If You Only Knew (Harper Falls Book 3) (18 page)

ELEVEN YEARS EARLIER

“I GOT YOU something.”

Tyler caught the bag Rose threw to her. Curious, she looked
inside.

“Holy… How did you get these?”

“From a very sympathetic drug store owner in
Spokane.”

She looked at Dani.

“Did you know about this?”

“I paid half.” She grinned. “Hey, no glove,
no love.”

Tyler picked up the box of condoms. It didn’t burn her
hands. Apparently, Father Steven was wrong. Birth control did not come directly
from hell to tempt young people into sin. It seemed unlikely that rhetoric
changed in the three years she had stopped going to church with her mother. Not
that it mattered. She was going to have sex — soon. When she did, she wasn’t
taking any chances.

“Weren’t you embarrassed?”

Two weeks ago, when Tyler finally confessed all, Rose and
Dani did exactly what she expected — supported her unconditionally. The
questions had flown, of course. When had it started? How far had they gone?
When were they going all the way?

That last question had led to the subject of protection.
Tyler wasn’t able to get on the pill in time for the big event. She would need
a doctor in Spokane for that; she couldn’t risk going local. Then, even if she
started taking them tomorrow, their effectiveness would be iffy. According to
their research, the best time to start taking them would be within six days of
her next period.

Tyler had no timeframe for when she and Drew would have sex.
She didn’t have a doctor though Planned Parenthood was an option. After long
and involved discussions, they finally decided to skip the middleman and go
right to condoms. There was always more than pregnancy to consider. As Dani
pointed out, no matter how much you love him or trust him, any woman who takes
a guy’s word for where he’s dipped his wick, is just asking for an STD.

Hardly the most romantic sentiment,
Tyler thought. Then
again, friends weren’t supposed to encourage stupid behavior. Rose and Dani had
her best interests at heart. That was why she was currently holding a box of
Trojans.

“It wasn’t the easiest conversation I’ve ever had. I
don’t know what I would have done if the owner hadn’t been a woman.”

“Did she grill you?”

Rose shook her head.

“Like I said, she was sympathetic. The only
uncomfortable part was when she went into detail about the proper way to use
them. Not at all creepy; she was great. Still, I’m glad we were the only ones
in the store at the time.”

“You hit the jackpot with her.”

Tyler opened the box and took out a packet, handing it to
Rose.

“Teach on, Wise One. We who haven’t a clue bow down to
your infinite wisdom.”

Three days later, Tyler parked her bike in the usual spot by
the river. She hadn’t seen Drew in almost a week because of his yearly camping
trip with his father. He had been reluctant to leave her, but he couldn’t blow
off his dad. Tyler wouldn’t have wanted him to. Rituals were important.

Once he left for college, Drew wasn’t planning on coming
back. That meant this would be his last chance to spend time alone with the man
he loved and respected. His inability to curb Regina aside, Russell Harper was
a good person. He had gifted his son with compassion and kindness.

Though it was still a year until Drew would be gone, this
was his time to start saying goodbye. Tyler would never begrudge him that.

She unpacked her bag. Thermos of lemonade, blanket. Book to
read in case Drew was delayed. The condoms tucked away, within reach but not
sitting out like a glaring beacon declaring she was ready and willing. She was,
she just didn’t want to be that obvious.

“Ty.”

Before she could even turn around, Drew swooped her into his
arms. His kiss was long and intense, as though they had been apart months
instead of days.

Tyler kissed him back with the same desperation. Lord, how
she’d missed him. In a short time, she had gotten used to their daily visits.
Her Drew fix, as Dani put it. Maybe she was addicted.

The feel of his lips on hers sent a rush through her body.
Tyler had no frame of reference, but she wondered if this was how it felt to
shoot drugs into your veins. The fire, the instant euphoria. Floating and
grounded all at once. Knowing you never wanted it to end. Wondering, even
before you were off your high when you could do it again.

“I missed you.”

Drew breathed the words against her mouth, not wanting to
break contact. He and his father had arrived back that morning. After a week
away, the extra hours, knowing she was just across the bridge yet completely
out of reach, had seemed interminable.

Of course, Regina had decided it was time for one of her
State of the Family Addresses. Drew had practically been bouncing off the walls
by the time she finished criticizing his and his father’s lack of Harper pride.
It was the same old schtick. Drew tuned her out. How many times could she
remind him of his duties? Didn’t she ever get tired of it? Finally, realizing
she might as well have been talking to herself, she set him free.

He kissed her again, not able to get enough.

“Mmm, green apple. I’ve grown very fond of that
flavor.”

Tyler laughed, delighted by his words, delighted by him.

“Good thing. I’m not sure I could give up my Jolly
Ranchers.”

“Not even for me?”

“Maybe,” she conceded. “But if you loved me,
you’d never ask.”

Tyler froze. Damn it. Why had the word love slipped out? She
felt it — desperately. Drew hadn’t even hinted he felt that same.

“Then I promise, I’ll never ask.”

Tyler felt her heart kick up a beat.

“No?”

Drew took a deep breath. This was big. He wanted to get it
right.

“I love you, Tyler Jones.”

“Drew.” She gasped his name, her mouth suddenly
dry.

“Say it, Ty. Don’t make me beg.”

“No, I wouldn’t.” She was mortified that he’d even
think such a thing. “I love you. So much. It’s so big the words got stuck
in my throat for a second.”

Drew picked her up and swung her around until they were both
breathless. Finally, he put her down but kept her wrapped in his arms, his
mouth close to her ear. This was their place, no one to see or hear. Still, he
suddenly felt the need to whisper.

“I’ve never said it before. Not to anyone.”

“Not even your father?” Tyler whispered back. She
tightened her arms around him, wanting to comfort. She had people to love. Her
mom. Rose and Dani. It was hard to imagine not having anyone.

“I love him,” Drew said. “I do. And I know he
loves me. We just don’t say it. I guess it’s a guy thing.”

Tyler thought it was a family thing. Dani’s father told his
son he loved him. All the time. She guessed it was easier to say when you’d
been around it all your life. From everything Drew told her, Russell Harper
hadn’t known much love in his life. Not as a child, certainly not as a married
man. At least he knew how to show his son how he felt.

Actions were great, yet Tyler knew words mattered; she
didn’t have a problem saying them. She promised herself now that she was free
to do so, she would tell Drew every day. Over and over. Starting now.

“I love you.” She kissed the side of his neck.
“I love you.” Another kiss, this on his jaw. “I love you.”

Tyler pulled back a little until her eyes met his. It was
all there for him to see. The crystal clear gray so bright and true. Never
doubt, they said. I love you.

“Ty.” He breathed in; a faint hint of green apple
filled his senses. It was a scent that would always mean Tyler. “You have
no idea what you do to me.”

“Maybe not. Not yet. But I want to learn.”

Taking his hand, she led him to the blanket.

“Show me, Drew. Now.”

“Tyler.” Drew felt a touch of panic.

She knelt, pulling him down with her. They had done things.
Touched, explored. All with their clothes on. She knew the feel of his skin,
but she never watched her hands running over the hot, smooth surface. She
wanted that, dreamt of it.

“Kiss me. Make love to me.” She laughed. “In
books, the woman always says make love
with
me. Someday I’ll say that.
When I know what I’m doing. Teach me, Drew. Teach me how.”

“I didn’t tell you I loved you so you would have sex
with me.” He wanted her to be sure. It was a big step. A line she couldn’t
hop back over.

“I’m glad you said it first, before we did this.”
Slipping her hands under the hem of his t-shirt, Tyler silently urged him to
raise his arms. She felt powerful, emboldened. Pulling the material over his
head, she tossed it to the side.

So lean. Slim but way better developed than any of the boys
who ran around her neighborhood shirt-free. None of them made her breath catch
or her palms itch to touch. Drew did both. The best part. She already had
permission to touch to her heart’s content. That day seemed unlikely to come.
How could she ever get her fill? She would want him forever — longer.

“You aren’t pressuring me or manipulating me.”

Tyler smiled at his gasp. She barely grazed his stomach.
What other responses could she get? She was going to enjoy finding out.

“Maybe you should take my shirt off.”

Drew closed his eyes, giving himself a quick talking to. He
was the one with experience. Time to stop letting Tyler drive this train. His
nerves be damned. If he wanted to make it good for her, he needed to take
control.

“Don’t be so impatient. We have all the time in the
world.”

Which was true. No one would come looking for him. Even if
they did, they wouldn’t look down here. Tyler ran wild. Her friends would worry
if she didn’t come home on time, not her family.

“Do Rose and Dani know where you are?”

“Yes.”

Tyler was too busy tracing the ridges of his abs to give him
more than a vague answer.

“Will they miss you?”

“Hmm.”

Drew chuckled. “Will they miss you if you don’t come
home tonight?”

“Why wouldn’t I go home?” Tyler frowned. Her
bedroom was just across the river. There was no reason she shouldn’t be in it
by dark.

“I want you to stay here. With me.”

“All night?”

“All night.” Drew cupped her face with his hands,
giving her a gentle kiss. “In my arms.”

“I’ll call them. Later.”

This time his kiss was firmer. He let the passion grow
slowly, letting Tyler understand how her body was reacting. He went through
each step, shortcuts were not allowed.

He spoke in low, intimate tones. Telling her how beautiful
she was, how much he wanted her, needed her. The pace of their lovemaking was
measured and controlled. And because of it, that much more exquisite. He didn’t
hurry or rush. They had all night. As far as Drew was concerned, they had
forever.

TEARS RAN DOWN Tyler’s cheeks unchecked. She didn’t know when
they started. She lay in his arms as a woman remembering what it was like to
lie there for the first time.

It made her heart ache. This time not with grief or regret.
This was the ache that you felt when something finally began to heal. Ten years
of an open wound, raw and painful. Tyler could actually feel it begin to stitch
itself together. It wasn’t going to happen overnight. The scar would be
visible. But it would happen. For the first time, she not only let herself have
hope, she believed.

“I didn’t want to make you cry. I promised myself that
would never happen again.”

“That was a stupid promise. And futile.” Tyler
leaned over him, brushing at his cheek when one of her tears fell there.

“We’re passionate people, Drew. The longer we spend
together, the likelier one of us will cry.”

“You think I’m going to cry?”

“It can happen to even the manliest of men. Someday,
Drew. You never know.”

He wasn’t going to argue. Not when she was relaxed, her warm
body close. They were in a place he had despaired of ever being again. He
didn’t want anything to ruin this moment.

“I don’t know what the future holds for us, Drew.”

Tyler put her head on his chest just above the beating of
his heart. She loved that sound. When they were younger, she would stay like
this after they had made love, lulled to sleep by the rhythm.

She still found it comforting. But she didn’t want to sleep.
She had more vigorous activities on her mind.

“Ty, I still need to tell you why—”

“Not now.”

She interrupted him with a slow, hot kiss.

“I need you, Drew.”

“Ty, sweetheart. I need you, too. You have no
idea.”

He didn’t think she knew? Ten years. Maybe it wasn’t fair
that she saw every other man she had known as a placeholder — a pale imitation.
She had the real thing now. Time to enjoy all of him. Top to bottom. Inch by
mouth-watering inch

Smiling, she straddled his hips, the sheet the only thing
between her and his growing erection. Tyler rested her hands on his chest,
leaning down to lick him starting at his belly button. Up, up. Her mouth found
his and the passion flared faster than a match touching tinder.

“Tell me you’ve missed this. Tell me I’m the only woman
who has ever made you feel this way. Lie. I don’t care; just say it.”

With a growl, Drew flipped her around until she was under
him, her arms pinned above her head. He took her mouth, desperate, needy.

“Look at me,” he said, his breath ragged.
“Open your eyes, Ty. Look at me.”

The gray of her irises was smoky, her gaze slightly blurred.
It took a moment until he was certain she could see him — really see him.

“I’ve only lied to you once. Ten years ago when I told
you I didn’t love you, that I never had. Every word was like a knife twisting
in my gut. Never again. Do you understand? No more lies.”

Tyler stopped breathing. It wasn’t an explanation, but it
was exactly what she needed to hear. He had loved her.