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Authors: Gail Koger

Tags: #Humour

I Hear Voices (20 page)

BOOK: I Hear Voices
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“It’s my chivalrous nature,” Fabian exclaimed, flicking back his long black hair.

Please God, don’t let him start stripping. Cuz if he does, Derek will shoot him.

Flexing his massive chest muscles, my cousin continued, “I’m a lover not a fighter but I could not allow that foul villain to take a lady’s purse.”

I fought back a giggle as he did a reenactment of his battle with the determined thief.

Derek watched Fabian ducking and dodging a phantom fist in utter disgust and muttered, “I should have broken both his legs.”

While Mister Bossy was so nicely distracted, I snuck into the quaint gift store attached to the gas station and did a little browsing. They had a nice selection of crystals and some cool t-shirts.

The bell on the shop door dinged and Derek stomped in. “Time to go.”

What? Did he really think he could get away with his caveman tactics? I assumed my ‘I’m dumb as a rock persona,’ gave him a vacant smile and walked over to the cash register with my goodies.

“And you’re just in time to pay for these, snookums.”

A muscle twitched in his jaw. “I am, am I?”

“Yep, it’s what husbands do, snookums,” I explained as if I was talking to a rather dim two year-old child.

Derek leaned down and growled in my ear, “You call me snookums one more time and I’ll…”

“Kiss me senseless,” I finished with a grin.

“That’ll be one hundred and twenty-eight dollars,” the clerk said, ogling my husband’s fine body.

Slanting me a black look, Derek pulled out his wallet and paid the smitten clerk.

“I have a hankering for some expensive French perfume, too,” I added a bit too gleefully and grabbed the bag.

“I only agreed to buy you chocolate,” Derek answered, clamping a firm hand around the back of my neck, he ushered me out the door.

I waved at Fabian as he slid gracefully into Ed’s hummer. “True, so pay up.”

Opening the Hummer door, Mister Bossy tossed me inside and plunked a plastic bag in my lap.

“Lunch and chocolate.”

“Lunch?” I opened the bag. Inside were three pre-packaged ham sandwiches, a bag of chips, two cans of Coke and two chocolate bars. “Oh, yum, my favorite, two day old sandwiches with mustard and wilted lettuce.”

Derek climbed in and started the engine. “I want to get to the camp site before dark.”

“I don’t do camping.”

“You do now.”

Yippee-ki-yay! The sooner we found the gold, the sooner I could get back to civilization. Pulling out the stucco warrior, I opened my psychic eye and concentrated.

Images tumbled across my mind. A metal park service sign with Cave Lakes Canyon etched on it.

Two hundred foot red sandstone walls encircled three small lakes. I’ll be damned. The sneaky bastards hadn’t hidden the gold in the mountains. I focused on the lakes.

There, eighty feet below the surface was a tunnel. A carved turquoise and gold statue sat in a watery tomb. It was surrounded by a shit load of skeletons.

Grief, rage, hatred and a fierce desire for vengeance slammed into me. Voices shrieked insanely in my head and suddenly I couldn’t breathe.

Granny Annabel shouted in my head, “You must break the link.”

My breath came in choking gasps as I fought the mental invasion.

The Hummer skidded to an abrupt stop and Derek shook me violently. “Snap out of it Angel.”

The passenger door flew open and I heard Fabian demand, “What is wrong?”

“Ghosts,” I cried as thousands of angry Aztec spirits pressed down on me, smothering me. I thrashed about wildly trying to break free.

“Fight them, bella,” Fabian commanded urgently, his hands biting painfully into my legs.

Someone cracked me across the face and the screaming ghosts vanished. I sagged against a hard body and sucked in a greedy lungful of air.

“Omigod. Omigod.”

Derek wrapped his arms around me tightly and stroked my back. “It’s okay. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

Trembling uncontrollably, I clung to him.

“There’s too many. Too many.”

My husband placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. “Too many what?”

“Ghosts. Really pissed off ghosts,” I gasped.

“The lakes are guarded by eight thousand angry Aztec spirits,” Granny added, her disembodied head protruded from the dash.

Ed echoed in disbelief as he peered around Derek. “Eight thousand? How do you get rid of them?”

“We exorcism them,” Granny answered.

My voice was a raspy croak. “Is it even possible?”

“It can be done. I must talk with Aldo.” She vanished.

“I never, ever want to do that again,” I said with a shudder.

Fabian growled, “You take too many risks.”

“How was I supposed to know there were eight thousand pissed off ghosts guarding the place?”

“You couldn’t. That’s why you cast a circle before you attempt any psychic scouting trips. You

are lucky Asmoday didn’t strike while you were that vulnerable,” my cousin snapped.

Derek grabbed the small stucco warrior and dropped it in his shirt pocket. “No more woo-woo shit until you have the proper safeguards set up.”

I turned and glared at Fabian. “Snitch.”

Fabian threw an exasperated look at Derek.

“Now you see why I came along.”

“Unfortunately.” Popping the top on a can of Coke, Derek handed it to me. “Drink up; it’ll help with the shock.”

I took it gratefully. My hand shaking visibly, I raised the can to my mouth and most of the Coke dribbled down the front of my shirt.

“You drive,” my husband instructed Fabian. He slid across the seat, pulled me into his lap and took the Coke can.

Fabian got into the driver’s seat and started the engine. “She needs a keeper.”

“Do not.”

Derek held the Coke to my mouth. “She’s got one.”

Alpha males were a pain-in-the-butt but sometimes it was nice to be taken care of. I obediently drank the Coke and snuggled against his chest. I could get used to this.

Derek rummaged around in my shopping bag and pulled out a black t-shirt. “XXL? You’re not that big.”

“Gee golly mister, such flattery is going to make me blush.”

“I like your curves,” my husband added quickly, not being a complete fool.

Fabian chortled, “Good save.”

Butt out, I mouthed to my cousin.

With an evil grin, he mouthed back, not a chance.

I gave him the one finger salute and turned my attention back to my ball and chain. “I got the shirt for you.”

“Me? Why?” The suspicious look on Derek’s face had me frowning. Hadn’t the poor guy ever gotten a gift just for the hell of it?

“Cuz it’ll show off that manly chest of yours.”

Not like the hideous purple and red shirt he wore now. “You’re not by any chance color blind, are you?”

“No.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “You don’t like my shirts?”

“They are a bit colorful.”

“I like them,” my husband stated firmly.

“They’re not white or khaki.”

Fabian laughed. “They also camouflage his weapons.”

I patted his waist. Hmmm. He was armed to the teeth and after all those years of wearing uniforms, he probably wanted to express his individuality.

Very colorfully.

Derek pulled out another t-shirt which proclaimed, ‘All Men Are Idiots and I Married The King.’ “You’re not wearing this.”

“But it’s funny.”

My husband hurled it out the window.

The t-shirt landed on the head of a big red bull.

It mooed frantically and spun around in circles trying to dislodge it.

“You just wasted ten bucks and traumatized that poor cow.”

“Do I look like I care?”

I met his hard gaze. “Nope, not a bit.”

He yanked out a neon yellow shirt with ‘I Don’t Have A License To Kill, I Have A Learner’s Permit’

stamped on the front. “Are you deliberately trying to piss me off?”

“Who? Me? Heaven forbid. I just figured if you were going to glow in the dark, I should, too.”

Out the window it went.

“You’re wasting our money.”

Irritation flared in Derek’s eyes. “Our money?”

Fabian choked back a laugh.

“I don’t remember signing a pre-nup,” I answered. “So what’s yours is mine.”

Exhaling a long breath, Derek reached into the bag and pulled out a lavender t-shirt covered in flowers. “This you can wear.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“It brings out your eyes.”

“You say the sweetest things,” I said and pulled off my sticky shirt.

Derek cut the tags off with his Bowie knife, pulled the t-shirt over my head and stated firmly, “Behave.”

I noticed the lines of stress etched in his face and ran a soothing finger over them. “Sorry, when I’m freaked out I turn into a motor mouth.”

“I’ve noticed.” My husband’s mouth closed over mine in a long voracious kiss. “Better?”

“Much better.” I laid my head against his shoulder. God, I was so tired.

Derek’s fingers stroked my back soothingly and my eyes drifted shut.

A shuddering bounce woke me. I blinked and looked up at the wind sculpted cliffs rising up around us.

Johnson Canyon was a symphony of color that dazzled the eye. Milk white monoliths stood like sentries next to towering mesas in ever changing shades of red which contrasted sharply with the turquoise sky.

“Are we there yet?”

“Yes ma’am, we are,” Derek replied.

Fabian brought the Hummer to a stop next to two new silver Airstream motor homes.

Ed parked his black Hummer next to us.

I eyed the Airstreams giddily. “This is our camp site?”

My husband nodded, “It is.”

“We’re actually staying in the Airstreams?”

“We are.”

I threw my arms around Derek’s neck and gave him a hot, open mouth kiss. “That’s my kind of camping.”

“It is our honeymoon.” Scooping me up, he opened the car door and carried me towards the first Airstream. “But don’t get used to this kind of accommodations; at most of my digs all we have are tents.”

“Tents, huh?” His last dig had been in the Mexican jungle. Oh ick! I got all itchy just thinking about the bugs, heat, creepy crawlies and no toilets or showers.

“I’m not leaving you behind, so don’t even bring it up.”

A warm glow formed in my chest. Derek wasn’t planning on dumping me once we found the gold.

The sensation of sudden overwhelming danger screamed through me like an electric shock. “Put me down.”

Frowning, Derek obeyed. “What’s wrong?”

My gaze settled on a metal sign with a large arrow pointing down the dirt road. It said, Caves Lake Canyon miles. “Holy hell, we’re gonna need a lot of salt.”

My husband barked, “Why?”

I pointed to the sign. “Caves Lakes are where those eight thousand angry Aztec warriors reside.”

“Dios Mio,” Fabian hissed. He quickly opened the back of the Hummer, ripped open a large box and tossed Derek a container of salt.

“Bring the whole box,” I said nervously as the skies darkened to charcoal gray, then black. “And where’s my bag of tricks?”

Derek grabbed it from the Hummer. “Here.”

I took it, pulled out two blessed crosses and handed them to Derek and Ed. “Put them on.”

They quickly complied. Derek jerked his head towards Fabian. “Does he have one?”

“Always,” my cousin answered as he poured the salt in a big circle.

The wind rose abruptly and blew the salt away.

Crap! “Everyone inside,” I yelled as ghostly figures appeared in the boiling clouds.

Derek opened the door and all hell broke loose.

Incandescent red lightning bolts arced across the sky and hurricane strength winds slammed us to the ground.

The motor home door banged shut.

“Give me your knife,” I screamed at Derek.

Without hesitation, my husband handed it to me. I met his calm gaze and mouthed, I love you.

Fierce satisfaction filled Derek’s eyes and he mouthed, I… A tree branch slammed into him.

Pieces of flying debris struck me in the face and the shrieks of thousands of tortured souls battered my ears.

Gritting my teeth, I sliced my arm open and used the blood to draw a pentagram on the motor home door.

Fabian grabbed Derek’s arm as he yanked the knife from my grip. “You want her to die?”

“No,” my husband growled.

Using my own blood I quickly drew a pentagram on each man’s chest and then on my own. I reached deep inside me and drew on every ounce

of power I had and yelled, “Tempore, qui corpus, monstrata est quaedam.”

Ribbons of dazzling energy shot from my hands and crackled around us, driving back the Aztec spirits. They weren’t going to hurt my family.

Gruesome skeletal faces screamed their fury and a choking, claustrophobic wave of rain pounded us.

The energy shield sparked and sputtered.

Derek’s hand clamped over my bleeding wrist and the sensation of drowning vanished. His strength joined with mine and the shield held.

Granny Annabel materialized in front of us and chanted, “Tempore est quaedam. Gallice material transferam.”

With an ear-shattering shriek, the spirits dematerialized.

The wind stopped.

The boiling black clouds dissipated revealing a turquoise sky.

My mind spongy with fatigue, I sagged against Derek. “Too close,” I croaked, my breath coming in ragged gasps.

“Damn straight.” Picking me up, my husband carried me inside the motor home and down a narrow hallway to the bathroom.

I heard Granny tell Fabian and Ed, “Line all the windows and doors with salt.”

Derek sat me on the toilet and wrapped a wash cloth around my still bleeding wrist. “Hold this while I get the first aid kit.”

I nodded wearily.

Granny Annabel popped in. “It is as I foretold.

Your mate bond has increased your strength. You are now more than a match for Sophie.”

“Demon Sophie?”

“Si.”

“Yippee,” I said. The sooner Sophie was forever rotting in hell, the happier I would be.

“Aldo has persuaded the Pope to loan us St.

Nicholas’s Icon and Charlemagne’s Sword.”

“I get the sword. It’ll permanently send Asmoday back to the Ninth Hell but what’s the Icon for?”

“It will allow us to free the Aztec warriors’

BOOK: I Hear Voices
5.56Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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