In My Shoes (3 page)

Sometimes, I wish I were more like Mike.
Maybe I should rephrase that. I wish, sometimes, that I actually
had the confidence that Mike projects. He does not have a lot of
confidence. On the surface, he looks like he has confidence coming
out his ears. He does that more as a defense mechanism. If he acts
cocky, maybe nobody will notice that he is insecure.

Mike comes from a home life somewhat similar
to mine. I wouldn’t change places with him any day, though. We both
are only children living with single moms. The main difference
between our lives is because of our moms. Don’t get me wrong, I
love his mom. She is always nice to me, and I feel like I am part
of their family.

Mike’s mom, Diana, is the party mom. When
Mike wants to have a party, Diana always lets him have them at her
house. She would rather have the kids get a little out of control
where she can see them. I think she likes being the cool mom who
relates to the kids.

She lets Mike do whatever he wants, though.
Mike knows his dad, but he’s not a big part of his life. His mom
tries to overcompensate by being his friend. He isn’t abusive
toward his mom, but he pushes her buttons to get what he wants. He
knows how to work her, and she just goes along with it.

It’s not like I think parents shouldn’t be
friends with their kids, but really, they need to be parents most
of the time. As much as I like Diana, I wouldn’t want her to be my
mother. Maybe I realize this because I see the difference between
Diana and my mother.

My mother and I get along very well. You
could say that we are friends, but when she needs to be a parent,
she is. I don’t really ever get into trouble, so my mother doesn’t
usually have to play the ‘parent’ role too often. Don’t think for a
minute that she wouldn’t put me in my place if I got out of line,
though. My mother usually tells me that I act older than my years
show, and that I need to remember to enjoy my high school years. I
feel like she has prepared me, the best she knows how, for the real
world. I think I’ve turned out pretty good.

You know, I guess that’s what really bothered
me about Nicole calling me a clown. She hurt my pride. I am proud
of the fact that I am responsible. It’s like, her calling me a
clown has taken something away from who I am. I’m not going to let
her change that for me. If I were her, I would never treat someone
like that. If Nicole were a guy, then maybe she could see how hard
it was asking girls out. She doesn’t have to like me, but someday
she’ll see what I’m about. Someday she’ll see she was wrong.
Someday she’ll learn that being friends with Mike doesn’t make me
Mike.

I have nothing left for the day. I’ve been
staring at the ceiling for what seems like forever, searching for
answers. I don’t know if I’ve found any answers, but I think I’m
ready to find the back of my eyelids. I don’t know how I’ll feel in
the morning, but it couldn’t be worse than today.

I must have tossed and turned all night,
because the morning hit me like a lead brick. I felt myself coming
slowly out of a dream, and I felt strange. Something was pushing
against my chest, and something was tickling my neck. My bed felt
softer, too. I obviously didn’t sleep very well. My head was foggy,
like it was in the clouds. I was rolling over in bed when I jolted
awake. No more haze. Something was wrong. I had my eyes wide open,
staring at the ceiling. But it wasn’t my ceiling. I darted up in
bed and looked around. Nothing was right. Everything was pink and
yellow and white and I didn’t recognize a single thing. There was a
dresser to my left with a large, oval mirror on it.

That’s about the time that I screamed. At
least I think it was me. I saw the mouth in front of me open and I
felt the scream, but it wasn’t my voice. The reflection in the
mirror didn’t belong to me either. It was Nicole. I looked to my
left and then I looked to my right. No Nicole. I looked down. This
was not my body and I don’t wear nightshirts.
I
was
Nicole.

I jumped out of bed, but I didn’t know where
to go or what to do. I was looking all around me trying to figure
out what was going on. How could this be happening? Wait. Was I
still dreaming? No, this didn’t feel like a dream. I was completely
cognizant of what was going on around me. Just because it didn’t
make any sense didn’t mean I couldn’t tell the difference between
dream and reality. No, this was something else.

I started to tell myself to slow down, but my
heart was beating like someone was playing the drums on my chest.
Deep breaths. Take deep breaths, Jake. Think. If I am in Nicole’s
body, then…where is my body? And, where is Nicole? Wait. If I’m in
her body, maybe she’s in my…how is this even possible?

I needed to find her…I mean me…I mean…ugh! If
I were her…well, actually I am her. Focus! If she was in my body,
she would be freaked out like me, and she wouldn’t want to stick
around an unfamiliar place. She would probably go looking for me.
But would she know where to find me? Would she assume I was in her
body? Would that even be a normal thing to assume? Wait, the
school! Maybe she’d go to the school. It was worth a shot! I needed
to get dressed and head for school.

It seemed like it had been hours that I had
been trying to sort this out, but it must have been just seconds.
As I started looking around for clothes that I could wear, a woman
came barging into the room. She was almost the same height as me
and I could tell instantly that it was Nicole’s mother. She was an
older version of Nicole in so many ways. She was blonde, though her
hair was shorter than Nicole’s. She had the same capturing eyes
that probably came alive when she smiled. Only, she wasn’t smiling.
She looked worried.

“Nikki, what’s wrong?” she choked.

“Sorry, I…had a bad dream…and I just realized
I’m late for school,” I said.

“You don’t usually wake up for another half
hour. It’s six in the morning.” Her voice was calming now that she
knew I was okay.

I didn’t know what to say. “I…wanted to get
there early today.”

She started walking into the bedroom toward
the dresser. “Well then, let me help you. I wanted to talk to you
this morning anyway.”

“Oh…okay. About what?” I asked.

She was walking and talking and acting like
this was perfectly normal, while I was jumping out of my skin…well,
Nicole’s skin…trying to get myself out of here without tipping her
off. She laid out clothes on the bed and walked toward an attached
dressing area. She pulled a brush out of a drawer, turned around
and looked at me curiously. I was out of place and it felt
obvious.

“Are you okay?” she questioned.

“Um…yeah…sorry. I’m a little out of sorts
this morning. I don’t think I slept very well.”

I turned back toward the bed to the stack of
clothes she laid out, and she sat down on the bed. She was talking,
I was nodding, occasionally adding an “uh-huh,” and thinking about
how to do this. I would never change in front of my mother. Is this
one of those things that girls are perfectly comfortable with? She
wasn’t making any attempt to leave and I told her I was in a hurry
to get to school. Okay, I would start undressing, and if she gave
me a funny look, I would have to improvise.

I was wearing a white nightshirt that had
pink flowers all over it. It went down to mid-thigh. I began taking
the nightshirt off slowly, listening for a pause in Nicole’s
mother’s talking. She continued, so I did the same. I was standing
there in white, ankle-high socks, pink underwear and nothing else.
Nicole seemed to really like pink, I thought. I started to look at
the clothes on the bed when it suddenly occurred to me…I was
looking down at Nicole’s…boobs, breasts, whatever is the right
thing to call them. I had about a second to note how nice they
looked before it occurred to me that I should close my mouth before
Nicole’s mother noticed me ogling at Nicole’s body.

Okay, there was a bra, a shirt and a skirt on
the bed. No socks and no underwear. I was wearing underwear, so I
was good there. I reached for the bra to try and figure out how to
put it on. I’ve seen my mother’s bras before, but I’ve never tried
to put one on. It didn’t seem that complicated. I put my arms
through the big loops and put the cups up to my chest. Wait. It was
inside out. I took it off, turned it around and tried again. I had
it over my shoulders, cups in place and I was trying to fasten the
back. I was very obviously lacking coordination here, but Nicole’s
mother didn’t seem too suspicious. She seemed to be very aware at
this point that I was having a rough morning. She continued talking
as she motioned her finger in a circle, for me to turn around. She
fastened the bra and I reached for the shirt when she caught my
attention.

“I mean, I can understand your frustration
with the other two boys, Nikki, but you didn’t say anything about
that third boy that was worth treating him like that. He didn’t
know the other boys had asked you out did he?”

“Uh…no, he didn’t,” I said quietly. She was
talking about
me
. Nicole had gone home and talked to her
mother about
me
. What did she say about me? I started
putting the shirt on as she continued.

“Sweetie, I know it’s hard being the pretty
girl, but sometimes you have to try and consider where other people
are coming from. You are a smart, funny, beautiful girl who has
everything going for her. A guy would be crazy not to want to be
with you.

“Now, I don’t expect you to say yes to all of
these boys. In fact, I would prefer if you didn’t,” she said with a
smile. “But, there is a big difference between saying no and being
cruel. Sometimes it’s better just to say ‘no thank you’ and let
them leave with their pride.”

I didn’t really know what to say. I agreed
with her. I thought Nicole was cruel yesterday, and I didn’t think
it was necessary at all. I was already starting to like this lady.
I wished Nicole were actually here to hear what she was telling me.
As far as I was concerned, she was preaching to the choir.

“You know,” she continued, “when I was your
age, I didn’t have a lot of boys even asking me out. My mother used
to tell me that it was because I was so pretty that the boys were
just…afraid to ask me out. So, when someone who seemed nice did ask
me out, I considered it.”

She was looking at me, and I guessed that I
needed to respond with something that Nicole would say. But I
didn’t really know what she would say. “I see your point, but I
felt like he was being a clown and I didn’t feel like dealing with
him. Would you?”

“No, probably not. And I don’t know this kid.
But, I think it was far from appropriate to say the things you said
to him yesterday. You seemed so angry yesterday, and you seemed to
be proud of yourself for putting him off.”

“Really?” I asked. Did Nicole really seem
proud of herself?

“Really. I don’t want to say too much more,
because I think I’ve made my point. I love you and you’re a good
kid. Just know that your father and I have worked very hard our
entire lives to provide you with every opportunity in life. We
expect you to be an example to others. Don’t let others walk all
over you, but show compassion when you can.

“Oh, and your skirt is on backwards.” I had
just finished zipping the skirt up in the front. She turned it
around so the zipper was in the back, looked at me and started
brushing my hair. “Are you going to be okay today? You are all out
of sorts. I swear, if your head weren’t attached you’d probably
lose it today.” She had no idea.

“I’ll be okay. I just woke up funny.” That’s
an understatement!

I started walking toward the door when she
called me.

“Nicole, are you not going to wear makeup
today?” she asked.

I wouldn’t even know where to begin. “I’ll
put it on at school. I really want to get there early today.”

“Do you have a test today?” She had a
questioning look on her face.

“Not until next week, but I said I’d study
with some friends before school.” I hoped that sounded
plausible.

“Oh, okay. Well, don’t forget your purse and
your backpack,” she said, pointing at them on the desk at the far
wall. “Oh, and shoes.” She walked into Nicole’s closet and came
back with some shoes.

“Thanks,” I said.

I grabbed the purse and the backpack and
started following her out of the room. I was hoping she would lead
me to a door out of the house, so I wouldn’t look lost in what was
supposed to be my house. She led me down the stairs, and at the
base of the stairs, about twenty feet in front of me, was the door.
I started heading toward the door as she was heading into another
room.

“Are you going to eat breakfast at the
school?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’m not very hungry.”

“Okay, don’t forget we will be getting home
late tonight. Dad and I are getting together with the Hendersons
for cards. I’m guessing you’ll be hanging out with Jessica or
Caryn?”

“Uhh…probably. I haven’t really talked to
them yet,” I replied truthfully.

“Just be sure you are home by eleven or call
if you want to stay over at one of their houses.”

“I will. Bye!”

She turned and went into the other room as I
made my way to the door. I shut the door behind me and ran out into
the street. I didn’t recognize anything. I’d never been on this
street before. I looked up and down the street and headed in the
direction of the cross street that had the most passing cars.
Clayton Avenue. That I recognized. I wasn’t positive, but I had a
pretty good idea how to get to school from here.

I ran almost the whole way. In a skirt, no
less! I’ve never minded running, and it appeared that Nicole’s body
was in pretty decent physical shape. I didn’t have too much
trouble. It probably had more to do with the fact that I couldn’t
stop thinking about this whole crazy mess. What was I going to say
to Nicole when I saw her…in my body? What if she’s not in my body?
What then? I don’t have the slightest clue how we are going to
reverse this whole thing, but if Nicole is not in my body, I don’t
know what I’m going to do. Please be in my body. I slowed a bit as
I reached the school.