If I Wait For You (24 page)

It was Sara who was the first to push
away, looking up at him dazedly.

“
I’ve missed you. My God,
Sara, you cannot know how much.”

She dropped her eyes so that she was
staring at his vest. “I’ve missed you, too. So much has happened
since we said good-bye, West. I…” She looked out at the street.
“Let’s go see my brother, shall we? We can talk later.” She moved
out of the alley, and West followed, feeling out of sorts and
completely unfulfilled.

Zachary looked out over his hometown
feeling nothing but a deep sadness. Of all the crewmembers, he was
the only one who had not been in a hurry to get home. He no longer
had anything here but memories that would haunt him for the rest of
his days. He had some vague idea of finding his parents’ killers
and clearing Sara’s name, but couldn’t garner much enthusiasm with
Sara gone. He still couldn’t believe he was completely alone in
this world. A couple walking along the pier caught his attention,
only because it was unusual to see a female here this time of
night. Something about the woman made him take a harder
look.

As the two figures approached the ship
in the darkness, he tried to stop his heart from beating hard in
his breast. The woman was slim. Tall. Like Sara.

“
Don’t do this to yourself,
idiot,” he muttered to himself, even as hope bloomed in his chest.
The closer they got, the more he convinced himself it was her, the
more he called himself a fool for believing it. “Oh, God. Please
let it be her.”

“
Zachary.” She shouted,
lifted up her skirts, rushed up the gangplank, and he was there
before she could place a step on the deck, pulling her into his
arms, laughing, crying, shouting in joy. He recovered quickly
letting her loose so that he could take a good look at
her.

“
We thought…”

“
I know. Mr. Mitchell told
me. But I’m fine. The
Bonny Lassie
did sink, but nearly all survived the
storm.”

Zachary covered his face and turned
away, overcome. “Sorry,” he muttered.

“
It feels wonderful to know
you missed me,” she said, teasing him, putting him at ease for
showing such emotion.

Her brother looked over her shoulder
to West. “I owe you an apology, sir.”

“
No. You don’t.”

Sara gave her brother a questioning
look. “I was rather harsh to the captain when I thought you’d died.
Said some things.” He shrugged.

“
If you can escort your
sister home, Mr. Dawes, I will head home.”

Sara wondered if he was as weary as he
sounded. She was relieved to see him go for she didn’t think she
could bear being in his company any more this evening; her emotions
were in shambles.

“
It will be my pleasure,
sir.”

The two watched West walk away
silently. It wasn’t until he was out of sight before Zachary turned
to Sara. “How have you been? Have you had any trouble?”

Sara shook her head. “No.
None at all. When I first arrived, I was so afraid of being
recognized I didn’t leave the house for months and months. It’s the
strangest thing, Zachary. No one has questioned me or even
suggested I look familiar. Of course, the Mitchells travel in a
much different circle than we did. Sara Dawes is a murderess.
Sara
Dawson
is a
poor orphaned girl, perhaps even an heiress, depending on the
gossip one believes.” Sara let out a small laugh, then immediately
sobered. “I’m living a lie and perhaps the most horrible thing is I
don’t even feel all that guilty anymore for lying to two of the few
people in this world who love me. I just feel relieved they haven’t
discovered who I really am.”

“
You’ll have to tell them
some time. If we find Nathan, everything will come out.”

Sara let out an anguished moan. “I
know. I know, I know. I’ve been lying for so long it’s become
natural. The thought of telling the Mitchells terrifies me. You’ve
no idea how wonderful my life has been. Sometimes I feel as if I’m
in a fairy tale and I am the princess. But I will tell them. I
will.”

Zachary let out a heavy sigh of
relief. “You have to,” he repeated. “I’d hoped to come across
Nathan’s ship, but we never crossed paths. He’s our only hope, and
it’s a slim one at best. I’ve a feeling he’d tell the truth if
caught. But the other men, the ones who tried to kill you, they may
be still out there, looking for you. We can’t pretend our parents
were not murdered, Sara. We can’t pretend you’re not a wanted
woman.”

“
That’s exactly what I have
been doing,” Sara said, feeling a rush of grief. “I have thought
about trying to find the real killers, hiring a detective. But then
I’d have to reveal who I am and I was just too afraid, Zachary.
You’ve no idea what they think of me here, the real me, that is. I
am the girl who killed her lover then burned her mother and father
alive. Can you imagine? If the people knew I was
the
Sara Dawes, I fear
they would murder me on the spot. I even walked to the courthouse
once, prepared to turn myself in.” She shook her head in despair.
“I couldn’t do it. I’m such a coward.”

“
I am in a much better
position to investigate, Sara. And you’ve a right to be afraid of
what would happen. That does not make you a coward. I’m just glad
you’re safe. I had my doubts, you know, when the captain announced
he was sending you back here. I was quite angry with him for
sending you home. And then when I thought you’d died. Well. I very
nearly killed him.”

Sara opened her eyes in shock.
“Zachary!”

“
I exaggerate. I stalked
into his cabin ready at least to do him serious injury, but when I
saw him, I couldn’t.” Zachary looked into the night sky. “Sara. He
was crying. Later he confessed something to me. I’m not certain I
should tell you.”

For some reason, dread and something
close to hope filled Sara’s heart. “What?” she
whispered.

“
He loves you.”

“
He told you that?” She
wanted to scream at her brother that he was lying or mistaken. West
did not love her. If he did, oh, God, if he did…

“
Yes. He said he wrote you
a note, telling you to wait for him. I didn’t believe it at the
time. I was still so angry. I blamed him for your death. You know
all along I wanted him to marry you in truth.”

“
I never received a
note.”

“
He said he gave it to
the
Bonnie Lassie’s
captain.”

Sara shook her head, not wanting to
believe West had sent such a note. Because had she seen such a
note, she would have waited—forever she would have waited, putting
her heart safely away. But she had not seen the note.

And she had not waited.

It was a glorious day for a wedding.
Overhead the sky was nearly cloudless but for a few cottony puffs
floating artistically overhead, as if the bride’s parents had
ordered them specifically for this fine day. Lord knew, thought
West darkly, everything else about the event was
perfect.

After being at sea for years, West
always felt a bit uncomfortable being back home and “among people.”
Talk among the men was predictable—the price of whale oil was going
up or down. The Arctic season would be good or bad. West didn’t
want to talk about whaling. He didn’t want to be here at all. What
he wanted was to grab Sara’s arm and drag her away from the
drooling lads that followed her about—including his own brother. He
wanted to stake a claim, but could not. For one of those swains had
already done so. He had a burning need to find out which one had
stolen his Sara’s heart, which one was responsible for the rage
coursing through his veins.

A string quartet played softly, the
musicians’ efforts going seemingly unnoticed by those strolling
about the manicured lawns behind the Shelton mansion. Shelton was
perhaps the largest ship owner in the city—and by far the
wealthiest. He not only owned a seventeen-ship whaling fleet, but
three clipper ships, and numerous merchant ships, as well. The man
did things in a big way, and that included giving his lovely
daughter, Eunice, a wedding fit for a princess.

West stared at the champagne bubbling
in his crystal flute and tried to ignore the music of Sara’s
laughter, finding it an impossible task.

“
West, old man, do me a
favor,” Gardner said, dragging an unwilling-looking Sara on his
arm. “Look after my girl for me, will you? And keep all those fools
away from her? I’ve got to pay attention to the maid of honor else
Eunice will have my throat. That girl’s a terror. Baxter’s got his
work cut out for him.” He lifted Sara’s hand and pressed a kiss
there. “I won’t be long,” he said warmly, before placing her hand
on West’s forearm.

Sara smiled up at West, hoping he
wouldn’t notice how she shook. His arm was hard beneath her hand,
as if he were clenching his fist. She darted a look down and saw
that he was not, though he had the distinct air of anger about him.
Despite herself, she experienced a surge of hope that West was
jealous—then immediately chastised herself for such a traitorous
thought. Gardner deserved better. Sara steeled herself against
whatever it was that West made her feel when she was anywhere near
him. She’d been aware of him all day, could almost feel his eyes
upon her even as she did her best to ignore him and the maddening
urge to go to him.

“
Lovely wedding, wasn’t
it?”

West looked down at her for the first
time, pinning her with his eyes. He tore his gaze away abruptly.
“Quite.”

“
Have you and Miss Smithers
set a date?” she asked, to remind him, perhaps, that he was just as
duplicitous as she was.

“
We’ve broken it off. Much
to her vast relief,” he said without inflection.

“
I’m sorry.”

“
I am not.”

Sara’s already nervous
stomach did a sharp twist. She dropped her hand from his arm and
stood by him awkwardly, wondering how long she would have to remain
by his side before making an excuse and escape. She had not seen
him to talk to since he walked away from the
Julia
leaving her with her brother.
And now, after telling herself she didn’t care for him, all she
could think about was how wonderful—how terrifyingly wonderful—it
had felt to be pressed up against the wall feeling his hard body
against hers. She could feel her cheeks flush from the
memory.

“
So,” he said
conversationally. “It’s Gardner you’ve given your heart to.” Any
hint of anger had disappeared.

“
Yes,” she said, surprised
that he seemed not to know. “He didn’t tell you?”

He shook his head slightly. “No.” West
was silent a moment, an uncomfortable, excruciating moment. “I wish
you both well. Though I can’t help but wonder why you both chose to
keep it a secret from me. As if I would object.”

“
It’s not a secret. I
thought I mentioned it. Or Gardner did.” Now that he questioned
her, she realized she had carefully omitted that information,
somehow knowing West would not be pleased. “And given the
circumstances,” she said in an attempt at honesty, “it is rather
awkward. Perhaps that is why we made no announcement.”

He turned to look at her, quirking one
eyebrow. “And what circumstances are those?”

“
Zachary told me of your
letter.”

“
I see.”

Sara stared at him looking for some
sign of what he was feeling, but his expression was
unreadable.

“
I never got your letter,”
she said softly.

He gave her a sharp nod. “It said
nothing of consequence,” he said curtly.

“
But Zachary…”

“
Does not know what that
note contained. It was nothing. Simply a bon voyage. A note wishing
you well on your journey.”

Sara studied him, wishing her heart
was not so torn by what she saw. He was magnificent in his formal
wear, his ever-curling hair tamed only slightly. He still had the
look of a seaman, his face was darkly tanned, and the few lines on
his face stood out white in contrast. He stood before her, feet
planted slightly apart, his hands behind his back, looking every
inch the sea captain. Looking every inch like a man who did not
care whether she was in love with twenty men, never mind his
younger brother.

“
Zachary said you asked me
to wait for you,” she persisted rashly.

He let out a small laugh. “Oh, Sara,
did he say that?”

A rush of pain filled her at his
amused, derisive tone. She lifted her chin, hating the unexpected
knot that burned in her throat. “Just so you know, even if I had
received your note, I would still have fallen in love with
Gardner.”

His eyes narrowed dangerously. “Sara,
you are many things. But you have never been a good
liar.”

Anger surged through Sara, more at the
truth of his words than that he would say them to her. “You
arrogant wretch. How dare you say such a thing?”

He stepped toward her, and Sara was
suddenly aware that anyone looking their way would clearly see they
were engaged in a highly emotional scene. Though she wanted to back
away, she held her ground, trying to look for all the world
unaffected by this angry man looming over her. She even smiled up
at his scowling face.