If I Wait For You (28 page)

Sara felt her face warm uncomfortably.
“Thank you, sir,” she said hesitantly.

“
I haven’t had a pretty
girl in my house in years,” he said lightly. “Four doors down on
the right. There you go, my girl.”

She entered the pretty room, marveling
that an old man would have such a room in his house. It was
feminine and light, with luxurious appointments and expensive
furnishings. It was almost as if he’d created it with her in
mind.

“
I pray you’ll be
comfortable here,” he said, again gracing her with a smile that
made her slightly uneasy. Sara remembered walking from the Shelton
wedding and thinking that Judge Reynolds was being more than
polite, that he was actually subtly flirting with her. As she did
then, Sara rejected such a notion. Just because a man was being
kind to her didn’t mean he had designs on her. She was confusing
his longing for her mother for something else entirely, she told
herself.

Sara walked across the room to the far
side of the large bed, trailing a finger on the rich
pristinely-white counterpane. She looked at a finely embroidered
pillow, part of a mass of pillows piled upon the bed, and her heart
nearly stopped. The initials ESR were stitched onto the satin
surface of the pale pink pillow—the initials her mother would have
claimed had she married Judge Reynolds. Evelyn Sara
Reynolds.

For the first time in his
life, West didn’t want to walk up the familiar steps of his boyhood
home and push open the front door. In fact, he dreaded it. Dreaded
seeing Sara smiling up at Gardner, dreaded his mother’s happy
chatter. Dreaded having to pretend he was happy for the loving
couple, of having to see her, smell her, be close enough to touch
her and yet never—
never
—allowing himself to.

In two months, the
Julia
would set sail and
Sara would be torn from him forever. He would remain silent, he
would pretend he wished the young couple well. In fact, he did. He
was glad his brother was happy. He simply wished it wasn’t Sara who
made him so. He had stepped aside, nobly, gracefully, and had paid
a terrible price.

The pain, that awful drumming pain
that filled him when he thought Sara dead, was back. But this time,
it was worse. For he knew he had it in his power to bring her back.
He knew it would take as little as a single, soul-searing kiss to
make her his forever. He couldn’t do it. It wasn’t in him to betray
his brother, to coldly, calculatingly steal her away.

Though God above knew he wished he
were the kind of man who could.

It was with a heavy heart that West
pushed open the door. By the time he was fully in, his expression
had gone from a man tortured, to one simply weary beyond bearing.
He’d thought work would drive thoughts of Sara from him, and the
past week he’d driven himself like a madman in a futile attempt to
purge her from his blood. With every beat of his heart, she was
there, filling him with longing, with despair.

Gardner walked into the foyer,
stopping when he saw West there. The older brother smiled a
greeting. Right before Gardner plowed a fist full against West’s
face. West’s head snapped back and he nearly stumbled to the
ground, so taken by surprise by the assault.

“
You bastard,” Gardner
said, launching himself at West, swinging ineffective blows at his
brother, who was now ably defending himself. “You lying bastard.
You have to have everything, everything!” he yelled between blows,
most of which glanced off West’s shoulders. One struck his stomach
and he let out an
oomph
, still unwilling to fight back against this
attack.

“
Hold on, Gard. What the
hell are you talking about. Hey!” he shouted as Gardner flung
another fist his way. West had enough of this and threw his body
against Gardner, driving him heavily to the floor where Gardner
thrashed in rage. “Calm down, you little shit,” West said
harshly.

His own blood dripped onto Gardner’s
face, and Gardner jerked his head to the side to avoid it. West had
his brother’s arms pinned in an iron grip and he lay fully on top
of Gardner to stop him from doing any more damage.

“
Get the hell off me,”
Gardner spat.

“
Not until you tell me why
I’m dripping blood all over your nice white shirt.”

“
Sara told me everything.
Told me you shared a cabin for six months, pretending to be man and
wife.” The last came out as a sob, and Gardner swallowed to
maintain control of himself. “All this time you pretended not to
know her and you were, God, you were…”

West heaved himself off of Gardner and
sat on the cold marble floor next to him, arms resting on bent
knees. “She’s still a virgin, Gardner.”

His brother let out a bitter
disbelieving laugh. “I’ve seen how you two look at each other. I
told myself I was imagining things, but apparently I wasn’t. It
doesn’t matter anyway. She’s disappeared.”

“
Disappeared?”

Gardner gave West a disgusted look at
the alarm he heard in his older brother’s voice. “Mother kicked her
from the house. With my blessing,” Gardner said, standing up. “I’m
afraid it’s not in my plans to marry a murderess and a
whore.”

This time, it was West’s fist smashing
into flesh and bone, and Gardner’s blood spurting. West stood,
looming over Gardner who lay prone, defeated and bleeding on the
floor. West already regretted the blow. Gardner was hurt and angry;
he couldn’t mean what he’d just said. Still, it was rather
satisfying to know Gardner’s lip would be just as fat as his
own.

“
Oh my God.”

West looked calmly at his mother,
who’s eyes were wide with horror.

“
Have you killed
him?”

West glanced down at his brother,
noticing for the first time that his face was covered with both
their blood. “No,” West said blandly. “But he did his level best to
kill me when I first arrived.”

Gardner sat up, giving his mother a
look both sheepish and tinged with belligerence. “He deserved a
thrashing,” he said, sounding like a twelve-year-old.

“
Indeed,” Julia said
imperiously.

“
Perhaps I did,” West said,
offering a hand to Gardner, who pointedly ignored the gesture. “But
Sara did not deserve what she got.”

Pain flashed in Julia’s face, and West
knew instantly his mother regretted her rash decision to throw Sara
from the house. “She’s disappeared,” she said, worry clear in her
voice.

“
So Gardner told me. Have
you bothered to look for her?”

“
Of course I have,” Julia
said, ignoring Gardner’s surprised look. “Oh, Gardner, she wasn’t
gone two hours before I wished her back. She came to us, trusted us
to understand.”

“
Mother,” Gardner cried
with disbelief, “she lied to us. Repeatedly. Not only about her
name, but about how she met West. My God, mother, Sara is a wanted
woman—wanted for murdering her lover and her parents.”

“
You don’t believe she’s
guilty any more than I do,” Julia said, fairly snorting.

Gardner persisted. “She was here in
our house, eating our food, pretending to be some
orphan.”

“
That was all my idea,”
West put in.

“
I’m sure it was all your
idea. It was quite an act you two put on, pretending to barely be
acquainted.”

West clenched his fists. “She chose
you, Gardner.” The pain of that admission ripped through him, and
silenced Gardner.

Gardner’s shoulders sagged and he hung
his head wearily. “She loves you. It was always you. I suspected it
from the beginning. Every time your name was mentioned, she’d get
all sad and distant. And every time we got one of your letters,
she’d sit like a kid at Christmas listening to a story about Saint
Nick. And I thought, this is one thing West can’t have. At first, I
just wanted to make her forget you, to take her away from you. But
then…”

“
You fell in love,” Julia
finished.

Gardner untucked his already-ruined
shirt and wiped his bloodied mouth on it. “And West came back. And
that, my good folks, is that.”

“
Don’t re-write what
happened, Gard. Sara loved you. She chose you.”

Gardner gave West a small mocking
smile. “Not in the end, big brother. In the end, she chose
you.”

Chapter FIFTEEN

“
What the hell are you
talking about,” West said, his voice low and dangerous.

Gardner continued dabbing at his mouth
with his handkerchief. “I think I would have forgiven her
everything, if she’d been able to deny that she loved you. She
couldn’t.”

West studied the floor a long moment,
trying to stop his heart from filling with happiness at his own
brother’s misery. “And so you threw her from the only home she
has?”

“
I did that,” Julia said
miserably.

“
You’ve heard nothing? What
about her brother, Zachary. Has either of you spoken with
him?”

“
I’ve seen Zachary several
times,” Gardner said with clear reluctance. “He’s asked about Sara.
He thinks she’s still here and I didn’t tell him what
happened.”

“
Why?”

Gardner shot a guilty look to his
mother. “Because I suppose I was ashamed. And I thought she would
come back by now, or send word. I couldn’t face telling Mr. Dawes
that I might have been responsible for his sister’s
disappearance.”

“
Might
have been responsible?”

“
Christ, West. I loved her
and she betrayed me. I’m no saint.”

“
Perhaps it was you who
betrayed her. And me,” West said softly.

“
I did nothing to you.”
Despite his words, a flush stole up his lean cheeks.

They both knew it was a lie. Gardner
had set out to systematically steal Sara away from West, and had
nearly succeeded.

West turned away from his family and
stalked up the stairs, announcing, “I’m going to go look for her
once I get cleaned up.”

The odor of rotted fish was
strong along the wharf, where endless barrels of whale oil sat
beneath an unseasonably hot spring sun. The
Julia
sat at her berth in the midst
of being prepared for another journey. Spars were being replaced,
sails repaired and made, barrels constructed, decks sanded with
sharkskin. The few hands aboard the
Julia
were busy, and Zachary was
among them, supervising the repair of tackle near the
mainmast.

“
Mr. Dawes,” West called as
he approached. “A word with you in my office.” Without waiting for
a reply, West turned and headed to the familiar room. It still
seemed more like home aboard this ship than the grand house on
Court Street did. He looked around, curious about feeling
melancholy about never again sailing her, this ship he thought he’d
come to loath. No, not the ship, but the journey itself, the
endless days at sea, the foul weather, the death and stink of it
all.

“
Sir?”

“
Have you heard from your
sister, Mr. Dawes?”

“
Yes, sir. I received a
note from Sara not two days ago. Do you mind telling me why she is
staying with Judge Reynolds?”

West’s brows snapped together. “Judge
Reynolds? I had no idea. What does her note say?”

“
Only that I should not
worry about her, that everything will be resolved and she is safe
at the judge’s house. Did something happen that I should know
about?”

West rubbed at hand over a
jaw that needed a shave. “I’ve been away for a week. Apparently
Sara told my mother and brother the truth about who she is—and
about her time on the
Julia
—and my lovely family threw her
from the house. Until this moment, I didn’t know where she
was.”

Understanding dawned on Zachary’s
face. “She must have turned herself in. Then why the hell is she
still at the judge’s?”

“
I don’t know, but I intend
to find out.”

“
I’m coming with
you.”

West put a hand up halting the younger
man’s progress with the gesture. “I want to see your sister alone
for now. I feel responsible for everything that has happened. Sara
has not deserved much of what life has dealt her, least of all a
man like me.”

Zachary beamed a smile at his
captain.

“
Wipe that blasted smile
off your face, Mr. Dawes,” West said, but despite his growl, there
was a hint of good humor in his tone.

“
Then you’re finally going
to ask her?”

West stopped and looked at his third
mate. “If she’ll have me, Mr. Dawes. If she’ll have me.”

Sara simply could not shake the
feeling that something was very wrong about the way Judge Reynolds
was “protecting” her. After their initial conversation, never again
in the next six days did he mention her predicament. It was as if
she were simply a welcomed houseguest. He went to work each day
bidding her good-bye with a chaste kiss to her cheek, and returned
to dine and lounge in the main parlor. He would read and smoke his
pipe and ask about her day acting as if he were keenly interested
in each mundane event she reported.