If I Wait For You (29 page)

Indeed, there was little she could do.
The servants were unsure what to make of her, so Sara spent much of
her time in her room embroidering a handkerchief she found there.
The one time she’d asked if he’d heard from West, he’d patted her
hand and said, “Give it time, my dear. Give it time.”

Sara wasn’t entirely certain what the
old man meant. Though he’d done nothing to make her feel ill at
ease, each time she went to bed, she fought the urge to lock her
door. As if he might come to her in the middle of the night.
Nothing he had done would suggest such a thing, but she still felt
unaccountably wary around him. Her instinct told her something was
wrong with the way the judge was acting. It was almost as if he
were pretending they were man and wife, and she prayed he would
never try to take this fantasy further.

She felt on edge and simply wanted
everything to be resolved. Each time she brought up her case, he
waved her away with a dismissive hand as if her fears were of no
consequence. Although she was not a prisoner, she had the distinct
feeling that she could not leave the house.

She was in her room staring out the
window when a maid came to her door. “Judge Reynolds would like to
see you in his office, miss,” the maid said, then
disappeared.

This was odd, and she felt a small bit
of anticipation that perhaps the judge had news of her case.
Lifting her skirts, she ran down the stairs, skidding to a halt
when she saw the painfully familiar back of Captain Mitchell. He
turned, his eyes sweeping over her, as if to determine if she was
well.

She lifted her chin, trying to hide
the elation she felt at seeing him. “Mr. Mitchell.”

“
Ah, here she is now, Mr.
Mitchell. As you can see, she is perfectly fine.” The judge turned
to her. “Mr. Mitchell seemed to be exceedingly concerned over your
welfare and no amount of reassurance would convince him.” The
judge’s tone was light, but Sara thought she detected a slight bit
of anger.

“
Are you well, Sara?” West
asked with a probing look.

She nodded. “As well as I can be. I
take it you know Gardner and your mother did not take my confession
well.”

“
They regret their harsh
treatment of you and would like you to come home.” He moved to her
and took up one hand, staring down at her intently.
“
I
want you to
come home.”

The judge cleared his throat. “I’m
afraid that might be difficult until we can prove Miss Dawes’
innocence. I’m afraid I have found out nothing of
import.”

“
There is a witness,” West
said, and the judge looked at him sharply. “We’re quite convinced
that one of the men involved, a Nathan Wright, may be involved or
know who committed the crimes.

“
You know who one of the
men are? My God, man, why have you kept quiet about it all this
time?”

“
Because he escaped on a
whaling ship and is unlikely to ever show his face in this part of
the country again. Men jump ship all the time, sir, and with far
less reason to than Mr. Wright.”

“
Then he cannot help,” the
judge said thoughtfully.

Sara looked worriedly from the judge
to West. “Does that mean there is no hope that I will be fully
cleared?”

“
I’m afraid not,” Judge
Reynolds said.

“
Surely you do not intend
to charge Sara with murder.” West brought his hand around her
waist, as if he might abscond with her if the judge admitted he
would charge her.

“
The evidence does not
support a charge of murder, no,” he said finally. “Still, I would
like Sara to remain here for her own protection.”

Sara stiffened and West immediately
stepped forward. “Protection from whom, sir? If no one but you and
my family knows who Sara truly is, who can present a danger to
her?”

The judge seemed reluctant to agree
with West, but finally concluded Sara would indeed be as safe with
the Mitchells as with himself. “Sara can decide,” Judge Reynolds
said, and Sara could tell he wanted her—almost desperately—to
decide to stay with him. Her heart went out to the old man, who no
doubt thought of her as a sort of granddaughter, or perhaps even a
daughter, though there was no blood relation. Sara realized he
might be using her to replace the affection he once reserved toward
her mother, albeit in a more fatherly direction. Still, she could
not say she would miss living in the Reynolds household. Though she
had never truly been a prisoner, the air about the place was
oppressive and restrictive. Sometimes Sara wondered if she would
ever be able to leave. The way the judge had spoken at times was as
if he planned for her to live with him forever. Sara had decided it
was kindness that made him talk that way, but now his clear
reluctance to let her go made her realize his feelings were far
more complicated than those of a kind benefactor.

“
I appreciate your
kindness, Judge Reynolds, but I think I would like to go home with
West.” She looked up at West and smiled, all the love she felt
shining clearly in her face. Judge Reynolds eyes narrowed before
his expression cleared.

“
Of course. It is obvious
you do not belong here with an old man.”

“
Oh, sir,” Sara said with
feeling. “It is not that I do not belong here as much as I believe
I belong somewhere else.”

“
With me,” West said with a
possessiveness that made Sara’s heart sing.

Sara felt as if everything in her
world had suddenly turned right. For years she had been waiting for
West, waiting for him without even realizing it. And now she would
have him. It was so clear in his eyes, the love he felt for her,
that she wondered if she’d been blind to his feelings or whether
he’d managed to hide them from her all this time.

Judge Reynolds smiled, a genuine, warm
smile. “Are congratulations in order then?”

“
Indeed, sir, they are. But
I haven’t asked the lady yet, so I’d better not jump to any errant
conclusions. If you will excuse us, sir, I think I’d like to ask
Sara a certain question. Good day and thank you for taking care of
her.”

Sara walked over to the judge and
kissed his cheek. “Thank you for helping me, judge. I shall never
forget your kindness. I know it is your decision,” she said softly,
so West could not hear her. “But I believe Zachary would be proud
to have a father such as you. You are a good and kind
man.”

The old man’s eyes filled with tears
and he lay a hand on her cheek. “You are so much like her,” he said
roughly. “So much.”

Sara forced a smile. “Good-bye, Judge
Reynolds.”

She walked toward West believing in
her heart that her life had just begun.

They walked side-by-side, not
touching, past County Street’s elegant homes, Sara feeling like a
caged bird finally let free, and West feeling as if he didn’t take
her in his arms this minute, he would surely collapse.

“
So, Miss Dawes,” he said,
placing a hand on her arm to stop her, “I would have your
answer.”

“
First, Mr. Mitchell, I
would have the question.” She tried to remain solemn, but a smile
forced its way out turning quickly into a full-fledged idiotic
grin.

“
Marry me,
Sara.”

She should have known he couldn’t
actually ask, but rather demand. “Why?”

He looked at her dumbly.
“Why?”

“
You have asked me to marry
you. Or rather ordered me to. And I would simply like to know
why.”

“
Of course, you know.” He
cleared his throat and scratched his jaw with a thumb. He took a
deep breath, then placed his large hands on her shoulders. “Because
I love you, Sara Dawes. Because if you do not, what is left of my
poor ravaged heart will surely cease beating. Marry me. Will
you?”

Sara gave him a long steady look.
“Yes, I believe I will.”

He pulled her to him roughly, his lips
near her ear. “Tell me why. Please, Sara, let me hear
it.”

“
I’ve already told
you.”

“
Again, Sara,” he said,
giving her a gentle shake born from exasperation.

“
Oh, West. I love you so
much. I always have.”

Mindless that they might be seen, West
kissed her with all the love he felt, reveling in the breathless
sigh he heard escape from her sweet lips.

“
Let’s go home,” he said,
finally pulling away.

“
Your mother…”

“
Feels terrible about what
happened. Not an hour after you left, she regretted her rash demand
that you leave.”

Sara shook her head with worry.
“Surely she is still angry. And I wouldn’t blame her.”

“
She is angry with both of
us for lying. But she has forgiven us. I think she understands why
we did what we did.”

“
And Gardner?”

“
Gardner was very angry,”
West said, rubbing his jaw remembering the punch he’d received from
his younger brother. “Is still angry.”

Sara for the first time saw the
reddened, slightly swollen mark on West’s cheek, his split lip, and
her eyes widened with alarm. “He struck you?”

“
A sucker punch out of
nowhere. He’s got a matching mark on his face,” West said with male
smugness.

Sara worried her hands together.
“That’s what I didn’t want to happen. I never wanted to cause a
rift between you and your brother.”

“
Then you should have
stayed away from Gardner in the first place,” West said, letting
out a bit of the hurt and anger he didn’t even realize he still
harbored.

“
I didn’t think I was
getting between anything,” Sara said softly. She began to walk
again, but West stopped her with an iron grip.

“
What do you
mean?”

“
I didn’t think you’d care
if I married Gardner.”

“
How could you think such a
thing?” he said, shock clear in his face. “My God, Sara, my heart
was ripped out of my chest so many times in the past three years,
it’s a wonder there’s anything left of it. When I thought you had
been killed in that storm, I wanted to die.”

“
Why didn’t you ever tell
me?” Sara whispered, remembering the pain of her broken heart when
she left Hilo, the long, long months of mourning a love she finally
convinced herself had never existed.

“
Because I’m so damned
noble. I didn’t think it was right to make you wait for me when I
might be gone for another three years, or might not return at all.
When you told me you loved me, I wanted to tell you then, but I
couldn’t. Too damned virtuous. And then you left. I watched you in
that boat, rowing toward the
Bonny
Lassie
, and with every stroke of that oar
I wanted to call you back.”

Tears filled Sara’s eyes. “But you
didn’t.”

“
No, I didn’t,” West said,
cupping her cheek with his hand, his eyes closing briefly, as if he
were reliving those hellish months. “And I regretted it every day
that passed. Regretted it until it was like a disease fouling my
soul.”

“
You sent a note. What did
it say?”

He kissed her softly. “I asked you to
wait for me.”

Sara swayed and he caught her against
him. She shook her head in denial. How many tears would that note
have stopped? How much pain could have been avoided? “It didn’t say
that. Tell me it didn’t.”

He gave her a sad smile. “It did.
That’s why when I returned home, and you seemed so happy to see me,
I simply assumed you had received it. I assumed you had
waited.”

Sara, her cheek resting against his
chest, said, “I did, didn’t I? I waited. I think I would have
waited forever.”

“
My only regret is that
Gardner got hurt.”

“
I do love him, you know.
But I don’t think I ever would have married him, though I told
myself I would. He’s one of the most charming, handsome men I’ve
ever known. Yet, he wasn’t you. Perhaps that’s why I allowed him to
pursue me. I didn’t feel out of control when I was with Gardner. We
had fun together, we were friends. I felt safe with
him.”

“
Safe?”

“
West, you make me feel as
if I’m shattering. I was ashamed of myself, embarrassed. I thought
I had thrown myself at a man who didn’t love me.”

West brought his head down and
captured her lips. His tongue swept inside, his hands crushed her
against him. When he lifted his head, Sara nearly stumbled. “You
see,” she said with breathless accusation, “I have no control over
myself when I’m with you.”

“
I think we should get
married tonight.”

Sara giggled. “We can’t.” He kissed
her. “We need a license, a priest.” More kisses, until her words
faded away. “A dress,” she managed in a whisper.

“
I can’t wait for all
that,” he said, pressing himself against her so she would know how
much he desired her.

“
Well, really!” A elderly
woman stopped to gape at the couple, clearly affronted by the
public display before her.

West pulled slowly away, and gave the
old lady a bow. “My apologies, Mrs. Finch.”