Indemnity: Book Two: Covenant of Trust Series (43 page)

“
You sound frustrated.”

“
Why would she want me to promise when I already was?”

“
Sometimes, and I don’t know if this is the case with your mother, but sometimes when grown-ups have a bad day or they feel a little sad, that reassures them somehow.”

“
Like it was her idea and not mine?”

“
Exactly! You are a smart cookie, Jackson!”

“
Just Jack.”

“
Why don’t you like Jackson?”

“
It’s an old guy name. Like Mr. Dailey. His name is John Jackson and he’s about a hundred and seven.” His grandma laughed.

“
And Jack is a kid name?”

He nodded. “You’re a smart cookie, too, Grandma.” A yawn sneaked up on him, and when he opened his eyes again, his dad was there. “Is Shannon in bed?”

“
Yes,” his dad said.

“
I think I want to go to bed, too.” Jack eased off his grandma’s lap.

“
That’s probably a good idea. Come on, I’ll take you up.” His dad held out a hand, and Jack slipped his inside, letting his dad lead him upstairs. Jack brushed his teeth and changed into his pajamas. At least his stuff was already here. He climbed into Brad’s bed, and his dad pulled the blanket up around him. “Jack, did your mom tell you she was going to heaven?”

“
No. I just know it.”

“
Of course you do.” His dad kissed him on the forehead. “If you need me in the nighttime, you come and get me, okay?”

“
Dad? Can I ask you something?”

“
Always.”

“
What do I call Mrs. Dad now?”

“
What do you want to call her?”

“
I want to call her Mom, but I’m afraid it’ll make my mom sad if she knows I’m calling somebody else Mom.”

“
No, Jack. Your mom knows she can’t be with you, and I think she’d be glad to know you had someone else to love and take care of you. Bobbi’s not going to take your mom’s place. You’re making a new place for her in your heart.”

“
My mom didn’t have a lot of extra places in her heart.”

“
She was afraid, Jack. Afraid people might hurt her or make her sad.”

“
She loved you.”

“
What?” His dad kind of laughed. “I think you misunderstood her.”

He huffed. “She said, ‘Jack, I love your dad very much, but I messed it up.’ I think I understood her.”

“
That’s news to me.”

“
Grown-ups don’t know everything,” Jack said.

“
We don’t. You’re right. Is that how you know your mom’s in heaven?”

“
She said she was tired of everything, and God could just do what He wanted. And Brad said God wants everybody in heaven with Him.”

“
I see,” his dad said.

Another yawn sneaked up on him. “Dad, can you stay with me until I go to sleep?”

His dad pushed his bangs off his forehead. “I’ll be right here.”

The Dillards, the Heatleys and Ann stayed just long enough to drink a cup of coffee with Bobbi and Chuck, and then they shared a prayer before heading home. As Bobbi gathered up the cups and saucers, Chuck began putting them in the dishwasher. “Why don’t you go on to bed?” Bobbi said. “I’ll finish up here.”

“
I don’t think I can sleep.”

“
Want another cup of coffee?” she asked with a smile.

“
I just want to sit.”

“
Alone?”

“
Not unless I have to.” She took him by the hand, and led him to the love seat in the study. She switched off most of the lights, and then taking his hand again, she nestled in beside him, and waited for him to speak. “Bobbi, I don’t even know where to start,” he said, rubbing his eyes.

“
Start with Jack. That should be easy.”

“
Jack ... He asked if it would be all right if he called you Mom.”

Jack’s mom. He loved her from the beginning, in spite of all her reservations. “I hope you told him yes.”

“
I did. I asked Glen to give Tracy a funeral for Jack’s sake.”

“
That was a wonderful thing to do.”

“
Really?” He turned to look at her. “You honestly think so?”

“
Yes, I do. Now what’s really bothering you?”

He looked at her, and took both her hands, but he dropped his eyes before he spoke.

“
Just say it, Chuck.”

He blew out a deep breath and raised his eyes to hers again. “Is it wrong for me to grieve for Tracy? Does that hurt you?”

“
How can you not grieve? This was tragic in every sense of the word.”

“
But she and I ...”

“
Had an affair? Believe me, I remember that part.” He dropped his eyes. She’d shamed him again. “But Chuck,” she said, and waited for him to look up. Even in the low light, she saw the glisten of tears. “Chuck, she was a human being and the mother of your son. It would be completely unfair and just a little crazy to expect you not to feel anything.”

“
You’re pretty amazing.” He raised her hand to his lips, and gently kissed it.

“
No, a couple of months, even a few weeks ago, I wouldn’t have been so peaceful about it. That’s a God thing.”

“
I could use a God thing right now.”

“
How so?”

“
I think she intended to wreck her car and kill herself.”

“
What makes you think that?”

“
The cop on the scene, things she said, the way she acted Friday night. Maybe if I’d been more forceful ...”

“
With Tracy? No one, not even you, could make her do anything. If she was determined to, uh, to do that, she would have. If not this weekend, then Monday or Wednesday or some other day. You could
not
have stopped her.”

“
Maybe,” Chuck muttered, unconvinced. “There’s no evidence that she was ever saved. If I let her slip away ...” He didn’t hide his tears this time.

“
Honey, you witnessed to her. You lived out the gospel in front of her. She heard Glen preach last week. He’s witnessed to her ... She had the opportunity. It was her decision, her choice.”

“
Jack, he says she’s in heaven.”

“
If he’s got the peace he needs about it, that’s the best you can do.”

“
What about the peace I need?”

She nestled in against him, interlacing her fingers with his. “I remember some guy telling me I needed to show myself some grace.”

“
I recall you didn’t listen to him.”

“
Not in that moment, no. But I did what he suggested. He should learn to take his own advice.”

“
I need some facts, Bobbi. The speculation is gonna make me nuts.”

“
All right, let’s think through this. If she came around, understood that she needed Jesus, she would’ve had to admit to you and everybody else that she was wrong. I can’t picture her doing that.”

“
That’s probably true.”

“
But, the absence of evidence is not necessarily evidence of absence, Counselor.”

He shook his head, and laughed gently. “You’re something else.”

“
Just ... work with what you have. Don’t invent dots, and try to force a connection between them.”

“
Yes ma’am.” He snapped a hand up to his eyebrow and saluted.

“
And since I’m on a roll, don’t try to solve this right now.”

“
That one’s not gonna work.”

“
Chuck, nothing is going to change in the next few days. You need some time ...”

“
I need answers.”

She moaned and rolled her eyes. “Does the word ‘obsessive’ mean anything to you?”

“
I prefer ‘focused’.”

Bobbi slid off the love seat, retrieved a hospital bag from under the desk, and handed it to him. “They gave me Tracy’s things. Maybe your answers are in there.”

“
What sort of things?” Chuck opened the bag and pulled a purse out.

“
That’s it. She had a watch, too, but her clothes were ruined.”

He pulled a billfold out and laid it on the throw pillow beside him. Sunglasses. Two Cross ink pens. A calendar. Cell phone. “Good grief, Bobbi, she’s got three prescription bottles in here.” He handed them to her. “Read ‘em for me.”

She leaned back and held the bottles toward the light. “Ummm ... Ativan ... Xanax and Vicodin. Vicodin’s a painkiller. I had it after Shannon’s C-section. I’ve heard of the other two, but I’m not sure what they’re for. Anxiety, maybe? Ask Joel.”

“
If she’s taking all that, it’s no wonder she wrecked her car. What are the dates on the bottles?”

“
September. Late September. All different doctors. Did they check for anything like that?”

“
They were going to. Her keys are in here. I’m going to go to her house in the morning.”

Sunday, October 21

With the scratchy dryness of a missed night’s sleep, Chuck’s eyes struggled to focus on the number scribbled in his planner. At least it would be an hour later in Maryland if he misdialed. He dreaded making this call all night. After two short rings, the wait was over.

“
Hello. John Dailey here.”

“
Mr. Dailey, this is Chuck Molinsky. I hate to bother you on a Sunday morning ...”

“
Nonsense. What can I do for you?”

“
I’m, uh, Tracy, or Teresa ... Teresa was in an automobile accident last night.” He still hoped it was an accident. “She was hurt badly, extensive internal injuries ... She died last night in the hospital. I’m sorry.”

“
Oh no ...”

“
She, uh ... I was with her. She was comfortable, and she got to see Jack before ... before, uh ...”

“
I’m glad you were with her,” Mr. Dailey said. He coughed quietly. “Teresa ... was never able to enjoy who she was until she became Jack’s mother. In her mind, she was always ‘the murderer’s daughter.’ Jack saved her life, I believe.”

“
She loved him very much.”

“
It bordered on idolatry, Mr. Molinsky. She would have done anything for him.”

“
But he’s not a spoiled brat.”

“
Because that’s not good for
him
, you see. Everything was for Jack - teaching him, nurturing him, protecting him.”

“
Mr. Dailey, can I ask you a very difficult question?”

“
Of course.”

“
Do you think Tracy, or Teresa, I mean, do you think she’s capable of committing suicide?”

“
Sui ... The accident was not so accidental?”

“
I’m not sure.”

“
Suicide,” he muttered. “Surely ...” Mr. Dailey let a long, deep breath go. “Mr. Molinsky, let me give this disclaimer. I saw only what Teresa would allow me to see of her, and it may have been a carefully constructed persona completely different from the Tracy you knew.” He sighed again. “If ... and this is just an opinion ... if she believed ... deeply ... if she believed it was best for Jack somehow ... Although you and I know that it’s never best ... It wouldn’t be a suicide in her mind. It would be a sacrifice for Jack’s sake, and she would do that without regret.”

A martyr. For Jack. The logic in that is so ... wrong.

“
Jack could never know, though. You see, she would never tolerate Jack being stigmatized ...”

“
And a car wreck would fit that.” Chuck leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees, hoping that hanging his head would keep him from vomiting.

“
Perhaps. Great God in heaven, I hope I’m wrong. One hundred percent wrong. Keep digging, Mr. Molinsky. Things are not always what they seem with her.”

“
Yes, sir.”

“
Let me know when the arrangements are made. My wife and I ... We’d like to be there.”

“
The funeral is Wednesday.”

“
Wednesday. Thank you for making this difficult call.”

Chuck listened to the buzz of the disconnected call for several moments. He could hear Bobbi’s voice in his mind, ‘just because she’s capable of it, doesn’t mean she did.’ Right. Even if John Dailey said she could have reasoned it out as the best thing for Jack ... ‘Could’ doesn’t mean ‘did.’

He set the phone back in the cradle and wandered into the family room. Jack sat on the sofa, his knees drawn to his chest. An untouched bowl of Cheerios sat on the coffee table and a cartoon show with the volume off played on the television.

“
You okay?” Chuck asked. “You didn’t eat.”

“
Dad, if I eat that, then it starts.”

“
What starts?”

“
Living without my mom.”

Chuck sat down beside the boy and pulled him close. “Like breaking a spell?”

“
Yes.”

“
That spell broke last night, buddy.” Buddy. It slipped out. Like a reflex.

Jack sighed. “Yeah ... I just ... I hoped ... sometimes on TV bad things happen, and it’s all a bad dream.”

“
It’s not a dream, Jack. I’m sorry.”
More like a nightmare.
“Listen, I was gonna go over to your house while Bobbi and Shannon are at church. You wanna go with me?”