Read Dirty Deeds Online

Authors: Armand Rosamilia

Tags: #Humor & Entertainment, #Humor, #Satire, #Literature & Fiction, #Humor & Satire, #Humorous, #Mystery; Thriller & Suspense, #Mystery, #Thrillers & Suspense, #Crime, #Kidnapping, #Organized Crime, #Spies & Politics, #Assassinations, #General Humor, #Crime Fiction

Dirty Deeds

BOOK: Dirty Deeds
5.38Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organizations, places, events, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

No part of this work may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission of the publisher.

Published by Kindle Press, Seattle, 2015

Kindle Scout

Amazon, the Amazon logo, Kindle Scout, and Kindle Press are trademarks of
, Inc., or its affiliates.

Special Thanks
to Shelly, who knew I could write this book and nudged me gently to keep writing.

Billie Higgs, who beta read the book and made me realize I had something special here.

Kindle Scout crew, for believing in this book enough to accept it.


























I get paid large sums of money to kill children.

I'll let that horrific sentence sink in before I tell you what I
do for a living.

More specifically, I move children from horrific situations with parents, guardians, and wicked people and place them with someone who will watch over them. Take care of them. Not want them dead.

How and why do I do this? We'll get back to the nitty gritty in a bit. For now. . .

"How much money to kill my daughter?"

I frowned and stared at the man. Without an answer, I walked to his office desk and sat down in the guest chair, and motioned for him to join me. I put my satchel on the floor within easy reach.

He took his time, trying to seem casual, walking around his desk and dropping into his chair.

I notice things.

A picture of his daughter was on the filing cabinet to my right. His hands were shaking and he couldn't make eye contact. He was sweating despite the air turned down low, and when I'd first walked into his office, I noticed his secretary was not at her desk.

John Caruso was one of the big shot lawyers in Philadelphia, but I would be stupid not to do my job and figure out the background of a potential client before we met. This guy had a couple of red flags and I was going to have my due diligence with John before we went any further.

I chuckled without humor and sat up in the chair. "If I'm not mistaken, you just asked me how much to kill your daughter?"

He nodded, his hands on the desk. When he moved his right hand to his phone on the desk he stopped, his hand shaking.

John was wearing a dress shirt. It most likely cost as much as my entire wardrobe. Especially what I was wearing. He was sweating so badly I could see his chest hair through it.

Me? I was calm and casual.

In the movies, the killer is always dressed smartly. Expensive Italian suits. Diamond-studded watch. Shoes like butter and worth the cost of a Porsche.

I was wearing a pair of jeans I'd bought at Wal-Mart, a black t-shirt that came in a pack of three, and boat shoes. Very comfortable, but not butter-comfortable. The most expensive thing I wore was the gold chain and cross around my neck, a gift from my deceased mother.

The pen on this guy's desk cost more than everything I had on even if you added in the cash from my wallet. I was sure his phone had every app imaginable to mankind and he didn't worry about his monthly bill.

"Don't play with me, Mister Aaron. You know exactly why you're here," John said. He sat up and his hands stopped shaking.

I knew the look on his face. He thought he had me. This little weasel thought he was back in control.

I turned my head and looked around the room. When I turned back to him he looked confused.

"I need water. Is there any way, before we begin the transaction that will change your life, you can get me a glass of water?" I asked.

"Uh. . . sure. I have bottled water."

I smiled and tried to fake warmth for this snake. "Actually, a tall glass of water is better. I don't even need it cold. I just need a lot of water." I touched my lips. "I get very thirsty doing this. You understand, right?"

"I have tap water," he said.


John nodded and went out of the office and into his bathroom.

I scooped up his phone and sliced my finger across it, unlocking it quickly. These big shots were all the same: they'd spend thousands of dollars on home security but set their passwords to their computers so an eight year old could crack it, and never put anything safety-wise on their cell phone. I wasn’t tech-savvy at all, but I’d paid a lot of money to learn the tricks I needed to learn over the years. I knew enough to keep me from getting backed into a corner or caught doing something stupid.

I found what I was looking for but didn't bother doing anything with it. I knew the score now.

John returned with the water and I sat up. I'd put his phone back but made sure it was moved half a foot to the right, away from him.

He noticed it right away and looked like he was about to run.

I put a finger to my lips and stood, taking the glass of water and taking a sip.

John didn't move.

The side of his mouth twitched when I picked up his cell phone.

"I think we got off to a bad start, Mister Caruso. You mistook me for someone else. Someone bad. I was contacted by a friend of a friend of a friend. This is how this happens and gets me in your office," I said. I sat back down and put the phone next to my glass of water.

I motioned for him to sit and I picked up my satchel from the floor on my side, keeping eye contact with the lawyer so he didn't bolt.

"I am selling this and I was told you had money for the purchase," I said and produced a 1973 Topps Mike Schmidt rookie baseball card, sealed and graded Gem Mint. Perfect 10. "You won't find this card in a better quality than this. Make me an offer I can't refuse."

John looked confused as he stared at the baseball card in my hand.

"I didn't invite you to my office to buy a damn baseball card," he said.

I picked up his phone with my free hand.

"Then I'm sorry for wasting your time. I really thought I was here to sell you a Schmidt rookie. I figured since we're in Philadelphia and you're obviously a hometown fan, it made sense to me. My bad. I'll be on my way," I said and stood, dropping his phone into the glass of water.

John panicked and tried to grab the glass but I pulled it away. I wanted to make sure it stayed in as long as possible. Not that it would do anything other than destroy his expensive phone. It was my own personal screw you to this jerk, who thought he was smarter than I was.

I yanked the phone out and spun it across the room, where it smashed against the wall.

"Oh no, I am so sorry. I will buy you a new phone. Is it broken?" I asked, running to it and
stepping on the screen. It cracked. They didn't make them like they used to, right?

I could see he was getting pissed and about to say something really stupid. I turned, grabbed his arm, and pulled him to me. When I stared into his eyes he stopped and anger was replaced by fear.

"You got your wires crossed. I sell baseball cards. That's it. I don't know what you're talking about. You want to kill your daughter? I should go to the police, you sick bastard. Anyone who tries to pay someone to have someone killed, especially a child, deserves to die themselves. I hope, someday, you get what you deserve," I said and pushed him away.

I grabbed my satchel and walked out of his office, slamming the door behind me.

My instincts had saved me again but I was far from in the clear. I knew what was going to happen now.

As soon as I got outside there were lights in my eyes, armed police officers and men in black suits, and I was tossed to the pavement. It wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last, either.

They searched me, the FBI agent taking the lead disappointed I didn't have a weapon on me. I knew better. I didn't even carry a pair of tweezers.

I was put into the back of a squad car without a word and driven away. I didn't bother telling anyone they'd forgotten to read me my rights. They knew exactly what they were doing.

I'd been in this spot before. A lot worse, in fact. They had nothing on me and I wasn't going to slip like you saw in bad TV and movies. Not happening.

I enjoyed the ride. I'd flown into Philly so quickly I hadn't had a chance to see the city. Now, I watched it from the back of a police car.

* * * * *

It was Reggie Keane again.

Twenty years ago, when I'd first come onto his radar, he was a detective in the NYPD. He'd only been in a few years and was looking to make a name for himself. Since he'd almost nailed me in Spanish Harlem in 1996, he'd had an unhealthy obsession.

I called him Captain Ahab, which drove him nuts. I was his Moby Dick.

Agent Keane spread his stack of files on the table between us, not making eye contact just yet. It was always the same move from him: he'd try to disarm me with a lame look.

As soon as he looked up, going for his best DeNiro, I winked at him. He was flustered, as usual.

“Is there a reason I’m here, with you, again?” I asked. I leaned back in the chair and nodded at the two Philly cops standing near the door. “Am I a threat to you, Reggie? I don’t even carry a weapon. You know all of this.”

I was sure half a dozen FBI cronies were on the other side of the glass, taking notes. I knew most of them by face if not by name after all this time.

I was getting too old for this game, though. Keane was getting desperate. He was probably getting close to retirement age and needed to close the books on me before he got his pension, gold watch and was put out to pasture.

“I have a few questions to ask you,” Reggie said.

“Sure, go ahead. I have a plane to catch in an hour, but I’ll try to help in any way I can,” I said. I didn’t have a plane to catch. I gave him the line every meeting so he could bust my chops for two hours and feel like he’d accomplished something as insignificant as having me miss a plane back to wherever he thought I was going.

After this distraction, I was headed up the road to Manhattan to a sports card show. If he’d done even a bit of homework he would’ve known it.

Keane smiled. So predictable. “I think you’re going to miss your flight. . . where are you headed now? I have sightings of you in Chicago, San Diego, Atlanta, Boston and Dallas in the last year.”

He didn’t mention Jacksonville or Newark, but he’d made my home in Chicago since our last talk. I’d make a note to have Marisa clear and sell it before the end of the year. What a shame. I was starting to like the summers in Chi-town.

“I am a legitimate businessman. I pay my taxes. I vote. I try to buy U.S. goods when possible. I recycle, too. If you’re trying to shake me down in front of the Philly cops or your buddies in the FBI listening in, forget it.” I smiled and leaned forward. “I told you the last time you tried to get a bribe out of me, and I’ll tell you again: I’m doing nothing wrong, and there are real bad guys out in the world you need to concentrate on. Stop asking me for money. You might need a new job if you can’t seem to get your mortgage paid on time.”

Keane was getting hot and I was enjoying this, but I knew I needed to pull back. It was on the tip of my tongue to mention his cheating wife and the divorce papers signed a few days ago. I knew I was nothing more than a distraction right now. I felt sorry for Reggie, too. He wasn’t a bad guy. He was doing his job and he did it quite well. He’d risen in the FBI ranks like a bullet (pun intended) but I was the obstacle keeping him from the big time.

BOOK: Dirty Deeds
5.38Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub

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