If You Only Knew (Harper Falls Book 3) (10 page)

“I don’t race because of Tyler.”

“Right.”

“I like it,” Drew said.

He hated the defensive tone in his voice. This wasn’t the
first time Jack brought up the subject and it led to a fierce argument. Which
was why the last time he left town for a race, he hadn’t told Jack until he was
in the air. And then it was by text. He returned no worse for wear. End of
story. He was a big boy. If he wanted to participate in unsanctioned races, no
one could stop him. Or make him feel guilty.

Still… Surreptitiously, Drew hit the screensaver on his
computer. Jack didn’t need to know about the race in Australia he was checking
out.

Jack noticed but kept it to himself. He wasn’t going to
raise a fuss before the fact. Next time, he would find a way to stop Drew from
what he considered life-threatening behavior. Even if it meant knocking him
over the head and tying him to his desk for a couple of days.

“What if she doesn’t care?”

Jack frowned, trying to decipher Drew’s sentence.

“Tyler. What if, after all this time, she doesn’t care
why I left her?”

“She cares, that’s the point.”

“No. She wants to know. Like a jigsaw puzzle that’s missing
a piece. It drives you crazy. You want to finish.”

“Like an itch you can’t reach?”

“Exactly. It’s an annoyance. Once you find that piece
or scratch that itch, you forget about it — move on.”

“Are you saying you would rather be an unscratchable
itch?”

“Yes. Maybe.” Drew ran a hand through his hair.
“At least I would be in her life.”

“That is—”

“Sick? Twisted?”

“Sad. Really, really sad.”

“Jesus.” Drew grabbed a bottle of water and gulped
down half. “I’d rather be twisted.”

“You are,” Jack assured him. “Not about this.
That thing you did to that girl back in Los Angeles? Twisted.”

Drew shrugged. “It was her idea.”

“You didn’t have to comply.”

“I was… intrigued. Besides, she already had the
equipment. All I had to do was show up.”

The two old friends shared a laugh at the memory. Those had
been wild times. They had both been open to experimenting sexually. They were
young; women were plentiful. As long as they stayed safe, nothing was
considered out of bounds.

This was a different world, a different time. Jack had his
Rose. His days as a carefree bachelor were a thing of the past. No regrets.
Sixty or seventy years with the woman he loved sounded like heaven.

Drew was past the point where getting out of a strange
woman’s bed every morning held any appeal. He wanted something long-term —
something forever. The trouble was, in all his travels and adventures, the only
woman he wanted was the one he left behind. He was twenty-eight years old. For
almost half his life, his heart belonged to one woman.

“It’s time.”

“I’d say past time.”

“No matter what, I won’t stop loving her. How will I be
able to stay in Harper Falls, Jack?”

Jack had thought of that. If Drew left, the partnership
would survive. Their friendship would too. He just hoped for everyone’s sake,
it never came to that.

TYLER WONDERED IF she had hidden masochistic tendencies. Why
else would she be at the gate leading to Drew’s house? He hadn’t invited her.
He might not be home; if he was, he might be with another woman.

Now wasn’t that a pleasant thought that just occurred to
her? She was about to back her car up and forget the whole thing when his voice
unexpectedly came out of the small box right outside her window.

“Tyler. I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight.”

Damn security cameras. And motion detectors. And who knew
what other gizmos he had to trumpet of an approaching vehicle. She could have
gone home, no one the wiser. Now she was stuck.

“I wasn’t expecting to be here.”

There was an awkward pause.

“Would you like to come in?”

“Sure.”

Tyler rolled her eyes. Scintillating conversation. Then
again, how witty could you be over an intercom?

She inched her car forward through the opening gate. Her
previous trips to this part of Crossfire Hill were to meet Rose. That meant she
turned left, not right, taking the road to the house Jack had built when the
partners bought the property. Taking a right towards Drew’s house was never an
option. Not for her.

She was invited, through Jack or Rose. Last month there was
an informal get- together to celebrate Alex’s birthday. Tyler went to Dani’s
for cake the next day and skipped coming here. Over the past few months, she
found herself in his company more and more. Until now, she wasn’t able to bring
herself to visit his home; it was too personal — intimate.

Tonight was all about intimacy. Being at Drew’s seemed to
make sense. Or it had when she talked herself into coming that afternoon.
Showering, taking more time than usual with her hair and makeup. Picking out
just the right thing to wear.

All that kept her too busy to think about what she planned.
She kept busy on the drive up, going over and over what she would say, how she
would say it. Now that she was only a few yards away, she was almost positive
she’d made a terrible mistake. She would make some excuse and leave. She
rounded the last turn and saw the house for the first time. Pulling the car to
a stop, she knew she couldn’t leave. She couldn’t even move.

It was their house. The one they planned, the one they
dreamed of building when he became a software king and she conquered the art
world. They lay together, her sketching, him making suggestions until it was
perfect.

She burned all the drawings. Except for the one she crumpled
and threw at his feet right after he broke her heart. She wanted no reminders
of what would never be. Yet here it was. Exactly as she remembered.

Clean lines. Both she and Drew spent their childhoods in
traditional houses. His on a much grander scale, but it amounted to the same
thing. They wanted different.

It was a modern design. At the time, they laughed calling it
Frank Lloyd Wright meets the Jetsons. Looking at it now with an older, more
experienced eye, Tyler was amazed at how much they got right. The front was
nothing but windows. Perfect for the location. The view from the inside would
be of the trees. Pines, tall enough to shield but not block out the morning
light. They would be a bitch to clean but who thought of that when you were a
teenager designing your dream house? Tyler doubted Drew took out a bucket and
rag when all those windows needed spiffing up. He could afford to have it done
professionally.

An unbroken balcony circled the house’s second story. Tyler
wondered if Harper Falls was visible from up there. If she could manage to get
out of her car and approach the house, she might find out.

Her heart pounded in her chest like a jackhammer, and her
stomach was in a million knots. Not a great combination. She didn’t know if she
was about to have a heart attack or throw up. Wouldn’t it be just perfect if
she did both?

I could still leave
, Tyler thought, warming to the
idea. It would be embarrassing, running like a scared rabbit. Drew wasn’t
likely to chase her down the road or block the gate.

Was that what she wanted? To run?

When the front door opened and Drew came out, walking
towards her car, Tyler sighed with relief. The choice had been taken out of her
hands. Now that she saw him, she knew she wasn’t going anywhere.

Drew walked toward Tyler on shaky legs. She was the only
person who ever made him nervous. At fifteen, she laughed at his
quasi-sophistication, knocking him down to earth, making him feel real for the
first time in his life. All these years later, having her here at the house he
built with her in mind, he felt sixteen again. A little unsure and a lot scared.

ELEVEN YEARS EARLIER

DREW DIDN’T KNOW how or when it happened, but he and Tyler were
firmly in the friend zone. A short two weeks after he teased her about giving
him a kiss, he was no closer to getting one. If anything, he was miles farther
away.

It became a daily occurrence to meet down by the river, in
their cove. That was how he thought of it now.
Theirs.
By some unspoken
agreement, Tyler would be waiting. Afternoon was best. They both worked in the
mornings, saving money to make their big breaks from Harper Falls.

It was something he hadn’t shared with another living soul.
His plans for the future, one away from here and his family’s expectations.
Telling Tyler had been as natural as breathing — it just happened. They would
sit, drinking the lemonade she brought, or eating the apples he provided. And
they would talk.

Tyler opened up about her family. Her absentee father. The
mother she adored but whose timidity was so frustrating, she wanted to shake
the woman at times. Beg her to stand up for herself against her bully of a
husband. M.J. and Kyle took so much pleasure in making their mother’s life
miserable. Just once Tyler wished the woman would give as good as she got.

Tyler loved her mother — she didn’t have very much respect
for her.

Drew let Tyler in on his family secrets. His mother, the
great and powerful Regina Harper, was a cold, unforgiving person. No one could
live up to her exacting standards. Not the husband she never loved nor the son
whom she looked upon as an asset — her link to the future.

He figured out early in life that Regina didn’t have the
time or patience to be a mother. Not by any standard measurement. There had
been a different nanny every year. He wasn’t allowed to form any long-term
attachments. She might not want the job of raising him, but she wouldn’t allow
another woman to take on that role. As a result, Drew grew up with no mother
figure.

And his father, Tyler asked. That was a hard one. Drew’s
first instinct was to say Russell Harper was just like her mother. He stopped
himself. His father was not a weak man easily cowered by a stronger
personality. He didn’t love his wife; she didn’t love him. It wasn’t something
either of his parents could hide.

Drew was still naive enough to think things like that were
fixable when he asked his father why they didn’t get a divorce. The answer was
simple. Harpers married for life. It seemed extreme. It certainly made them
both unhappy. The family had an image to maintain, Russell told him. Someday he
would understand.

“That is really screwed up. I thought my parents were
the top of the weird list; they could take lessons from yours.”

Tyler sat on a big, smooth rock, her long legs swinging to
her own beat.
They were great legs,
Drew thought. Shapely, tan and went
on forever. He thoroughly approved of the shorts she always wore. They were
paired with different-colored tank tops. Plenty of skin was on display for him
to enjoy.

“Hey, are you listening?”

“Sorry.”

Drew pulled his eyes away from her legs. The look she gave
told him she knew where his gaze had been. Her smile made him wonder if she
liked him looking.

“What did I miss?”

“I asked if you had a good relationship with your dad.
The way you talk about him, my guess would be yes.”

“He’s a good man,” Drew said. “When it’s just
the two of us, things are great. We go fishing out on our boat. Regina doesn’t
do water. I think he uses it as a way to leave her behind.”

“You always call her Regina, never Mom.”

Drew shrugged. “I don’t think of her that way. I’ve
been assured that she gave birth to me though it’s hard to imagine her doing
anything that would ruin her figure. If we didn’t have the same eyes, I would
have my doubts.”

“Maybe they used a surrogate. Regina’s egg, your dad’s
sperm. Petri dish, artificial insemination. Nine months later, an heir is born
and Reggie keeps her trim bod. No chance of stretch marks, either.”

Tyler was kidding, he knew that. Funny thing, it was an idea
he toyed with from time to time. There were no pictures of a pregnant Regina.
All he had was her word for it. And his father? It might be an uncomfortable
conversation; Drew was sure his father would tell him the truth.

“I wasn’t serious.” She playfully punched him in
the arm. “About the whole surrogate thing. I’m sure you came into this
world the way most of us did.”

“I don’t think it would bother me.” Drew realized
he felt comfortable talking about anything with Tyler. His old circle of
friends would have crucified him over this, spreading the details all over the
school before the first bell. Now that he thought about it, calling them his
friends was a bit of a stretch. Their parents threw them in the same group
since infancy. Birthday parties, dances, dating. This was the first time in his
life that he stepped out of that crowd. He wasn’t even sure why. Habit?
Complacency? The knowledge that it was all temporary?

The day after graduation, he was out of here. Everything up
to that point was just treading water. Or it was, until Tyler. Now he saw his
final year of school as more than just a jail sentence. Where, if he was a good
boy and played by the rules, his life sentence would be commuted and he would
be let out early for good behavior.

“Do you ever feel like you’re in prison?”

Drew looked at her in surprise. When had she started reading
his mind?

“Yeah. You?”

“Only every day. It didn’t always feel this way, you
know? Rose and Dani understand. We all want out. We
will
get out.”
She turned to Drew, facing him fully, her eyes steely gray with determination.
“You’re the only person who knows. Dani’s parents love her so much,
they’ll be fine with her leaving cause they know she’ll be back, at least to
visit. Rose doesn’t have anyone but us, so there isn’t anyone to stop
her.”

“Will your family stop you?” From what she said,
it didn’t sound like they cared enough to bother.