In the Middle of Somewhere (32 page)

Will reaches a hand down to Leo, who blushes as he stands up. Will cups the back of his neck and Leo smiles tentatively, looking up at Will shyly through thick eyelashes.

“You,” Will says, shaking him a little by the back of the neck, “are a terrible fighter.” Leo drops his head.

“We just started,” I mutter, but Will’s right: Leo has no aptitude for this at all. Kid’s just not a fighter, and I kind of like that he’s made it to eighteen without needing to be.

Rex comes outside, hair still damp from the shower, and holds a beer out to Will.

“Why don’t we leave them to it,” Rex says. He must’ve been watching through the kitchen window.

“No way,” Will says. “This guy’s helpless. Can’t let him wander around like that. God knows what kind of trouble he’ll get into. Especially with that come-fuck-me smile.”

“Right?” I say to Will. For once we’re in total agreement. Leo looks mortified and Rex looks uncomfortable.

Will looks at me and back at Leo. He’s not that small. Maybe five foot ten—only an inch or so shorter than Will and me. But he’s skinny and he’s got no instinct for fighting. Maybe I should just teach him what I taught Ginger, who had no interest in fighting, just in making sure she could get away if it came down to it.

“Let’s just show him how to get
out
of a fight,” I say. Will nods and comes to stand next to me.

“Okay, Leo. You’re never going to be a fighter,” Will says. “But you strike me as someone who pisses people off enough to need to defend himself. Believe me, I’d know. So, here’s how to avoid getting your ass kicked when you find yourself in that situation.”

“Rip off his ear, hit him in the nose, and crush his throat,” Will and I say at the same time, and laugh. Huh, maybe he’s not such an idiot after all. He’s regarding me as if he’s thinking the same thing. I can almost hear Ginger saying
jinx
in my ear.

“Jesus,” Rex mutters under his breath, but he doesn’t go back inside.

“Someone gets in your face this close,” Will moves close to me, “they can’t throw a punch. They’re just messing with you. So, you grab their ear.” He takes hold of mine and I give him a warning look. He winks at me. “Don’t pull out, pull toward you, like ripping a piece of paper in half.”

Leo laughs nervously, like he can’t tell if we’re serious.

“No joke,” Will says. “That sucker’ll come off no problem and it will fucking hurt.”

“Also, it bleeds a lot and looks dramatic, so if there’s more than one person, it’ll help freak them out and discourage them from jumping into the fight,” I add. “Okay, second, you smash the heel of your hand up into their nose. It doesn’t take nearly the force or the precision of a punch to do damage, and you can do it in close quarters. Plus, it bleeds a hell of a lot and it’ll make their eyes tear up so they can’t see you as well.” Will demonstrates on me.

“Third,” Will says, “hit them in the throat, right here. It barely takes any force at all to totally incapacitate someone.” He puts one hand on the back of Leo’s neck and Leo’s eyes briefly flutter shut. Will doesn’t seem to notice, just presses the fingers of his other hand into the cartilage of Leo’s neck. “Feel that? Now imagine I hit you there.” Leo gags a little and Will lets him go. “If you hit a little harder, you’ll crush their windpipe completely,” he continues. He comes over to demonstrate, grabbing me by the shoulder so I can’t pull away, and miming first a punch and then a chop to the throat. Leo looks a little freaked out.

Will still has me by the shoulder, so I drop my body weight down and twist away from his hand, coming around so that my fist is at his throat. I’m looking at Leo, about to show him the move, when Will swipes my feet out from under me and takes me down hard. I roll over and throw my elbow up so he can’t grab me. Then I flip us over and pin Will with his hands behind his back. Will wriggles out of it somehow and pushes my face to the side. We’re pretty evenly matched, I think, so I know I could probably take him if it came to it. This is just in fun, though.

“Stop it.” Rex’s voice cuts through the haze that has started to fill my ears, like always happens during a fight. He reaches down and hauls Will off me effortlessly, his biceps flexing, but his eyes never leaving mine. He pulls Will to his feet and then turns around and stalks into the house. I look quizzically at Will when he reaches a hand down to help me up. He looks guilty. Did he actually think he could have hurt me?

“I’m gonna—” I gesture toward the house, leaving Will and Leo outside.

Rex is in the kitchen, jerking things out of the cabinets and throwing them on the counter. The muscles in his shoulders and back are clenched and his neck is corded.

“Are you okay?” I ask, coming up behind him and putting a hand on his shoulder.

“I don’t like fighting, Daniel,” he says, his voice tight. It’s the same thing he said to Leo outside.

“Don’t worry. We weren’t actually fighting, just messing around.”

“I don’t—” Rex clenches his fists and slams one down onto the counter before turning to face me. “I can’t stand fighting.” When I look at him more closely, he’s trembling, his muscles clenched not in anger but in fear. His eyes look distant and he’s swallowing convulsively. He drops his eyes from mine and I can see him trying to get himself back in control.

Oh fuck. I didn’t even think about it. Rex already told me he hates violence. He told me about his lover who was beaten to death. When I asked him if I could teach Leo to fight, he hesitated. I thought he was confused about why Leo needed to learn, but of course he didn’t want to watch it happen; he was just too generous to say so. He told me. He told me in so many different ways that violence upsets him and I didn’t even think about it. God, all I had to do was mention the Internet once and Rex got it installed in his own house just so I could use it. He comes right out and tells me about how traumatized he was by violence and I just invite Leo over and start fighting with Will right in front of Rex. I am such an asshole. How could I be so oblivious?

“Rex, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think—I should never have done this here. Fuck, I’m sorry.”

I slide my palms up his chest and squeeze his shoulders, feeling them relax a little bit.

“I just….” Rex shakes his head and his fingers trace my throat and my nose and my ears, all the places Will touched me. I put my arms around him and pull him into a hug, stroking his back. His heart is pounding but he relaxes a bit more, burying his face in my neck.

“It’s just,” Rex starts again, his voice broken, “when I saw him on top of you, all I could think of was how I couldn’t get to Jamie. How if I had just been stronger. Or if someone had taught me to fight like you’re teaching Leo. Maybe I could have saved him. But they fucking killed him and I didn’t—” His voice gives out until it’s just breath against my neck.

“Rex,” I say, hugging his trembling body closer to me. “There were three guys with a weapon. Even if you’d been stronger or known how to fight… man, there was nothing you could’ve done. And you probably would’ve gotten yourself killed trying.”

I push Rex down onto one of the stools next to the counter.

“But maybe if I’d known how to fight better—”

“Have you been in a fight besides that day?” I ask gently, pulling up the other stool and sitting across from him.

He shakes his head. I’m not surprised. The only people who would take on someone as big and strong as Rex would be on drugs or wasted, and I doubt Rex is even around those kinds of people. After all, that was his goal in bulking up. It seems like it worked.

“It all happens so fast you barely even notice what’s going on. I can’t even really explain it, but adrenaline kicks in and everything is a blur. And you do whatever you need to do to make the other person hurt worse than he can hurt you. And you do it as fast as you can, because once that adrenaline wears off, it really, really hurts.” I squeeze Rex’s thighs between my knees. “Maybe,
maybe
, if you had been training for years, you could have taken on three guys,
if
they were crap fighters and waited to take turns going at you. But three on one? And all bigger than you? Out in the open?” I shake my head. “All one of them would’ve had to do is hit you in the head with that stick while you were fighting with one of the others and you would’ve been out.” I take his hands in mine. “What happened to you and Jamie is horrible. But I’m so glad you didn’t throw yourself into that and end up dead when it probably wouldn’t have made any difference.”

Tears are running down Rex’s face even though his expression hasn’t changed. He pulls me up so I’m standing between his knees and squeezes me tight, his face against my chest.

“I hate,” he says venomously, “that you’ve been in enough fights to know that. But thank you.” He rests his chin on my chest and looks up at me. It’s strange to feel taller than him, but I take advantage of it and lean down to kiss him. I can taste salt on his lips, but his mouth is warm and he kisses me so sweetly. He pulls me down to straddle his lap and runs his thumbs over my cheekbones.

“I hate that you know all that stuff you were showing Leo, too,” he says, “but I could tell you’re a good teacher watching you show him.”

“Yeah?”

“You explain things well. And you tied each new thing into something he already knew how to do. When he couldn’t balance, you put him on his skateboard where you knew he could. So smart.” His expression is heated and he kisses me again. “I love how smart you are.” I laugh, putting my arms around his neck.

“Thanks. Hey, what were you going to make?” The ingredients are still strewn on the counter in front of me.

“Huh? Oh, um, I don’t know; I just wanted to be doing something with my hands.”

I kiss his neck and settle more firmly on his lap.

“I can think of something you can do with your hands,” I tease him.

“Mmm.” He pulls me down firmly onto him and kisses my mouth again. He’s running one big hand up my back under my shirt when the door opens and bangs shut.

“Whoa,” I hear Leo say, and I slide off Rex’s lap. Rex clears his throat, but doesn’t get up. Will has Leo by the back of the shirt, no doubt preventing him from walking into the kitchen.

“Uh, maybe we should just order a pizza instead?”

A
FTER
WE
’
VE
eaten pizza, we’re sitting around in Rex’s living room and Leo is trying to teach Marilyn to roll over. She keeps sitting instead, as if Rex has taught her not to listen to people who tell her to do stupid things.

“Hey, don’t you have any friends you should be hanging out with on Halloween?” Will asks, lazily running his finger around the mouth of his beer bottle. It’s become clear to me that this is just how Will talks, but Leo turns red and looks down, embarrassed.

“Rex, how did you ever date such an asshole?” I say, without heat.

Leo’s head snaps up.

“You two used to date?” he asks, and I can practically
see
the porn he’s writing in his head right now.

“He doesn’t mean anything by it,” Rex says, leaning back into the couch and ruffling Will’s hair. Will pulls away and shoots daggers at him as he fixes his hair. “He just doesn’t always remember that other people
have feelings
.” He shoots the last two words at Will.

“Jeez, sorry!” Will says, looking at Leo. “I’m sure you have hundreds of friends and it’s so kind of you to grace us with your presence. Okay?” He makes a face.

“No, it’s okay,” Leo says with a sigh. “I guess I should go and leave you guys to your evening.”

God, Leo’s a nice kid. He gets up slowly, giving us all every opportunity to stop him. I shoot Will a look and see that Rex is doing the same. Will’s eyes get big and then he rolls them at us.

“Wait, Leo,” he says. “Don’t go. Stay and we’ll… uh—” He looks around wildly. “—we’ll play a game?”

“Really?” Leo is back in a flash. “I love games! What are we gonna play?”

I look irritatedly at Will. Does Rex even own any games? He doesn’t really seem like much of a game player. Besides, he’s alone most of the time.

“Oh, wait, Rex doesn’t have any games,” Will says. Leo’s face falls, like he thinks Will was just messing with him.

“We could do something else,” I offer. “Watch a movie. It’s Halloween; there’ve got to be some good horror movies on, right?”

Leo doesn’t look thrilled with that idea either and twists his hands in his lap. Then he looks up, excited again.

“We could play Celebrity! You just write the names of different celebrities on pieces of paper and then you draw the names out of a hat and try to get us to guess them as fast as you can.”

Will looks at Rex, his eyes shifting quickly back.

“Um, no, that’s no good,” he says. “Old man Rex over there won’t know any celebrities unless they’re circa Hedy Lamarr.”

“Who?” Leo and I say.

Rex opens his mouth like he’s about to tell us, but Will interrupts.

“How about Pictionary?” Will says. “Two teams of two, and each team can just tell the drawer what they’re drawing. No work involved.”

I shrug.

“If you guys want. I can’t draw for shit.”

“Yeah,” says Leo, “I can’t really—”

“Here, kid, you can be on my team and the lovebirds over there can be together.” Will pulls Leo over to him and Leo goes easily, shutting up the second Will touches him. I flip Will off, but move over to Rex.

“Sorry in advance,” I tell Rex. Rex brings out pads of paper and pens and we start to play. I am an embarrassingly bad artist, trying to communicate things with stick figures and totally not-to-scale objects. Rex gamely guesses, following my trains of thought pretty well. He’s a good artist, though. Everything he draws is neat and precise, with simple, clear lines like a blueprint. Leo, like me, isn’t good. He draws fast and large, taking up the whole page only to scribble it out and start over, which drives Will crazy. He guesses at rapid-fire pace, going in a different direction practically every time Leo draws a new line, to the point where the kid gets flustered and starts narrating what things are, which loses them the round.