Hush (23 page)

Chapter Nineteen

Siva threw my bag in the trunk and then slammed it closed. I flinched at the noise.

“Get in the car Sloane,” he said when I continued to stand outside of it. Jet was in the back of the car and watched me solemnly. I finally opened the car door and slid inside.

“Sloane,” said Siva and he turned to look at me. The car hummed q
uietly in the garage. “This week
end is important to me. I may not want to do it but it’s important. I don’t want my father to know that we’re having
marital
problems. Can you keep this from them?”

I nodded my head yes.

Siva said nothing to me the rest of the drive. The silence was killing me. I knew from past visits with Dev that the drive was quite long. Rajas lived a ways out of the city, on a bit of a cliff, overlooking a private stretch of beach. There was nothing for miles around it.
Rajas Kapur liked his privacy… probably so he could throw his son out the window without notice.

Any time I risked a glance at Siva his jaw was clenched tightly and his knuckles were white on the steering wheel.

At least I wasn’t the only one not enjoying this.

Siva cracked the back window and Jet stuck his nose out of it.

Siva had taken the dog
news
pretty well but not the baby. No… the baby had been too much.

Unconsciously I put my hand to my stomach.

Oh Sloane, you always knew how to ruin a good thing.

For something to do I pulled out my cellphone and typed my mom an email. There were several worried ones from her in my inbox and I felt bad for not being better about checking them.

Siva turned on the radio.

I sighed.

He sighed.

I read a magazine.

He glared at me and then turned the radio up louder.

It was going to be a long weekend… and Rajas hadn’t even been added to the equation yet.

* * *

The massive four-story, modern, white, glass house emerged as if from the ashes. Siva sighed and clenched his jaw. I didn’t think it had anything to do with me this time.

It was the afternoon and the sun reflected brightly against the mostly glass house.

S
iva drove up the steep driveway. Looking at the side of his face I could tell that he looked… scared. I had never seen that look on his face before.
He parked the car and sighed. He rubbed his hand over his face. He looked like a frightened child.

I wanted to comfort him but I was scared he’d lash out of me.

“It’s two days,” he finally said. He glanced over at me. I saw many emotions flicker through his violet gaze.
Pain, anger, sadness.
Finally he climbed out of the car, called, “Come on Jet,” and grabbed our bags.

I sniffled, trying to fight my tears. I unbuckled my seatbelt and climbed out. Siva was already rolling our bags to the door. Jet walked at his heels.

“Smile,” Siva called over his shoulder.

I plastered a smile on my face. He twisted the knob and the door opened.
Jet strode inside but didn’t take off like most dogs.

“Rajas! Lila! We’re here!”

No one answered. Siva shrugged his shoulders and looked back at me. Rajas emerged around a corner.

“Son,” he said and smiled warmly. What was this?
The twilight zone?
He patted Siva on the shoulder. Siva looked just as perplexed as I did. “You can put your belongings in your room. I’m sure that even after all this time you remember where it is.”

Siva nodded and watched his father disappear.

“That was… strange,” he said. He looked down at Jet. “He didn’t even complain about the dog.”

I smiled at my husband. “Maybe he really does want to make peace with you.”

Siva laughed and said, “Follow me.”

I followed him up the glass steps to the fourth floor. The glass steps thoroughly freaked me out. Siva thought my reaction was funny. I kept making these s
trange
eeping
noises.

Once on the top floor Siva led me down a hallway and opened a door on the end. Two of the four walls were completely glass. A mattress
laid
on the middle of the floor. The floor was
thick
white shag. Posters of bands and scantily clad women covered the walls. The dresser was covered in clothes, pictures, and books. Books were also stacked in piles on the floor and on top of the black baby grand piano. Pillows covered the bed and the surrounding floor.
A calendar on the wall was from eleven years ago.

“It’s exactly the same. They didn’t change it,” breathed Siva. He dropped our bags. I put my hand on his arm.

Surprised, he leaned into me, his head on my shoulder. I felt his tears soak my shirt.

“I figured it would all be gone,” he said into my shoulder.

I rubbed his neck and tangled my fingers into his hair.

“There’s a part of your dad that loves you Siva. Always know that.”

He nodded his head into my shoulder.

“I’ll be back,” he said and headed down the hall. He opened a door and closed it behind him.

I sighed and looked at Jet. “It’s just you and me now bud,” I told him. I sat down on the mattress and Jet pl
opped down beside me letting out a cute doggie sigh. I patted his head and instantly felt calmer.

The room looked nothing like what I would imagine Siva’s childhood room looking like. This was very much the room of a teenager. Except for the piano. I had yet to ever hear him play. I picked up a shirt that was lying on the floor. Eleven years later it still smelled like the Siva that I knew today. Like sandalwood. I put it back.

I stood and ventured to his dresser. There were framed pictures of happier times. His mother. His sister. His brother. Siva had gone through so much.
A crappy father.
A catatonic mother.
A dead sister.
A dead brother.
And I knew that he believed that it was his fault. I hoped one day that he would learn that it wasn’t his fault. He never caused this. I picked up a picture of him with his sister. They were both smiling but there was a pain behind both of their eyes. She was pretty and young. She looked
like
him.

Looking at the picture I figured this was why Siva wasn’t ready for a baby.
He had loved his mother, his sister, and his brother with all his heart and only received pain instead. I began to cry for this broken man. How could he not see the good in himself? How could he not see what there was to love in him? Siva chose to fixate on the negative whereas I looked for the positive.

Siva was scared to give his heart, to love and be loved. That’s why he wasn’t ready for a baby.

I put the picture back and accidently knocked over a box. The contents spilled out and I promptly bent to pick them up.

I blushed profusely when I saw what had been in the
box. Cigarettes, marijuana
, lots
of condoms
, and a white powdery substance that I was pretty sure wasn’t sugar
. I scooped the items back into the box and put the box back on the dresser in what I hoped was the right spot. Siva still hadn’t returned so I ventured out of his room and closed the door. Jet whined behind me.

I walked down the hall and opened the door that I had watched Siva go inside.

“Siva?” I asked, walking into a cloud of steam. I saw his dark head sink down into the bathtub.

“What is it Sloane?” he asked.

I tiptoed inside. Bubbles flowed up and over the pool-size bathtub.

“Are you okay?” I asked. “I was worried.”

The water sloshed. He closed his eyes. “I’m fine. I just wanted some quiet.”

My lip trembled and I bit it to stop the movement.

“I’m sorry Siva,” I said. “I’m sorry you’ve been hurt. I’m sorry for your pain. I’m sorry… I’m sorry for the baby,” I cried and fled the steamy bathroom. I closed the bathroom door behind me with a bang and disappeared into the first room I came too. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it for support with my eyes closed.

When I opened my eyes I fell to my knees. Dev.

This room must have been his.

When I had come here with Dev I had never ventured anywhere except the bottom level and the outside. I had never seen his room.

Unlike Siva’s room this one only
had one wall of windows.
The walls were painted a light gray and photos of different buildings in black and white hung on the walls. Dev was an architect and had loved taking pic
tures of buildings. His bed had a simple black comforter with
white and gray pillows. Where Siva’s room was a mess; Dev’s was military clean. Not even a stain on the white carpet. Looking around the room I found pictures of Dev with his friends and family. There was one with him standing beside a brooding Siva.
So much had changed since then.

“What are you doing?” snapped a voice behind me.

I turned around sharply to find Siva standing behind me, the door now open, with a towel wrapped around his waist.
Beads of water trickled down his perfectly sculpted chest.

“I- I-”

“Forget it,” he said angrily and strode away. A moment later the door to his bedroom slammed closed. I jumped at the noise.

I walked out of the bedroom and stood in the hallway with my arms crossed over my chest.

A few minutes later Siva came out of the bedroom wearing gray slacks, a tucked in button down white shirt, and a black belt.
Impeccable as usual.

He said nothing to me, didn’t even look at me, as he walked by me and down the steps. I sighed and followed him.

He led me to the large living room. It was imposing. Two large
floor
to ceiling windows framed a large fireplace overlooking the cliff and the water below. You could vaguely make out the stone steps that led to the private stretch of beach.

The couch was beige, large, and u-shaped. It dominated the majority of the room.  A glass coffee table was in the middle of the couch. A large grand piano showcased the corner and a huge chandelier sparkled from the middle of the ceiling. In fact, everything seemed to sparkle. Even the white hardwood floors sparkled.

Rajas and Lila were on opposite ends of the couch. She was reading a book and he was on the phone. Seeing us approach Rajas hung up.

Rajas opened his arms wide. “Make yourselves comfortable.”

Siva sat down on the couch and I sat beside him. Coldness emanated off of his stiff form.

“How have you two been? I assume the honeymoon was well?” Rajas asked. I saw him flick his hand and a moment later a small woman appeared with two glasses of lemon ice water. I thanked her profusely.

“Good,” said Siva.

“Fantastic,” I muttered and couldn’t keep the sarcastic bite from my words. Siva glared at me.

I put my hand on his thigh and rubbed up and down. I gave him an ‘is this better look’. His violet eyes remained cool. I gave him another look that said, ‘bite me’.

“That sounds… promising,” said Rajas and brought his amber drink to his lips.

Siva took his hand in mine.

“We’re great, really.
Just a lot of stress at work.
I’m working on a deal with Cornwell Enterprises. It’s been draining. Poor Sloane has had to deal with my mood swings.”

“Yes… your famous mood swings. I did offer to get you some help with that,” Rajas said with a smirk.
“Dinner?”
Rajas pointed to the dining room. He stood and expected us all to follow.
Which we did… like the good little sheep we were.

Siva stormed after him and said in steady voice, “I don’t need any
help
from the man that pushed me through a fucking window! You sick bastard!”

Rajas lips lifted.

“Language Siva,” I whispered under my breath.

“No,” he said to me. “Sloane, do you see that window there? That one,” he took my shoulders and pointed to a window in the kitchen, which we could see from the dining room. “My
father
pushed me through that window and left me for dead. He thinks I’m the one that needs help? That is fucking bull shit! I told you he didn’t invite me here to make ‘peace’. He’s still the same self-centered person he always was.” Siva pointed to my stomach and then back at his father. “You will
not
be a part of my child’s life. That’s right,” he said when Rajas looked shocked, “Congratulations Grandpa.”

Siva shook his head, clenched and un-clenched his hands, and finally walked out of the room and out the door. I watched him disappear down the stone steps to the beach.

I looked between Rajas and Lila’s shocked faces.

“I- uh- I’m sorry,” I said. “I better uh- go find him.” I don’t know why I apologized to them. They didn’t deserve any apologies. Rajas
had brought Siva’s outburst o
nto himself.