If Only We Knew (21 page)

“Mrs. Johnston?” sang the hyper-efficient receptionist, offering her a gown to change into.

She turned and looked at Matt. “Are you excited? We get to see the baby for the first time.”

“I can’t wait.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead.

Doctor Luke Cooper and a nurse entered the room. The nurse walked up to Shannon and pulled up her gown to her breasts and applied the
gel
to her stomach. The doctor placed the wand over her stomach and searched for the baby’s heartbeat.

Shannon’s nervous voice broke the silence. “Is something wrong?”

Matt just stared at the doctor. He was about to say something when the baby’s heartbeat sounded off, and he took a deep breath.

“Nothing wrong.” The doctor moved the wand around and pointed out the baby’s toes and fingers. “Your baby is fine.”

Matt looked at the screen in awe. “The baby is sucking its thumb.” He’d been so afraid when he didn’t hear the heartbeat, thinking the worst, knowing she wouldn’t be able to bear that loss.

Shannon
watched
the screen. “Thank God,” she said, kissing his hand. “Doctor, can you tell us what we are having?”

“Let’s see,” he said, trying to make the baby move with the pressure from the wand.

Matt looked down at her. “You want to know?” he asked, a bit surprised.

“Yes. I’m not promised tomorrow, but I’m here today.” She stared at him. “I would like to know what I’m having just in case the worst happens.”

“The worst won’t happen.”

The doctor smiled. “You’re having a….” They just stared at him, waiting for him to say, but the doctor just laugh
ed
.

“What’s so funny, Doctor?” Shannon asked.

“The look on your faces. You’re having a girl.”

“We’re having a little girl,” she said, getting excited.

It was hard for him to be happy when she was putting her life in jeopardy. But he also loved his baby and couldn’t wait to see her. It was a bittersweet situation.

The doctor stepped away so the nurse could wipe her up. “I spoke to your oncologist, and since you’re past your first trimester, we think you can start with the chemo right away.”

“It won’t hurt the baby?” she asked.

“I’ve treated cancer patients before, and their babies were born healthy, but it’s up to you.” The doctor left the room so they could discuss what they were going to do.

Shannon was getting dressed when Matt gr
ipped
her arm. “You heard the doctor. She will be okay, you need this. Think about Matthew.”

“Matt, I’ll start chemo, but if, at any moment I think it’s hurting our daughter, I’m stopping it.” She continued getting dressed.

“I’ll meet you outside.” He
said going out the door,
up to the counter and asked for pictures of the sonogram, and then he walked into the doctor’s office. “Are you sure it’s safe for both of them?”

The doctor asked him to sit down and explained the studies, his experience, and the side effects of chemo. Matt left feeling much better.

“Look at how beautiful she already is.” She
looked
at the picture.

“She is.”
They
head
ed
out the office.

The doctor explained they would be doing four rounds of treatment over twelve weeks. The credit union let her work part time, and if she didn’t feel well, she could work from home.

Shannon went in for her first round of chemo with Matt right by her side, never letting go of her hand while she sat in the chair with the needle in her arm as the nurse administered the drug into her system.

“
Mamita
, are you okay?” Matt touched her cheek.

“No, Matt, I’m not okay. I’m putting poison in my body.” She wiped her tears.

He cupped her face. “I want you to live.”

She broke down crying. “I don’t want to die.”

He leaned in and kissed her on the lips. “You’re not going to die.”

She finished chemo that day and went home feeling tired. Her muscles hurt, and she had no desire to eat.

Mrs. Joy and Sherry brought Matthew into the house. He ran to Shannon, lifting his hands for her to pick him up. “Ma-ma.”

But she was too weak to pick him up. She didn’t have the strength to play with him.

He looked up at her and cried for her to
hold
. “Ma-ma…”

Matt grabbed him. “Matthew, Mama doesn’t feel good. Let’s go play.” He
glared
at Sherry and her mom as he took the boy back to his room.

Mrs. Joy walked over to her
, feeling her forehead and kissing her
. “Baby, how do you feel? Is there anything I can do?”

“I don’t want to do it again, Mom,” she said crying. “I feel like I’m sleepwalking. I can’t even play with my son.”

“Shannon, we want what’s best for you.” Sherry sat next to her. “You can have other babies.”

“Sherry, I know I said I never wanted kids, but now that I have one, I can’t imagine my life without him. I love him unconditionally, and I’m not going to take my daughter’s life out of selfishness.”

“Baby, I support anything you do. I can keep Matthew when you get your treatments.”

“Thank you, Mom.”

Two weeks later, she was home alone in the bathroom taking a shower, washing her hair, when she opened her eyes and noticed hair in her hands and on the floor. She combed her hand through her hair again, and more strands came out. She ran out the shower and looked in the mirror. “Oh God, my hair.” She screamed and cried—entire patches of hair were missing. Grabbing the towel, she wrapped it around her body and sat on the floor, hugging her knees.

Matt called Andrew, asking him to get Matthew from Mrs. Joy. He would be over to pick him up later. He needed some time alone with his wife. He
entered
the house looking for her, he went into their room and called her, but she didn’t answer. He strode into the kitchen, the dining room, and Matthew’s room, but he couldn’t find her. Looping back to their room, he entered the bathroom.

She was balled up in a fetal position on the floor with hair all around her.
Oh God no.
“Mamita, I’m here, I’m here.”

He got down on his knees and
hurriedly put
her in his arms. She opened her eyes. “My hair, Matt,” she said, leaning up. “Look at me.”

He hadn’t noticed he was holding his breath until she spoke. He cupped her face. “I’m looking at you, and you know what I see?”

She looked at him with her red, swollen eyes.

“I see a beautiful woman inside and out. I love you with hair or without.” He leaned forward and kissed her lips, holding her, never letting her go.

“Shave off what’s left of my hair,” she whispered.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’m not going to let this thing beat me,” she said, wiping her tears with the back of her hand.

“That’s my girl.” He
stood
and searched for his electric razor. He turned and asked her one more time. “You sure?”

H
e
helped her up
and
she
sat on the toilet. “Yes.”

He placed the razor to her head and began working it over the top and sides. She gasped every time her hair fell to the ground. When he was finished, he turned off the razor and kissed her on her newly bald scalp. “You have the most beautiful round head.”

She looked up at him and laughed. “Really?” She got up and looked at her reflection in the mirror. “Not that bad,” she said, touching her head.

He leaned down and hugged her, looking at their reflections in the mirror. “You’re beautiful.”

She smiled. “You always make me feel special.”

He turned her around to face him. “I love you.”

“Every day that passes I love you more.”
O
n her tiptoes
, she
kissed him.

He walked her over to the bed and helped her get dressed, and then he cleaned up the bathroom. “I have to go pick up Matthew. Are you going to be okay?”

“Yes, thanks to you.”

Matt and Matthew entered the house with food in their hands. “Let’s go say hi to Mommy.”
Matthew followed him
into the
bed
room.

Shannon was in the bed watching TV when they
entered
. At first, he saw the shock in her eyes. They became wider, and then she laugh
ed
. “What did you do?”

He touched Matthew’s, then his own,
baldhead
. “What, this?” He rubbed their heads. “We wanted to match you.”

“You cut off Matthew’s beautiful curls.” She laughed some more, walking over to feel his head.

“It will grow back, just like yours.” She went over to Matt, getting up on her tiptoes, and gently kissed his lips.

“Thank you.” She picked Matthew up and kissed him. “You’re still handsome, just like your daddy.” She
went
back to bed.

“Yes, dinner in bed,” Matt said,
going
out to get the food. He returned and sat on the
edge of the
bed. “I love you,
Mamita
.”

“
Papi,
I love you.”

They ate and watched TV together until Matthew fell as
leep. Matt picked him up and carried
him to
his room. He returned and took a shower. When he
stepped
out of the shower, Shannon had a silk scarf around her head, with nothing else on.

“It’s been too long,” she said, getting on all fours.

His cock jumped at the vision before him. “
Mamita
.”

She crawled forward. “I’m feeling much better. You won’t hurt me, I know you want me just as much as I want you,” she said, staring at his erection. She crooked her finger. “Come here.”

Matt
strolled
over to the bed, and she leaned up and began giving him wet kisses,
beginning
at his stomach then stopping at his nipples, licking one while rubbing and pinching the other.

“Damn,
mami
.”

She nibbled and sucked on his neck and smiled. “Remember the love marks?” she asked with a devious smile.

He moaned. “Go ahead, mark me. I belong to you.” He leaned down, devouring her mouth, kissing her deeply,
making love
to
her mouth
, tasting every corner
. He leaned her back and moved on top of her. Pulling away from the kiss, he nibbled on her neck until goose bumps lifted along her arms. “You like that,” he whispered, feeling her juices leaking from her pussy onto his leg.

“Yes, yes I do,” she moaned back.

He gently rubbed her nipples between his fingers then took her right nipple in his mouth. He kissed the scar on her left breast, and then he kiss
ed
down her stomach to her navel. “I love you, baby girl.” He kept going down and opened her legs,
licking
her inner thighs. Then he parted her labia with his tongue and gently licked her swollen nub.

“Oh God, I’m coming.” She moaned, releasing on his tongue.

“I didn’t even start.”

She leaned up and pulled him up. “Lie on your back.” He did as told.

She climbed on top of him, grabbed his cock, and came down gently, making them both gasp.

“
Mamita
, you’re so wet.” He slowly thrust into her.

“I’m horny,” she laughed. “It’s been too long.”
She groaned
, moving in sync with him.

He entwined their hands. “I can’t live without you,” he said with a tear rolling down his cheek. She just
gazed
at him as though she could see into his soul. She rolled her hips up and down, taking control.
He
fe
lt
her pussy squeeze his cock.

She sh
oo
k. “Don’t hold back,” she said, grinding on him.

He let go of her hand, grabbed her hips, and thrust into her. “
Mamita
, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” she said,
taking all of
his
rigid
cock
.

He couldn’t
take
any more. He grabbed her and turned her around so she lay on her back, Being careful of her stomach and the life growing within, he put his hands on the sides of her
head
for support and thrust into her uncontrollably. She followed his lead.