Inconsolable

Inconsolable Copyright © 2014 Amanda Lanclos

Published by Amanda Lanclos

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic or mechanical, without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only.

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If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it to the seller and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.

Published: Amanda Lanclos Sept 2, 2014:

Editing: E-LR Jones

Cover Design: Becky McGraw

Formatting by: Brenda Wright

This book is intended for a mature audience of eighteen and older.

Dedicated to:

Kim Merow Lewis, thank you for always being there for me to talk to about the crazy voices in my head. For reading paragraphs as I write them, and telling me what I could do to make them better. I couldn’t have made this book without you
!

Walking through the streets of Afghanistan is something I am used to doing. It has been my life for the last six months and it is something I will gladly live through to make sure my family and friends are safe. I am walking with my five marine brothers. Jackson is in the front flanked by Miller and Andrews, with Black right behind him. I am walking a few steps behind Black and Carter is right behind me.  I see a group of men ahead just waiting for us to get there.  That’s where we are going; Taliban men standing there waiting to do some damage.

I hear Carter scream and it’s like I am seeing everything happening from the outside. Not like I am the one being jerked back and thrown over
with the wind knocked out of me. Not like I am the one covered by another as an I.E.D. blows up.  Not like I am the one who’s seeing my brother step on the bomb that changes all of us forever.  Or at least changes me.

I scream out as I hear Carter yelling and then he passes out above me.  This is something I never expected.  Carter and Jackson are the strongest people I know.  I have seen them both put a bullet in a person’s head because said person had a bomb.  When I tried I couldn’t. So Jameson stood in and did it for me.  Here he is again, saving me. 

Everything happens in slow motion, like an out of body experience. I push Carter off of me and try to right myself, but my equilibrium has me falling over. My ears are ringing from the sound of the bomb exploding, but in the distance I see the men coming for us. They are coming to finish what the bomb started. I grab Jameson’s gun and try to think back to my sniper training. I didn’t excel in it so that didn’t become my forte, but today I would have to suffice with what I could. I put the gun on the ground and I don’t even think about killing someone. They have taken from me and now it’s my time to get my revenge. I watch as each one is struck between the eyes with a bullet from my borrowed gun. I expected to feel guilt when this finally happened but I don’t feel anything but relief.

I stand on shaky legs and bend down and pick up Carter.  I look around and see pieces of my brothers.  This is not how I expected us to part.  Life has changed and after today I know I will never be the same. 

No matter how many times someone told me what to expect the moment my feet touched Iraqi soil, it wouldn’t prepare me for what I was about to live. The only thing that made this remotely easy for me was my best friend from boot camp got assigned with me. Kyle Black and I met when we were in boot camp six months ago, and were best buddies since. 

“Damn dude, we finally made it. Let’s go meet the rest of our team,” Kyle shouts as he pats my back. He pulls his bag onto his shoulder as he walks towards our new home for the next three hundred and sixty five days. I grab my bag and haul it onto my shoulders as I follow him in to meet the newest addition to my military family. “What’s up, bitches!” I hear as Kyle walks into the room and I just shake my head.

My eyes meet one of the guys standing near the corner of the room. He must be the leader of the group because if looks could kill Kyle would be dead.

“Inappropriate.” I hear come from one of the guys, but I am not sure who says it. I look around and notice that Kyle really hasn’t given the best impression.

“Excuse the idiot. I’m Blake Johnson. Idiot over here… I say pointing a finger at Black “…
is Kyle Black.”  I give a salute and then walk to an empty bed.  “This one taken?”  I look around and finally one of them speaks.  He has short brown hair that is cut in a typical fade.  I glance at him and think if I need to I can take him in a fight.  He’s not a huge guy. 

“No, you can have it.  I’m Carter.  Jameson Carter,” he says as he stands and shakes my hand.  I meet his eyes and I see a hint of a smirk.  “Idiot, you can have that bed,” he points to the bed in the corner. 

“Hey!  I am not an idiot.  I was just trying to be cool.” 

“You’re not,” I mutter and turn to start putting my things away.

“Jackson will be back in about five minutes.  He will be the one to tell you what to expect here,” Carter says before turning to leave.  “I’m going to eat then work out.  If you’d like to join,  I’ll show you around.”

“Nah, I’m gonna crash.” I hear Kyle say and Carter turns to walk out the door. I run after him.

“Carter, wait!” I catch up easily enough and we both start to walk at a pace we both can keep up with. “Really, I’m sorry about Kyle. He doesn’t always think before he speaks,” I say and run a hand over my short auburn hair.

“It’s cool, we give the new guys a hard time. Besides, we just got here yesterday so we are all just as new as you guys.”  He smiles and I can’t help but laugh.  All this time I expected to be put with guys that were experienced. It turns out Carter and the rest of them all had a lot to learn too.

“So, where ya from?” 

“Small town outside of Baton Rouge, Louisiana,” Carter replies as we walk into the makeshift mess hall. “You?”

“Mississippi,” I say and smirk.  “Tiger fan?” 

“Hell yeah, I bleed purple and gold.” 

“Yeah me too. Never was a Bulldog or Eagle fan myself.” He pats my back and laughs a little.

“Good, a person to help me rib Jackson about being a Roll Tider.”

“Ugh, really? Who is Jackson?”

“Just your leader for the next year.”

“Oh Lord.” I shake my head as Carter lets out a laugh I never expected to hear anywhere around here. War never seemed like a place to hear it for me.

“Speaking of. Here he comes,” Carter runs over to a taller brown haired guy who looks to be a little older than me. I give a salute and Carter nods. “This is Matthew Jackson,” he points at Jackson then at me. “Meet your new teammate, Blake Johnson.” I shake his hand as Carter introduces us.

“Nice to meet you, sorry I was video chatting with the wife. Sucks when your wife is five months pregnant and you’re stuck in hell,” he gives a sad smile and I just nod.

“Sorry. I don’t have a wife or a woman so I wouldn’t know what you mean.” He gives a nod and then heads to dinner.

After dinner we all go and run a few laps around the compound. I stay out after the two of them finish their laps. I run thinking of everything I have done. I have accomplished so much in my short nineteen years. I surprised tons of people too. Who would have thought the Valedictorian would end up a Marine? Not my mother, that’s for sure.

Growing up, I was the nerdy red head with freckles and glasses. Contacts surely helped me in my high school years. I really was that kid from Harry Potter, only not Harry his friend, Ron. So I started working out, running and lifting weights. The minute I turned eighteen I enlisted without ever looking back.

I hear footsteps fall into step with mine.  I glance up to see Black pounding the pavement beside me.  This is something I have come accustomed to.  We have a comfortable silence friendship, we don’t need to say a word to know what the other is thinking.  He is the loud obnoxious one and I’m the quiet one.  We run for another twenty minutes at a steady speed until I finally slow and put my hands to my knees.

“Got it out your system?” He asks and puts a hand on my shoulder to squeeze it. It’s nice to just have nothing to think about, to let it all disappear as you run.

“Yeah, just felt like running.”

He nods his head and we walk back to the tent where our beds will be.  I grab my shorts and t-shirt and make my way to the showers.

~~~~~~~~~~

Nine months in this place and still I have a hard time.  It seems like life is hard no matter what, but being the one of the group who has a soft side sucks ass.  I was put into a difficult situation with this guy.  He had a bomb strapped to his chest and was about to push the detonator. Jackson gave me the order to shoot him. Carter was the only one with me and he saw me hesitate. He grabbed his gun and shot the guy without even thinking twice about it
then nodded at me.  I hesitated.  Had Carter not been with me I would have died.  This place is not for me.  I should have gone to Princeton or Harvard where I belonged, but instead here I am trying to act like something more than what I am. 

Just what am I?  I am the world’s biggest coward.  I wanted to prove that I wasn’t just brains, that I could be something more, but that moment proved that all I am is the nerdy kid with his nose stuck in a book.  I couldn’t even protect myself, had Jameson not been there I would have let the guy blow me up.  I couldn’t kill him. 

“Johnson come here.” I turn to see Jackson standing there with running shorts and tennis shoes. “Let’s go run.”