I Speak...Love (A Different Road #3) (20 page)

I should never have let Maddy into my life. I knew it was selfish to think she was an exception and impermeable to my lies and secrets, and that I could love her.

“I warned you that I wasn’t good for you and that I’d break you,” I whisper.

She lifts her cheek from my hand, then swallows hard in her throat. She wipes the remainder of her tears down her cheeks with her fingertips, then her eyes move back and forth, as she studies me. She again swallows hard, then she bites her bottom lip between her teeth as her chin begins to quiver uncontrollably.

“You promised it wouldn’t change anything. Truthfully, in the end it didn’t matter, you can’t break something that’s already broken,” she returns with a pained, gentle whisper.

Her fingers let go of my wrist, she pulls out of my hold, then she gets up. Without another word as her chin still quivers, she walks out of the room.

“Maddy! No, wait!” I shout, then wrap my fingers around my head as it vibrates with pain.

I quickly sit up, then everything goes black as a painful head rush washes over me. My vision slowly returns, and I try to get up again, but wires and tubes connected to my body stop me. I look down at my arm, and I’m attached to an IV and several other machines to my left. I rip the needle out of my arm in one swift pull, unfasten the blood pressure cuff from around my upper arm, pinch the monitor off my finger, then swing my legs over the side of the bed.

I stand on my feet, but my legs quickly give out. Why am I so weak? The machine next to the bed starts sounding a loud alarm, then several people rush into the room, and a nurse grabs me under my armpits just before I collapse to the floor. She helps me back into bed, then Joss comes running in the room.

“Oh my God! What happened?” she questions with concern.

“He unhooked himself and got out of bed,” a nurse explains.

“Joss, get her back! You have to get Maddy back!” I plead, trying to get out of bed again.

“Sir, please calm down and stay in bed. I’m going to need to restart your IV,” she says.

“You’re not putting that back in!” I tell the nurse. “Joss, please!” I say, looking at Joss again.

“Is that really necessary?” Joss politely questions. “They told us all of his blood work is stable now. The doctor said he would like to come in and talk, to explain everything to him. They said they were only keeping him overnight for observation. Is it really necessary to hook him back up to the IV?” Joss asks.

“It’s hospital policy. I’ll have to go clear it with his doctor,” the nurse says, placing the blood pressure cuff back around my arm and the oxygen monitor back on my finger.

She fixes the covers with a few loud flicks, then she exits the room with a pinched look on her face.

“Stephen, please just calm down. You gave everyone a really big scare,” Joss says.

“Everyone?” I ask doubtfully, feeling the bump on the back of my head. River acted pretty much as I expected him to. Like a fucking raging bull. “Where’s Kate? Is she all right? Where is everyone? What time is it? What happened?” I ask.

“Cooper and Kate are down the hall. Josh took Nina home to rest, and I don’t know where River is,” she says.

“Kate is still here?” I ask, shocked. I can’t believe she’s still here. I recall the broken look on her face when I told her that she was adopted. It doesn’t surprise me at all that River bailed. “What happened to Nina? Is she alright?” I question.

I have so many questions, and I just can’t get them answered fast enough.

“Yeah, Kate is still here. She wouldn’t let Cooper take her home until you woke up. She wants to talk to you. Nina, with time, will be all right, and so will you. You had a seizure brought on by hypoglycemia. You’re diabetic, but the doctor can explain all that to you. The important thing is, you’re going to be just fine. A few changes are in your future, but you’re going to be fine,” she says.

I’m diabetic? I’m so confused.

“Joss, you need to find Maddy! I’m afraid she’s going to leave town. You have to stop her. I can’t let her leave now. I love her,” I say, then my face falls of all emotion. My ears ring with a loud sound as I realize what I just said. What I just said
out loud.
I love Maddy. She can’t leave me now. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two broken people can make one whole. Maddy is the other half of my whole. “Joss, please!” I plead.

“Alright, calm down. I’ll go find her,” she says, then removes something from the table next to the bed. “I’ll find her. Don’t worry,” she says, then quickly leaves the room.

I rub the side of my head where River punched me as a shadowed figure standing by the door catches my eye.

Maddy, she’s here! She didn’t leave!

I look toward the door, but it’s Kate leaning against the doorframe with her eyes cast downward toward the floor.

“Kate,” I whisper. I never wanted to be the reason for that look on her face right now. I knew deep down that one day the secrets would come out, but by then, I had hoped to have removed my heart and myself completely from the family. Her eyes travel the open space on the floor between the door and the bed, then slowly, her eyes come to me. “Kate,” I whisper again, then hold out my arms toward her.

Her eyes fill with tears, then she runs to my side, throws herself into my arms, and cries uncontrollably. Her petite body trembles with emotions. I gently run my hand up and down her back to calm her. “Shh, I’ve got you,” I tell her.

Again, I see a figure standing by the door. I look and see Cooper leaning against the doorframe like Kate had been. He nods his head at me with a small smile, then disappears. He doesn’t disappear far because I still see his shadow on the floor in the hallway as he leans against the wall just outside the door. Slowly, Kate’s body relaxes, then she sniffles several times as I hold her tight. She crawls on the bed like a child, brings her knees to my side, and presses her head to my chest. After several long minutes, she lifts up, looks at me, then wipes her tears away with the back of her hand.

Before she puts her hand down, she swats me across the gut and says, “Don’t you ever do that to me again!”

“Ouch! Man in a hospital bed here,” I tease. She quickly leans down again and squeezes my chest in a tight hug, then sits back up. “Kate, I’m so sorry,” I tell her, honestly.

“I’m mad as hell at you!” she says, loudly. “But, I love you,” she softly whispers, then there’s a long pause. “Even though I’m not . . .” she starts.

Oh, hell no!

“Nothing! And I do mean nothing will ever . . .
ever
change the fact that you are my sister. Mason blood runs through your veins just as much as it runs through mine. I love you. Do you hear me?”

For the second time today, I’ve said those three words out loud, and I meant them. To say them is one thing, but to feel them wash over and heal every fractured surface, every ugly secret, every fiber of my being, is another. Kate’s eyes go wide having never heard me say them to her or anyone else for that matter. It breaks my heart that I never said them to her every single day of her life. She deserves nothing less. I will never let another day go by without telling her I love her. You never know how many more days you have to say it to them. Her face slowly turns from shocked to inquisitive.

“When things calm down, do you think I can . . . can I see the paperwork?” she asks, picking at my hospital gown.

“I’d like you to come to the house. We’ll sit down and look at them together,” I tell her.

“I’d like that,” she says, laying back down on my chest, hugging me.

Cooper walks in the room and extends his hand to me. I place mine in his, as I hold my sister tight.

I empty my camera fund and purchase a one-way bus ticket to as far away from Malibu as I can afford. Well, I did purchase a pair of sunglasses from the dollar store first to hide my red and swollen eyes, but everything else went to the bus ticket in my hand. Nothing has ever, and I do mean
ever,
come close to hurting as much as all of this hurts right now. I never had a family, but of all the dreams I ever had of having one, the Mason’s far exceeded even my wildest dreams. I had no right in the first place to ever wish to be a part of something so beautiful, so pure and so wonderful.

In the dark of night, wearing sunglasses, I sit on a stiff, metal bench just outside the bus station, clutching a ticket to a new life I don’t even want. Instead of fairy dust, I once again got the crap end of the wand with absolutely no end in sight.

A car beeps its horn next to me, and I jump out of my skin. My hand immediately goes to my heart, then I look to my right and see Cooper’s convertible stopped at the curb. Sitting in the driver seat, waiting patiently is Joss. She leans over the center console, opens the passenger door, then sits back up straight in her seat.

I lower my sunglasses, then stare at the open car door as she taps her thumbs on the steering wheel. I look at the bus ticket in my hand, then I look back at Joss. In my left hand is a ticket to yet another city and another guaranteed craptastic life. To my right is a woman and her family of which I have destroyed because I got greedy and selfish, and I let them get close. Her eyes come to mine, and she smiles a cheesy smile at me.

I slip my sunglasses back up my nose and turn my head away.

“Just hear me out. Give me twenty-four hours. That’s all I’m asking. You owe me, at
least,
that,” she says. I slightly turn my head back toward her and look at her out of the corner of my eyes. “I promise if you still want to leave town after twenty-four hours, I’ll drive you back here myself, no questions asked. Just get in . . . please,” she says, fanning her fingers in the air.

I do owe her that, but she’s wrong, that’s not the least I owe her or Nina. I owe them things they could never possibly begin to imagine. They gave me a chance when no one else in this world, even saw me as a human being. They gave me a job I didn’t deserve, a home I’m unworthy of, and they always gave me their unconditional love. They opened their hearts, and they gave me the tiniest glimpse of what it feels like to belong to a family. I had that amazing gift in my hand for a fraction of a second and Lord Almighty was it amazing, but it too slipped from my fingers. Nina . . . oh God, Nina. I don’t know if I can ever face her again . . . or Kate for that matter.

Joss gets out of the car, walks over to the bench, picks up my backpack by my feet, turns and flings it in the back seat of the car, then she walks back to the car and gets in.

“If you’re still leaving, you’re leaving without whatever is in the backpack,” she says, pointing her thumb over her shoulder.

That’s not exactly a threat. Everything in there all added up doesn’t equal the price of a box of tampons from the dollar store. She looks at me then realizes I don’t give a damn. She sighs, gets back out of the car, walks back over to me and stands in front of me. She quickly snatches the bus ticket out of my hand, runs back to the car, then looks at me with a winning smirk on her face.

“You didn’t
need
to get back out of the car again. I had already made up my mind to come with you. I just needed a few minutes to think,” I tell her.

This is definitely not going to be easy, but no matter what I have coming my way, I do owe her and everyone else in the family the twenty-four hours she’s asking for. I get up, walk over to the open door, get in, then close the door. She hands me back my bus ticket, then takes off and drives out of Malibu. The warm, late evening wind whips through my hair as my heart sinks to my feet. Joss pulls the car into her and Nina’s old house, then she shuts off the engine and raises the roof of the car. She reaches into her purse and removes a set of keys to the house . . . my keys, the ones with the kickass camera keychain. She opens the door, then walks inside. I follow closely behind her, but I don’t pause at the door. The questions and the answers to the three questions don’t matter anymore.

In the hallway are several suitcases and bags. There are also three large laundry baskets piled full of Joss’s clothes. It looks like she hastily threw everything she had at River’s house inside them. I look at everything and my heart sinks again. I caused that. I destroyed Joss and River’s relationship.

“I took Nina’s old room. You can still sleep in your room . . . your old room, I mean,” she says, looking at me.

My backpack falls from my shoulder, the muscles in my chest constrict, and I start to cry. I close my eyes, lift my head, and mourn the pain my tortured life has caused this beautiful family.

After a few minutes, I tip my head back down and open my eyes. Joss is standing directly in front of me with her own tears in her eyes. Her arms gently wrap around me, and I don’t even flinch. Aside from Stephen’s arms around me, I’ve never wanted a hug so bad in my life. I wrap my arms around her as we both continue to cry.

“I’ve ruined everything. I’m so sorry, Joss,” I whisper in her ear.

Joss pulls slightly away, looks into my eyes, then she raises her hand and wipes away my tears with her thumbs.

“
You
. . .” she says, searching my eyes. “
You
haven’t ruined anything,” she replies. I look down the hall at her bags, then back at her. “
That
. . .” she says. “
That
has been a long time coming,” she finishes.