If Only We Knew (20 page)

“If we perform a lumpectomy, I’ll be removing the tumor as well as some of the surrounding tissue. I can’t tell you that this surgery will be successful, but right now, it’s my third recommendation. I recommend chemotherapy first because it’s intended to stop or slow the growth of the cancer cells.”

“What are the risks?” Matt asked.

“The surgery has some risks. Afterward, the affected breast might be slightly different from the other. One might be larger than the other. Some small deformation may occur, and she might lose sensation.”

“That’s a low price to pay for my life. I want you to perform the surgery as soon as possible,” she said, wiping her tears.

He left the doctor’s office hopeful after scheduling her surgery
two
weeks away.

Shannon stopped Matt. “Let’s get married.”

“I
thought we were
.”

“No, I mean right away. Tomorrow isn’t promised to me.”

Both dressed in white, Matt and Shannon exchanged their vows in bare feet on soft white sand with the sunset glistening on the beach behind them. The sunset was breathtaking as the pastor pronounced them husband and wife.

“You may kiss your bride.”

Matt smiled, leaning into Shannon, and gently kissed her lips. “I love you.”

Shannon wiped his tears. “I love you too.”

Andrew, Sherry, and Matthew clapped.

Matthew jumped. “Yeah, Mom-my, Dad-dy.” He laughed, clapping.

They’d decided to keep her cancer from their families until she was ready to share.

Sherry
ran
up to the newlyweds and gave them each a big hug. “You know our parents are going to kill us for not telling them.”

Andrew picked up Matthew and walked up behind Sherry. “This is their secret to tell, not ours, big-mouth.”

Sherry turned around, furious. “I don’t have a big mouth, you ass.”

“Okay, if you say so.” He turned and hugged Shannon.

“Shannon, tell him I don’t have a big mouth.” Sherry looked at her.

“You do.” She
giggled
.

“I’ll prove it to you. If you don’t want me to say anything, I won’t, but that ring on your finger will give it away.”

Shannon looked at the three-carat ring with a big smile on her face. “Finally, I’m Mrs. Johnston,” she whispered.

Matt came up behind her, kissing her on her neck. “Finally.”

“We’re leaving now. Say bye to your son,” Andrew said.

Matt and Shannon kissed and hugged their son, saying how much they loved him. He loved the attention and kissed them back.

“Enjoy your honeymoon,” Andrew said as he left with Sherry and Matthew.

“Bye.” Matthew waved and threw kisses. “Muah!”

Shannon placed her hand on her mouth and threw kisses back.

“Bye.” Matt waved, and then he turned around. “It’s just you and me.”

They
strolled
hand-in-hand on the white, sandy beach.

She leaned into him, and he put his arms around her. “When are you going tell your parents?”

“I was thinking of inviting them over for dinner.” She put her arms around his waist.

“You think your dad will come?”

“My mom will force him.”

“When are you going to tell them about the cancer?”

She stopped and stared at him. “I don’t want them to worry.”

“Baby, with the treatments, they’ll notice something is wrong. I know you’re going to beat this thing, but you also need all the support you can get.” They
continued
walking.

“First, I have to tell them I’m married, and then I’ll think about telling them about the cancer. But no more talk about cancer. It’s our honeymoon.” She pulled away from him and ran.

He caught up with her, picking her up, and ran down the beach.

Matt
watched
his wife while she slept.
You’re so beautiful
. With his index finger, he traced her full lips.
This is how it’s supposed to feel: no regrets, no guilt, just love. What will I do without you?
He caressed her cheek with his fingertips.
You’re so strong. I know you can beat this,
he thought, staring at her.

Shannon opened the front door for her parents.

“Good evening.” Her mom gave her a hug. Her father entered the house without saying one word to her.

Shannon closed the door behind her. Matt came out the bedroom with Matthew in his arms. “Gran-ma,” he said, trying to get
away from Matt
.

“Hi, Matt.” She took Matthew from him.

“Hi, Mrs. Joy, it’s great to see you.” He kissed her cheeks. “Mr. Jones, how are you?”

Her father just ignored him.

“Patrick, Matt’s talking to you.”

Matt looked over at Shannon and could tell from the look on her face she wasn’t feeling good, he walked over to her. “
Mamita,
are you okay?” He touched her forehead.

“I’m okay.” She smiled at him.

“She would be much better if you moved out of her house,” her father said.

“Patrick, please be quiet.” Her mom
scowled
at him.

“No, I’m tired of not saying what’s on my mind,” he said, raising his voice.

“Daddy, please stop,” Shannon pleaded.

“First, you knocked up my daughter while you were married, and now you shack up with her. I guess she is not good enough to marry.”

Matt just
gave him a dirty look
, clenching
his jaw
.

“They have a child together. Who are we to judge them?” her mother said, also raising her voice and placing Matthew on the floor.

Mr. Jones yelled, “Shannon, you’re living in sin!”

“I invited you here tonight to tell you we got married!” Shannon shouted.

Her father’s face turned from mad to furious. “You married this piece of shit?”

“Patrick, watch your mouth around our grandson. She just told you she’s no longer living in sin. Now what’s the problem? Matt is a wonderful man and father, and I’m proud to have him as my son-in-law.”

“He is not good enough for you. You’re a disappointment.” He
frowned
at Shannon.

“Sir, I’m really trying not to disrespect you, but you’re pushing my limits. Don’t you come in our house and disrespect my wife.” Matt raised his voice, too.

“This is not your house,” Mr. Jones, said looking at Matt.

“Matt,” Shannon whispered

“You’re a disgrace to our family.”

“Why? Because I’m white?” Matt stared at him with anger in his eyes.

“Matt,” Shannon whispered again.

Matt turned just in time to grab her. “Baby, I got you,” he said, picking her up and laying her on the sofa. “I’m going to take you to the hospital.”

“No. I’m fine,” Shannon whispered.

“What’s wrong, Shannon?” Mrs. Joy asked, concerned, walking over to her.

“Nothing is wrong with your daughter, she’s just trying to get our sympathy,” Mr. Jones said, looking at his wife. “Stop the damn show!” he yelled, looking at Shannon.

Matt turned around in anger. “Get the fuck out of my house!”

“Matt?” Mrs. Joy looked at him in shock.

“Mrs. Joy, I’m sorry,” he said with tears running down his cheeks. Lowering his head, he said, “Shannon has cancer.”

Mrs. Joy gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. “Oh God no.” She c
ried
.

“Mom, I’m okay,” she said, kissing her mom’s hand weakly.

Her dad stood there in shock.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mrs. Joy asked, looking at Shannon.

“I didn’t want to worry you.”

“Mom, can you please stay with Matthew until we come back?” he asked, helping Shannon off the sofa. “She’ll be okay. I just need to take her in. She’s never passed out before.” He looked over at her dad. “Don’t be here when we get back.” They walked out the door.

In the ER, she lay in the bed waiting for test results. “I’m feeling better,” she said, facing Matt
, trying to smile
.

He
placed his hand on hers leaning down a
nd kissed it. “Forgive me for the way I spoke to your father.”

“I understand why you did it. You were scared. My dad was being disrespectful. He had no right to talk to you or me like that.”

The doctor on duty came into her room. “I have the results of one of your tests.”

“Did the cancer cause
her to faint
?” Matt asked.

“No, you’re pregnant.” The doctor
looked over at both them
.

“I’m pregnant?” she asked in shock. “But the cancer….”

Matt was speechless. They’d never even discussed having another baby.

“Your oncologist is on his way. He will explain your options.” He left the room.

“Oh my God, I’m pregnant.” She rubbed her stomach. “Matt, say something.”

“I don’t know what to say, Shannon. I didn’t expect this.”

“You didn’t expect Matthew, but you were happy. You don’t want the baby?” She released his hand.

“I want our baby, Shannon.” He
avoided
her
eyes
, clenching his jaw, thinking of a way to say it. “But if it’s between you and an unborn child, I choose you.”

Doctor Wilson walked in with her file in his hand. “
Congratulations,” he said still looking at the documents.
“
This complicates things, but we can still treat the cancer if you choose to keep the baby.”

She leaned up. “I’m having this baby. There is no question about it,” she said, looking over at Matt. “I’m not having the surgery.”

“What?” Matt stared at her
,
with hurt in his eyes
. “You need that surgery.”

“Not if it’s going to hurt my baby.”

The doctor explained that some cancer treatments were safe during pregnancy. He would
begin
the chemotherapy treatment after her first trimester. “You can still have the surgery.”

“Is it completely safe?” she asked

“Nothing is completely safe, but in the recent studies, babies are not affected by your treatment when done after the first trimester. I would be working with your OB/GYN. Think about it and let me know your answer.” The doctor left the room after letting Matt know he could take her home.

“I’m having the surgery and then the chemotherapy, but if I see it’s affecting our baby’s health, I’m going to stop.”

“Shannon, I just want you to be okay. I’m nothing without you.””

“Yes, you are.”

“Maybe before, but not now that I’ve had you.”

Shannon was fifteen weeks pregnant when the doctor decided it was okay to perform the surgery to remove the lump and some tissue surrounding the area. She was scheduled to
commence
chemotherapy a month later.

She woke up hearing a rhythmic, strong thump-thump. Matt
caressed her arm
. “You hear that? That’s our baby’s heartbeat.” He smiled.

“That’s music to my ears,” she whispered.

“Our baby is healthy.” He kissed her forehead.

The doctor came in to check her bandage
. “Mr. Johnston I’m going to show you how to change her bandage?”
The doctor said removing it.

“Ok.”
Matt moved closer and observed what the doctor was doing.

H
e explained to Matt
step by step. “Her
stitches w
ill
eventually dissolve.
”

“How long will it take to dissolve?” He asked.

“I
t
can take from one to two weeks.” The doctor said sealing her bandage.

He explained the medication and the side effects of the surgery. “You can take her home today.”

The scar on Shannon’s breast was healing well after the surgery. She and Matt sat in the OB/GYN office waiting to be called for their five-month checkup.