I am HER... (8 page)

________________________________

From:  Z. Zinfandel

Subject: 
ARE YOU OKAY??!!

Wednesday, May, 25

10:13pm
Sweetheart,
I have spoken with your friend Kayla, and she is very concerned.
Apparently, you looked like a rape victim this afternoon. 
Is that the case?  Please tell me.
I would like to help you.
Kayla also informed me that your ‘charming
’
husband doesn't think it's true, nor does he care to ‘get into it with you’.
Kayla has stated that she may yet drive to your home, and punch your husband on his ass for being such 'A Fuckin Prick!', as she called him.
I find myself of the mindset to do the same.
.
Please let me know how you are. 
Please let me help you.
I have a flight scheduled tomorrow morning for Chicago. 
I should be landing around 8:30am.
I sincerely hope you are well.
Yours, Z
________________________________

Oh. My. God!!
  What the hell?  Why is he coming here?  He can't come here.  He can't!   I've spoken to this man twice on the phone.  What the hell is he
doing?
 

______________________
__________
From:  Z. Zinfandel

Subject:  What’s going on?

Thursday, May, 26

8:52am
Sweetheart,
I have just landed and I'm on my way to your office.
I am displeased to find you still have not contacted me. 
Why is that? 
Once I arrive, I’ll try to track you down further.
I hope you are well, but your silence seems to confirm otherwise.
Yours,
Z
212) 521-7511
________________________________
  ‘Displeased’?  I was
sleeping
.  It’s not my fault I didn’t respond sooner.  God, he sounds like my father...
Ugh.

 
Looking at the word
displeased
, my mind starts reeling.   I hate that word.  I hate many words.  Isn't that strange?  I actually hate a word because of what it means to me.

  Oh my god.  The whole office is talking about me.  What the hell do I do now?  I can’t go back to work.  I’m going to have to quit.  I can’t work with people who think I’m a drama-queen, or like an idiot who looks all screwed up in the middle of the afternoon.  What if they think I was attacked or something?  What if they think I was an assault victim?  I told them I wasn’t, but will they actually believe me?  Oh, this is just great!  Now I’m the office idiot.  I may as well return.  What’s the worst that can happen?  Everyone ignore me?  Yeah, like I’m not used to being ignored. 
 

 
Sipping my coffee, I rise for another, but suddenly my cell starts ringing.  What do I do?  212 area code. 
Shit. 
Grabbing for it, I answer.
  "Good morning, this is... " but once again I’m cut off.
  "Well, if it isn't the little lost one.  I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.  Did you receive any of my messages?"
  "Um.  Yes.  But only 5 minutes ago!  I fell asleep without my phone around, and I wasn't in the office to answer your emails or phone calls yesterday afternoon.  I'm very sorry Mr. Zinfandel," I sigh. 
God,
I spent my entire life apologizing to everyone.

 
"That's quite alright.  I understand.  You did leave me quite worried however... Are you okay?  Can I help you in any way?  And please, call me Z."
  "No, thank you.  I'm fine.  Nothing happened yesterday.  Nothing at all.  I fell asleep in my car, that's it.  I lied to my Receptionist about an appointment because I didn't want anyone to know I merely fell asleep in my car over lunch..."

 
I am so embarrassed by my confession; I'm surprised he can't feel the heat of my blush through the phone.

 
"Fell asleep?  Please don’t lie to me Sweetheart.  I will NOT be lied to!"  Mr. Zinfandel barks through the phone. 
   "I- I’m not lying. 
Honestly.
  I don't know why I looked like a raaa- ah, an
assault
victim when I woke up in my car, but that's the truth.  I told Kayla, and now you the truth.  I don't lie Mr. Zinfandel, though I did lie twice yesterday... I…"
  "Z!" He demands.
  "Okay...
Z
.
  I was not attacked yesterday, but I'm very tired and I have tons of work to catch up on because this week has been kind of bizarre for me.  So, if you wouldn't mind, can I please go now, and get back to my work?" I ask timidly.
  "Yes.  I'll let you go.  I’ll be speaking to Sam and your friend Kayla today however, so I suggest you answer my calls and reply to my emails.  Understood?" He asks.
  "Okay, Mr...
Z
, I mean.  I'll be at home all day
working
."
  Hanging up, I immediately call Kayla.
  "Where are you?  Are you at home?"  She asks.
  "Yes, I'm at home.  Everything’s fine.  I'm really embarrassed about yesterday, but I swear
nothing happened.
  Nothing!  I honestly fell asleep in my car after I bought a pair of shoes at the mall.  Kayla, I know it sounds weird, but it's the truth.  I promise."  My voice has started to quiver.

 
Could this be any more embarrassing?  First Mr. Zinfandel, now Kayla. Oh, the
y’
re going to meet today.
Great.
  Before she can reply, I beg, "Kayla, Mr. Zinfandel is in Chicago this morning and he’s going to see you soon at the office.  Could you please assure him that I’m fine?  Please?  I don't think I can handle any more embarrassment this week.  I'm not sure why he came here, but he’s really quite pushy, and I feel pretty uncomfortable talking to him.  Would you mind buffering a little? Please...?"
  "Yeah, I could tell Z was a little intense last night, when he brow beat Claire into giving up my home number.  He seems pretty...
intrigued
by you.  It's weird, it's like he has known you forever.  Didn't you just talk over the phone for the first time on Tuesday, when I, ah,
intervened?
"
  "Yes.  I've only spoken to him 3 or 4 times. 3, I think, on the phone.  Plus a couple emails.  He’s kind of...
intense
, Kayla.  But, please don't tell him I said that... It's very unprofessional of me."  Could I make this any worse?  What the
hell
is wrong with me? 
  "No problem, Sweetie.  I won't say anything.  Uh, how are you though? 
Seriously?
  I mean, I believe you weren't attacked, because you say you weren't, but you still haven't explained what happened."

 
What the hell do I say?  Kayla will know if I lie.  What did happen?  I have no idea.

 
"This will sound strange, but I have absolutely
NO
idea.  I was shopping, then in my car, then asleep, and then rushing to get back to work.  It must have been a bad dream or something.  I don't know.   I know I sound crazy, Kayla, or like I'm looking for attention, but I'm not.  I just honestly don't know what happened."
  "Okay.  Well, I'm glad you weren't attacked yesterday because I've got to be honest... you looked really bad.  But still, maybe you should go to a doctor or talk to a shrink or something.  I swear Sweetie; I have never seen anyone look worse than you did yesterday, and..."
  Cutting her off, I can't stand to listen anymore.  "I know, Kayla.  I'm really sorry.  I hope you aren't mad at me for snapping at you... I'm really sorry."
  "Fuck!  Don't apologize.  Just don't do it again.  You scared the shit out of me yesterday, that’s all."  Don't apologize?  Yeah, o
-kay.
  Then who would I be?  I would be
no one.

 
"Sweetie.  Are you still there?"
  "Yes.  I'm here.  I'll be working all day from home, so just call my cell if I should know anything.  And thank you, Kayla. Yo
u’
ve been a real nice person to me..." I mumble, embarrassed.
  "A nice person, huh?  Sweetie, I'm your
friend
, okay?  If you need to talk today, call or email me.  I really should go though.  I have to give Big Daddy Shields the Buyers reports in about 20 minutes.  Get some work done, but don't push yourself too hard.  Okay?"
  "Yes, alright.  Thank you again Kayla." 
  Hanging up, I feel kind of freaked out again.  A ‘friend’?  Kayla thinks she’s my
friend
.  I would love to have a 'friend' like Kayla.  She is beautiful, and strong, and confident, and awesome, and
tall.
  Actually, I don't want a friend like Kayla... I want to
BE
Kayla.
 

                                 ==========

 
 
  Shortly after noon, I finish with 4 expense report summaries.  When my stomach growls, I realize I haven't eaten in close to two days.  Wow.  That's bad... though maybe good for my
'big thighs and butt'.
  After some tomato soup and crackers, I'm ready to finish a few more summary reports.  Checking my iPhone for any messages I see an email from Mr. Zinfandel.

 
Ugh.  I really don’t want to do this anymore.  I mean, he’s a nice man for showing me concern, but really, what’s the point of his concern?
________________________________
From:  Z. Zinfandel

Subject:  Yesterday?

Thursday, May 26

1
2:25pm
Sweetheart,
It appears you have caused quite a stir around your office.
   (
Oh, god. No! My stomach suddenly cramps.  I'm going to      throw-up the soup.)
Gossip has it that you were attacked yesterday afternoon, you told everyone ‘nothing happened’ and I’ve learned everyone who saw you believes otherwise.  I do hope you didn’t lie to me, Sweetheart.
Where is your husband?  Is he with you today?  Is he caring for   your needs?
      (
Ah, Marcus?  Why would he be with me at home?  Why   would I want him here
with me at home?  Why would I want him, period?  Ooops. That was bad.  He’s a very nice man and he loves me
.)

I have made all the appropriate introductions, and I had the
pleasure of an early lunch with your friend Kayla.  She is quite a brazen, yet charming young woman. 
     (
I bet she is!  I hate Kayla.  No.  I don't.  Kinda?  God, I really am awful sometimes
.)
I'm pleased you two are friends.  Having someone like Kayla in your corner is good for keeping all the sharks away from you.
So, is it true that I make you ‘uncomfortable’ with my concern for your well-being?
      (
I hate Kayla.  She is such a bitch.  I knew I couldn't trust her!  I can't trust anyone!)

I'm sorry to hear that.
  It appears you are going to have to learn to become comfortable with my concern.  I won’t have it any other way.
I would like you to know that I am disappointed in you, however.  I expected at the very least an email by now, telling me how you’re doing today.  But, I still have not heard.
Please note that I DO expect a reply from this email, very soon.
I sincerely hope you are well.
Yours,
Z
________________________________
 What the hell is that?  A
threat?
  What's he going to do if I don't reply?  Come over here?  What can he
really
do?
  Sitting for a few minutes, I contemplate my response.
 

______________________
__________
Reply

Subject: Yesterday?

Thursday, May 26

12:58pm
Mr. Zinfandel,
I DO appreciate your concern.  However, there is no concern needed. 
I am fine, as I have told you, Kayla, and everyone else who has asked.
  (
No one else has asked, not even Marcus.)
I have worked steadily this morning, and I have made up most of the ground I lost in the last 2 days.

Please understand this has been a very strange week for me, and
not at all the norm.  I do not live with this kind of drama in my life, at all, ever.
I am a very competent employee, and I look forward to proving to you that your concern, though thoughtful, is highly misplaced.
Enjoy your stay in Chicago.
With kindest regards... 
________________________________

 
Sweetheart?
  Ahhh,
NO.
  Not a chance. I am
not
his sweetheart. I am no one’s sweetheart.  I am no on
e’
s...
anything
. I just kind of...
am.