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Authors: Gail Koger

Tags: #Humour

I Hear Voices (18 page)

BOOK: I Hear Voices
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“Nice try, but I know you tried to free Caleb and it went south. You want my treasure to finance another rescue mission, don’t you?”

My husband inclined his head in a mocking little salute. “I do but no more snooping through my mind.”

“It’s one way to get the truth.”

“Next time just ask.”

“Okay, I will but if you lie to me I’ll know.”

“My own personal lie detector, huh?”

“Yep.” I held out my hand. “Let me have your phone. Your friend is running out of time.”

The Tomb Raider rubbed at the bristly black beard darkening his jaw. “Your family can get him out?”

“Yes.”

He handed me his satellite phone. I called Sebastian and quickly filled him in.

“Hassan’s a nasty piece of work. Aunt Alex is in Kabul, I’ll have her put out some feelers. Now, let me talk to your husband.”

“Wow, news travels fast.”

“Sloan taped the wedding and emailed your drunken escapades to us.”

I pinched Derek’s leg, hard when he grinned and mouthed, bastard. “That bad, huh?”

“Bad doesn’t even begin to describe it. Uncle Aldo’s quite upset.”

“I can explain.”

“You can try. Now let me talk with your husband.”

I gave Derek the phone. “Sebastian wants to chat.”

“You harm one hair on Zelda’s head and you will answer to the family,” I heard my cousin snarl.

“Oh for God’s sake, he won’t hurt me,” I cried.

Derek snapped, “I’ll keep her safe and out of trouble.”

Sebastian actually had the nerve to laugh.

“Good luck with that. When she was fourteen she broke into a top secret installation and stole an experimental tank.”

Derek stared at me in horror. “That was you?

They scrambled my father’s squadron of fighter jets to take you out.”

“So? The tank had a stealth mode and I wasn’t in any real danger.” I yanked the phone out of my husband’s hand and hissed. “You seemed to enjoy your birthday gift, you ungrateful jerk. How many buildings did you blow up with it? Five? Ten?”

My husband took the phone back. “I’m surprised you didn’t pay me to take her off your hands.”

Testosterone was the bane of my life. I spotted my suitcase and scooted off the bed.

Derek barked, “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

“I’m going to take a shower,” I barked back, grabbed my suitcase and slammed the bathroom door.

A hot shower improved my disposition. A little makeup, a lot of jewelry and my special black burglary clothes equipped with all sorts of nifty gadgets and I was ready to take on Attila the Hun.

Attila opened the bathroom door and surveyed me from head-to-toe. “Geared up for battle?”

I eyed his Mister Happy also geared up for battle. “Not a chance, buster. What did you do with my stun guns?”

“I put them in the gun safe.”

“Don’t trust me?”

“I’m a cautious man, Angel.”

“How much is Sebastian charging you for rescuing your friend?”

“A flat ten percent of the Scythain’s find.”

“He’s feeling generous.”

Derek walked over and dropped a kiss on my mouth. “Well, I did take you off their hands.”

“You say the sweetest things, sugar. When do I get to meet your family?”

“Dixon’s the only family I have left.”

“And you left him rotting in Sheriff Joe’s tent city, stuck wearing that awful pink underwear?”

He laughed. “You bet your ass I did. I also made sure he was assigned to the chain gang.”

“So, he could escape, right?”

“Maybe. Go eat your breakfast while I shower.”

“Breakfast? It’s midnight.”

“It’s a new day.”

Yeah, it was. I asked hopefully, “French toast?”

“With bacon and chocolate syrup.”

Standing on my tippy toes, I gave him a thank you kiss. “My favorite. How’d you know?”

“You’re my wife; it’s my business to know.”

Whoa, he got that from my background check?

He was taking this marriage business seriously. I stroked his Mister Happy. “Maybe later buddy.”

“You’re killing me, Angel.”

“I do what I can.” I came to an abrupt stop and stared in amazement. A table had been set up with fine China, a pristine white table cloth, orange juice in champagne flutes and a single red rose in a vase.

My husband kissed my neck. “Romantic enough?”

Speechless, I nodded. Aw, he really was my Prince Charming.

Chapter Fourteen

Prince Charming Derek wasn’t. The big jerk expected me to stay behind while he retrieved the stucco warrior from The Best Whore House in Vegas.

“What happened to me never leaving your side?

You know the whole eat together, sleep together, crap together nonsense?”

Derek rubbed his forehead as if he had a sudden headache. “You’re not going. It’s too dangerous.”

“But I have you the big, bad Navy Seal and all that expertise to protect me.”

That earned me a killer glare. “No. End of discussion.”

Like hell it was. “You need me there to disable the security system and flash on the next clue.”

“I’m quite capable of disabling the alarm and picking a lock. I’ll bring the stucco warrior back and you can do your woo-woo shit.”

“It doesn’t work that way.” A big, fat lie but I had to give it a shot.

Derek cocked a disbelieving eyebrow. “Really?”

“Ask Fabian, he knows.” Being family and all, he should back up my story.

“Okay, I will.” He opened the bedroom door and gestured, “After you.”

My husband escorted me down the hallway to a steel door with a heavy metal bar and high tech security keypad.

If the big jerk made any attempt to lock me in his little jail, I’d geld him. I pointed to the metal bar securing the door. “A bit of overkill isn’t it?”

“Not with your family.” Blocking my view, Derek typed in a code and opened the door.

One hundred and eighty pounds of pissed-off male slammed into him.

“No Fabian!”

The two men rolled over and over on the floor, pounding the crap out of each other.

“Stop it!” I dodged a flying kick. “Stop it right now!”

Okay, shrieking like a fishwife wasn’t working.

Testosterone had definitely rotted their little pea brains. Neither of them paid the slightest bit of attention to me and both seemed equally determined to kill each other.

“If you don’t stop, I will stop you.”

A ruthless ferocity etched into their faces, Derek and Fabian kept on exchanging blows.

Obviously, the knuckle dragging Rambos didn’t believe me.

An elbow cracked me in the jaw, knocking me backwards against the wall. Owie! Goddamn. That did it. Play time was over. Flipping my tranquillizer ring to the ready position, I waited for an opening.

Fabian slammed a fist into Derek’s stomach.

Derek retaliated by twisting my cousin into a punishing headlock and putting him in a choke hold.

“You’re both getting a time out.” I darted forward nailed Derek in the shoulder and got Fabian in the thigh.

Derek let out a furious roar and released my cousin. “Dammit, Zelda!”

Glassy eyed, Fabian staggered, dropped to his knees and cast me a reproachful look. “Bella.” He hit the floor face first.

His teeth bared in a frightening snarl, my husband moved toward me in spasmodic jerks. “I’m gonna tan your hide.”

I backed up. “I did warn you but your listening ears weren’t on.”

Derek collapsed to the floor and struggled to rise, but his body refused to obey. “You…had no…

right to interfere.”

“What are you? Twelve? All that macho posturing doesn’t fly with me. No more fighting.

We’re family. We don’t kill or beat the holy hell out of each other. Wait, that’s not exactly true. If it’s Aunt Sophie or Uncle Dante please feel free to unleash your homicidal tendencies. ‘Kay?”

He dragged himself forward. “Not… kay. ”

“True, only I can kill Aunt Sophie but Uncle Dante, the murdering bastard is all yours. You can beat him, stab him or use him for target practice and I’ll cheer you on.”

His right hand clamped around my ankle. “Not leaving me,” Derek rasped.

Aw, the poor guy actually thought I was running away again. I’ll admit I had given it some serious consideration but with the mate bond and all, I wouldn’t get very far. Besides, I kinda liked having the big guy around.

I patted Derek’s cheek. “You were going to leave me behind, sugar. How does it feel? Knowing I’m the one getting that stucco warrior, while you’re stuck here napping? Nighty-night.” I pried his fingers off my ankle.

Okay, I’m a bitch but I was still pissed at him.

Maybe we could have make-up sex later. Lots and lots of make-up sex.

Granny Annabel popped in. “Bella, what have you done?”

“They were trying to kill each other so I stopped them.”

Granny examined Fabian’s face. “Dios Mio! His poor face.”

“He won’t be doing that photo shoot in Rome.”

I hurried into the bedroom. Using Uncle Aldo’s newest gizmo, I retrieved my stun gun from the safe and grabbed my bag of tricks.

“Are you sure this is wise?” Granny floated after me. “The bounty hunters have tracked you to Las Vegas.”

Plucking Derek’s car keys off the dresser, I hurried out the back door and climbed into Derek’s

scratched-all-to-hell Hummer. “I’ll be in and out in no time. What could possibly happen?”

Granny Annabel rolled her eyes. “You need to ask?”

“I am not a shit magnet.”

Ed walked out of the garage.

Okay, maybe I was. I waved all friendly like.

He automatically waved back.

I started the engine.

His eyes bugged and Ed sprinted for the Hummer. “Stop!”

“Not a chance.” I hit the gas and watched him in the rearview mirror. Throwing up his arms in frustration, Ed tore off into the house.

Too bad I couldn’t put him to sleep, too.

 

Las Vegas traffic sucked. It took me an hour to get to the Best Whore House and another ten minutes to find a place to park.

 

In the dim light, the garishly lit whore house stood out brightly, exposing every inch of its peeling paint and decaying exterior. The cracked sidewalk was covered with rotting garbage, beer bottles and urine. The stench made my eyes water.

Only the truly desperate or soused willingly enter that place.

Was I that desperate? My lips twisted in self-mockery. Oh yeah. If I chickened out now, I would never find the treasure.

I jumped about a foot when a rat the size of a small dog ran across my shoe. Suddenly, I regretted

my decision to leave Derek behind. The area gave me the willies and having an armed-to-the-teeth commando at my side seemed like a really good idea.

Boisterous shouts, rock music and wild, unrestrained laughter spilled out into the street from the graffiti covered bar next door. A hollowed-eyed drunk loitered in the open doorway and eyed me hungrily.

It was time to suck it up and grow a pair.

Yanking out my stun gun, I held it up and triggered it.

The drunk stared at the arcing electrical current for a moment and then ambled off down the sidewalk.

I watched him until he disappeared into the darkness.

Granny materialized next to me and looked around in horror. “Dios Mio. You should have obeyed your husband.”

My temper flared to life and I snapped, “I’m not a kid. I don’t need a daddy to tell me what I can and cannot do. I’m an adult and I make my own decisions. Got it?”

Granny Annabel vanished.

Shit. What was the matter with me? I’d turned into a bitch with a capital B. Opening my mind, I called, “Sorry.”

Two scantily clad women staggered out of The Best Whore House. One had bleached blonde hair with two inches of black roots showing and a

dragon tattoo crawling up the right side of her face.

Did men really find that sexy?

I focused my attention on the second woman and did a double take.

Her hair was a brilliant shade of pink and kinda reminded me of the cotton candy you got at the fair. She resembled a grotesquely made up Kewpie-doll. Two long pieces of toilet paper were stuck to her stilettos and fluttered behind her like well-trained dogs as she strutted down the sidewalk.

The women paused at the corner and flashed their double E not-so-perky breasts at the passing motorists.

I guess that was one way to attract a john or a cop.

Gangster’s Paradise suddenly blared from my bag. Dread knotting my stomach, I pulled out my satellite phone. It couldn’t be Derek, could it? God I hoped not. He was going to be beyond pissed.

“Hello?”

“Why was I not invited to your wedding, bella?”

Crap, Uncle Aldo. “It was one of those spur of the moment things.”

“I see and being drunk had nothing to do with the suddenness of the ceremony?”

Busted. “Ah…well…it kinda did.”

“Do you love him?”

“I do.” Damn if I could give him a good reason why. Derek was an overbearing, bossy prick who kissed like an angel. As much as I hated to admit it,

he had saved my life a bunch of times and he always showed up when I really needed him. Plus he had all those luscious muscles and clever, clever fingers. Hoo boy, I was getting hot just thinking about them.

“Does he love you?”

A good question and one I couldn’t answer, so I hedged, “He cares for me.”

“Your grandmother said without Sloan’s help, Asmoday would have taken your soul.”

“That’s true.”

“You are now mated?”

“We are.”

“Good. You need a strong man to control your impulsive behavior.”

“I’m not impulsive. I plan out my jobs meticulously. Why does every one treat me like a fluff brained idiot? I can take care of myself.”

“Bella your stunts are legendary,” Uncle Aldo scolded.

“I was a kid then. I’m a responsible adult now and I don’t do crazy anymore.”

Uncle Aldo let out a long sigh. “Where is Fabian? I have not been able to contact him.”

“He’s taking a nap.” I smacked myself in the forehead. God, I was such a blabbermouth.

“A nap?” The suspicion in my uncle’s voice had me cringing. “Did you help this nap along?”

“Who me?”

A fat businessman called from his spiffy, new black Cadillac, “Hey sweet cheeks, how much do you charge for a blow job?”

BOOK: I Hear Voices
6.65Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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