I Am Not Junco Omnibus: Books Four - Six (45 page)

I come to lying on the ground as boots shake the earth around me with their shuffle. Slowly voices begin to make sense and I log the chatter of a stressful military mission. Tier, Ashur, Ryse, Arel, Lucan, and Annun. Their voices flood my head as they yell and argue, some boots come very close to stepping on me and then someone is thrown down to the ground. I open my eyes and I'm staring at Annun's stunned face for just a fraction before he is pulled up by Tier and thrust out of my sight.

Annun announces my return to the world and then heavy hands are pulling me up. "Junco?" Tier's voice is low in my ear. "You're OK, Junco."

"No," I croak. "She burst into fucking flames! I am very much not—"

His hand clamps down over my mouth and then he's talking to someone else. "How fast?" he asks.

"Twenty-five meters per second," replies Arel. "And increasing steadily."

An audible sigh of relief escapes everyone in the circle and my eyes dart around wildly as I consider biting Tier's hand to make him let me go. He leans down and tells me sternly, "Do not even think about it, Junco. That will really piss me off."

Then everyone is moving, Tier is barking orders, Arel is collecting some sort of tech from the ground, and Lucan and Ashur disappear without a word.

Annun approaches Tier just as he finishes ordering Ryse to go back up to the ship and then the blue lights are there, picking up Ryse and Arel. "You want me to help with her?" Annun says, as he motions to me with his head.

"No, I got it, back on ship, and secure that area. Twenty minutes is what we've got, understand?"

He nods and then steps into his blue light and is swept up into the sky.

It's only then, when we are alone, that Tier removes his hand from my mouth and turns me around. His hands are firmly clasped onto my shoulders and he's leaning down in my face. "Look!" he says, pointing to the Pillar. The nanotech is not a column of light anymore, but a solid Pillar that is self-assembling as I watch. "She's alive, Junco. If she wasn't, that thing would not be growing. Do you understand me?"

I don't. Not really. "She burst into flames, Tier! How the hell can she still be alive? She exploded!"

"She's in there, I promise."

I pull away and take a few steps, waiting to see if he'll stop me.

He doesn't.

"Junco, you just have to trust me, OK? I know what it looks like, but I swear, she's OK."

I spin around, furious. "How could you possibly know that? Are you inside with her or something? Because I'm pretty sure none of you assholes know what's going on in there. And I'm so fucking tired of this shit! You guys have no idea what you're doing! You're guessing, like everyone else!"

He stares at me, his eyes glowing a bright green.

"And you just blew up my sister!"

He looks away and I take my chance, flinging myself into the timeshift. But I feel his grip on me as I enter. He overpowers it and brings me back out and we land hard in the spongy rainforest floor. "Stop it!" he screams down at me. "Just stop it, Junco. You're going to that Pillar, you will complete the Halo and you will survive, do you understand me?"

I take a moment to gather my anger and then I spit the words at him. "I do not take orders from you. I do not take orders from
you!"

He laughs. "Ya do, Junco. You absolutely do take orders from me."

I shake my head and spill the secret I've been holding close since Gideon and I left the Subjack marketplace. "No, Tier. I take my orders from the top, and my top is Gideon. So you can take me to that Pillar and I
will
go inside, but it's happening on
our
terms. So take that, you arrogant piece of shit! I'm done being lied to, do you understand me? I'm done!"

He stands and pulls me to my feet with him. "Lies? You wanna hear about lies, Junco? That fuck Gideon has been lying to all of us since the day we met him at Subjack's! He sold you out to Inanna, he told her to take you for the Archer morph, he let her cut open his neck in just the right way so not too much blood was spurting out, and when Layla went to clamp it off, it was already sealed. Already sealed! They fucking played you!"

"No," I say, shaking my head. "I will never doubt him. I will never doubt him." The words just keep repeating, over and over like my own personal mantra, until Tier is shaking me so hard I bite my tongue and just stop.

"You better fucking start doubting him, Junco! Because whatever he's got planned for ya at that Pillar, it's a trap!"

I'm just shaking my head.

"What's the plan, Junco? What's the fucking plan?"

My head continues to shake out a no. "It's not true, this is our day. This is our day!"

"He's a clone, Junco! He's a motherfucking clone! You said yourself, he came back broken, he wasn't the same, he's not Gideon! He's a clone!"

"No, he's my Gideon."

"No, Junco." His words are soft now. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but he's not your Gideon. Your Gideon is gone, darlin'. He's probably been gone for a long time. I think they killed him, back when you were dragged from the safety of John Hando's influence that last time, that day you thought you saved his life, Junco? He died." He shakes his head at me. "It's a trap."

I squeeze my brows together. "No."

"Yes," he says with a soft conviction that makes me hesitate. "Please, listen. I'm not asking you ta do anything other than enter that Pillar alone, ya hear me? I'm not asking ya to give it to Lucan, even though he wants it. Or Sera, even though she wants it. I'm just asking that ya go in alone. Please do not take Gideon in there with ya."

My gaze drifts out and tracks Irin's Pillar as it makes its climb into the sky. She might be dead. They might all be dead. The thought of losing Esta and Moju just makes all the fight go right out of me. But I know one thing for sure. When I enter my Pillar I will absolutely not be dead. I will live and there's something so wrong and so right about that at the same time.

"Junco?"

I just shake my head and take a deep breath as I count a few heartbeats to bring me back down to a manageable level of insanity. "Do you know the story of the Magpie Bridge, Tier?"

He stares at me with a very strange look on his face.

"It's a story Gideon used to tell me about the swan and the eagle." I stop and point up to the canopy of rainforest trees. There are no stars on the forest floor so there is no way to see them now.

I have Tier's undivided attention all of a sudden. "How's it go, darlin'? Tell me, quick!"

I take a long breath and try to make my point as efficiently as possible. "Well, you know. It's the same old story. Forbidden love and all that. Cygnus and Aquila want to be together, but they've got to overcome impossible obstacles. Cygnus can't cross the Milky Way to be with Aquila because the little fox Vulpecula will eat her. And Aquila can't cross the Milky Way to be with Cygnus because Jupiter will shoot him in the heart with his arrow and break his love."

I sigh.

"Is that it?" he asks.

"No, it's got the proper unhappily ever after. They find a way, the magpies make a bridge that allows them to cross the Milky Way. But the doomed lovers only get one night a year." I stop again and picture it up in the sky one more time. Cygnus diving down, Aquila soaring up. And the freaking Milky Way that separates them for eternity. "Every time Gid told me that ending I always thought about that one night and it isn't enough, ya know? It's just not enough. I need more than one night of happiness a year. I'm just greedy I guess, because that won't satisfy me. It's not worth it." I look up at him and stare in his eyes.

"What's not worth it, Junco?"

"All the hurt that comes with that little bit of love." I shrug out an apology. "That's just how I feel. It's not worth it. And really, that ending is the total happy version, because in the one Gid told me for years, they never got to be together at all. Ever." I look over at Tier and feel so freaking tired, I want to lie down and sleep for eternity. "But when I saw Gideon that last time, back in the Stag before I really went insane, I was so upset at our goodbye he told me a new version of the story's ending."

"What'd he say?" Tier is gripping my arms so tight I think he might squeeze the life out of me.

"He said that the swan was God's princess and the eagle was Jupiter's favorite and they were blessed and got to live together for eternity. And how would he know to soothe me with that new ending if that wasn't my Gideon, Tier?"

He shakes his head and loosens his grip.

"He's still my Gid. I know it. He told me that new ending for no other reason than to make me happy."

"Maybe," he concedes. "Maybe he is, but you cannot take him in the Pillar with you, understand? He's a Seven, he will fuck everything up if he enters, Junco."

He waits for me to say something, but I stay silent.

"We have to go now, Junco. We
have
to go. Will ya do what I ask?"

I take a deep breath and nod my head. "Yeah, OK. I won't take Gideon into the Pillar."

He watches me, reads my mind probably, looking for any inkling that I am lying. But I'm not, so he straightens up and lets out a long breath of air. "Thank you. When this is all over, Junco, I swear, I'll make it up. I will make it up, OK?"

"Don't forget about my HOUSE," I say. "She's just a little girl. Don't leave her there to die alone. I couldn't stand it if she had to die alone."

"I won't, Junco. I promise. She's not gonna die. I won't let her die."

I try and hide my surety of her approaching demise, but I fail miserably and Tier picks up on it. "I will not let her die, Junco. OK?"

"Just do your best. That's all you can do. Take me, I'm ready." He holds me close in the timeshift and my prayer from the Fallen Archer church back in Fledge comes rushing back.
Please let me accept my fate with courage. Let me be brave in the end.

It might've worked this time as well, except for one small detail. The time for fate is over.

Because this is destiny.

Chapter Forty-Nine

We exit the timeshift on another mountain, only this time it's not covered in climbing rainforest vines, but the tundra grass that blankets the Rockies at high altitudes. The wind is fierce and there is plenty of snow on the ground.

The valley below is a mess of charred landscape left over from the nuclear blast that marks our last foray into this land. There are no dead and smoking soldiers here—the entire perimeter of the valley is flanked by a bubble of transparent blue light that comes from several dozen avian ships that hover over the top of us.

"It's freezing," I say as my teeth start to chatter.

"Sorry, Juncs. I just gotta see who's down there first."

I zoom in my avian vision and scan the area around my light column. It looks empty until I find a solitary figure.

He's waiting for me.

Tier jerks me. "Listen, Junco, don't go down there, OK? Just fly straight into the light. Do not let him have his say."

My eyes never leave Gideon and I watch as he turns in a slow circle, searching. He can feel me. When his line of sight passes over me he does a double-take and smiles, then cups his hands to his mouth and yells. His faint words echo off the mountainside and my heart warms.

He's calling for me.

I look up at Tier and shake my head. "I have to see him, Tier, but I promise, I will not take him in the Pillar, OK? I won't."

I feel him searching me for lies, like he's dropped all the pretenses that he can crawl into my thoughts and just doesn't give a shit if I find out. I might be dumb sometimes, but I'm not stupid.

He watches my face as I wait, then finally accepts this promise as truth and we port once more and them I'm standing next to him.

My Gideon.

He comes over, completely oblivious to Tier, and takes me in his arms. "You had me worried, Snowbird."

"I'm here," I say, hugging him back. "I'm ready."

"She's not takin' ya in with her, Gideon."

I pull away to watch the exchange and catch Gideon smiling. "No, she's absolutely not taking me in there with her, Tier. You got that part correct. I have no interest in that Pillar."