Innocent Desires (19 page)

"Lovely," I replied. "Just let me go and change and I'll meet you there. Hit the beach after?"

 

He grinned. "Only if you wear you know what." I dressed in yesterday's clothes, kissed him and opened
his door.

 

"I haven't got the slightest idea what you're talking about."

Back in my room, I put on what he was talking about and covered it with a summer blouse and sun
shorts. A touch of Chanel, my sunglasses and sunscreen and I was out the door. On the pool deck, Kurt
was waiting, two glasses of orange juice already there. "I smell something wonderful," he said. "I'm not
sure if it is perfume or sugar. Both would be my guess."

I gave him a playful slap on his hand. "You're incorrigible," I said.
"Look who's talking. When a guy my age wakes up to a sight like the one you gave me, I thought I had
died and gone to heaven."

I smiled and squeezed his hand. "When a girl my age still wants to do things like that, she has a reason."

 

Now Kurt smiled. I knew it was coming. "Works for me."

We chatted our way through breakfast, and headed for the beach. Stopping to pick up beach towels and
water, I glanced at the beach shop. I blushed a bit at the memories and hoped Kurt didn't notice. Out on
the beach we settled the towels and got out of our outer clothes. He glanced at me as the blouse and
shorts came off. "Wow. You did understand."

I smiled and felt very good about my self and my bikini. What a difference from my first day at the
beach, I thought. We applied the sunscreen to each other and without a thought, I slipped off my top. I
lay on my back and Kurt took his time lying down. "You know Kathy, a guy could get used to this."

I gave a gentle laugh. "Lie down Kurt. Someone might think you're staring." He did lie down and his hand
took mine. We lay silent and let the warmth of the sun, the sound of the waves and the breeze on our
skin take us to a very peaceful place. I was feeling very good about getting into the serious talk. But first,
it was time to just chill.

After a while I switched to lying face down and felt myself drifting off. I came back a bit as Kurt was
rubbing sunscreen over my back, my legs and my string covered butt. He seemed to like my butt. I said a
silent thank you to my personal trainer who had showed me how to keep it firmly muscled. I eased my
legs apart slightly and Kurt put two fingers to my easily seen labia. He gave a gentle squeeze and I tried
to not react. But a gentle sigh escaped and I said, "Later, big guy, I'm not quite ready for sex on the
beach."

He gave me a gentle laugh and one last squeeze. "Let me know when you are. I'm ready right now." I
half believed him and as I drifted off again, I had a delicious fantasy of Kurt, on top of me with me face
down, slowly stroking in my vagina as I rode wave after wave of soft, sensual orgasms. I could get used
to that, I thought and smiled as I fell asleep. Wonderful dreams of Kurt and me, coming with each other
endlessly, flowed through my mind. Sarah was there and she smiled at me. 'I'm happy for you,' she said
and she watched as Kurt entered me again and took me to a place I had only dreamed about.

I woke and came back to the beach and Kurt. He was sitting, and it looked like he had been gazing at me
while talking to himself. I sat up and sipped some water. The bright sun made it difficult to see his face
clearly but he looked a bit uncertain. I smiled at him with my reassuring smile and said, "It's time to have
a talk, Kurt. I leave tomorrow and I'd like to know if you want to try and make it work between us."

He paused and then started talking. "Kathy, you have been like an angel sent from heaven. Nancy did
tell me to go on living and with you, I have lived more in the past few days than I have in the six months
since she...left. I know that you are very, very good for me, but I have to ask if I'm going to be good for
you. You seem so much more...worldly than I am. Nancy and I were very much in love, right up
until...the end, but we had a much....simpler....sex life than what I think you may have had. I feel like I
just might not...satisfy you...is this making any sense?"

I took a deep breath and paused. Then another deep breath followed by a large swallow of water. I
looked him in his eyes and said, "There's some things you need to know." Then, after a short moment to
gather my resolve, I started talking. I told him how my life was burning out before I booked the vacation.
I told him I chose this resort because I wanted to let myself go and have a fling or two. I told him about
how I had hooked up with Sarah. I watched his expression as I told him about the sex I had shared with
her. He didn't even blink. I told him about why I really enjoyed the ocean horseback riding. Without
giving too many details I told him about the evening with Sarah and the three guys, and how I slept that
night with one of them. Thinking that Kurt now had enough to think about, I didn't mention the beach
shop incident and I totally stayed away from Isabella.

"Kurt, I came here to let go and I did. I let go a lot farther than I had ever thought I would, but I'm not
going to pretend I didn't enjoy it all. Even having sex with two guys at once was a thrill I never thought I
would have. It was if I had stepped away from reality and had entered a fantasy come true. I really can't
explain it other than to say I was so emotionally burned and dulled when I got here that I just let all of
those suppressed....desires...come out. To me, this place seemed to be a place to live out a fantasy, that
is, until you and I...got together. You're not a fantasy, Kurt. You're the only thing here that is real to me. I
don't expect you to understand, much less accept what I've been doing. I just hope that you don't think
I'm....I'm....."
"Kathy, you don't have to worry about me. Considering that my life was...well....rather tame before,
what you and I have been doing...it's like a fantasy come true for me. Don't even think of apologizing for
anything you've been doing. It's not my place to judge and I never will. But Kathy, you live in L.A. and I'm
in Colorado. I can easily accept that you have had a more...active sex life than me and if it would help, I
could...well.....expand my horizons, so to speak. I've had all the fantasies that every other guy has had.
It's just that Nancy was...very conservative and I had no problem with that. I don't think she would...be
unhappy if I...Damn this is hard!"

He took a drink and swallowed, unable to get the right words out. "Kurt, you don't have to keep up with
anyone," I said. "What makes you happy is what makes you happy. Don't think you have to expand your
horizons for my sake, or anyone else. And as for me living in L.A., I have already decided to quit the
company and try to have a life, not just a job. My career was killing me and I didn't even know it. I'm
tired of chasing the almighty dollar and finding it only buys unhappiness. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it!"

I was pounding my fist into the sand, as if I was hitting my boss and making him pay for my years of
misery. "That...that...fucking company was eating me alive. And I was letting them do it. The whole
fucking place can burn to the ground for all I care." I paused, shocked at my outburst of anger and
obscenity. I looked at Kurt and quickly said, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I .."

He put out his hand and I took it. He pulled me to him and his arms went around me. "Kathy, if I wasn't
so messed up myself, I might think you're more messed up than I am." I gave a short laugh, then laughed
some more and was crying before I could stop myself. Kurt just held me tight, rocked me a bit and said
nothing. There I was, topless on the beach, sobbing in his arms and hating everything about L.A.

I cried for several minutes, then slowly came back. Kurt just held me and gave me time to recover. When
the last sobs had passed, I just held him tight. "Kurt, I'm a lot more messed up than you. At least you're
not flashing very wet tits and wondering why."

He chuckled and looked down. "Kathy, with all those tears, your...tits aren't the only thing on display.
Maybe you should have a good cry on the beach more often." I looked down and saw my tear wet and
transparent bottom clearly showing my labia. I had to smile. Then I chuckled and soon we were both
rolling together on the beach, laughing as if we were watching the world's funniest comedian.
I ended up on top. I made a show of pinning his arms to the sand, and straddled him like I had just won a
wrestling match. "I'm moving to Boulder and you're going to say 'yes'."

He looked up at me with his calm and even look. "Yes."