If You Only Knew (Harper Falls Book 3) (13 page)

“Wow, I had no idea I was such an open book.”

“Not open, never that. I’ve made a point of studying
you. Don’t worry.” Drew chuckled. “I’m not even close to knowing all
your secrets. I know how ladies like to be mysterious.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why would anyone want to be mysterious?” She
asked the question, genuinely puzzled. “If I liked a boy, I wouldn’t hold
anything back. My secrets would be his; his secrets would be mine. Shouldn’t
that be the point? Sharing the good and the bad? I would want someone I could
tell everything. They would know I could be trusted to keep it safe.”

Drew pulled her into a hug, his chin resting on the top of
her head. He knew just how to hold her. Not too tight, his arms strong yet
gentle. Tyler relaxed and sighed. She wanted to stay like this forever.

“Do you think, someday, you could like me that
much?”

I think I already do
. Tyler didn’t say the words
aloud. She couldn’t, not yet. She turned, reluctantly stepping out of his arms.
It was time for a change of subject.

“Would you be ashamed to be seen with me?”

“What? That’s a ridiculous thing to ask. Why would it
even occur to you?”

“If we met in town, passed on the street, would we stop
and talk? Would you take my hand, take me for a pizza, or go to the
movies?”

“No.”

“Then you are ashamed.”

“Yes.” Drew grabbed her arm, afraid she would rush
out before he could explain. “Not of you, never that. I’m ashamed of
Regina.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Sit with me? Please. Let me explain.”

She desperately wanted to understand, so she let him lead
her to the blanket he had spread out before her arrival. Sitting cross-legged,
she faced him and waited.

“I’ve told you how she is. Cold doesn’t even begin to
describe her. Nothing means more than appearances. She and my father haven’t
been together in any way for years. Yet she insists they share a bedroom
because servants talk. She isn’t fooling anyone, not really. But it
appears
they’re still close, so she’s satisfied.”

“Yikes.”

“I know my father has a mistress. Funny word.
Old-fashioned though accurate, I guess.”

“Does it bother you?”

“Not a bit,” Drew said. “I’m glad he has
someone.”

“My father cheats.”

Tyler said it straight out. No mistress, instead one-night
stands with women he met on the road. It wasn’t old-fashioned or loving. He did
it because he could. It was as simple as that.

“How do you know?”

“I know because he told me.”

“Are you kidding me?”

She almost smiled at the outrage she heard in Drew’s voice.
Except when it came to her father, there was nothing to smile about.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful? If only it could be a terrible joke.
Tyler didn’t want to know that her father screwed around. Of course, he blamed
her. She had to get on his case. She had to give him hell for how he neglected
his wife, how he treated her worse than a servant. Tyler could never leave well
enough alone — she deserved to hear the ugly truth.

“I was disrespectful. Martin Jones insists on blind
obedience and gets it. I broke an unspoken rule when I dared question his
behavior.”

“So he punished you by sharing the dirty little details
of his sordid love life.”

“For most of my life, I wanted his love. I tried so
hard to love him.”

“You feel guilty.”

Of course, Drew would understand. His relationship with his
mother was messed up too.

“Children are supposed to love their fathers. I can’t.
I don’t love him or respect him. Sometimes I think I…”

“Hate him?”

“You too?”

She reached for his hand, needing the connection. Drew laced
their fingers together, staring at the bond. Like he was willing it to be
permanent.

“Indifference is impossible when it comes to Regina Harper.
Though you would be hard-pressed to find anyone who admitted to loving her.
She’s an ice queen, Tyler, even when she gets angry — especially when she gets
angry. That controlled fury is so much scarier than a fiery rage. I know what
she’s capable of. She could hurt you, Tyler.”

“You mean hire some thugs to take out my
kneecaps?”

Tyler tried to make a joke, lighten the mood. Drew wasn’t
laughing, not about Regina.

“As far as I know, she’s never resorted to anything
violent — she’s never had to. Money and influence are her weapons.”

“Well, she can’t bankrupt me; I don’t have enough to
make it worth her time. I’m already a social pariah. The only people whose
opinions matter love me unconditionally. The number is small, but they’re
fierce.”

“Dani and Rose.”

“And my mother. Add in Dani’s parents.”

“Good group.”

Squeezing his hand, Tyler asked, “Who do you
have?”

“My dad.”

“No friends? No one at Harper Academy?”

He looked into her eyes and Tyler’s breath caught in her
throat.

“I have you.” A vulnerability crossed his face.
“I do, don’t I?”

Tyler leaned close until her forehead rested against his,
her free hand moving over his heart.

“Always.”

Drew kissed her. The first brush of his lips a mere whisper.
The second, firmer but tender.

“Have you… I mean do you French?”

“Kiss?”

“Mmm.” Drew ran his thumb over her lips until
there was just enough room for him to graze the pad over her bottom teeth. She
watched him watch her mouth. Parts of her body began to throb. She knew what it
meant, she’d felt it before. This was the first time it was caused by a boy,
not the words in a book.

“I have.” Twice. “I didn’t like it.”

“Wanna try it with me?”

“Yes. But… I don’t think I’m very good at it. I don’t
want you to be disappointed.”

“Boys are dumb.”

“Hmm?”

She expected him to start kissing her. His remark threw her
off.

“Boys. We can be such idiots.” Drew shook his head
as though amazed. All the while, he continued to explore the edges of her
teeth, the softness of her lips.

“We try to act like we know everything, that we have
all this experience. Most of the time, we bluff our way through and when the
kiss is bad, we blame the girl. The girl blames herself. If we would just admit
upfront that we were new to all this too, everyone could take it easy; learn
together.”

“I can tell you’re no novice. You’ve done this
before.”

Drew gave a lopsided grin.

“Maybe once or twice.”

Tyler stared him down. Once or twice?
Really
?

“My point,” he said, lightly pinching her bottom
lip, “is you shouldn’t judge something by a couple of less than stellar
experiences. And since I’ve had a bit of practice—”

This time Tyler snorted in disbelief.

“Watch it.”

Instead of a pinch, Drew leaned in and bit her lip, not hard
enough to hurt, just enough to make his point.

Tyler didn’t snort — she gasped. Her breathing became a
little ragged and her eyes widened. She didn’t know people did that in real
life.

“Sorry.” Drew pulled back, dropping his hand.
“Did I frighten you?”

Was he kidding? Fright was the last thing she felt. She
licked her bottom lip, testing, hoping it tasted different. Nope. Maybe she
needed more than just his teeth for that.

“Do it again?”

“You liked that?”

Drew looked deep into her eyes, as though trying to gauge
the truth of her response. Girls lied, Tyler knew that. Sometimes it was to get
what they wanted; sometimes they just said what they thought the other person
wanted to hear.

“I try to always tell the truth, especially when it
really matters.”

She heard him release his breath, apparently relieved by her
answer.

“This matters.”

“More than anything.”

“Good.”

Drew kissed her cheek, then her jaw, then just below her
ear. It all felt wonderful. She wanted more. She wanted… she wasn’t sure. She
just knew she wanted it with Drew.

“We still need to take it slow.” He shifted, his
eyes meeting hers again. “Believe me, when it’s good, it’s even better
when you take your time.”

Oh boy,
she thought. It was the only thing she had
time to think before his lips touched hers and her world tipped just slightly
off its axis. Forever.

“The secret is to shut off your brain. Don’t think,
feel.”

“I…What?” Her brain was halfway to mush; thinking
was not an option.

“That’s right.” He took her mouth with his, long,
deep. “Sometimes you breathe through your nose, sometimes we share. Try
it; take it from me, Ty.”

Ty? Was that her? No one called her that. Drew kissed her
again and she stopped questioning, stopped doing anything but being in the
moment.

Drew threaded his fingers through her hair, his long fingers
massaging her scalp. His touch burned, then soothed, then enticed. He could
have gone farther; Tyler would have let him. Instead, his hands stayed in her
hair, not pushing beyond her limits. Slowly easing her along at her own pace.

This was how kissing should be. Not sloppy or awkward. It
wasn’t like the books described; they got it wrong. Of course, none of those
authors had ever kissed Drew Harper.

Instead of ramming his tongue into her mouth, he coaxed,
waiting for her lips to soften of their own accord, parting willingly to invite
him in. No poking or jabbing. Drew caressed, glided. When the angle of his head
shifted, it happened naturally, Tyler moving with him in perfect
synchronization. Was experience the difference, or was it just that this time,
she had the right kisser?

“I could do this for hours, days.”

“Okay.” To Tyler that sounded like heaven.

“Tempting,” he whispered. “You have no idea.
I have to stop now or I won’t be able to.”

“Then don’t.”

Tyler was in such a haze, she missed what he was saying,
missed his meaning.

“Ty, I want you — all of you. Do you understand?”

“Sure you want—” Her eyes became wide, silver
pools. “Oh. You want sex.”

“Technically, yes. I hope when, if, it happens, that it
will be more than just sex. You’ve never done it, have you?”

“No,” she admitted. “Have you?”

That was a stupid question. Girls must throw themselves at
him every hour on the hour. He wouldn’t be human if he turned that down.

“Does it bother you that I’m not a virgin?”

“Does it bother you that I am?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, guys are kind of
weird.”

“No, kidding.”

“Then you
have
noticed?” He smoothed back
her hair, wrapping one lock around his index finger. “Silky.”

“Boys are silky? I don’t think so.”

“Your hair, wiseass.”

Tyler playfully stuck out her tongue. Drew’s eyes latched
onto to it, the brown of his irises turning a molten chocolate. That was her
first hint at the sexual power she possessed. It was a heady realization. She
would need practice. She would have to learn how to use her feminine wiles.
Drew would be the perfect guinea pig. Both willing and patient, he would let
her know what worked and what didn’t.

“I think you were trying to make a point?”

Drew frowned. “Was I? Remind me. And stop licking your
lip; it drives me crazy.”

Lip licking — good. Tyler filed that tidbit away for future
use.

“You said guys are weird.”

“I know that.” He still seemed wonderfully fixated
on her mouth. Tyler didn’t mind; she just wanted to finish their conversation.

“No, you were telling me about it.”

“Was I? Oh, right.” Clearing his throat, he
continued. “We like women who can teach us what’s what; we also like the
idea of being the teacher. It makes us feel all manly. There isn’t much left to
conquer in the world. Mountains have been climbed; rivers have been forged.
Only one man got to be the first to step on the moon.”

“Honestly? You’re comparing my virginity to landing on
the moon?”

“Walking, not landing. Three guys were on Apollo 11.
Who do we remember? Neil Armstrong.”

“I’m speechless.”

“I get that. What woman wouldn’t want this kind of
insight into the male brain.”

Was he serious? Tyler wasn’t sure. Then she saw his lips
twitch, the little twinkle in his eyes.

“Funny.” She gave him a playful punch in the arm.
“I hear the comedy club in town has an open mic night. You should sign up.
If you were trying to lighten the mood, mission accomplished.”

“I never want you to feel pressured. That’s the most
important thing. I don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for.”

“Understood. But just so you know? When I do something,
it’s always my choice. I can’t be harassed, wheedled, or intimidated. So
when,
we do it? It will be my choice. I’ll be ready.”

“
When
we do it?”

“When,” Tyler said with firm conviction. She now
knew that Drew would be her first. There was no question for either of them.

“This was not how I expected this afternoon to
go.”

“Hadn’t planned on the sex talk, eh?”

“Sex does have a way of sidetracking a guy.”

“And a gal. We think about it too, a lot.”

Drew smiled. “Good to know.
Really
good.”

Chuckling, Tyler fell back on the blanket. The sun had moved
quite a bit farther west. Their day was almost over.

“Now, where was I?” He reached behind a rock and
brought out a small box wrapped in bright blue paper. “Happy birthday,
Ty.”

Tyler sat up and took the package.
Please, don’t let it
be something expensive
. It was just the right size for jewelry. Plastering
a smile on her face, she was determined not to let him see anything but joy and
gratitude. And then she would find a discreet way to make him take it back.

“I knew you wouldn’t want me to spend a lot of
money.”