Imperfect Love (34 page)

She looked around and found herself in a small private room. Her father was standing in the doorway with his coat hanging over one arm, and his phone in the other at his ear. He was talking to someone, rescheduling an appointment it sounded like.

“Miss Scallanger?”

“Please, call me Holly.”

“How do you feel now?”

“I’m okay. Much better than this morning.”

The doctor smiled. He was somewhere in his mid-fifties and had kind eyes.

“Your father tells me that you were on some sort of supplement which helped with your symptoms. Do you know what it’s called?”

“It’s not on the market yet. It’s still in its trial stages, but I’ve now run out and can’t get any more.”

“Did it work?”

She nodded. “It did, but the one who gave it to me…” she trailed off, casting her eyes downward.

“Is he related to the baby?”

She nodded again.

“Holly, I need to know what happened, and I need to get my hands on this supplement. If he can give us—”

“He won’t. Believe me, he won’t,” she cut in.

“So, I take it that somewhere along the line someone didn’t want you to have the baby?”

“Yes.” Holly gulped.

“I must still try to get the supplement, Holly. Without him knowing who it’s for, of course. We need to get you back on it as soon as possible. Who is he?”

She hesitated.

“Please. I promise your name will be kept out of it.”

Holly sighed. “Dr. Gus Peters.”

He stared at her for a minute, dumbfounded. “You are telling me that he started with the p47 trial?”

“Correct.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” He smiled. “We’ve been waiting for him to start with this very trial for the past year. And you say it’s worked for you?”

She nodded. “Very well, actually.”

“Terrific. I’ll need you to stay overnight. All we’re going to do is observe you both. I’ll make a couple of phone calls, see if we can get you sorted, okay?”

“Thank you,” she whispered.

As soon as he left, two nurses entered, one pushing a monitor. Smiling down at Holly she connected a belt over her slightly extended belly.

Please let there be a heartbeat
, she begged.

The nurse hit a switch and Holly immediately heard the baby’s heartbeat, confirming that the bean was okay. However, she was worried, too. The heartbeat wasn’t as fast or as strong as it had been in Dr. Meyers’ office.

The nurse, who’d been standing off to one side, left the room immediately, while the other tried to assuage Holly’s fear.

“It’s okay, it’s low but no danger yet. We’ll wait for the doctor to come and have a look.”

Right on cue, Dr. Rikus entered and went straight to the monitor.

“That isn’t normal, is it?” Holly asked.

“Holly, don’t worry. The baby is doing fine. Get me an ultrasound. I want to see what is going on,” he commanded, and the nurse made a hasty retreat.

Her father entered, finally having finished with his phone conversation.

“Dad, you don’t have to stay if you have business to attend to. I’m in good hands.”

“I’m not going anywhere until I know you are going to be okay,” he uttered softly, kissing her on the top of her head.

Why couldn’t he have always been like this? Why now?

“Doctor? What’s the verdict?” Charles queried.

“I’m trying to get that formula as we speak. My assistant is making a few calls.” He glanced at Holly and then back at Charles. “She’ll be okay.”

“And how’s the baby doing?”

“We are about to find out,” Dr. Rikus replied, just as the nurse returned with the ultrasound equipment. He switched it on, squirted warm gel onto Holly’s stomach, and began his examination.

She felt better now that she was able to see how the bean looked. The fetus was still relatively small, but the limbs had grown a bit thicker, and one could see the outline of a tiny baby.

“Hmm,” Dr. Rikus murmured.

“What is it?” Both Holly and Charles asked simultaneously, which had them both smiling.

“Nothing bad. Would you like to know the baby’s sex?”

“You can see that already?” Charles was taken aback.

The doctor nodded.

“Amazing. That is entirely Holly’s choice, of course.”

Holly smiled and nodded her ascent.

“It’s a little girl.”

A solitary tear escaped and Holly closed her eyes. It was going to be a little girl who would look just like her father. She was convinced of that, because that was how Murphy’s Law worked. She was going to look exactly as Jake had when he’d been a four-year-old toddler, just like the photo she’d seen when they’d vacationed as his parents’ home.

The doctor’s voice broke into her musings. “She’s not in distress yet, but she is very close to it. What do you want to do, Holly?”

“What do you mean?” she asked, slight hysteria building within her.

“You can still abort—”

“Never! That’s exactly what they wanted. I cannot and will not abort my baby.”

“They?” her father queried, an angry look on his face.

“Don’t, please, Dad. I’m never going to see them again.”

“Holly if I can’t get that shake, you have no idea what we are going to be up against. I can tell you what you can expect, but not many of my patients have shown symptoms as early as you have and still managed to make it to term. By the looks of things, you are on the severe end of the scale. You aren’t alone, though. There are a handful of women going through the same thing. But the extreme cases I’ve read about… sadly, either the mother, the fetus, or both don’t survive.”

“What!” her father shouted.

“Dad, I’m not aborting this baby.”

“Holly, think this through carefully. You’re putting your life at risk here. I’ve already lost one child. I do not plan on losing another.”

Holly was furious. All she wanted to do was yell right back in his face that Jamie had never mattered to him. He hadn’t once visited her when she fought for her life at the bitter end, just paid the bills, but she kept quiet. Instead, she said, “I am not getting rid of this baby, Dad.”

“But… what if you die?”

“Then I die, okay?”

“You don’t know what you are saying.”

“Just go, please.” Tears rolled down her cheeks.

Doctor Rikus had a few words with Charles, practically ordering him to go.

Relenting, Charles finally acquiesced. “I’ll be outside if you need anything. Do whatever is in your power to help her. I will not lose my daughter.”

“You know I will, Mr. Scallanger.”

Charles kissed Holly softly on the head again before leaving.

“Doctor Rikus, give it to me straight. What are these women going through?”

The doctor pulled his chair closer. “Severe headaches, nausea from hell itself, high blood pressure, weight loss, not to mention the strain it puts on the baby. Babies are usually born premature and struggle to stay alive. But if you really want to carry on with this, I promise to do all I can in my power to help you through it.”

“How do the women die?”

“Oh, a number of ways. They die of strokes, heart attacks, or clots in their lungs. The pressure is terrible on the kidneys, so even those who manage to survive sometimes have to go on dialysis for the rest of their lives. Even after delivery, you may still suffer with hypertension and develop heart failure.”

Holly nodded.

“It’s not going to be easy, Holly.”

“I know. But nothing worth keeping is ever easy, is it? And I want to keep my baby. Please.”

“Then we’ll do everything to see that that happens. Okay?” He smiled, patted her hand reassuringly, stood up and turned to speak to one of the nurses.

“I’ll see you later tonight. Rest now.”

“Thank you, Doctor Rikus, for everything.”

Closing her eyes, she listened to the voices outside her door. Clearly, her father and Doctor Rikus were having a discussion of sorts.

“No,” her father answered whatever had been asked, adamantly. “She came to me for help and that is exactly what I’m going to provide.”

What was Doctor Rikus asking of him?

She was pulled out of her thought when one of the nurses injected liquid from three separate vials into her IV, fatigue washing over her once more. Her eyes closed. She was swept away into the darkness of her mind

HOLLY WOKE WITH A STARTLE AND FOUND          herself tucked into bed at her father’s house. She jumped out of it quickly when the nausea hit, making it to the bathroom in the nick of time. She was sick for what seemed like forever. Taking deep breaths, she cleaned up as best she could and went back to bed. Her head seemed to spin out of control.

She’d lost a couple of pounds in the past month, and had been admitted to hospital three times by Dr. Rikus.

She also cried a lot, which could have been due to a number of things; hormones, Jake, and the baby who was struggling just as much as she was.

The day she reached 20 weeks was one she celebrated. She was halfway through the hell she’d fallen into.

Where peace and quiet should have reigned, it seemed like her father was constantly fighting with her of late.

On the plus side, she’d finally started looking like a pregnant woman, even if her highly defined shoulder bones and cheek bones made her look like she was on drugs. She hated looking sickly, but it wasn’t like she had a choice.

Holly needed baby Jamie now more than ever; she wouldn’t lose her, too. She’d decided to name the baby after her sister, as well as her best friend; Jamie Bernice. Bernie was a sister to her, so it was appropriate to name the baby after the two most special people in her life.

Lying in bed, her heart beat like drums at a rock concert. She felt hot and bothered, and knew that her blood pressure had shot sky high again. The tablets the doctor had given her weren’t working anymore. It made her think of what Jamie had experienced when she had been alive. A particular drug would work for a month and then it would just stop.

Holly decided she had no further choice in the matter, she needed to go back into hospital again. They weren’t really as bad as she’d thought, since they always treated her kindly and with care.

It took a huge amount of effort to turn around and locate the buzzer that had been left on the nightstand in order to call her father. It was something he’d installed a couple of weeks back when she needed him in the middle of night.

She was feeling weak, but managed to turn nevertheless, swinging her arm out toward the nightstand. It was there, somewhere, all she had to do was find it. Her hand felt around the top a few times until it connected with the buzzer. Relieved, she pressed the button. A siren, not a very loud one, went off farther down the hall.

Not a minute later, Charles burst through her door and picked her up. She could feel him move quickly, yelling for help at the same time. Lights went on throughout the house, and more hands appeared to help. And then Gabby’s screeching made its way to them. Luckily for Holly, she couldn’t make heads or tails over what the bitch was going on about.

The cold air outside was a breath of fresh air, offering some relief to her hot body. But the minute she was settled in her father’s SUV, the heat returned, making her feel ten times worse.

Penelope, one of her father’s staff members who thankfully resided on the property, held Holly’s head in her lap. The old woman stroked her hair as her eyes closed, whispering words Holly couldn’t make out.

The drive to the hospital felt like it was taking ages, and just as she thought that, they suddenly stopped. Charles’ voice barked demands for help, and soon hands seemed to come from nowhere, pulling her out of the SUV, placing her on a bed and wheeling her into the emergency room.

Lying flat on her back, Holly saw ceilings and lights whizz by, hurting her eyes. She was thankful, though, for the hand holding hers. Her father’s.

All too soon, Charles released her hand when Dr. Rikus and a few nurses needed to attend to her. Whatever she’d been given—not that she’d felt anything during all the commotion—began to work as her symptoms settled.

Dr. Rikus waited until her body reacted to the medication she was given, upon which he began an examination of the baby.

Holly waited and prayed to hear the tiny heartbeat, when it finally came. The sound was exactly as previous times; soft and far from the tempo it should be but it was there, hanging on, just like her mommy.

Both were fighting to live for the chance to see what the other one looked like.

Hold on, Jamie, please
, she prayed softly, before all went silent.

When Holly woke, a dark figure was sitting in a chair next to the bed.

“Dad?” she whispered.

“Holly…” It wasn’t Charles’ voice as she had expected, but rather her mother’s.

Holly closed and opened her eyes a few times in order to focus. When her mother came into view, her face was both riddled with worry and relief.

“Mom? What are
you
doing here?” she croaked.

“Why didn’t you phone me, Holly?”

“Too scared to.”

“Of what? You went to your dad, after everything—”

“Don’t,” Holly interrupted. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him, Mom. You’ve got to give him that. He came through for me this time. It counts.”

“Don’t ask me to forgive your father, Holly. Not after everything he put us through.”

“Have you forgotten what you did when Jamie died?”

“I can’t.”

“Try, Mom. I’m still here.”

“You could’ve died, and then what?”

Holly didn’t answer.

“Holly… why don’t you abort—”

Her scream cut her mother off. “No! I will never abort my little girl. Deal with it.”

Her mother’s bottom lip trembled, she was crying. “It’s a little girl.”

Holly nodded. “Her name is Jamie.”

Jane stood up and bent to hug her daughter. A loud sob escaped her. “I can’t lose you, too. Promise me that I won’t lose you, Holly.”

“I’m trying my damnedest to live, Mom. Believe me, I don’t want to die.”

Jane sniffed, running the back of her hand up and down Holly’s cheek softly.

“Did Bernie phone you?”

“Bernice?” her mother asked.

Holly nodded.

Jane shook her head. “My phone was stolen and I don’t think she has my new number. Your father called in one of his detectives to track me down.”

“Detectives don’t come cheap, Mom. That should be reason enough for you to forgive him.”

“He’s an arrogant bastard, Holly. I’m far from forgiving him yet, but I’ll try. For you. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“So… who’s the bastard that put you in this position?”

“It doesn’t matter now. He will never see or meet her. His loss. She’s mine.”

“I swear, I will kill him if I ever find out who he is. To leave you like this...”

“Mom? He’s a coward. Besides, you didn’t kill Dad, so I very much doubt you’ll have a personality change and become a murderer.”

Her mother giggled. “Why didn’t you phone me?”

“Truth?”

Jane nodded.

“I needed money. I knew this was going to happen, and I know you don’t have the kind of funds I needed lying around. Besides, I still owe you that wedding money.”

“Holly, we could’ve made a plan.”

“No. There comes a time in one’s life when we have to suck whatever up and move on.”

“And this was one of those times?”

Holly affirmed with a nod.

Jane stroked her arm. “Well, I’m here for the long haul.”

“What about your job?”

“It’s just a job. You are what’s important to me. Besides, there will always be hospitals looking for nurses and I’m quite the nurse, I’ll have you know.”

Holly chuckled.

“What is it they have you on?”

“No idea, but whatever it is, it’s working.”

“Do you know where your chart is? They’re usually at the end of a patient’s bed.”

“Right there on the wall, next to the door,” Holly said, pointing in its direction.

“Dear me, why I never looked there is beyond me,” Jane mumbled, clicking her tongue.

She made her way to the metal casing affixed to the wall and pulled out Holly’s chart. The light seeping through the door outlined her slender body.

For an older woman, one who’d drowned herself in booze for years, she still looked like a million dollars, even though she didn’t have the funds to back it up. It was one of Jane’s strongest traits; she knew how to look good.

Why her father had lost interest in her mother was beyond Holly’s knowledge.

Jane read through Holly’s chart carefully, and eventually returned to her daughter’s side.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” Holly asked.

“Yes, and it’s really expensive stuff.”

“See why I needed him?”

“Still. I wouldn’t have asked him for a dime.”

Holly sighed tiredly. “The way you feel about Dad is exactly how I feel about Jamie’s dad. I wouldn’t ask him for a dime.”

“Please, Holly, tell me who he is?”

“Some big shot.”

“ Don’t tell me he’s married.”

“No, you raised me better than that.” Her eyes were closed, but she was smiling.

“What’s the problem, then?”

“He changed his mind about being a father.”

“How long have you known him?”

“Not long enough, apparently. But it was perfect while it lasted, Mom. The kind of love you only read about in Jane Austin novels.”

Her mother gave her a sad look. “So why didn’t it last?”

A tear rolled down Holly’s cheek. Jane dabbed it away.

“Because that kind of love doesn’t exist, Mom. It’s why it only happens in fiction.”

Jane shook her head. “What is this p47 in your chart, Holly?”

“Sorry, the what?” Holly hadn’t fully paid attention to her mom’s question.

“Your doctor has drawn a huge circle around something called p47. I’ve never heard of it. What is it?”

“Oh. He circles things that are important. That’s the formula he’s trying to get.”

“What formula?”

“Something another gynecologist was working on to help women like me,” she lied.

“Hang on a second. Are you talking about the formula Dr. Gus Peters has been working on?”

“You’ve heard of it?”

“Yes, it’s the one trial every hospital in the US has been hoping for. I didn’t even know it had a name yet, or that work had started on it.”

“It has started, but nothing is official yet.”

“Then why has Dr. Rikus written it down?”

“I received a couple of containers.”

“You got your hands on a few containers? How? From who, Holly?”

“It doesn’t matter, Mom. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Her mother was silent. “Holly Scallanger. Do you know Dr. Peters? Was he your gynecologist?”

“No, he wasn’t.” Holly hoped her short reply would end Jane’s questioning. It didn’t.

“Then… none of this is making any sense.”

“I don’t want it to make sense, just drop it, please.”

Jane gasped, a hand to her chest. “That son of a bitch. Dr. Peters is the baby’s father, isn’t he?” she blurted, her tone angry.