In My Shoes (9 page)

“Oh, thanks Diana, but I have a friend
waiting for me in the car. I just stopped by to pick up my homework
assignments from Mike. I was sick yesterday and asked him to get my
work.”

“Okay, sweetie. Are you feeling better?”

“Mostly, but I’m sure I’ll be back to normal
soon.” I really, really hope I’ll be back to normal soon.

“Well, feel better. Mike’s still asleep, but
I’m sure you could have guessed that.”

“Yeah,” I said, “I’ll just be a minute.”

That went pretty well. I headed right down
the hall and opened the first door on my right. I knew it was the
right room immediately. One, there were posters of women in skimpy
bathing suits all over his walls. I mean seriously, do guys still
do that? Second, the room was a disaster. How does his mom let him
keep his room like this? Third, there was Mike lying in the middle
of his bed, sheets kicked off, with only a pair of purple bikini
briefs on. Not exactly a sight I wanted to see.

“Mike.” No answer. “Mike, wake up!” He tossed
a little and peeked at me from underneath his eyelids. “Dude,
where’s my homework? Did you grab it like I asked?”

“I thought you told me to bring it by today,”
he said, half asleep.

“I did, but I decided to come by and get it.
Is it here?”

“Yeah, it’s in my backpack…over there.” He
pointed to his backpack. I grabbed it and tossed it on the bed for
him.

He squinted up at me, sat up and started
going through the backpack. “What, are you still mad at me?”

“No,” I replied, “I’m just in a hurry.”

“You know, if I’d known that you were going
to ask Nicole out, I would’ve been cool. I was just trying to have
a little fun with you, and I was bored. You looked like you were
lost in space, and I thought it would be funny to make you jump.”
He kind of laughed to himself. “And…well, I don’t really know why I
tripped you. Seemed funny at the time.”

So, Jake wasn’t goofing around. Okay, so now
I feel a little more like a jerk. I was kind of irritated at Mike
now, though. I tried to control the edge to my voice. “It’s fine.
Just don’t do it again, alright?”

“Cool. So, why didn’t you tell me you were
going to ask her out? I could have kept it on the DL.”

Whatever that means. “Yeah, not a
chance.”

He smiled and handed me my homework. “That’s
all of it. Oh, but wait, what was up with yesterday? Dude she
flashed me her ta-tas, and next thing I know you guys were
gone.”

Great. I should have expected this. “Dude,
what are you talking about?” I’ve got to convince him it didn’t
happen.

“Dude, her melons, you know,” he cupped his
hands up in front of his chest, “her boobies!”

I swear, this kid must be in third grade.
“So, you are trying to tell me that Nicole Evans showed you her
boobs?”

“Yeah! Dude you were there. Don’t tell me you
didn’t see it. You were having an argument with her and then all of
a sudden she called my name and flashed me. It was awesome! I don’t
know what happened next, but I was on the floor and you guys were
gone.”

“Dude, I wasn’t at school yesterday.
Remember? And I can tell you without a doubt that Nicole Evans
would not flash you. She doesn’t even like you.” This was pretty
much true, since Jake was technically the one who flashed Mike, and
although I don’t really know him, I can already tell I don’t like
him.

“Dude, why are you frontin’? I can even
describe them to you if you want.”

Great, that’s all I need. “No thanks, I’m
good on this side of your universe,” I said. “Look Mike, I wasn’t
at school yesterday. You said you woke up on the ground. Maybe you
hit your head and imagined it.”

He stopped for a minute. “Man, I’m sure it
happened.” He didn’t seem so sure all of a sudden.

“Dude, I’ve gotta go. Enjoy your dream. It
seems like a good one. I’ll see you Monday.”

“Wait. Where are you going? Why don’t ya hang
out.”

“I can’t. I’ve got a ride waiting for me.
Sorry.”

“Who gave you a ride?” he asked.

“Nobody you know.”

He got up and started following me out of his
room.

“What do mean no one I know, and dude, why
are you walking like that?” he said.

I turned to look at him. “Walking like
what?”

He was walking toward a window in the front
room. “You’re kind of walking like a girl. Wait, is that Nicole
Evans out there? Okay, what’s going on here?”

“Nothing’s going on. We are studying today.
She called me to apologize for being rude the other day, and we
decided to study together. She said she was absent yesterday, too.
So, we thought it would be easier to go over what we missed
together.”

“You’re not telling me somethin’.”

“Man, Mike, I would love to stay and help you
figure this out, but I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you Monday.”

“Okay, but I want answers Monday,” he said as
I walked out the door.

I jumped into the car and told Jake to
go.

“How did it go?” Jake asked.

“Great, if that’s how you define a total
fiasco.”

“What happened?”

“He wanted to know why I showed him
my…ta-tas, and then he wanted to describe them for me.”

Jake cringed. Not a look I’ve seen on me
before, but I could tell he was not happy. “I’m REALLY sorry.”

“Well, I tried to convince him that he
imagined it, but he’s not letting it go. I don’t want him thinking
that I flashed him. If he starts telling others that at school, I
will be furious.”

“Maybe we should tell him,” he said.

“No way. Aside from the fact that he will
think we are crazy, I don’t think we should tell anyone.”

“Look,” he explained, “if we tell him, he
will know you didn’t flash him, and he could help us until this
gets straightened out.”

He had a point. “I don’t know. Do you think
you can convince him, and moreover, do you think we can trust
him?”

“I think so, on both accounts. We will do it
together and he can quiz me on things he knows only I know.”

“Well,” I conceded, “I guess it’s worth a
try. Not now though. We still have work to do.”

Jake continued driving, heading toward my
house. After a few minutes, I broke the silence. “All I can say is
if this had to happen to me, I’m glad it wasn’t with Mike.”

“Why?” Jake wondered.

“Because, I don’t speak Cro-Magnon. He says
dude every other word. At least you and I are grammatically
similar. What does it even mean to ‘keep it on the DL’ anyway?”

“Keep it on the DL?” he said, laughing to
himself.

“Yes. Is that funny?”

“No, I’ve just never heard him say that
either. It means keep it on the down low. I don’t know what you
guys were talking about, but it sounds like he was saying he
wouldn’t tell anyone…and don’t believe that for a second. I mean,
he’s good with the really important stuff, but anything short of
that...”

“Well, he was asking why you didn’t tell him
you were going to ask me out on Thursday.”

I could tell I just embarrassed Jake as I saw
my cheeks turn rosy. “Oh,” he said, “well I definitely knew better
than tell him about that. He would have found some way to torture
me over it.”

“So, you
were
going to ask me out,” I
said a little more accusingly than I had intended.

“So what if I was?” he said defensively. “I
didn’t have a definite plan. I had decided that I would ask you to
study and see where it went from there. Being the nightmare it was,
I didn’t end up asking you out.”

“Well, it looks like you got your wish,” I
said.

“In case you haven’t figured it out yet, this
isn’t how I drew this plan up.”

“No, I guess not.”

“So,” he said, changing the subject, “what
else did he say?”

“He asked me why I was walking funny. That
definitely has to be on our to-do list for today. We need to learn
how to walk our respective parts.”

“That ought to be fun.”

“Was that sarcasm?” I asked.

“Yeah, that was sarcasm.”

We got to my house around eleven o’clock and
Jake pulled the car into the garage. We headed into the house and
took our things up to my room. “We have a lot to do today. I think
we should start with the walk, since it seems to be the most
blaringly obvious problem.

“After that, we’ve got grooming…hair, makeup
and,” I said hesitantly, “I need to show you how to shave my
legs.”

“Speaking of which, I know the hair on my
face doesn’t grow in thick, but it doesn’t look like you shaved
today.”

“Sorry, I guess I’m not used to shaving every
day, and I’ve never shaved my face, so I guess it slipped my
mind.”

“You’ll just look a little ratty by the end
of the day. Make sure you shave tomorrow.”

“Sure.”

We put our things on my desk and looked at
each other in awkward silence for what seemed like a few minutes.
Finally I broke the silence. “So…do you want to go first or shall
I?”

“Uh…you can try and fix me first,” he said.
“Tell me what I’m doing wrong.”

“Okay! So, when girls walk, we don’t move
like a Mack Truck. It might be better if I saw you walk, and then I
can tell you what to change.”

He started to walk across the room. “Okay,
first, don’t swing your arms so much. Girls usually keep their arms
closer to their body. Second, take shorter strides with your
legs.”

“Like this?” he said.

“Yes, but it’s still not quite right.
Hmmm…Okay, try turning your hips just a little bit while you walk.
No, that’s too much. I’m not a Miss America contestant. It’s
subtle.”

“Subtle,” he repeated. He walked back and
forth across the room several times.

“Better, but you’re not quite there. Girls
don’t have a lot of excess motion when we move. We don’t bob our
shoulders up and down. It’s flowing and graceful. Remember, short
strides, slightly turn your hips in and don’t swing your arms.”

“Like this?” he asked.

“That’s actually pretty good. It’s not quite
right, but it’s pretty good. Practice like that for a while.”

“I’m not going to have to wear high heels am
I?”

“How often have you seen me in high heels?” I
asked, not thinking that he probably didn’t know the answer to that
question.

“Umh…Now that you mention, I think maybe once
since school started. You do wear some shoes with short heels on
them, though.”

“Yes, but those are not hard to walk in.
Don’t worry, we’ll pick you out some outfits that you can generally
wear sneakers or flats with.”

“Sounds good to me,” he said, seemingly
relieved.

He walked around for about fifteen minutes
and then stopped. “Okay, I need a break. It’s your turn.”

I got up to take my turn.

“So,” Jake continued, “now that you’ve broken
down how to walk like a girl, do you think you get how to walk like
a guy?”

Good question. Here goes nothing. “Is it
something like this?” I asked as I took my turn walking across the
room.

“I sure hope not,” he said laughing. “You’re
liable to get me jumped if you do that.”

“Do what?” I asked defensively.

“Wiggle your butt like that. Guys don’t…well,
at least I don’t try to wiggle my butt when I walk.”

“Okay, so what
do
you do?”

“From what I can tell from our little lesson,
it looks to me like guys walk more with their upper body, while
girls walk more with their lower body.”

“How do you mean?”

“Okay, so when you were showing me how to
walk like a girl, you didn’t move your upper body much. Most of
your motion was in your legs and hips.”

“Right,” I said, trying to follow him.

“When I walk, most of the motion is in my
upper body. I mean, I walk in longer, methodical strides, but I
also swing my arms and use my shoulders more.”

I thought about that for a moment, and then I
asked him to walk one more time to demonstrate.

“After walking like a girl for so long today,
I hope I can do it right,” he said. “Something like…this.”

I gave it a try. “How’s this?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said, almost in a defeated tone,
“that didn’t really take you very long. It looks right…maybe even
better than I do it.”

I smiled. I’m sure he was just trying to be
nice. I practiced awhile longer and we moved on to our next item on
the list.

“Okay,” I said, “there’s no sense in wasting
time having you get in the shower now when you will be taking
another shower this evening. I’m going to tell you how to shave my
legs, and you can give it a try tonight.”

I explained to Jake how to shave my legs. I
was as thorough as I could be, stressing to use care. He seemed to
be a little overwhelmed by all of the details, but I wanted him to
do it right. I don’t want to get my legs back all cut up.

“My armpits are pretty much the same,” I
continued. “Just be careful.”

“Any other areas I need worry about?” he
asked sheepishly.

“Don’t even think about it,” I said sharply.
“Just stick to what I’ve told you.”

“Okay, got it.”

“Wow,” I said, “I usually don’t get this
hungry. Are you hungry?”

“A little, but not as much as I usually am at
lunch time. You probably got my appetite with my body.”

“Why don’t we get a bite to eat down stairs,
and then we can pick up where we left off.”

We went downstairs and I waited at the
kitchen counter. He stopped and looked at me. “Is something wrong?”
he asked.

“I think you should get used to acting like
this is your house. I mean…for now.” I didn’t particularly like
having him get so comfortable with my house. In fact, it kind of
made me sad. I really didn’t see any way around it, though.

“Oh, okay,” he said. “What are you hungry
for?”

“Whatever you feel like making will be fine,”
I said.

“Sandwiches?”

“Sounds good to me,” I replied.