Inconsolable (16 page)

We both walk out of the door, heading south away from town.  I put in my headphones to my running mix, as I start to jog.  As the songs start to increase in tempo I increase my speed.  After about five songs I realize we have gone a pretty far distance.  I look over at Uncle Trey and he is keeping up with me.   I do a turn around with my finger and he nods his head as we both turn.  By the time we make it back to the apartment, we are both exhausted from the run. 

“Thanks for that,” I huff and he pats my back.

“That’s what I’m here for kid.  Uncle Trey has your back.  Now, I’m taking a shower and going to bed.  I poured that other bottle down the drain, too.  If you want to be with her, you have to stop it for her.  Do it for her, man,” he says as he walks into my guest bath. 

I walk into my room, peeling off my hoodie as I go.  I don’t even care to shower again, I’ll do it in the morning.  Right now, I just want to close my eyes and sleep, which is exactly what I do as my head hits the pillow. 

~~~~~~~~~~

A week later, I walk into the shop Jameson owns.  I see him back there banging around on some drums, so I head that way.  He pulls off the headphones he’s got on his ears and says, “Hey man, I was wondering when you’d show up.”

He walks back to his back room, coming back with two bottles of water as I sit down on the counter in the front of the store.

“Yeah, Anna and I have been on hiatus for a week or so. We are meeting up to talk in about an hour,” I say as I pull at the skin on my thumb. 

“Dude, it’s all going to work out. She’s not like her. She won’t run.” 

“I started going to counseling and it started to help, but Jameson it’s hard to deal with, man.” 

“Talk to Anna about it. She will be there for you.  She’s a spitfire.” Jameson says as he places his hand on my shoulder.  I smile because he is certainly right about my spitfire.

“Hell yeah, she is,” I reply, taking a breath and exhaling slowly I say what brought me here.  “I just wanted to come and see what you were up to.   I was wondering if you’d go with me to see the guys.  I think I need that to be able to live more of a normal life.” 

“Blake, I want to go,
but I just don’t think I can.  I’m not ready for that. I just can’t deal with the stress of it.  I’m not ready to say goodbye,” he says on a sigh as he runs his fingers through his hair.

“Dude, no one is ever really ready to say goodbye.  You are never going to be able to move forward in your own future if you keep holding on to your past,” I say as I put my hand on his shoulder then take a sip of water. “I’ll wait until you’re ready, but man you need to get your shit together.” 

“I didn’t tell you I ran into Kate,” he says as he pulls at the label on his water.

“No, I am pretty sure you left that out,” I say as I cross my arms over my chest. 

“Well, it kind of goes along with Sam’s secret which is why. I went with Sam to see her friends and her friends turned out to be Jackson’s brother and his wife.” 

“Well, that sure is coincidence, Carter. I think Fate is telling you to get up off your ass and do what you need to do to move on.  This will eat you alive if you let it.  It will tear you apart.  Don’t let it,” I say as I slap him on the back. “I’m off to go meet Anna for lunch. Call me when you’re ready to face the damn facts, bro.” 

I walk out of the shop, making my way down to the little café Anna asked me to meet her at.  I wish I could say I wasn’t nervous as hell to meet her for lunch.  I’m worried that a week without her will mean a lifetime without her. I’m not sure I can survive not having the sunshine that is Anna in my life.

I take a deep breath as I see Blake coming down the sidewalk.  I listen to Mary-Beth talk about Garrett, then let her go as he stands in front of me.  The one thing I want to do is jump into his arms and kiss him like there is no tomorrow, but I know I can’t do that.  He’s obviously made it clear that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore.  

“Hey Sunshine,” he says as he slides his hands into his pockets rocking back and forth from the heels of his feet to the tips of his toes.

“Hey Blake.”

“Shall we?”  He motions for the door and I walk into the café.  It’s a quaint little building with maybe twenty tables and chairs surrounding it.  It would be classified as a hole in the wall to most.  The outside is not up to par, but they make the best cornbread dressing and sweet potato casserole this side of Hickory.  Ms. Hazel is one of the best cooks around. 

We sit down,
order our drinks and our food and I sit there waiting for the worst.

“Anna, I am so sorry about how I treated you. Running from you, not calling you. I was just embarrassed and scared,” he lets out in one breath,
then continues. “I wasn’t sure you would want to be with me if I was damaged as much as I am.” I hold up a hand to stop him.

“Baby, I was scared. I won’t lie to you about that. I don’t know what you went through,
but I know it causes turmoil. I get that. You’ve seen so much that no one should have to,” I take a sip of my water, looking him in the eyes. “I am not scared of you, if that’s what you think. I am pissed that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me what was bothering you though. If we are going to make us work,
we need to do it together.”

‘Wait, you don’t want to break up?”

“Not at all. I am so in love with you, Blake Johnson.”

I can’t help but smile when I see the huge grin take over his face.  This may have been a trial for us and I hope to God that the outcome is okay.  I shiver when he slides our hands under the table.  Tonight, Blake Johnson will stay in my bed, nightmares or not.  Tonight, I will also give him the most precious thing to me I can.  He will not only get my heart, but he will take my innocence as well.  

“And I you, Anna Henderson,” he says as his thumb rubs circles on my hand.  “You ready to get out of here?” 

“Yes, I am more than ready,” I reply as he pulls his wallet out and throws a couple of bills on the table to cover our lunch.  Once we leave the restaurant, we walk down the block of antique stores that line the street.  We window shop and just enjoy being with each other.  A week apart with no contact has slowly killed me. We walk around a bit longer before we decide to head back to my house. We pull into the apartment complex
and I am hit with a case of nerves so strong I kind of want to tuck my tail and run. I’m scared of what walking into that apartment will be like. What if he doesn’t want to stay?

I unlock the door, walking into the apartment when all of a sudden I am turned against the door with Blake’s lips on mine. My brain short circuits and all thought stops. All I can do is feel. I moan when he picks one of my legs up and wraps it around his waist. I lift the other as he pushes me against the door a little bit
more.  I slide my tongue into his mouth and gasp when he nips it with his teeth.  I can taste the faint hint of tobacco and mint which I have come to associate with Blake. 

“Baby, if you don’t want to do this please tell me now,” he tells me
in staggered breath. “I don’t know if I can stop, if we keep going.”

“Don’t stop,” I say as I grab his neck, leaning in I bite his lower lip with my teeth. I pull gently, then let out a chuckle when he growls. He kisses me deeper this time, as he grabs ahold of my lower back. He turns us as I wrap my arms around his shoulders and he carries us down the hallway to my bedroom. He sits me down on the bed as he slides his shirt off his body. Holy shit. Did it get twenty degrees warmer in here? I let out a whimper as I see his abs roll while
I stare at him.  I reach for the hem of my shirt so I can slide it over my head, but he stops me.

“Let me undress you, Anna,” he says huskily as he looks at me with hooded eyes.  He grazes my stomach with his fingers as he slides the loose fitting top over my head.  His hands go back to my tender and swollen breasts and I can’t help but moan, loudly.  His lips are on mine as he swallows the moan I just released. He pushes me back on the bed,
gently as he puts his body flush with mine.  I dig my nails into his back, not understanding why I’ve waited this long to feel this type of pleasure. 

“You’re sure about this, Anna?” Blake asks me,
searching my eyes as he kisses down my neck. How in the hell am I supposed to make any coherent words come out of my mouth with him doing that? I nod my head in approval as he kisses down my chest and over my lace covered nipples. I whimper as he sucks one through the lace, arching to get closer to him.  He uses my move to his advantage and unhooks my bra from my body.  I moan as his tongue makes contact with my tender bud.  He looks up at me and I can see the smile in his eyes. 

“I want you, Blake,” I breathlessly moan as he lets go of my nipple.  I moan when his fingers trail down to my hips, pulling my pants down my legs.  He reaches up, sliding my thong down and staring at me.  I am torn between the decision to cover myself or let him stare.  He meets my eyes and gives me a look like “don’t you dare.”  He sheds his jeans and kisses back up my body.  As he slides his lips against mine, I gasp as his finger invades me.  “Oh!”

“I’m going to be gentle Anna.
I don’t want to hurt you,” he responds,
breathless as well. His finger is moving in and out of me and I moan louder. I can feel myself about to explode. I squirm under him wanting so badly what he’s offering me. I gasp as I come apart under his hands. I feel his finger slide out of me, whimpering at the loss. I am in a daze, but in it I can hear the tear of foil and I see Blake tugging on his dick.  I moan as he lowers himself back down on me, sliding his tongue into my mouth as the head of his dick lines up to my entrance.  “You ready, Sunshine?”

I fill my lungs with air as Blake pushes inside me in one steady thrust. I remember reading in Cosmo that if you go slower it hurts more so I am thankful that he breaks the barrier of my innocence quickly,
but Fuck! That. Hurt.  “Fuck!”  I gasp between pants of breath, I think are helping to ease the pain.  Blake keeps looking at me like he wishes he could take the pain away for me.  I give a faltering smile to reassure him.  When he leans down to kiss the tear that is coming from my right eye I am for sure a goner.  I am head over heels in love with this man.  I can feel his whole body shaking and I squirm under him.  I guess this is what women mean when they say they are stretched fully and completely. 

“Anna, baby, I need to move.  I can’t stay still any longer,” Blake lets out through gritted teeth.  I shake my head in an approving gesture as he slowly slides out and then back in.  I wince a little as I feel a pinch as he slides back in, but after a couple of times the pain is starting to turn to pleasure.  I gasp as I start to feel him moving in and out of me at a steady pace.  I moan out as I feel myself on the brink of orgasm.  I never thought my first time would be pleasurable at all, maybe I should really stop reading Cosmo. 

“Faster,” I command as Blake starts to pick up speed. I can’t believe what is happening to me, I am becoming a wanton woman and that is not something I expected. I wrap my legs around his hips as I arch my back trying to get him closer and deeper inside me. When his fingers find my clit and his lips find my mouth that’s all it takes. I am coming apart like a detonator, sparks flying from behind my eyelids. My whole body shakes and as I start to come back down I hear him.

“Fuck, Anna!  Damn baby,” he moans into my ear as his whole body shudders on top of mine.  I whimper as he slowly slides out of me.  He smiles, while brushing a strand of hair out of my face.  “Stay right here.  I’ll be right back.”  He jumps up, walking towards the bathroom. He turns his head, giving me a wink and I blush knowing I’ve been caught ogling his ass. He does something in the bathroom
and comes back with a wet cloth.  He slides between my legs again and gently places the warm water on my swollen sex. 

“Blake,” I gasp as a hand goes over my blushing cheeks. 

“What? I’m taking care of you. You bled a little.”

“I could have done that! How embarrassing.”

“It is not embarrassing, Anna. It happens,” he says as he leans down kissing my forehead. “Thank you for giving me that gift.”

I blush as I try to stand, wincing a little as the movement causes a bit of soreness.  Even through the soreness I could probably go another round with Blake.  I smile, turning to face him.  “Wanna join me in the shower?”  The look on his face is priceless.  His eyebrows go up in an approving manner and his mouth forms a huge grin.  If I could keep that look on his face, I would do it forever. 

He jumps up out of the bed and I can’t help but stare at his manhood. I don’t have any clue how that fit inside me, but I wouldn’t mind it going there again. I blush and he laughs. “Come on, Sunshine. Quit staring at my cock and let’s go shower.” He walks by me slapping my ass, laughing the whole way. He leans over, turning on the shower then grabbing my hand and pulling me into the shower with him.

“I really liked that.  I mean it hurt at first, but I want to do that again.” I shyly admit.  He kisses my head and chuckles softly.  He reaches for the soap as he slowly slides it all over my body.  I should make him stop, but it feels so damn good.  When his fingers slide over my swollen slick folds I can’t help but let out a breathy moan.  “Blake!” I moan as his index finger slides inside me. I mewl like a cat in heat and I am
not even ashamed of it. I just can’t believe I’m no longer a virgin. If this is what I’ve been missing though,
I’m damn glad not to be. Blake pushes against me,
leaning down and sucking a nipple into his mouth.