I'm Holding On (23 page)

Drew

I wa
nt to attack Bryn every time she’s in my presence. Now that I’ve had a taste, I can barely contain myself. Once inside her apartment, she goes to change.

I wait on the couch for her.
She comes out in a thin sundress. This one has short sleeves and does appear to be more comfortable than the strapless one she was wearing.

The problem is, there is easy access with this
dress, too. She sits next to me and lays her head against my shoulder.

“Did you feel obligated to manage the coffee shop?”

“No, why do you ask?”

“You love
architecture, so I’ve wondered why you didn’t pursue that.”

“My parents have never made me feel obligated, but I don’t want to see what they worked so hard for come to an end, so I guess I do feel a little obligation, but I’ve done that to myself.”

“But you always buy those architecture books.”

“I can dream. They inspire me to sk
etch my own drawings. It’s a hobby.”

“I didn’t know you
did that. We’ve talked about many things over the last couple of years, but it seems we kept some of the vulnerable stuff to ourselves. I want to see them.”

“I guess we did. I’ll show you the next time you’re over. If you get to come over again.
You know, Bryn, Ian wouldn’t be able to handle us spending time together. I’d always be there as your friend if you ever needed me, but I couldn’t be close to you if you pick him.”

“I don’t want to think
about that. I’m with you tonight, and we’ve had the best day.”

She sits up and
turns her body to face me. Her dress rides up her thighs more, and I can’t take it. I don’t know who leans in first, but we’re on each other, making out heavily.

My hand skims
up her silky thigh and under her dress. I feel her lace panties, and I want to sink my dick into her, so I squeeze her hip, trying to reign in the lust I have for this woman. Bryn pulls away, and I’m frustrated. Really. Frustrated.

“We can’t keep doing this
and stopping. It’s driving me insane,” I say.

“
Telling you isn’t the same as showing you, but I do want you, Drew, so much.”

“But you want him, too.”

“Don’t do this.”

If I piss her off, I’
m going to lose her. If she feels guilty when she thinks of me, I might win her for the wrong reasons.

I rest my hand on her thigh
and stare into her eyes that show all her emotions, and right now, I see the anxiety I’m causing.

“I’m sorry. It really hasn’t been that long since all this started, but it feels like an eternity. You’re not doing anything wrong, and I don’t want to make you feel that way.

“Ian and I created this mess. It’s the price I have to pay for waiting so long to tell you how I’ve felt, and it’s the price he and I have to pay for being unwilling to give you up.”

She looks away and gnaws on her lip.

“I’m a guilty member of this, too. The both of you are intense, and I get caught up in it. I get lost in being needed … desired. Isn’t that what everyone wants?”

Brynlee begins to sob hard
. The biggest tears fall, and I want to take her pain away, to fix all of this, but she’s the only one who can. I pull her into my arms and hold her but she fights me.

“No, I don’t deserve t
o have you comfort me over this!”

“Yes, you do
, Bryn. I made this mess.”

“
I feel horrible guilt. Do you think I can’t see the hurt in your eyes when you plead for me to pick you? When you tell me you won’t let me go?”

“This wasn’t the punishment
I had in mind for tonight, sweetheart, so stop torturing yourself. It will work out one way or another.” I hold her firmly, trying so hard not to let her go.

“G
et off of me, Drew, and go home. I handled this whole thing wrong, and you need to let me own it!”

I rise from
the couch. This woman makes me nuts.

“
Fine, Bryn. Do you trust Ian enough to speak from your heart like you’ve done with me through this entire mess?

“That’s what you need to think
about. You feel safe with me. You should feel comfortable telling the man you pick for life all the shit you obviously don’t mind spilling to me.”

I storm out the door, slamming it behind
me. Does she want me to be kind to her, treat her like shit? What the hell does she want?

I make it to my
car door and feel the tug on my arm. Brynlee has hold of it before she steps in front of me. It’s dark, and she’s barefoot in her little dress, and I’m angry I want her so bad.

“Drew, don’t leave like this,”
she says, crying still. “I’m sorry I pushed you away. Seeing you frustrated and hurting makes me angry with myself. For over two years we’ve been happy when we’re together.”

“Exactly, Bryn,
and I want eighty more of those with you.”

Throwing
her arms around my neck, she crashes her lips to mine, urgency and desperation steering her hands to grip my hair.

I can’t take her back inside like this, or I’ll find
a way to make love to her, so I turn her and set her up on the side of the hood.

She wraps
her legs around my waist, and our mouths are glued as my hand clenches her ass and the other holds the back of her head.

At least it’s dark since we’re on a busy
, public street, but neither of us care. Her tongue still tastes like crème brûlée, her scent is of sugar, and her strands feels like silk. She’s a virus that I can’t heal from.

Pulling
away, Bryn lays her head onto my shoulder.

“Drew, it’s selfish for me to request, but please don’t give up on me. I owe it to I
an to meet his family tomorrow, but I promise I’ll make a decision after.”

“You confuse the hell out of me
, sugar, but OK.”

Ian

Today will be the first time I’ve taken a girl home to meet my family. I’m almost twenty-six, so I think it’s time. Brynlee is that important to me. I’ve missed her, and this is getting tiring.

She’s
waiting on the steps to her apartment when I get there. The weather is comfortable, and I’ve picked up on the fact that she enjoys the outdoors.

“Hi,” she says as she get
s in the car. She looks classy today. Her dark hair is down and has loose curls in it. She’s wearing a skirt and a button up sweater that’s open over her shirt.

Brynlee’s
dressed more conservative, and I’m curious if she’s comfortable or doing this because she feels a need to impress my family. The way she looks doesn’t match the woman she’s let me see.

In seconds, my mouth is on her
s, wanting nothing more than to feel her skin and those lips.

“Hi. I’ve miss
ed kissing you.”

“I’ve missed your kisses.”

“Are you ready? My parents live in Lake Oswego.”

“Wow, that’s an expensive
area. I’ve only been through there a couple of times.”

“
They have a very nice home. My mother’s name is Elisabeth, and my father’s is Grayson, and you know Isaac. His fiancé, Blaire, will be there, too.” My parents’ home would sell for at least two million, so I know it’s going to overwhelm her. I’m worried about this, but Brynlee needs to see all of my world before she makes a decision.

Once we reach the property, s
he stares out the window and chews on the corner of her bottom lip. I park and go around to open her door. She hasn’t said a word, and I don’t know what to make of it.

“This is it.”

“It’s, um, exquisite.” I watch her take in the surroundings before she lifts up a white box. “I brought dessert.”

“
I’m sure my family will love it. Ready?” I ask her as we approach the door. “Don’t be nervous, Brynlee. They’ll love you.”

Brynlee

I think I’m going to throw up. I’m standing at the door of Ian’s
parents’ home, and I don’t recall ever being this nervous. He’s dressed very well to have lunch with his family, which is only causing more pressure. How uptight are they? The door opens and a refined, older woman smiles.

“Hello, dear. I’m so glad you’re here.” She hugs Ian before she looks at me. “Hello, you must be Brynlee. I’m Elisabeth.” She looks back to Ian. “She’s stunning, Ian.”

“I know.”

“
Thank you. I brought dessert,” I say, handing her the box. Ian lifts my hand that’s in his and kisses the back of it.

“Well, thank you, dear. Everyone’s
in the living room.”

One down, two
to go. We walk through the extravagant home and enter a massive room that has elegant decor. An older gentleman, Isaac and a very attractive, young woman stand from where they’re sitting.

“Hello, I’m Blaire. I
t’s nice to meet you,” she says, reaching out her hand.

“Hi, I’m Brynlee.”

“I’m Isaac.” He sticks his hand out and smiles at me, then smirks at Ian. Oh, we’re pretending we haven’t met. Interesting. And this must be his father.

“Hello, Brynlee. I’m Grayson. Welcome to our home,” he says, shaking my hand.

“Please, have a seat. Lunch will be ready shortly. I’m going to check on things,” Elisabeth says.

We sit down, and Blaire speaks immediately.

“So, we hear you’re a baker,” she says, like it’s abnormal.

“Yes. I bake dessert
s for local businesses.”

Ian looks at me. “Brynlee has a culinary degree, an
d I can attest that her sweets are delicious. Actually, you’ll get to taste for yourself. She brought dessert for everyone. She’s working toward having her own bakery in the Pearl district to teach classes.”

“You
must work so hard,” Blaire says.

“Yes. It’s a demanding, tiresome job, but I love the creative aspect of it, so it’s
been worth the physical labor involved.” Elisabeth saunters back into the room. She has grey hair and appears elegant in her silken blouse and dress slacks.

“Lunch is rea
dy.”

I
follow Ian to the dining room. It’s massive like the other rooms in the home, and there is a cherry dining table in the center that seats twelve.

“You have a lovely
home,” I say as we take a seat.

“Thank you. We love it and have
lived here many, many years now,” Grayson says.

We eat off of china and drink wine that is definitely better than the kind I get at the small liquor store near m
y apartment. The guys begin discussing work, so I ask Blaire what she does for a living. I can’t recall Ian telling me.

“I’m a marketing executive. It’s a demanding job, as well, but not physically, of course. Well, being in my heels for ten or twelve hours a day is tiresome,” she says
with a chuckle. Ian was right; she’s something else.

Elisabeth asks me a lot of questions about wh
ere my sweets are sold and how I operate my business. It’s obvious they consider me different than the crowd they’re used to spending time with, but they’re pleasant.

“Brynlee, is yo
ur family from the area?”

I wish Ian had told them about my family in private.

“I only have a great-grandmother, and she lives in a nursing home. I don’t have any other family.”

“You poor thing,” Elisabeth says. No, this isn’t uncomfortable at all.

“It’s all I’ve known for many years, so I’ve adjusted to it, and my Gram has always taken wonderful care of me. Like I told Ian, it’s made me a stronger person, having so few people to rely on in my life.”

“Wow. You are such a survivor,” Blaire says, shaking her head.
Really? Oh my gosh, they feel sorry for me.

“I need to excuse myself to the restroom. Can you direct me
there?” I ask. With a concerned look, Ian stands to help me out of my chair. I imagine he’s been trying to listen to two conversations at once.

I
stare in the fancy mirror above the sink. It takes a major effort not to cry. I don’t want their pity. I’m strong, and I don’t need them to feel sorry for me. It’s giving me the impression they think they’re above me. Am I imagining this? I take a few deep, calming breaths before I go back out.

Ian looks at me, and I see
his worry.

“Are you feeling OK?” h
e asks quietly.

“Yes. I’m fine, thank you.”
I give him a faint smile. It’s all I can muster. He hesitates but then kisses my cheek and sits again.

“Brynlee, I put y
our desserts on a tray. Would it be alright if I bring them out?”

“Of course.” This should be entertaining. I brought an assortment of croissants, brownies, pastries
and cookies. They pass the tray, and everyone takes a couple of things.

They
go on and on about how fantastic they are, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s out of pity or if they genuinely enjoy the taste.

I definitely can’t say they’re ru
de, and honestly, they’re more cordial than I expected. They seem to be a loving family. I don’t think I could ever truly relate to them, but as long as they’re kind, I guess the rest should be irrelevant if I want to be with Ian.

We visit for three hours
before we leave. Elisabeth and Blair hug me, which is gracious of them. Once we’re on the road, I’m quiet as I try to process everything. I figure I should speak before I upset Ian.

“Your family is very loving
. I see where you get your kind heart from.”

“You
think so?”

“Yes
.”

“I thought you seemed uncomfortable.”

“It was different from the environment I’m used to, and I don’t like that they feel sorry for me.”

“I knew that bothered you. I don’t believe they meant it that way.”

“They’re nice, Ian.” I grasp his hand tighter.

“I sense a ‘but.’
”

“No, y
our family was welcoming so don’t worry.”

I mean that, too. They were nothing but kind to me, and I have to admit that their reaction to my family dynamics is one I get often.

“I’m glad you like them. I can tell they really liked you.”

“They won’t mind you dating someone outside of their social circle?”

“No, Brynlee. Their wish for Isaac and me is that we’re with someone who makes us happy. My parents have had a healthy marriage for a lot of years. Oh, and my mother will want to know you’re fertile.”

Ian chuckles
. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, but my mom talks about wanting grandchildren all the time.”

“When are Blaire and Isaac marrying?”

“In October. She’s been planning their wedding for almost two years. I can only imagine how extravagant it’ll be, and I’m sure her
bridezilla
days are fast approaching.”

“She was friendly to me.”

“Yes. She behaved better than I expected. I don’t want to drop you off. Would you like to go back to my place?”

“Have you purchased furniture yet?”

He glances over and smirks. “No.”

“Then why don’t you come back to my place. I don’t think I should be in your bed.”

“Hey, my bed enjoyed having you in it, and so did I.”

“How could I forget?”