If You Only Knew (And Then Came Love Book 1) (8 page)

“I’m sorry.” He rested his hand on her shoulder again, only to drop it. “I can’t keep my hands off you. It wasn’t my intention to bring up a sore spot.”

“It’s been a rough couple of years for me.” She carried the sauce out to the table and he helped by bringing out the pasta and bread.

“It smells great.”

They served themselves and did not talk for a few minutes. “This is wonderful. Great sauce. I’d never tell her, but it rivals my mother’s.”

“Please don’t tell her. The last thing I need is for her to be mad at me.”

“She may hit you with her car again.” Julian chuckled.

“You’re so mean!” Liza shook her head.

“You never finished telling me about yourself.”

“What do you want to know? I’m thirty years old. I have a Master’s degree.”

“What’s your degree in?” He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt revealing his tattoos again.

“My degree is in Human Behavior and Society.” She stared at his forearms. “Did the same artist do all your tattoos?”

“Drew did all of them.”

“I thought Drew was a mechanic?”

“He is, but he’s also a tattoo artist. He has a tattoo shop right next to our brother-in-law’s mechanic business.” Julian told her.

“Interesting.” Liza nodded. “Do you have others or just the ones on your arms?”

“I have two on my chest, including a Poe quote. I have a Robert Louis Stevenson quote on my back and a tree.”

“I’m a bit of a Poe fan, myself? Which quotes?”

“You’ll see.” Julian stood and tugged his shirt from his pants.

“What are you doing?” She looked up at him as he walked around the table over to where she sat. He was close enough to reach out and touch him.

“I think we need some music, don’t you?” He flipped through the screens on his phone until music played through the speakers.

“I didn’t figure you for a country fan either.” The song was one of the newer country groups she listened to, Florida Georgia Line.

He set the phone on the counter behind him and started singing along with the song and he two-stepped over to where she sat.

Her eyes widened as his fingers found the top button to his shirt. Then another, and another.

She swallowed, her mouth went dry.

By the time he got to the fourth button, his smile lecherous.

“What are you doing?” Liza put her hand over his hands to stop him before he could go further. She was already going up in flames.

“I’m showing you my tattoos.” He ignored her hand and continued unbuttoning his shirt swaying to the music as he did.

“Dancing to music?” she mused.

His shirt fell open. Her mouth gaped. His chiseled abs screamed for her to touch them. Further up to the beginning of the written quote on his chest. He rotated his shoulder slowly as his shirt slipped from one shoulder. He paused long enough to wink then his shirt slid off the other shoulder.

Liza laughed.

He did a dip in the middle of his spin, then straightened then did a little shimmy while his shirt down his arms. He stripped the shirt the rest of the way off and draped it over her head.

“Hey.” She wadded up his shirt and tossed it at him.

Julian dropped the shirt on the floor and stood there, his arms out to the side while he continued his dance.

She stared at the tattoo. A raven taking flight across his right pectoral muscle and the quote in two lines across the rest of his chest. She couldn’t help herself. She closed the gap between them and traced the words.

He flinched at her touch, but didn’t stop moving.

“I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.” She read, following the lines with her fingers.

Julian groaned, grasped her arms and pulled her against him.

She felt his hardness pressing against her through his jeans. Heat raced up her face. She dropped her hands to her side.  “I think I’ve seen enough.”

He ran his fingers down her cheek and brushed her hair behind her ear. “When I say you’re beautiful, it’s not a line. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”

She tucked her head. “You’re just saying that.”

“No, I’m not.” He lifted her chin, staring into her eyes. “Liza, beautiful doesn’t even come close for what you do to me when I look at you.”

Liza let out a deep breath as she took a step away from him. She grasped her necklace and moved it along the chain.

“Please don’t be nervous.” He switched off the music on his phone, shoved it in his pocket, and stooped to pick up his shirt.

“Can I see your back?” Liza kept her voice low. She wasn’t sure what she expected to find.

Julian turned around. A gnarled black barren tree ran up his back with ravens perched on and flying away from the branches. The second quote mirrored the one on the front, spreading across his back in two lines, next to the tree.

“A man cannot destroy the savage in him—”

Julian interrupted, finishing the quote himself as he tugged his shirt on over his shoulders. “—by denying its impulses. The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.”

“Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde again.” She quirked a brow at him. “Curious. Why that book?”

“The mysteries of Julian Vitalli.” He shrugged and buttoned up his shirt. “I’m a normal happy guy one minute. The next I’m losing it.”

“Surely, it’s not that bad?” She cocked her head.

“In the span of two days, you’ve taken the time to ask more about me than anyone outside my family ever dreamed of asking?”

“That can’t be true, you’ve been married twice.”

“Yeah and neither of them cared enough to find out.” He sat across from her. “I have a two date rule.”

“A what?” She chuckled. “You’re kidding. A minute ago you said you were reconsidering us dating . . . which is it?” Where was his head? Did he have issues keeping his thoughts straight?

“Two dates then I’m out door. No relationship – nothing more than sex most of the time.”

Her heart sank. Was he being cruel now? Would he stand her up tomorrow? “What about—” She didn’t get him. Maybe she was reading too much into his flirtations? He was fun to be with. She could learn to deal with having a male friend. Might be fun?

“Tomorrow?” He finished her sentence for her. “I’ll be there.”

“What would you call it then? We’ve been out what three times now?” She sunk into the chair, her legs unable to hold her any longer. What about his sexy little dance? His hot and cold act was more than a little bewildering.

“Four, we had lunch today.” Julian wiped his mouth on his napkin. “I don’t think I could stay away from you if I tried.”

“I’m not opposed to it, but why? After everything you said?”

“I’m a mess and it doesn’t bother you. Believe me I appreciate that.”

Liza watched him across the table.

He struggled. His fists clenched and unclenched at the table.

She stood and moved her chair over to sit beside him. She placed her hand over his. “It doesn’t change anything. You can’t scare me off.”

“What?”

She rubbed his hand with her thumb. “I don’t know what game you’re playing but I don’t scare easily. I’d like to be friends with you.”

“Liza, I don’t—”

She pressed a finger to his lips. “I’ve spent two amazing days with an incredible man. And despite your endless come-on lines, I can’t get enough of you.” She stroked his upper arm. “I’m not going to push you for a relationship. I’m not going to lie, I’d like one, but I do understand your reservations.”

Julian traced her jaw line with his fingers.

She leaned into his touch, then kissed his palm.

“Two days, we’ve known each other, two days—”

The ringing of her phone interrupted his comment. “Two days and what?” Her phone rung for the second time and she knew she had to check it soon.

“Go check your phone. I don’t want you to get in trouble with work on my account.”

Third ring. “Damn it!” Liza hurried and grabbed her phone from where she left it. She hit speakerphone on the last ring. “Hello, Trina.” Her words were clipped. She was tired of her private time interrupted.

“I need you here for an emergency visitation.” Trina didn’t bother with pleasantries.

Liza glanced at her watch. “It’s quarter till seven and my day off. Isn’t there anyone else who can do it?”

“You’re it, Liza, everyone else is busy with other visits and I have the Batterer’s class to run. The visit starts at eight. You need to be here by quarter till.”

“Fine.”

“With your write-up the other day, I wouldn’t push your luck.” Trina left little doubt in her voice she would have Liza written up again if she did not do the visit.

“On my way.” Liza let out a deep breath.

He came around the table, stopped behind her, brought his hands to her shoulders, and massaged. She put one of her hands on his and mouthed ‘thank you’.  

“It will run from eight until nine. The sooner you can get here, the better.”

“If I leave now I can be there in twenty five minutes.” Liza let out a sigh.

“Get on your way ASAP.” Trina hung up the phone.

Liza rested her head in her hands. “God I hate this job some days. I wish I my finances were stable enough to quit and be all right until I find another one.” She put their dirty dishes in the sink. “I have to go.”

“I figured.” He didn’t stop his massage. “Are you sure this isn’t a ploy to break up our dinner? I mean after all, Kate called earlier, now Trina?”

“I don’t know, but I have to go.” She sighed and rolled her shoulders.

“I can raise hell if you’d like.” He twirled her around the face him.

“No, it’s not worth the headache.”

He brushed her hair behind her ear. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow for lunch.”

“Hopefully.”  

“We’ll have our lunch, don’t worry.” He hauled her into his arms and gave her a quick kiss.

She picked up her cell phone off the table, and headed into the living room to collect her laptop. Together they moved toward the door. She handed him the keys to his car.

“I’ll walk you out,” he said.

When they arrived at her car, she turned to tell him bye, and he tugged her into his arms. He brought his lips to hers, moving them slowly against hers. He suckled her lower lip and then his tongue tangled with hers. With a groan, he tore them away as he kissed a trail down her cheek and neck.

“I have to go.” Her voice a breathless whisper.

“Quit.” He nipped her earlobe.

“I can’t.” She giggled. His beard tickled her neck.

Julian pressed a final kiss to her lips before he stepped away from her. “Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow.”

She waved as he headed toward his own car.

Her lips burned from his touch. Once in her vehicle, she started it, and drove out of the parking lot.  

Liza smiled. What a guy.
Had it been only three days?
Her mind ran in circles. She guessed the old saying was true, you’d find someone when you were least expecting it. Julian flew in and swept her off her feet. And they weren’t even dating. He’d hinted about wanting to date. Her face flushed as her mind pictured his sexy dance. One touch and her nerve endings set fire. She wanted him, but she did have respect for herself.

Her phone chimed. A text message. She stopped at a traffic light and checked the message. One of her clients. Back to work.

Chapter Five

March 22
nd

Julian sat in his car outside the restaurant. He should have told her about his diagnosis the night before. First time he went off she’d mark him as crazy and leave his ass. His inner voice chose to speak up.
Hard to leave your ass when there’s no relationship. Remember that was your call, stupid.

He scoffed. Who was he kidding? There was already a relationship there, it just hadn’t been defined as one yet. Maybe he’d do it today. That would change the dynamics. He blew out an exasperated breath. His jealousy would kick in . . . there was no stopping the avalanche of emotions once it happened. It was days like this he despised his disorder.

Her car pulled into the parking lot. His heartbeat increased. The thought of being near her drove him crazy. Opening the door, he stepped outside to wait for her. Drew would tease the shit out of him if he knew how excited Julian was to see her.

A smile crossed Liza’s face when she saw him.

He couldn’t help the grin that spread across his own face. “I like seeing you smile. It makes my day a little brighter.” He hoped she didn’t think it was a line.

“You have me smiling a lot.” She stopped in front of him.

He caressed her face, his hand trailing to the back of her neck, before he lowered his lips to hers. She was tentative at first, but when he felt her tongue trace his bottom lip, he didn’t hold back.

When the kiss ended, he moaned as he leaned against his car. “I’m going to be miserable all day because of one kiss.”

“Why?”

Julian chuckled as he caught her arm and pulled her against him, flexing his hips against hers.

She brushed her hair behind her ear and her cheeks tinged with red.

He couldn’t help himself and whispered in her ear, “I could take you right here in the parking lot.”

“Julian!” Her mouth dropped open and she slapped her hands over it, as the flush to her face grew even deeper.

“I’ll be good.” He slipped his arm around her waist and walked toward the restaurant. “How long do you have?”

She peeked at her watch. “An hour and fifteen minutes then I have to be on the road. Then I get to spend the next four hours with a client.”

“Sounds exhilarating. And what else in on the agenda for screwing with your day?”

She laughed as the hostess led them to their table. “The worst part is, I sit there for four hours observing this family interacting with their children. And most of the time they’re watching cartoons. I’ve seen more episodes of
Sponge Bob
then I ever wanted to see.”

“How are you supposed to gauge them if the kids are watching TV and the parents are on their best behavior? I mean come on? I’d think that would be the direct opposite of what they want.”

“Believe me, the parents aren’t always on their best behavior,” Liza said. “Remember the other night?”

“I guess, but most people are going to be on their best behavior. I would think the repetitive nature would make it difficult.”

“It does get tedious at
times
.”

The waiter appeared and they ordered.

Julian opened his mouth to say something.

“Liza?” A woman stepped up to their table. She had light brown hair with a bit of a curl to it. Short, Liza had a good five inches on her, but then Liza was tall.

Liza grinned and stood to give the woman a hug. “It’s so good to see you. What are you doing here?”

Julian observed the exchange. He glanced at his watch. They had a time limit and he found he didn’t enjoy sharing her company. He missed the answer to Liza’s question, but her friend leaned forward and lower her voice.

“Isn’t this place a little out of your price range?”

Interesting. “She’s not paying.” He crossed his feet at his ankles as her friend twirled around to see him.

“Oh!” The woman gave him the once over. She dressed like his kindergarten teacher had back in the day. The ankle-length jean jumper, with a white turtleneck underneath, did nothing for her figure.

Julian smiled.

“I didn’t realize you were with someone.” She held out her hand. “Kaitlyn – Liza’s my best friend.”

“Julian – Liza’s boyfriend.” He peered across the table at Liza. Taking advantage of her silence, he added. “We’re dating.”

“What? When?” Kaitlyn crossed her hands over her heart. “No wonder I haven’t been able to get a hold of you.”

“Oh shit. I forgot my phone went out on Monday night and I’ve been so busy, I haven’t had two seconds to myself.”

“I can see why.”

Julian chuckled when Kaitlyn mouthed “He’s hot,” to Liza. “Would you care to join us?” He wanted no part of Kaitlyn joining them, but he couldn’t be rude to Liza’s friend.

“Thank you, but I’m on my way out. I need to head to Bryton, but—” She took the paper Liza  handed her with the phone number on it. “Maybe you’ll come to the house this weekend and we’ll catch up.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Liza smiled at her friend.

The waiter appeared again with their food.

“I have to ask.” Liza pushed her food to the side and rested her arms on the table. “When did we start dating?”

Julian caught her hand in his. “Three days ago.”

Liza laughed. “Smooth, Julian, smooth.”

He didn’t let go of her hand as he relaxed in his seat. “What you don’t want to date me?”

“Of course I do. But you flip the dating/non-dating switch faster than I can keep up.” She shook her head and brought her plate in front of her.

“So it’s official then?”

“What is?” She rolled her eyes as she took a bite of her food.

“We’re a couple.” Julian watched her eat.

“Yes.”

A wave of euphoria washed over him and it was as if they were the only two people in the room.

“What?”

“You’re beautiful.”

“You’re full of it.” Liza reached across the table and he grasped her hand. “But, I have to admit, I’m kind of glad your mother ran into me.”

“When can we see each other again?”

Liza pulled out her calendar and began to scan through it. “Sunday. I have appointments until eight on Friday and seven on Saturday.”

“Were you going to catch up with your friends sometime this weekend?”

“I was going to try, but I’d rather spend time with you. I guess it will depend on our schedules.”

Julian smiled when she caught her necklace in her fingers. “Why are you nervous?”

“I’m not.”

“You play with your necklace whenever you’re nervous. It’s jade, right? Beautiful.”

Liza nodded. “For luck. Grandpa picked it up when he was in Japan and sent it home to Grandma. She passed it down to Mom on her sixteenth birthday and Mom did the same with me. I didn’t notice I played with it.”

“You did it last night when I was complimenting you.”

Her hand stopped and she dropped it into her lap. “I’m not—”

He moved into the chair next to hers. His lips brushed her ear and he whispered, “It’s arousing.”

Liza twisted in her chair. “What is?”

“Your nervous gestures. Playing with the necklace. Brushing your hair behind your ear. The cute little way you look away from me and blush.” He trailed his fingers down her arm until he reached her hand.

She turned it over and he interlocked his fingers with hers.

Grandpa’s ring on his right hand glistened under the tract lighting. He wished he didn’t have two ex-wives screwing with his brain. If only he’d met Liza first.

“I assume since we’re dating, the touchy feely stuff is okay now, right?” He wanted to make her laugh. He didn’t care how stupid it sounded.

Liza chuckled as she rested her head on his shoulder. “I’ll let you get away with a little more.”

“Good.” Julian released her hand and wrapped his arms around her. “Because this feels right and I have a helluva time keeping my hands to myself.”

She snuggled in close.

He found himself wishing they were at his house rather than in a restaurant. Shit. He checked the time. “We’re down to less than half an hour.”

Liza groaned. “I guess we should finish eating then.”

Julian wasn’t hungry for food. He wanted her. Blowing out a breath, he silently cursed her job and everything that went with it. It would be different if she loved it, but they were downright abusive.

“Eat your food. You’re making me nervous again.”

“You know how much I like that.”

She playfully smacked his arm. “I can’t eat with you staring at me and I have appointments until eight tonight.”

“All right.” Julian chuckled, stood, and moved to the other side of the table. “I wouldn’t want you to go hungry.”

*****

March 24
th

By the time Saturday rolled around, Liza was exhausted. She worked until nine on Thursday and eight on Friday. She and Julian had a brief phone conversation the day before, but nothing substantial. It was coming up on four o’clock and she finished a visit when her phone rang. It was Julian. She couldn’t answer. She put her laptop in her bag and placed it on the chair she vacated. She’d come back for her stuff.

She stood and addressed her clients. “Time to go.”

Her phone chimed. She knew it was him. Two more in rapid succession.

“Sounds like someone wants to get a hold of you.”

“Boyfriend.” She smiled as she said the word. The fact there was a relationship made her giddy. She sent him a text.

Call you shortly
. She sent the message then strolled down the hall with her clients.

“I’ll see you on Tuesday.” Liza waved as the parents left and the foster parents got baby Malia in her car seat.

She hurried to the visitation room to get her stuff when her phone rang again. Figuring it was something important she answered the phone. “Well aren’t you persistent this afternoon?” She chuckled.

“You couldn’t have answered your phone five minutes ago, but you could send me a text saying you’d call me?” His voice sounded strange in her ears.

“What’s the matter?”

“What’s wrong is I was trying to get a hold of you and you wouldn’t answer your fucking phone,” he roared.

“Calm down. I was with a client. I was ending the visit and couldn’t talk right then.”

“I’m sure you were busy with something.” The connotation in his voice was clear. He thought she was screwing around on him.

Liza sunk into the nearest chair, floored by his words. “I don’t know what makes you think you have the right to talk to me this way, but I won’t tolerate it. Get your act together or this relationship will be over before it’s even begun.” She clicked off the phone and threw it in her bag. Who the hell did he think he was?  

Her phone rang again. She gathered her stuff and headed out of the building. On her way out, she heard two chimes for text messages. She fished her phone out of the bag and tossed it on the passenger’s seat. She flopped down and began to read.

I’m sorry
. His first text message read.

I shouldn’t have said what I did. Will you please call me?

She stared down at the phone. It rang again. She clicked the talk button. “What?”

“I’m sorry.” His voice back to normal. “I was a total fucking jealous asshole.”

“Why would you even suggest I was cheating on you when you know how constrictive my job is? Seriously, Julian, grow up.” She put the phone on speaker and rested it in the cup holder before starting the car.

“I get weird sometimes, Liza.” Julian let out a sigh. “My thoughts get jumbled up inside and there’s times I can’t get a thought out of my head without saying it. I’m rapid-cycling. So one minute I think I’m right about something and the next I’m realizing I’m the biggest moron in the world.”

“Wait. What? How did I miss it? You’re bipolar aren’t you?” She let it sink in a moment. It all made sense now. The bouncing thoughts, the hot/cold behavior.

“Uh-yeah. What gave me away?”

“Rapid-cycling. My undergrad degree is in psychology. My Master’s thesis covered all aspects of bipolar disorder.” She drove onto the highway. “That being said, I have news for you, just because you have the disorder doesn’t mean you get to use it as an excuse.”

“I’m not.” He paused before continuing. “All I’m saying is sometimes my thoughts are out of whack. I say some stupid things. There I stood in the living room thinking the reason you didn’t answer was because you were in a visitation.”

“And that’s what happened. I tried to get everything wrapped up so I could call you on my way to my next one.”

“My logical brain is telling me that. However, the other part of my brain is telling me you weren’t calling me because you had someone’s dick in your mouth. Visions of my ex-wives superimposed on you.”

“What?” She parked the car into a nearby park. She’d be late for her appointment, but she couldn’t have this conversation while driving. “Julian, we don’t know each other well, but I thought you at least knew me well enough to know I’d never do that to you.”