was on the floor with her things neatly stacked in it. She’d refused to take up room in his master bedroom. Even her toiletries didn’t remain in his bathroom when she left it. If he refused to give her another room, this was how she’d remain in this one. The discussion had been brief between them. It was only a day after she’d arrived so she’d been lying in bed when it occurred. That’s when she discovered she could end any conversation by closing her eyes. Holdin had clamped his lips in a grim line and left.

He didn’t sleep in the room with her nor did he move out. He entered without knocking, showered and dressed in the room but even when he was doing that, they didn’t interact. Usually he came in to dress early and he tiptoed around as she pretended to be asleep. Jill had encouraged his belief that she never knew he’d been in the room.

The secret pleasure of sitting here watching his hard body glisten in the morning sun as Holdin rounded the property again was one of her favorite activities. She did it every morning since she’d discovered he jogged at six a.m. After the jog, he disappeared into the gym at the back of the house for another hour. Jill had little fear of being discovered ogling the rippling perfection of her own superhero as he glided by outside. Even when he ran, he appeared smooth, fluid. He was such a mouth-watering man. His body moved like silk in the wind. Unbreakably strong and unbearably beautiful.

A few days after she’d been in the house, she’d asked him if he was sure he was retired. Why else would he spend so much time working out? He’d smiled at her and said it was how he handled things. The subject had dropped though her interest in it hadn’t.

Now as she watched the sweat roll down his bare chest, she wondered at the man. It seemed he’d become leaner, more ripped since she’d been here. She wouldn’t have believed that was possible three weeks ago.

Jill tore herself away from the window and went to dress for the day. When she was showered and clothed, she paused by the nightstand and looked down at the necklace that had lain there for three weeks. Holdin had dropped it on the small table without comment her first evening in the room. Since then, the housekeeper had lifted it to dust several times but it always reappeared exactly where Holdin had left it.

She couldn’t bring herself to put it back on. Something didn’t seem right about wearing it now. She’d never taken it off until Holdin did it for her the morning of surgery, now she couldn’t put it back on. Everything was so much more complicated now. Putting it on would be some sort of statement. She was unsure what it would mean but she knew it would be wrong.

The first time he’d put that necklace around her neck it’d been like a promise for the life they would have had if they’d really been the two free people he had thought they were. Even though she’d known they weren’t, at the time she’d never intended to take it off. It had been like wearing a little bit of a dream hanging around her neck. When Holdin had taken it off for her, it felt as if he were taking back that bright dream. She knew that was not what he’d intended but that’s how it had felt. Now Jill didn’t feel as if she had a right to wear it.

There was no longer any huge emergency. Her life wasn’t in immediate danger. Their son was as safe as he could be. As Holdin said, taking a car on the highway was probably more of a risk than the one they lived with from Stigzanno. As long as they didn’t draw his attention, there was no real reason to do anything other than carry on with life.

The future was once again stretching before both of them. At the ranch, in the emotional turmoil of uncertainty and fear, they’d come together at exactly the same place they’d left off. She’d needed him so desperately and he’d provided for her as only Holdin could. He’d given her assurance on the basic level she’d craved in order to face death. But she couldn’t hold him to those desperate, emotionally charged expectations.

In this new reality, they had lived very different lives and were almost strangers. She couldn’t expect him to be the same person he’d been. No one ever was. She wasn’t the same girl. Trying to hold him to promises made back then would be a horrible mistake. Except for their connection through Drifter, she had no right to anything from him.

Jill ran a finger along the gold chain as she gazed down at the necklace and smiled sadly. It was still shiny, like those pretend dreams. The simple ornament was exactly like the beautiful, simple expectations it had symbolized. An uncomplicated life. One that was normal. She never really had that gift to give Holdin but it had been nice to dream. Nothing was simple or dreamy in reality.

In reality Holdin was insanely rich and a public figure who was involved in things she felt completely inadequate to be any part of. There were charity organizations, advertising responsibilities and municipal foundations. He was involved in nationwide organizations and local ones. For a retired guy, he was busy as hell. He’d put off a bunch of public appearances and other responsibilities to spend time with her and Drifter. She couldn’t expect him to postpone his life anymore. He deserved to get on with it.

Now that he knew she was safe and what the whole story about them was, perhaps he’d finally moved on. If he had, he deserved a woman at his side who could be an asset in his life. Not a simple girl who hated crowds and didn’t know how to act when sitting beside another celebrity. She would embarrass him in so many ways if she tried to hold him to those long-ago promises.

Understanding her own limitations was a function of being a grown-up. What was worse was knowing how much she really did love Holdin. In these last three weeks, she’d gotten to know the man he’d become.

Holdin was thoughtful, gentle, understanding, intelligent, humorous and she could go on forever. Those qualities didn’t even touch on the fact that he was the type of good-looking that made a grown woman’s womb clench in physical appreciation. Almost every woman gasped the first time she saw Holdin in person. Jill knew what elicited that response. It was the woman’s surprise at her body’s reaction to him.

Being in love with this Holdin was so much more than anything Jill had experienced before. He was overwhelming. Just sitting across the table from him at breakfast sometimes made her panties wet and she’d have to stop looking at him for a while. She was terrified he’d read her blushing features and know exactly what she was feeling. That would be horrible.

Holdin was so honorable. If he ever found out how she felt about him now, he’d insist on keeping those long-ago promises. That would be a new kind of torture. Living with a man she loved more than life and never knowing for sure if he could love her back. He wanted her physically but that wasn’t the same. No, it wasn’t anything close to the way she felt about the man who’d save her, saved her baby and would selflessly protect both of them the rest of his life. She couldn’t let him sacrifice every chance at personal happiness on the altar of her need.

Being in love with Holdin meant letting him go. This time it wasn’t only letting him go, but freeing him from his belief that she needed him. He would never look to his own happiness if she didn’t find a way to convince him that he didn’t need to worry about her anymore. Holdin deserved to be happy. Hell, he deserved to have a princess by his side. Someone sophisticated who could enjoy his sparkling world and make him happy in it. That princess would never be plain old Jill.

Jill walked out the master apartment’s double doors, closing them softly behind her. Holdin’s home was a beautiful, mission-style construction with large Spanish tiles on the floor throughout. The open design with its arched stucco walls and spacious rooms was made to provide ventilation and natural relief from the oppressive Texas heat. Holdin had it decorated in traditional Tex-Mex style with more handmade rugs on the walls than on the floors. The house didn’t exactly echo but it was easy to hear others moving around in it.

Barefoot, Jill padded from the private wing into the house, passing large arched openings as she went. First was the one to the main entrance with its custom-made carved door, across from it an arch to the formal sitting room that looked like a slice of Texas history. Tasteful antiques and interesting artifacts were scattered around the comfortably elegant space. Next was the family room, not to be confused with the game room that opened off it.

Between the family room and the open-style kitchen was a space big enough for two tables. At the back in a nook created by a large bay window sat a traditional card table. It had eight padded captain’s chairs around it. Right between the kitchen and den was a “family” table. It was invitingly rustic and functioned as a multipurpose meeting place with ten chairs.

Nothing about Holdin’s home was stuffy. No space felt uncomfortable and yet it was amazingly perfect. Evidence of an interior decorator that probably cost more than Jill made in two years. Just like his life, it appeared simple but the underlying style and sophistication was far above anything Jill had ever seen before.