I am HER... (4 page)

 
Marcus looks like I hit him.  Stumbling backward rather dramatically, he's got his 'how can you be so cruel, to someone as good as me?’ face on. 
Shit.
  "Marcus...?" I whisper, but he just shakes his head and walks out of the room.
  Okay...
great
!  How long will he hold this over my head?  How long until the little wife is forgiven?  How long until we can go back to the way things
should
be… according to Marcus, my parents, and just about everyone else we know?  How long do I tiptoe?

                                
==========

 
Arriving at work, I'm already exhausted.  If it wasn't the twenty-fourth, I might have taken one of my many banked vacation days, but it’s just not a good idea.  I still have over thirty expense reports to finalize and approve before Monday so the checks can be issued next Tuesday morning.
  Kayla pokes her head in my office to say hello, and I blush immediately.  Trying to look busy at my computer, I smile and nod as she asks if we're meeting for lunch. 
Damn.
  I hope I can make it through lunch with
hot Kayla
without blushing the entire time. 
  Once she leaves, I try to focus on the reports, but I keep seeing Marcus' face.  He looked completely shocked by my words.  Does he honestly believe his five minutes of thumping into me as hard as he can, is great love-making? 
Honestly? 
Forget it.  There’s nothing I can do right now about my husband, so I may as well do my job well- it’s about the only thing I never fail at.
  Checking my emails again, I see one more expense report in my inbox.  Yes...only one more to hunt down.  Once I enter this newest report, I still have to research the claims of all the last fifteen or so.  I was lucky this month because a few of the Accounts Managers actually sent them in early, so I could start some of their
claims last week. 
 

                                 ==========

  When my phone rings, I try to focus...
  "Good morning..." but before I can finish, I hear my boss grunt.
  "Good morning, Sugar.  Can you come on up to my office?  We have to discuss this month’s expense reports."
  "Ah, of course.  I'll be right there, Sir."  Gulp. What does
that
mean?  He never wants to discuss the reports until after I have completed, approved, and submitted them.
  Leaving my office, I pass Kayla talking to one of the outside Sales Reps.  She’s flirting, and talking, and pouting.  Oh. My.
God. 
He is
doomed
.  Laughing to myself, I continue on my way upstairs.  Kayla is truly amazing at everything she does, flirting included.

 
Knocking gently on Mr. Shields’ door, I brace myself for the Texan.  Mr. Shields is gruff, big, and very intimidating.  Why are all heads of large companies from Texas?  I think even Kayla watches herself a little around Mr. Shields.

 
"Come on in," he bellows. 
  Entering the room, I’m once again shocked by the sight of him.  Mr. Shields screams inflexible and forceful.  He’s like his own tornado… all you can do is run, find cover, or get out of his way when there’s a storm in the office. 
  "Good morning, Sir.  Can I get you anything?" 
Like a coffee?  Some antlers to wall mount?  A small village to pillage?
  "No, I'm fine.  Thanks, Sugar.  Take a seat."
  Sitting in front of his desk, I can
feel
Shields’ eyes all over me.  Looking over his head slightly, I don't make eye contact, I just pretend to.  No eye contact is safe.  I don't blush if there’s no eye contact.  I absolutely HATE eye contact with anyone.
  "Look, Sugar.  I need you to be really thorough on the expenses this month."
  Shocked, I nearly yell, "Oh, I’m
always
thorough.”  
Shit. 
Where is he going with this?
  Waving his hand to comfort me, Mr. Shields responds, "Oh, I know that. It's just I need to tighten the belts a little for the next quarter.  After purchasing the warehouse and machinery in Phoenix two weeks ago, we need to buckle down for a while.  I know you do a good job.  I tell everyone about ‘the Little Sugar' in Payables.  I know how tough you are on some of the more creative,
bullshit
claims, but I'm just asking,
between you and I
, if you could look into some of the larger claims a little more closely."
  "Okay sir.  Is there any Accounts Manager or claim you have in mind?"
  "
Between you and me...?"
  When I nod emphatically, he continues. "Okay.  Well, we just fired Craig, so if you could wait a little to process any claims he puts through, that’d be helpful.  And could you watch Devon?   I think he's screwing with his personal expenses, and claiming them as work expenses..." 
Michael?
  Oh, I like him.  Please, not Michael.  "…and that Lisa bitch from Denver.  I think she's been using her hotel expenses with her lover, and claiming them for the Denver Petrol Reps.  She's kind of a slut, but I've met her wimp-ass husband, so I don't really blame her for screwing around... I just don't want to
pay
for it."   
Bitch?  Slut? 
Oh my
god...
  "Um, okay.  I'll look carefully at all the claims again.  Is there anything else, Sir?"  Please god, NO.
  Get me out of here.
  "Nope.  That's it.  I expect to see your reports on Monday before you issue the check run.  Unless...
you
want something from me Sugar...?"  Pause.  What does
that
mean?
  Blushing, I rise from the chair as he stands- always the gentleman...
Not.
  Mr. Shields is huge.  Even with my heels, I'm only about 5'6.  What is he,
like 6'4 or 6'5? 
  "Okay.  Good.  Thanks, Sugar.  You just let me know if I can do
anything
for you..."
  Smiling as I turn, I practically run from his office. 
  What the hell was
that?
  As if I would ever need anything from him.  He's huge.  He would crush me for sure.  He's not a good enemy to have though.  I hope I didn't offend him when I left.  I gave him my best smile, so I hope I didn't make him mad at me.

 
Why does everyone call me names?  Does anyone even
know
my first name?  Does anyone know me at all?
 
I wonder sometimes if
I
even know me.

                                 ==========

  Returning to my office, still visibly shaken, the phone rings, and in a moment of complete
insanity
I answer... "Good morning. Sugar, Honey, Sweetie, Babe, here.  How can I help you?" 
Oh. My. GOD! 
WHAT HAVE I
DONE?!

 
"Well, good morning, Sugar, Honey, Babe.  How are you this morning?" 
Shit. 
He forgot
Sweetie.
"Oops, I forgot Sweetie.  Please forgive me," he says with a laugh.

 
For a moment there is only silence… and then I just burst out laughing.  Trying to calm myself, I'm mortified, but the laughter won't stop.  I'm trying.  I'm really,
really
trying, but I simply can't stop.  This is so embarrassing. 

 
Hearing a low laughter on the other end of the phone, I try to shore up my reserve, but I just can't do it- nothing’s working.  Every time I almost stop laughing, a giggle escapes, and I start laughing again.
  "Please... forgive me.  It's been a long... d-day," I stammer through my laughter.
  "No problem.  It's only 10:45, and already a long day for you...?
Clearly,
you need the laughter.  This is Mr. Zinfandel.  I'm new to the New York...." but he pauses, as I gasp.
  Laughter erupts from me all over again.  Mr. Zinfandel? 
Mr. Z?
  I can't stop laughing.  Gasping for breath, I try even harder to stop.
  "Mr. Zin-Zinfandel... I drank you last night."  
Oh. My. God. 
Did I just say that?  WHAT HAVE I DONE? 
AGAIN?!
  I think I'm nearing hysteria.  I can't stop laughing.  Oh, please make this stop.  My breath is hitching.  My stomach is killing me.  My head is pounding.  But I just can't stop laughing.  And my laughter sounds all weird and distorted or something.  I don’t even really sound like me anymore.

 
"Just breathe.  I can hear you panicking.  Breathe slowly.  Come on, just breathe slowly for me..."
  Closing my eyes, I listen to his voice.  He sounds so lovely, and confident.  He's probably never had a panic-attack in his life.  He's probably always so together and sure of himself.  I wonder what he looks like.
  Slowly, after minutes have passed, I open my eyes and see Kayla in my office leaning against the door. 
Shit.
  How long has she been here?  Smiling at her, I realize I'm still breathing slightly erratically, and I must look crazy. 

 
“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!
  The whole office can hear you laughing!" Kayla yells at me.
  Jumping at her words, I quickly cover the phone, and try to focus on her as my breath hitches.

 
"Nothing’s going on.  I'm f-fine Kayla.  I'm talking to the new Accounts Manager out of New York... Mr. Zin- Zinfandel."  
Ooops.
  A little giggle escapes. 

 
I try to clamp down on the laughter. Shaking with the control I’m trying to hold over my body, the laughter is threatening to erupt again.

 
Walking over to my desk, Kayla rips the phone from my hand, as I stare at her in shock.

 
"Mr. Zinfandel.  I do apologize, but we’ll have to get back to you shortly.  We have an unexpected meeting beginning now.  Again, I apologize, but... Oh! I see.  Yes, she's alright. 
I’m sorry?
  Yes, I'm going to take care of her..."  
Take care of me? 
What the
hell
is she talking about?

 
Trying to grab the phone away from Kayla, I stand as she glares down at me and continues. "Thank you, Mr. Zinfandel.  Oh,
Z?
  Yes, alright.  Much better name, anyway.  Prevents all us lushes in Chicago from falling off the wagon after speaking with you..."
  I can hear his rumble of laughter through the phone.  Kayla is giving him her best smile.  And though he can't see her, you can almost hear her seductive smile through the phone.
  "Apologize for my behavior..." I whisper, but Kayla just looks down at me and ignores me.  

 
What is she, like
5'10
or something?
 
Why does she even
wear
high heels?
  "Z, I do apologize for this outburst. It's been a long day, and she rarely laughs so consider yourself lucky..." Kayla adds grinning at him through her voice.
  I think I’m going to die.  Could this be any more embarrassing?  Can I go home?  I want to go home now.  I want to go to sleep,
and never wake up.
 

                                 ==========

  "Sweetie.  What the
fuck
is going on with you?  And DON'T say
nothing
.  I know you, and there is definitely
something
going on," Kayla practically snarls at me.  But she doesn't know me.  No one knows me
.  I
don't even know me.

 
Exhaling, "I'm fine.  Honestly, Kayla.  I just got the giggles.  Everyone gets the giggles.  That's all," I flash my best, most innocent smile.
  "Yes.  Everyone gets the giggles from
time to time,
but not you.  I don't remember ever hearing you even laugh before.  What
IS
it?  Just tell me. Maybe, I can help." 

 
Kayla isn't going to stop.  Kayla is going to continue her interrogation.  She will continue, because she can.  She is Kayla, and Kayla
always
gets what she wants.
  Without thinking, I scream, "I had a dirty dream about you last night!  Well, kind of dirty I guess.  We didn't actually
do
anything, but apparently my husband thought I was turned on in my sleep, and the next thing I knew he was
making love
to me while I was in a near coma from a bottle of Zinfandel..."  Breaking out into laughter at the name, I continue.   "…Marcus was quite turned on, by the way.  He offered up his services.  He is
willing
to have a threesome with you and me, because you are Hot Kayla.  So if you're into a 'five minute man', thrusting his penis into your uterus hard... Marcus is your man.  However, I did mention that sex wasn't very satisfying for me, so he's probably going to ignore my existence for the next two months or so, maybe even
during
the threesome.  But if you're interested, I'll be sure to tell him- he probably wouldn't be quite so mad at me anymore, if you're game…"