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Authors: Gail Koger

Tags: #Humour

I Hear Voices (26 page)

BOOK: I Hear Voices
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“Throw your grenades now,” Granny yelled.

Yanking the grenades off my belt, I hurled them in every direction.

BOOM!

BOOM!

BOOM!

BOOM!

Shrill shrieks sounded and the eyes vanished.

“Are they dead?”

“Si, but more Hags come.”

Crap. I slid my Glock from its holster and searched the darkness.

Six Hag Bats swooped down with claws extended.

Arms trembling, I brought my Glock up and opened fire. Grim satisfaction filled me as all but one fell. My gun clicked empty.

Sliding my hand into my left pocket all I came up with was a squishy chocolate. Shit! Where was my other clip?

Its enormous mouth opened in a hiss of fury the Hag Bat rushed towards me.

“Maybe this will sweeten you up.” I hurled the chocolate down its throat.

The Hag swallowed it, coughed and convulsed violently. With an ear shattering screech it just shriveled away.

Huh. Not quite the reaction I was expecting.

Another Hag landed and I tossed a dark chocolate down its gullet.

It screamed bloody blue murder, convulsed wildly and shriveled into a pile of dust.

Death by chocolate. Go figure. I pulled out a milk chocolate and popped it into my mouth. It sucked to be a demon.

Another round of explosions lit up the darkness and Asmoday bellowed in pain.

“We’ve got to lure that fucking demon away from them.”

“Close the entrance to the underworld and Asmoday will come.” Granny Annabel advised.

“They’re all still alive?”

“Si.”

Relief flooded me. “Okay, let’s get it done then.”

The closer I got to the rocks, the more I could feel the presence of death around me. It beckoned to me. I shuddered at the sensation of skeletal fingers brushing against my face.

“You are not alone,” Granny whispered in my mind. “I will always be with you.”

“Good to know, but not on my honeymoon, okay?”

“As you wish, bella.”

An eerie orange glow bathed the area.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped cautiously through the rocks.

A pulsating orange vortex hovered in mid-air.

I pulled out the manuscript and vial of Lucifer’s blood. God I hoped this worked. Hmmm. Let’s see.

“Miraculum sepulcrum viri dyde ond tela mistral.”

“Throw the vial now,” Granny commanded.

I did. It missed the vortex by a good two feet, bounced off a rock and rolled back to me. “Well, hell.”

A murderous roar sounded and the cavern floor shook as something the size of a T-Rex pounded towards me.

“Eeek! I think it’s working.”

“Throw the vial,” Granny’s disembodied voice shouted.

I marched up to the vortex, tossed the vial inside and chanted, “Monstrata dominus coenavit de gradali.”

The vortex winked out of existence and the eerie orange light began to fade.

That wasn’t too hard. I popped another chocolate into my mouth. Way better than morphine.

Asmoday shoved his head between the rocks and snapped madly at me.

“Aw, are we having a bad day?” I tossed a handful of chocolate down his gullet. “There’s nothing like a little chocolate to make things all better.”

A violent shudder shook the demon king. “What have you done?”

“I’m just trying to sweeten you up.”

Asmoday’s body glowed brightly and suddenly shrank down to the size of a garden snake. “What magic is this?”

“Godiva chocolate. It’s really powerful shit.”

The demon king clamped his itty-bitty jaws on my right boot and tugged viciously. Yeah, like that was going to work.

Derek burst through the rocks, did a double take on the snake.

“Asmoday?”

“Yep, courtesy of the miracle of chocolate.”

The snake doubled in size.

“Shit! Off with his head.”

With one swing of his sword, Derek decapitated Asmoday.

The ground rocked violently and the demon king vanished.

Granny’s

disembodied

voice

announced.

“Asmoday is back where he belongs.”

I blew out a long breath. “Thank God.”

Running a concerned gaze over me, Derek asked, “How badly are you hurt?”

“Nothing Excalibur can’t fix.” I stepped up to him and caressed his bloody face. “I could really use a kiss.”

Wrapping his arms carefully around me, my husband lowered his mouth to mine. “I love you, Angel.”

His long, gentle kiss touched my soul. “And I love you, sugar.”

My cousin shouted, “Bella! Derek! Where are you?”

“Over here,” I shouted back. “Are you ready to show the world your amazing discovery?”

“Our amazing discovery,” Derek corrected.

“And I think it can wait until we come back from Maui.”

I grinned up at him. “Two weeks in paradise sounds like heaven.”

“A month in paradise is even better,” he amended and his mouth closed over mind in a hot, intoxicating kiss.

About the Author

I was a — dispatcher for thirty-one years and to keep insanity at bay, I took up writing. Not to worry. The insanity isn’t catching – much. Other than the addiction to chocolate and the twitch in my left eye, I’m good. I’ve had my weird but true stories published in newspapers and magazines. My current project is Vexing Voss, the next in the Coletti Warlord series.

 

My website is www.gailkoger.com

BOOK: I Hear Voices
10.35Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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